baddies use your tadpoles like this

for Baldur's Gate baddies only

[fortheillithidbaddies]

Still waiting for Wyll to get the content he should have had at release instead of leaving us with these 8 hours versus 10+ hours for other origin companions (12+ hours for some!)

Still waiting for more than 5 scenes and way more than 2 romance scenes in the game for Wyll

Still waiting for Wyll to have more to say than "Well met"

Still waiting for Wyll to have new dialogue added after Larian removed some "leftovers" from his EA story therefore reducing his content even MORE

Still waiting on Wyll to have a hug scene in the new epilogue cause he deserves it

Still waiting for Wyll to have an additional kiss scene in the new epilogue where you actually touch him cause he deserves it

Still waiting for Wyll to have a kiss where he grabs the character's hand and kisses it before pulling them in for something a little more intimate cause players deserve it

[fortheillithidbaddies]

Patch 7 incoming soon...

[fortheillithidbaddies]

Ascended Astarion when Tav tells him they need some space to think

[fortheillithidbaddies]

put us out of our misery please

[fortheillithidbaddies]

Larian's Patch 5 notes (...probably)

Highlights

The stans asked so we did it: every companion has been replaced with Astarion. It's Astarion time, all the time!

Companions

With Astarion being the only companion available to everyone, the character and romance options are now Resist Durge & Spawn Astarion or Embrace Durge & Ascended Astarion. Durge & Astarion are really canon now - they're all that's left!

We realize that you should actually know everything about Astarion when you first meet but we decided to give you a little bit of mystery (not too much). He will now tell you every detail of his life on the way to update the grove about the goblins and their children being obliterated (no raiding because why wouldn't you side with the grove? Obviously everyone wants to so we took care of that RP for you). Astarion will share everything from the time he was born, his childhood, his time as a good and just magistrate, the night he met Cazador, then years 1-200 with Cazador. You'll get every detail right up front, no story arc reveals necessary!

Spawn Astarion post ritual: finally tell him you love him! Then have explicit doggystyle sex on the gravestone where he'll yank your hair, spank your ass, and make you call him Vamp Daddy.

Ascended Astarion post ritual: no worries we didn't forget you! Your romance is now chaste. Because really do you think a vampire lord has time for sex in his world domination plans? Yeah right, he'll barely have time for you!

We did want to add a little more for Ascended romances: he will actually put a leash on your character now! Really drive home that you're just a thing to him! That's right - get leashed!

Combat

With Spawn Astarion now comes new powers - call on 7000 spawn to assist the party in battle (Larian is not responsible for your GPUs bursting into flames)

Shadowheart wasn't the only one with spirit guardians {sorry to her but we don't know her anymore} - if for some reason you did the awful choice of killing the spawn in the dungeon (how dare you not let them go live in the Underdark cause really fuck the Underdark citizens...who cares) then Spawn Astarion can now call on 7000 spirits to protect the party in their time of need for 10 turns. No need to worry there's enough spirits for everyone!

[fortheillithidbaddies]

I flew too close to the sun on some of these...

[fortheillithidbaddies]

So are the Wyll girlies eating in Patch 6 or....?

[fortheillithidbaddies]

his eyes were the most gorgeous & hypnotizing shade of brown 🥰

[fortheillithidbaddies]

[fortheillithidbaddies]

[fortheillithidbaddies]

Still waiting for Wyll to get the content he should have had at release instead of leaving us with these 8 hours versus 10+ hours for other origin companions (12+ hours for some!)

Still waiting for more than 5 scenes and way more than 2 romance scenes in the game for Wyll

Still waiting for Wyll to have more to say than "Well met"

Still waiting for Wyll to have new dialogue added after Larian removed some "leftovers" from his EA story therefore reducing his content even MORE

Still waiting on Wyll to have a hug scene in the new epilogue cause he deserves it

Still waiting for Wyll to have an additional kiss scene in the new epilogue where you actually touch him cause he deserves it

Still waiting for Wyll to have a kiss where he grabs the character's hand and kisses it before pulling them in for something a little more intimate cause players deserve it

[fortheillithidbaddies]

So what's Astarion been up to since patch 2?

Started wearing blurring powder to make everything look smooth

Dropped conversations that add to his flavor because who needs nuance or RP options

Decided to stop being visible to the character when they're talking to him - he does not want to be perceived and that's ok

Stopped kissing characters for a while - he's fine with kissing again though...mostly?

Decided to start looking at characters like a cartoon villain during some character building conversations because if he didn't how else would you know how to feel

Gained physics and started being able to thigh slap himself

[fortheillithidbaddies]

Has anyone thought about how Astarion's going to react when "the delights of man" start coming back to him after the ritual? Because sure there will be delights but there's also the aftermath...

Bodily functions return and he doesn't handle them coming back well at first.

Tav hears Astarion screaming like a banshee and they rush to the bathroom. Runs in expecting some damn monster hunters or something. Instead he's standing there naked pointing at himself with tears in his eyes that he's leaking and being punished for the ritual.

And Tav just stands there with a blank expression when they realize he's talking about regular old bathroom usage.

Tav asks what he thought any of them were doing in the woods when they left camp alone? Astarion goes I don't know...nature stuff?

Tav just walks out shaking their head while he whines that they're supposed to be helping him...

[fortheillithidbaddies]

Larian's Patch 5 notes (...probably)

Highlights

The stans asked so we did it: every companion has been replaced with Astarion. It's Astarion time, all the time!

Companions

With Astarion being the only companion available to everyone, the character and romance options are now Resist Durge & Spawn Astarion or Embrace Durge & Ascended Astarion. Durge & Astarion are really canon now - they're all that's left!

We realize that you should actually know everything about Astarion when you first meet but we decided to give you a little bit of mystery (not too much). He will now tell you every detail of his life on the way to update the grove about the goblins and their children being obliterated (no raiding because why wouldn't you side with the grove? Obviously everyone wants to so we took care of that RP for you). Astarion will share everything from the time he was born, his childhood, his time as a good and just magistrate, the night he met Cazador, then years 1-200 with Cazador. You'll get every detail right up front, no story arc reveals necessary!

Spawn Astarion post ritual: finally tell him you love him! Then have explicit doggystyle sex on the gravestone where he'll yank your hair, spank your ass, and make you call him Vamp Daddy.

Ascended Astarion post ritual: no worries we didn't forget you! Your romance is now chaste. Because really do you think a vampire lord has time for sex in his world domination plans? Yeah right, he'll barely have time for you!

We did want to add a little more for Ascended romances: he will actually put a leash on your character now! Really drive home that you're just a thing to him! That's right - get leashed!

Combat

With Spawn Astarion now comes new powers - call on 7000 spawn to assist the party in battle (Larian is not responsible for your GPUs bursting into flames)

Shadowheart wasn't the only one with spirit guardians {sorry to her but we don't know her anymore} - if for some reason you did the awful choice of killing the spawn in the dungeon (how dare you not let them go live in the Underdark cause really fuck the Underdark citizens...who cares) then Spawn Astarion can now call on 7000 spirits to protect the party in their time of need for 10 turns. No need to worry there's enough spirits for everyone!

[fortheillithidbaddies]

Real Astarion fans™ to Astarion (affectionate):