[whitegirlsaintshit]

*at the airport*

customs agent: is there anything you’d like to declare?

me: yes, a warm pussy and a very sad heart 

[miss-vortex]

If real life was like The Sims

[magnemite-not-make-it]

OH THATS WHAT IT WAS

[chrstopher]

I think all of us thought we were reading the most fucked up post on tumblr and halfway through realized what it was

[rad-times-or-sad-times]

Dude it took me a minute

[jus-tea]

Took me right to the end and then have it spelled out 🤦‍♀️

[hydro-homies]

I answer for no one.

[madz-the-3rd]

[rightmemes-blog1]

[pissvortex]

imagine waking up in the middle of the night to a large hairless gorilla making kissy noises and rubbing your stomach. that’s what your cat has to deal with every day

[themysteriousmurasamecastle]

[wolfy-gecko]

[oblomovite-deactivated20160709]

me: ok im gonna sit down and read this book with no distractions

me two minutes later:

[judgejudyofficial]

[jackmeatington]

person: hey are you ticklish at all? me: *takes 8 steps back* me: …….no……..

[romanticfish]

😈This is sooooo Daddy

[jackmeatington]

[catchymemes]

[i-have-no-gender-only-rage]

[xanthera]

[screenshotsofdespair]

[eternally-nerdy]

The duolingo owl, cocking a gun in the distance because i havent practiced french in a few months

[safeguards]

When I’m telling a story and a friend interrupts:

[klapollo]

guy fieri’s flagship show is all about him going to underappreciated family-owned restaurants, praising their work and bringing them nationwide positive attention and business. he openly supports lgbt people like his sister and frequently has gay chefs on his grocery games competition, including ones revolving around relationships and family. he donates all of the non-perishable food from grocery games to food banks and advocates for fighting hunger. he goes to parts of the country where natural disasters have hit and hosts big events where he cooks for and feeds the victims. he has a legitimately funny sense of humor on his shows and is generally said to be a really nice person. he loves his son and has done whole television specials about taking him along on trips having once-in-a-lifetime experiences together. he might look goofy but that man does things that nourish the SOUL and u cant put frosted spikes on THAT

[fuks]

[twitterlols]

[snoopbloggyblogg-deactivated201]

When you’re having a threesome and both girls say, “Choke me, daddy”…