Can't not talk about this scene:
This whole thing is so massively fucked up and yet
This is the first time Sun truly relaxes in Jay's arms. The first time he actually returns Jay's embrace. Jay understands how much Sun needs to fight against his desire for Jay in order to let himself have it. Jay is giving him permission, just for a moment, to pretend to himself that he doesn't actually want what Jay is doing to him. And somehow, Jay acknowledging that he understands what Sun needs to allow himself to accept Jay's touch helps Sun finally relax.
Though I also think there's a chance that Sun gets off on feeling like he's being forced by Jay. After all, in episode 4 Sun fantasizes about Jay shoving him down and kissing him while Sun tries and fails to fight him off until Sun finally submits to Jay and kisses him back. I actually think that scene was included before they kissed for real specifically so that we'll understand that every time Jay kisses him and Sun struggles against it, Jay is ultimately fulfilling Sun's fantasy about what he wants Jay to do to him.
Anyway, Jay doesn't let the embrace go on for long. He pulls away and taunts Sun, trying to force Sun to ask him for more. Which clearly pisses Sun off. He doesn't appreciate Jay giving him permission to pretend Jay is forcing him only for Jay to pull away and try to get Sun to do the opposite. But of course Jay is a sadist, and loves watching Sun struggle. Sun won't give in on this, though. He can't yet bring himself to ask Jay to touch him. Then Jay accuses him of being afraid. Which makes Sun indignant, and he declares that no one would ever say he's afraid. So Jay says this:
Again, so fucked up. And yet again
Jay initiates intimacy, which Sun returns. Because deep down, he wants to be broken by Jay. And Jay telling Sun that he was willing to do so in order to completely possess him was itself almost enough to do just that. The next time they see each other, Sun admits that he likes Jay, but asks in desperation what accepting that attraction would change. Jay kisses him, and Sun returns it and again puts his arms around Jay, pulling him closer instead of pushing him away. Jay tells him that it means he still wants to live, and Sun is finally broken.
In their next scene, Sun at last asks Jay for what he wants. He wants to cry. And he knows somehow that Jay can make that happen. I don't think he understands exactly why he believes that or how Jay can accomplish that, but for once he puts himself in Jay's hands and trusts him to know exactly how to give Sun what Sun needs. He's put aside his defiance, his brattiness, and is submitting to Jay entirely. When they have sex, there's no battle about who's going to top. I'd never say that a Dom can't be the one who gets penetrated, but that's not what Sun wants. He knows it'll make him cry. Not because of the pain. Sure, Jay should use more lube than a tiny bit of spit(and a condom, jfc) but he stretches Sun out before entering him. And I've had anal sex, even the kind that isn't prepared for properly(sidenote, make absolutely sure you know what you're doing if you want to do that, please don't go the BL route), and it's far less painful than the fights Sun has gotten into on this show and not shown a trace of a tear for. He isn't crying because it hurts. He's crying because of how vulnerable it makes him feel. Bottoming isn't inherently a submissive act, but I think for Sun it is. And being submissive makes you feel extremely vulnerable, which is not something Sun has ever felt like he could be. I'm not going to say for certain that Sun isn't really a switch, but I do think the reason that he's always been a top except for his first time with Jay is entirely because his life made it important for him to always feel like he was in complete control. To bottom for him meant to submit and he just couldn't.
But then Jay happened. The first time, I think Sun was mostly punishing himself. Yet I also think that something in him was responding to Jay's dominance. He could hear it in Jay's voice, and that made him freeze and take notice. To be clear, it's not like people with a submissive streak in them will simply crumble anytime someone tries to dominate them, but immediate connections do happen, and I think that's what happened here.
The second time they meet, there's a similar recognition. Sun tries very hard to hide the fact that he's attracted to Jay and has a sub inside of him, but Jay sees right through that, and Sun sees the Dom radiating from Jay. He resists it as hard as he can, though. He's there for revenge. He has to hold on to his anger and power. He can't allow anyone to take that from him, even for a moment.
But he just can't resist Jay. Jay is extremely attractive, yes, but it's the pull of his dominance that's overwhelming. I don't think attraction to someone he doesn't feel submissive to would be enough to pull his focus like this. Desiring to submit to someone can take over our minds completely, and that's what's happened to Sun.
Wow that was longer than I meant it to be. Feel free to add thoughts! But I won't accept any kinkshaming. That isn't tolerated on my blog.
snowghoul
dailybridgerton
prguitarman
kianamaiart
origamiaround
theartofmadeline
baratheonpilled
ellievsbear
amandla
discoholicmusic
