anxiety: ur gonna be late!!! get there early
me: *is 15 mins early*
anxiety: no ones here ur in the wrong place!!!
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@foxyspartan
anxiety: ur gonna be late!!! get there early
me: *is 15 mins early*
anxiety: no ones here ur in the wrong place!!!
life hack
what a day!!!!!!!! nothing happened and i was tired
This is so kind I cannot
nothing in this world slaps more than sleeping
when you start laughing at something on your computer and everyone wants to see what it is
coke of cola is a health potion. pepsi is a mana potion
what’s graped soda
it’s fucking purple baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you c*nsor anything in a post you are l*gally required to put all of the omitted v*wels at the end as a footn*te
*eeoo
Okay th*n. *f you’r* sure about th*s.
Old Macd*nald had a farm.
*eieio
i’m going to shatter you like glass
yea mood
my professor: if he or she was to use his or her-
me:
boom crack the sound of my back
this wins
retail story time: ive probably told you this before but like a year ago at work i was closing and we are like five minutes from closing the doors and leaving. it’s late. we close at 10pm during the holiday season and it was like 9:56 when this woman walks in with a shopping cart.
now, if you work in retail, you know this sort of customer. those assholes who walk in right before you close and take their time shopping and act like they dont notice the announcements that “the store is now closed. please bring your final selection up to the front for checkout.” or that every employee is so fucking done for the night and want to get home. or that they are the only customer in the store. and when they have a shopping cart, you know they’re gonna be a while.
so a solid half hour after we are officially closed this woman comes to my register, because i am the only one open. because it’s ten fucking thirty pm and everyone else is ready to leave and ive been stuck here for eleven hours because someone called out and i was already there and a fucking idiot.
and this woman, she’s a Suburban Mom ™ type and, like all the fucking moms who come into this store, she doesnt have a coupon because she expects us to just give it to her. and we will, if they ask. except i, after a solid hour of no customers and foolishly thinking nobody would come, had gotten rid of my coupons a few minutes before she walked in. so when she asks if i had a coupon i say no, i’m sorry, i don’t have one at the register.
and this woman, she leans in and tells me “you know, i’m a professional psychic.” and i think “oh christ here we go”
and long island medium here, immune to the glares of the other employees who want her to just fucking pay and leave, goes on and on about this boy who loves me. we are soul mates, she says. destined to be. but there is a power keeping us apart. she mentions this “power” keeping me from mr. right several times.
i, exhausted and frustrated and wanting to go home, reply “is it the power of me being a lesbian?”
she pays and leaves without another word.
I just love sleep so much ……. like u just close ur eyes and ur gone bitch ………… brain logged the fuck off ……… powerful