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@fox-sleeping-minyard
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@courtstow10
Kevin : this one has potential.
Andrew : potential to be a fucking problem?
I'm still not over this btw
Andreil ice cream date 🍦
This was supposed to be a sketch, but that obviously didn't work out.
The Foxes when they see how Andrew agrees to everything Neil asks:
Neil really reacted to getting drugged by blocking their toilet, using all their hot water, and climbing out the window so they had to break into their own bathroom. That is a level of petty I aspire to.
Foxes hear from Neil for the first time
Andrew *flirting* : Ninety percent of the time the very sight of you makes me want to commit murder. I think about carving the skin from your body and hanging it out as a warning to every other fool who thinks he can stand in my way.
Neil : oH?
Nicky (in the background) : He means “he likes you”
Neil : Oh, creative.
My favorite Andrew headcanon still remains that upon retiring from Exy—a good several years before average, and waaaay before Neil and Kevin, because he's finally secure enough in his life and desires to recognize that he doesn't need to keep doing something he doesn't enjoy just because hes good at it—he goes back into law and becomes a public defender.
It's not like he forgot anything since college, and most of the bar exam is rote memorization, so picking it back up is simple. Neil is too happy that Andrew is making such a major decision on his own initiative to be disappointed about losing pro exy.
On the other hand. Can you imagine sitting in a jail cell for auto theft waiting for some underpaid schmuck to offer you a plea deal when fucking LeBron James walks in.
One of the most decorated athletes of the decade sits down and says he's your legal council. You start looking around for the prank cameras.
Your sister's first celebrity crush starts reading you your rights for the interrogation in twenty minutes. You're still looking for the cameras so you don't notice he stopped until you realize he's just been staring at you unblinking for three minutes. You squirm.
"Do you want to go to prison?" The man who went viral bench pressing another dude twice your weight asks. You somehow manage to not piss your pants long enough to say "No?"
"Then listen when I speak and do as I say."
The police barge into the room. It's clear from their faces that someone in the break room told them that Vogue's sixth sexiest man alive was here and they had to check for themselves. "You're Andrew Minyard," the officer says incredulously.
"And you're intruding on a private meeting without due cause," says the man who's dirty sweats auctioned last year at $30k, then turns back around and goes back to reading you your rights. You try to listen.
He asks if you have any questions. You say, "Why the hell are you here?"
"Because it's my job," says the best goalkeeper on the planet. He doesn't say it, but dear god, why are you so dumb is heavily implied.
You decide to drop the subject. If his signature ends up being on your arrest papers, you are so framing it.
Ok so it’s a romcom but it’s about an unhinged ginger runaway who’s a complete asshole and a 5’ manic genius psycho who promised to protect him.
neil overhears matt saying something about “blowing his load” and incorrectly assumes matt is talking about shooting a gun. then proceeds a comical series of misunderstandings where neil is trying to subtly give him prep and cleaning advice while matt delightfully thinks that neil finally trusts him enough to open up about his sex life. neil is slightly concerned about the glee in matt’s eyes whenever they talk about murder, but he isn’t one to judge his friend and assumes his friend has his reasons for killing people since matt seems to be a reasonable guy. he also is grateful that matt trusts him enough to tell neil about all the murders he commits. they proceed to have this strange and cryptic bonding experience for an entire semester before they realize something isn’t adding up
Matt: I blew my load right in Dan’s face :( she is mad.
Neil: ????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????
neil: i tried mansplaining
neil: i tried manslaughter
neil: it’s time to manwhore
andreil barbie meme 🦊
Neil: I don’t get it, if each state and county makes their own laws at what point does it become anarchism?
Andrew (Moronsexual and seconds away from asking to blow him): I hate you
thinking about how all of neil's IDs are fake because of his fake names and then the FBI issues him a new set of IDs with the name neil josten, including a driver's license. but neil certainly never took a driver's test. and probably learned how to drive from his mom. he must be an absolute menace in the driver's seat. to me this makes it even funnier that when neil bought andrew the maserati, andrew kicked nicky off the insurance (even though nicky is the oldest and most experienced driver) and added neil, who probably drives like he's running for his life
Andrew minyard ladies and gentlethems
Aftg is such a trip because like. The timing is objectively off. It's better that way. It's badly written but actually no it's not. Here's a whole new sport. We lied, its just lacrosse in a silly hat. Trauma galore. By all known laws of book tropes, the main couple should be toxic as hell. They're too cagey and paranoid and possessive not to be. But the main couple, not caring about trope law, creates the healthiest relationship ever written anyways. It's problematic as fuck. It's the best series ever. It's completely unrecommendable. It's gay, but not how you think it'll be in the first book. You'll hate it the first time you read it. Six months later you'll have a whole blog for it.
Aftg isn't a book, it's a fucking experience.