Can I ask you something? Do lesbians who are aesthetically more masculine way receive more criticism, and do fem×masc couples receive more criticism than fem×fem couples(in the wnba and in the life)? I was reading comments about how a fem×masc couple (e.g., Azzi and Paige or Sarina) received more comments than a couple like Gabby and Marine, who are the closest thing to a fem×fem couple? Do you think these comments are correct? Do you think the fact that these couples are interracial increases the negative comments? I thought the fact that some couples expose themselves more than others and that some are more famous than others affects the amount of criticism? Other non-interracial and fem×masc couples receive criticism, but I think in some cases it's also because they expose too much of their private lives, like Dijonai & Lyss or Tash and Izzy. I wanted to know your thoughts...
hi friend, this is a really interesting question and i have a lot of thoughts about it! i’m going to try not to write an essay in response, but it’ll probably happen anyway.
first, i want to zoom out and look at the history of queer acceptance in the united states as a whole, for two reasons: one, this shapes queer acceptance today, and two, being accepted is still a new thing (relatively speaking). if you get in community with older lesbians, you'll meet butches that were beat up for wearing pants and holding hands with a girl in public. you'll meet dykes who took care of AIDS patients as they died because the government didn't give a fuck and hospitals wouldn't help them. you'll meet queers that fought tirelessly for the equal marriage rights we have today. in other words, it was not that long ago that the standard was for people to openly hate, abuse, and discriminate against us, and that impacts how everybody treats and perceives queer people today.
historically, butch (or otherwise masculine-presenting) lesbians were targeted the most for harassment, because they were visibly gender nonconforming. butches suffered from police brutality as they were easy targets for police: the anti-cross-dressing laws of the time meant that they were breaking the law, so butches could be arrested for "impersonating a male" and nobody cared if police roughed them up extra on the way. (not to mention anti-gay laws of the time as well.) in general, butches were just one group under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella that were targets of violent physical assault just for being visibly gender non-conforming (this research article from 2007 presents findings on harassment related to gender non-conformity. of all harassment events reported by respondents, ~40% were "assault or threat of violence"). butches were also shunned by the feminist movement because they were seen as reinforcing patriarchy by "trying to be men."
while feminine lesbians were not exempt from harassment, they were often targeted less on their own because they "passed" as straight. a couple with two feminine women could spend time together in public and pass as straight friends in most cases, as long as they were careful. a masculine and feminine couple could not. in addition to facing the harassment i outlined above for gender-nonconformity, these couples were seen as reinforcing heteronormativity: where femmes ‘buy into patriarchal oppression’ and butches ‘perpetuate patriarchal oppression’. this hatred and misunderstanding of the butch-femme dynamic saw femmes as wanting to date men and butches as wanting to be men, and they were just playing pretend until they found or transitioned into the "real thing". this is a fundamental misunderstanding and stereotype of lesbian couples that pervades today.
now, let's come back to modern-day wnba couples. since we are in the age of social media (where anybody can share their opinion publicly and loudly), i don't think there's a single wnba couple i haven't seen criticism or ugly rumors about. however, it definitely comes in different forms and volumes. i’ve tried to succinctly put together my thoughts about this several times but i keep failing, so i’m just gonna go off the cuff, hope it makes sense, and post it, LOL.
when looking purely at roles in a relationship, i feel like i see the most criticism with masculine/feminine relationships (or the idea of them). we have had many player/player relationships where one player is outwardly feminine, and one is outwardly masculine. examples that come to mind include izzy and tash, nai and lyss, dewanna and AT, etc. however, i’ve also noticed that some fans are eager to assign masculine and feminine roles in player relationships, even if neither partner really fits one of those roles or cares much about presenting gender. (these are pro athletes we’re talking about, most of the time we see them in sweatpants or basketball shorts and ponytails & they aren’t really concerned with how they look.) i mention this “assignment” of roles because it plays into the type of commentary i see.
i'm going to broadly present some trends in criticisms, stereotypes, and general commentary i have noticed in discourse about wnba couples, without naming specific players/couples and without adding in my own opinions. i know that not every couple fits into the discourse i’m going to share below, but these will be sentiments i have seen enough about at least one couple that it feels worth sharing.
in masculine/feminine relationships, the masculine partner is sometimes spoken about like they are an animal without any semblance of control over their hormones. when certain masculine players become friends with any feminine women (straight or gay, teammate or not), they are immediately accused of cheating. they’re often personified as womanizers due to being friendly and confident. depending on their build and their race, they can also be characterized as aggressive, overreactive, or having a short temper—sometimes to a point where people generate faux worry about the feminine partner. people will also treat them as stupid or unintelligent and as though they simply got lucky that they’ve gained the affection of a pretty woman. masculine partners can also be stereotyped as being misogynists.
in masculine/feminine relationships, the feminine partner is sometimes spoken about like they’re going through a phase or not really gay, especially if they’re conventionally pretty and have not been in a publicly queer relationship before (despite their own words about their sexualities or relationship histories). some people think they’re “too pretty to be gay”. instead, they’re treated as though they’re with a masculine partner simply as a replacement for a man and will turn “back” to men at the first chance. if they date another masculine player, they aren’t really validated as queer women, but instead they’re treated as “easy” or “homie hoppers” (or some other misogynistic bullshit). in addition to this investigation of their queerness, they’re sometimes treated like a parent of their masculine partner. if their masculine partner has a bad game or does something dumb, the feminine partner is treated as responsible in some way and needing to answer for them. they can also be treated as foolish or naïve for getting in a relationship with a masculine player if that player has been assigned the cheater/womanizer stereotype.
while there is plenty of valid and warranted criticism about wnba couples (for example, tash and izzy constantly being on and off, or lyss being nasty about nai online after they broke up), i feel like i see just as much manufactured criticism and rumors based on sterotypes and assumptions of what a masculine/feminine relationship is.
i can’t say for certain if interracial relationships get more criticism in the wnba gossip sphere (like i’ve said, i’ve seen bullshit about just about everybody), but racism and colorism do play a role in the type of criticism couples get. most commonly, i see people imply that the white partner is too good for the black partner (or vice versa) or imply that the black partner is aggressive or mean for doing the same shit as their white partners (sometimes less). unfortunately, these same stereotypes are pervasive in heterosexual interracial relationships.
in summary, i believe that people are eager to criticize and gossip about any wnba player/player relationships, regardless of what those players actually do in their relationships or share with the general public. while valid critiques and criticisms exist, they’re also surrounded (and sometimes drowned out) by rumors and assumptions built on stereotypes born out of the eras of harassment and discrimination that our elders survived.
i would love to hear people’s thoughts on this as well, let’s make it an open discussion :) even if you completely disagree with me, all opinions welcome!
No, Kia and Sarah aren't sisters.
Kia has a sister Tamika who played for Oregon and her brother is Darnell Nurse who players for the Oilers.
Sarah's Uncle is Donavan McNabb.
But yes, I got owned by both of them.
Kia flattened me with a screen, and Sarah danced around me, puck through my feet and scored.
The memories.
I sleep like 4-5 hours max, but I also have a super needy (and horny) girlfriend and I have to go to the gym in the morning or else I'd commit multiple homicides.
We both have good paying jobs. She's a nurse - going to be working in the cardiac unit and I'm a teacher. (Teachers in Canada get paid WAY better than our US counterparts.)
We own a house and we had space and didn't want the kids to go into foster care and get split up.
We got the call as an emergency kin placement because we had called earlier about their living conditions. They all had bedbugs and their place was dirty and they really weren't being fed properly and like not being properly educated because church was always first.
amandla
izzy806
theartofmadeline
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