freshman year wizard

he/him // wizard in training if you don't tell the wizard i got a tumblr then i wont tell him you used river water instead of cave water on our freshwater potions project, bethany // ask me anything. i'll probably give you all the wrong answers but i have this sick ass crystal ball and a great desire to use it. support a failing wizard student won't you // don't tell the wizard

[unyieldingsilence]

hello? is anyone here? hellooo???

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[freshmanwizard]

guys i swear i just heard something

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

think I've been mildly cursed by a witch

[freshmanwizard]

im actually a wizard now but yeah, sorry about that

[evilwizard]

it’s time for demons to come out of the ground and for everyone to get special powers

[cryptidexploded]

Can they maybe not

[evilwizard]

you’re prejudiced against new ideas.

[freshmanwizard]

i did this and everyone got mad at me for “setting the school on fire” and “ruining the market value” as if pyrotechnics aren’t trendy as fuck rn

[venkavideos]

just a just a causal reminder for no reason in particulr but remeber!!! platonic/non-romantic relationships can be just important and have just as much depth as romantic relationships!!! and exploring platonic/non-romantic dynamics is just important as romantic dynamics!!!

[evilwizard]

oh god i just realized ive been posting on corporeal tumblr this whole time 🤦

[oldmannewrobes]

Oh! I thought you just lost your login and decided to just stay on corporeal instead.

[evilwizard]

ㅤ

[oldmannewrobes]

ㅤ

[evilwizard]

ㅤ

[freshmanwizard]

does anyone else hear that

[panic-at-the-aromantic]

”lesbian are valid!” i shout. loud cheering and clapping ensues. “that includes nonbinary lesbians!” *the clapping continues.* “even amab nonbinary people!” *the clapping stops. people are murmuring to each other uneasily* “lesboys are also valid, because it is a term often used by trans men and transmasc people who spent so long in the lesbian community that they still feel companionship with it, and even if for some reason a cis man genuinely identified with the label lesbian, it literally would not affect you at all!” *the crowd starts throwing sticks at me*

[softwaring]

transgender pride flag, made using my own photography.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Young Hero Sent On A Quest meets other young heroes also sent on various quests—only to discover they're all being used as free child labor by the same flaky wizard as a scam to collect magical artifacts.

the Young Heroes' collective new "Quest" is now to Unionize.....

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

actually this is funnier if there are multiple wizards involved. the 12-year-olds combine their knowledge and realize the wizards are operating as a unified corporate entity...so then of course they have to go on a Quest To Meet The Monarch to ask the Crown to rule on this previously undeclared power bloc. which in a feudal fantasy world causes all sorts of political intrigue! none of it good

so then we've got corporate executive wizards facing off against royal anti-monopoly legal teams. meanwhile the aforementioned 12-year-olds are standing by pissed off and chewing popcorn (and hoarding undeclared magical artifacts they may or may not collectively vote to use as ammunition to fuel a revolutionary uprising). the!! possibilities!!!!!!

[freshmanwizard]

this just sounds like my middle school experience

[satan-offical]

boogies down.

read this as boobies down

[freshmanwizard]

i cast illiteracy

[moonlight--creature]

I think your illiteracy spell traveled back in time and affected the whole website years ago and its the reason why we piss on the poor now. What have you done

[freshmanwizard]

complete accident but i did fuck around with chronomancy that one time so it is entirely possible. but we’re going to ignore that. don’t tell the wizard

[freshmanwizard]

guys for pride month should i tell west tower knight i have. a crush on him…

[the-real-google]

I'm physically shaking.... I'm so upset...

I tried to log into Grindr this morning and found that they had changed the app's logo to a woke rainbow version...

I feel sick to my stomach. I've used the app for countless hours only for them to reveal themselves as woke liberal queers. My lawyers will be hearing about this.

[unyieldingsilence]

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[freshmanwizard]

i have bad news for you op

[evilwizard]

it’s pride month, minions. you know what that means

[galactic-mayhem]

do you want us to, like, cast gay spells my leige?

[evilwizard]

<|:^)

[freshmanwizard]

all the spells i cast are gay

[sp1resong]

"do you prefer yaoi or yuri" well i like nothing. i like silence. just me. and the cold, empty cosm[Hears a twig crack] .

,Who gors there

[freshmanwizard]

me. do you have any anchovies my homunculus fucking ate them all

[adeline-wheat]

Does it have to be anchovies in particular? I have some herrings if need be

[freshmanwizard]

how old are the herrings. are they perhaps red

[adeline-wheat]

age? I dono but theyre all still moving. Red? No but they can be dyed if needed

[freshmanwizard]

drats. still moving? holdon i’ll cast a withering curse- these bad boys need to be at least 8 years dead for my plan to work

[adeline-wheat]

so just bones? Herrings cant take that long to decompose, you could just go get some skeletons

[freshmanwizard]

i see. do you know where i can find fish skeletons readily available

[adeline-wheat]

I mean I have a bucket of them right here do you know any precision disolution spells? Elsewise try and find a necromancer's shop, they often have things like that

[freshmanwizard]

im banned from going near necromancers since The Incident but thank you anyways

[adeline-wheat]

there was an incident involing necromancers and YOU got the restraining order? WHAT DID YOU DO

[freshmanwizard]

<[:)

[sp1resong]

"do you prefer yaoi or yuri" well i like nothing. i like silence. just me. and the cold, empty cosm[Hears a twig crack] .

,Who gors there

[freshmanwizard]

me. do you have any anchovies my homunculus fucking ate them all

[adeline-wheat]

Does it have to be anchovies in particular? I have some herrings if need be

[freshmanwizard]

how old are the herrings. are they perhaps red

[adeline-wheat]

age? I dono but theyre all still moving. Red? No but they can be dyed if needed

[freshmanwizard]

drats. still moving? holdon i’ll cast a withering curse- these bad boys need to be at least 8 years dead for my plan to work

[adeline-wheat]

so just bones? Herrings cant take that long to decompose, you could just go get some skeletons

[freshmanwizard]

i see. do you know where i can find fish skeletons readily available

[adeline-wheat]

I mean I have a bucket of them right here do you know any precision disolution spells? Elsewise try and find a necromancer's shop, they often have things like that

[freshmanwizard]

im banned from going near necromancers since The Incident but thank you anyways

[sp1resong]

"do you prefer yaoi or yuri" well i like nothing. i like silence. just me. and the cold, empty cosm[Hears a twig crack] .

,Who gors there

[freshmanwizard]

me. do you have any anchovies my homunculus fucking ate them all

[adeline-wheat]

Does it have to be anchovies in particular? I have some herrings if need be

[freshmanwizard]

how old are the herrings. are they perhaps red

[adeline-wheat]

age? I dono but theyre all still moving. Red? No but they can be dyed if needed

[freshmanwizard]

drats. still moving? holdon i’ll cast a withering curse- these bad boys need to be at least 8 years dead for my plan to work

[adeline-wheat]

so just bones? Herrings cant take that long to decompose, you could just go get some skeletons

[freshmanwizard]

i see. do you know where i can find fish skeletons readily available

[sp1resong]

"do you prefer yaoi or yuri" well i like nothing. i like silence. just me. and the cold, empty cosm[Hears a twig crack] .

,Who gors there

[freshmanwizard]

me. do you have any anchovies my homunculus fucking ate them all

[adeline-wheat]

Does it have to be anchovies in particular? I have some herrings if need be

[freshmanwizard]

how old are the herrings. are they perhaps red

[adeline-wheat]

age? I dono but theyre all still moving. Red? No but they can be dyed if needed

[freshmanwizard]

drats. still moving? holdon i’ll cast a withering curse- these bad boys need to be at least 8 years dead for my plan to work

[sp1resong]

"do you prefer yaoi or yuri" well i like nothing. i like silence. just me. and the cold, empty cosm[Hears a twig crack] .

,Who gors there

[freshmanwizard]

me. do you have any anchovies my homunculus fucking ate them all

[adeline-wheat]

Does it have to be anchovies in particular? I have some herrings if need be

[freshmanwizard]

how old are the herrings. are they perhaps red