i'm a stargirl

★彡 — i'm bee (twenties, she/her, nsfw) [fandoms: twilight, lads, touchstarved]

[fromthebeehives]

hello! welcome to my page. i'm too lazy to make a masterlist, so i'm just going to list down the specific tags that i personally use for this account.

#bee's writing — all my drabbles, ficlets/fics, story concepts, rambles, etc.

#bee's asks — my answers to asks (not works)

#bee's random thoughts — me and my sexy mouth

[fromthebeehives]

Hellu! How are you doing these days? We haven't heard from you in a while so I hope life's treating you well 😊 I miss your fics whether it's sad or happy.

hi, suzume! thanks for checking in on me. 🥺 i'm sorry that i haven't written anything for a while, i miss it too. but i currently just don't have the free time. i'm trying to get out of an abusive situation, and i've also been having some health issues, so all my energy goes in there. i really do hope i get back on it soon tho. i miss writing angsty or fluffy or even smutty fics. someday, someday.

[fromthebeehives]

I need you to know I imagine a swarm of bees typing your posts

[fromthebeehives]

Global concerns will never reach infold because they're dedicated to their chinese fanbase. I have seen very few complaints in XHS and Douyin compared to Twitter and Tiktok, and that's because majority of the CN players are casual whales or actual Whales. Global can complain over and over again, but at this point, they're not going to listen. It's been obvious all along that they don't care about the global side of the fandom in the first place. If you think you're burning out, please take a rest. This game is not worth the money and crashout that you may possibly get.

hi! thank you for the kind words at the end. i giggled at the 'crashout' because it's not even just a possibility anymore. i have crashed out over this game, especially when i got stuck in jhc and tbh every orbit (except for the open one). plus, whenever i get network issues and it won't let me enter the game for hours, it frustrates me (because it's like every other app works but this one.)

i've never heard of the term 'whale' before, and ooooh! i didn't know such a gaming slang exists. i searched it up (and for anyone who doesn't know too, it means 'someone who spends a significant amount of money on in-game purchases.') wild. i wanna be a card collector, but i guess it's impossible if i don't spend a stupidly huge amount of money on the game, which i honestly don't think is worth it because i could use that money for other, more necessary things. :( being a low spender, ik i should expect to miss banners, but the fact that i have to miss, like, idk, five of them to save up for three is just ridiculous. i already have a lot of missing caleb cards, and at this point, it feels like i'll never be able catch up (and it's not even just me being impatient or something, the game literally has a tight schedule when it comes to limited banners).

also, i thought some cn peeps were boycotting the game though, especially after the kod issue and the lawsuit, but yeah there's definitely a lot more complaints over in twt and tt (and a lot of other discourses that just stresses me out).

the hardest part about this is that i still totally love caleb and the other li's, but my motivation to write about them/keep loving them keeps taking a hit bc i genuinely think infold is so greedy, and that's taking the 'magic of hyperfixations' out of me. :/ it takes too long to earn 1.5k dias, and for myths, u need about 22.5k to guarantee the crate (and the fact that u can STILL lose your 50/50 twice... it's hell.) i'm just sad rn bc i feel like i'm floating, like my hyperfixation was lads but then i'm prematurely ripping myself off it bc i get too stressed and frustrated about earning enough dias just to be able to get caleb content. i also know u can just come over to yt to watch it bc ppl do post the content within the card, but there's just something special about seeing ur mc with ur main li.

(edit: also, if anyone has recs of what i can hyperfixate into next, feel free to talk to me about it. 🥺👉👈 i wanna find my footing again. i miss writing! plus, i'm open to playing more games that doesn't require regularly spending money lolll!)

[fromthebeehives]

I feel you. I am a new player and learned the hard way after finishing Abyssal Chaos that the rewards don't refresh. I wish there was a way to farm more diamonds apart from the trials and SHC or at least can they make SHC a weekly event. Also, they should add diamond rewards in events as well.

I am a long time FGO player and I may no longer be active but apart from the free tickets that FGO gives for an event, they also give sqs when playing the event and defeating enemies for the event. The pity in FGO sucks but at least, the players can actually save if they plan correctly. Giving out log in rewards would be nice as well.

In LaDs tho, Aurum pass is still not enough tbh. I wish they would also increase the dia rewards for the trials like 20 per stage? Will it really hurt to make it 50? And will there ever be an update to the standard banner?

i haven't finished abyssal chaos or unicorns operation yet. i've been struggling with burnout and contemplating if it's still worth it to play, because it's genuinely frustrating me that it takes a long, long time to save up just 1.5k red diamonds yet the banners are legitimately back-to-back. not only that, the sched is tightly-packed too. everyone says, "this game is something you're not meant to play for hours", and i don't (it would drive me crazy if i spent way too much time on a game, like 24/7 crazy), but also how else can we farm for stuff then? it takes so many battles to get a mere 1.5k. takes so much grinding.

also, i'm not saying that everything in this game should be free (the company does still need money to continue the game), but tbh the blatant way they suck out money from their player base is, well... it's partly why my burnout is so strong. if you want new content? better pull that wallet out. otherwise the game gets boring fast because there's no update on the other content (main story, anecdotes, etc.) i'm genuinely trying to grind on this game (have aurum pass, sometimes purchases packs 1-3, thinking of buying the yearly passes but still contemplating cuz idk if i'm gonna stop or not, doing trials, doing unicorns, doing abyssal, doing the achievements, doing dailies and weeklies religiously) within my free schedule—but even then it's not enough. thinking about it deeply, it's still impossible for me to pull on all the banners that caleb is in.

[as a general note, i've been feeling icky when i think about the game, so unfortunately, i think it'll take time until i'm able to write for lads again. :( i'm not sure, it'll depend if i get out of this rut. i have about four drafts (angsty-fluffy one shots for caleb, xavier, sylus, and rafayel), but i've really been struggling to get that spark again. i still love the lad lis but yeah, just motivation struggles and stuff bc of the game.]

[fromthebeehives]

just a little vent.

okay, so i've been playing lads for, like, 2 and a half months now. i stopped being f2p on the first month, i do the aurum pass and plan to get the 2026 yearly diamond and wish passes. i see myself as a low spender. i also only main one li, which is caleb, but even then i feel like it's impossible to get all of his cards/pull for every banner where he's in. i've seen the rumored schedule for the next year, and out of the 8 banners that caleb is in, i think i'll only prioritize the myth ones (1 rerun, 1 new, so that's just... 2 out of 8). like, i swear the main advice that people give for f2p players is to main only 1 li, but as a spender, i'm still struggling so much. i even only do r0, because it's the content i'm here for (+ i need to be wise about spending my diamonds).

it's so hard. ;-; i struggle with diamond farming too, because (1) the resources are so limited and (2) i get burnout from it all. like, i enjoy the battles, actually, but the burnout from struggling takes the fun out of it for me.

[i am in no way trying to start a discourse so pls be kind if you plan to comment/interact. :<]

[edit: also, i just realized i haven't written for lads in a while. my drafts are collecting dust. i think the burnout's affecting my desire to write. i haven't hit a creativity block, i legit just don't have the motivation to write T~T]

also rumored sched under the cut... (caleb's sched highlighted)

[fromthebeehives]

i've been sick, so it's hard to think and write, but i'm feeling for caleb x soft non-mc reader right now.

i talked about how caleb would get cuteness aggression whenever he sees you, buuut you do too. whenever caleb looks like a puppy, it stabs you straight to the chest, enough to almost make you squeal. instead, you pout your lips and look at him with the widest, sparkliest eyes ever. it's not even intentional, but you just get so overwhelmed that your gaze is practically screaming, "oh myyy god, i love you so much. you're so cute. i'm so happy to be yours! sooo happy!" and he knows.

it also triggers caleb's cuteness aggression, so he groans and pinches your cheeks and peppers kisses all over your face. that's when you finally squeak and say, "my turn!", before drowning him in so many kisses as well until his face is all marked up with your glossy lipstick.

and caleb just looks lovestruck.

they're in love your honor

part 1 part 2 (you're currently in part 3)

[fromthebeehives]

okay, this poll (by @ladsmood) made the plot bunnies in my head bounce a little, sooo here's my humble opinion. (cw: nsfw)

i really love the idea of rafayel being the most sadistic out of all of the li's. like, i can imagine everyone thinking that you're the one that holds the reigns in bed because rafayel acts bratty and petulant a lot of times when in fact, he's got a secret feral side in him—the side that wants to cage you and hide you away so that he can keep you all to himself.

first and foremost, he loves seeing you cry when he's fucking into you. of course, he wouldn't want you to actually be in distress, but the sight of you tearing up from how overwhelmed you feel because of the pleasure he's giving you and the pain of the overstimulation makes him pound into you harder, no fail. or when he's teasing you relentlessly, not letting you have what you want until you tear up and be all pouty about how mean he's being—it makes him nearly cum in his pants right then and there. (he's the type to lick up all your tears.)

rafayel is the type to text, "i wanna destroy you, cutie :D", and you'll just giggle, thinking that you'll most likely only have vanilla sex, but then once you're in his bed, he's got your arms and legs tied up to each corner of the bed and he's got a vibrating wand pressed against your clit, aiming to make you cum over and over again until you're sobbing and twisting in your restraints to try and escape the relentless onslaught of pleasure, but he'll pin you down and say with a smile, "where are you going, cutie, hm? i'm not done with you yet."

he also loves seeing his marks on you. the bitemark on your shoulder that he did far too high so you can't hide it with your top. the hickeys lining your neck. the fingerprint marks on your inner thighs and your hips. the slight rope burns around your wrists when he tied you up one time because you wouldn't stop screaming. the way you can't sit right for a couple of days which in turn makes him think about your reddened ass after he spanked you during sex—he can't help it, your ass just jiggles so good while he's fucking you from behind. the way your lips look swollen and glossy nearly all the time because he kisses you so hungrily.

if you were a virgin during your first time having sex with him, he wanted to be gentle with you, cherishing the fact that you want to give him your first time, but when you said, "please, rafayel, make it hurt good", he almost lost control—almost just pinned you down and plunged his cock deep inside your pussy until you were whimpering for him to slow down. but he's still a gentleman, so he didn't (he nearly bit into his tongue from how hard he stopped himself). it's okay; after all, there are plenty of other times where he can ruin you for as long as he wants and needs.

[fromthebeehives]

i have a heart-wrenching, platonic (familial) idea for dad!caleb and daughter!non-mc!reader.

when mc gave birth to daughter!non-mc!reader, she didn't survive. she lost too much blood, and succumbed to it. caleb is inconsolable after that. his grief stretched on for years and years. he's ashamed of it, but a part of him grew to resent you—it's as if he's blaming you, but in reality, he's angry with the world for taking his beloved away from him. he doesn't want to take it out on you, so he tries to avoid you as much as possible.

that's not how you see it, though. every time caleb chooses distance and silence, the thought that you're unwanted develops more and more in your mind, until it turns into a belief. you didn't even hear the story of how your mom died from caleb—you had to find out from one of his best friends, gideon, after he found you crying, home alone, asking him through your sobs why your dad didn't love you. (gideon had come to check on you after he found out that caleb was working overtime at the fleet again, and he tried to tell you that caleb did love you, but you just kept shaking your head.)

it all came to a head one night. caleb's having another restless night, and despite it all, you tried to comfort your dad by bringing him a tray of chamomile tea, hoping it'll help him sleep. he pushes the tray off your hands when you do, irritation and stress etched across his features as he growls out, "what are you doing here?"

all you can do is stare at the broken cup on the floor, the chamomile tea seeping into the wood. you can't take it anymore. tears sting at your eyes as you look up, missing the way caleb's breath hitched at how defeated you looked.

"daddy, do you hate me that much?" you ask, your voice sounding much weaker than usual. your shoulders are trembling, wracking your body in shivers that you can't seem to stop. "i sometimes wish i was the one who died instead of mommy. maybe you'd be happier then, and you can make another baby with her. i'm not wanted here, i clearly aren't."

"i'm sorry that i survived rather than mommy, daddy," you whisper, ducking your head down. "i prayed every night for god to turn back time, but I can't do anything. i'm so sorry that you're stuck with me, daddy."

caleb goes utterly still, unable to breathe from how fast his heart is pounding. he can't even move. it's that very moment he realized how much he messed up. he had been so consumed in his own grief that he hadn't realized how it affected you.

but the truth is in front of him.

you—his dear daughter—believed, down to your very soul, that you're unloved by him.

shibal my life ts hurts ;-;

[fromthebeehives]

caleb x non mc reader hurt/comfort where i talk about something that happened to him in canon in the form of a fic. slight cw for unhealthy ways.

the first time that you fought with caleb, you found out something new about him, even after months and months of dating him. actually, you wouldn't even consider it a 'fight', really. more of a confrontation. it was when caleb had gotten sucked in his work, busying himself with his colonel duties and failing to realize that he'd been doing nothing lately but that. you had worried over him, wondering if he was even eating properly or hydrating himself, and on top of that, you had been feeling a little neglected, his side of your bed feeling empty and cold more than ever.

you had broke after one more week and sat him down after he returned from one of his near all-nighters again. at first, he looked like the scary colonel that everyone was intimidated by, but the moment he crossed the threshold of your apartment, he looked dead on his feet, his hair mussed up from the hat he was wearing all day and dark bags prominent under his eyes.

"caleb, we need to talk," you said the moment he appeared in the hallway. you could practically see the exhaustion leaving his body at your words, his shoulders going taut with nerves. you stood up and herded him towards the living room. he sat down on the couch, his jaw clenching, recognizing the seriousness of the situation.

"what do you want to talk about?" he asked carefully, his voice tense.

you resisted the urge to immediately comfort him, knowing that you had to put your foot down this time. "you've been working nonstop for the past couple of weeks. you don't even have day-offs anymore. you're running yourself ragged, and if you keep going, you'll get yourself sick. maybe even worse," you spoke as firmly as you could. "when was the last time you ate? drank water? slept properly? when was the last time we went on a date or held each other? this can't go on, caleb. tell me please, what's keeping you in the fleet? what's so important that you've practically started abandoning every other aspect of your life?"

caleb immediately shook his head, agitation suddenly rising within him at the thought of you being involved with what he does for work. "you know that i can't tell you anything about that," he growled, his hands clenching into fists. his mind was racing—thinking of all the horrible possibilities of how ever could use you against him, knowing that you were his biggest weakness in the best and worst ways possible.

you paused, sensing his growing emotions. you knew that having conversations when emotions were high could get dangerous. you trusted that caleb would never hit you, but you never wanted to reach the point where hurtful words could be carelessly tossed around.

"nevermind, i think we need to put a pause in this, but this conversation has to continue next time," you sighed, standing up from your seat on the couch. "go take a shower and then sleep, caleb. we'll talk when you're in a better mood."

you were about to walk away when you suddenly felt fingers wrap around your wrist.

"wait!" your eyebrows shot up when you heard the panic in caleb's voice, feeling even more confused when he frantically tugged you back on the couch. you fell back on your seat, but you were halfway on his lap this time. his hand slid up, curling around your palm to hold you.

"no, no, i'm sorry. i wasn't mad at you, i promise honey. i was just scared," he explained, his words a jumble. "that doesn't excuse anything, but when i tell you that the reason why i keep everything confidential is really to protect you and keep you safe, i swear on my life that i'm being nothing but truthful. please, baby, believe me."

"but we can also talk about my behavior right now." he looked into your eyes imploringly. "please. we don't need to take a pause or a break or whatever. you can scold me. you can even hit me or throw things at me. please just... i don't want you to go silent on me."

you were dead silent for a moment, your brain struggling to process what caleb just said. you pulled your hand away from his grip, your heart wrenching at the wounded noise that tore out of caleb's throat, but you quickly wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him close until he was tucked snuggly into the crook of your neck.

"caleb, what you just said—" you cut yourself off, trying to think of what to say. "i would never hit you or throw things at you, baby, and before you say that you already know that, since you even said it in the first place, i need you to understand that if anyone did that to you, no matter how close you two are, it's not okay or acceptable."

"you shouldn't have to endure getting physically hurt just so the other person won't give you silent treatment," you explained. "the healthy thing that should be done is openly communicating to each other. not sudden silence. not violence. communication."

you stroked his hair when he started nosing against your neck. you felt something wet sliding down your collarbones, and you just held him tighter in response. this was your first time seeing caleb cry, and it broke your heart.

"i'm sorry," he croaked out, unable to say anything else—but you understood what he meant either way.

i'm sorry i'm so messed up.

i'm sorry i'm not better.

"don't apologize. please. you don't need to say sorry for something like that," you whispered, pressing a tender kiss to the side of his head. "there's nothing wrong with you, caleb. you're just... hurt... and need a little more loving." you ran your hand up and down his back, pulling him even closer by the shoulders. "lucky for you, i'm good at that. aren't i, hm? because i know best that my beloved caleb deserves all the affection in the world."

that squeezed a teary chuckle out of caleb, and you beamed, even though he couldn't see you. "thank you, honey..." he murmured, taking a moment to absorb your words. he had felt frantic earlier because he thought you were going to go quiet on him out of disappointment or anger, and his resort was to immediately offer himself to take your emotions out on—but of course, you weren't that type of person.

you had been nothing but sweet and loving to him, and even with the hurt you must be feeling, you still held space for his emotions. caleb was eternally grateful, always in awe over how you were as a person. he understood that he had habits that he needed to heal from, and he knew he had to do better to avoid hurting you or your relationship with his baggage.

soon he hugged you tighter like he always did when his heart felt like bursting with love. "and i'm sorry that I've been so absent. i haven't forgotten about that. i promise i'll make it up to you. i'll do everything to show you that i still think about you," he added sincerely.

you hummed. "i don't need grand gestures, caleb. i just need to feel that you still love me," then you did a fake huff. "oh, but that's not all i want though, mister. you're forgetting something."

caleb pulled away from you just enough to look at you, and when you wiggled your eyebrows at him, he groaned, his cheeks flushing red. "... i also promise to take care of myself more," he grumbled playfully, booping you on the nose. he wasn't used to getting taken care of; it still flustered him.

"good," you giggled and beamed, making him grin back.

[fromthebeehives]

Are you going to continue Sweet Cravings of A Centuries-Old Vampire?

if anyone still wants to read it! :p

[fromthebeehives]

part 2 of caleb x non mc reader stage observer angst. part 1

caleb notices it immediately—how you've been avoiding him like you'd catch the plague if you were anywhere near him after graduation.

but the thing about fate is that, it's cruel. even though it's supposed to end there, even though it seems more logical to part ways, he sees you everywhere, walking down the skyhaven streets, at the park near your apartment complex, at your favorite café, at the fountain in the middle of the city where you liked tossing coins in to make wishes, at your workplace, even when you come out and in your apartment. you're so near yet so out of reach.

and without fail, when you catch a glimpse of him, you scurry away like a frightened mouse. it's like you're going against the universe, going against its wishes because he thinks that it's obvious that it wants you and him to do something together. even when he doesn't know what that is.

he confronts you at your secret place—a tiny spot just beyond the walls at the park where there's unkempt grass but has the best view of the stars.

but wait... no, it's not just yours. it's his just as much as it's yours. he had found it with you when the two of you sneaked out of the academy together just for fun.

like he expected, you're there, sitting down on the ground with your knees drawn up to your chest and looking at the stars with that awed, mesmerized look that never fails to make his breath hitch. he doesn't know why it does that.

"you've been avoiding me," he says in lieu of a greeting, sitting down beside you and resisting the urge to celebrate when you don't move. why is he even acting like this? "ever since that time at the graduation. i don't know what i did. i just know that you were looking for me. what's going on? aren't we... friends?"

"are we?" you shoot back.

caleb flinches, furrowing his eyebrows. are we? are we? are we? you are, right?

you shake your head, sniffling, and he's horrified to find your eyes tearing up again. "i'm sorry. this is unfair to you. you did nothing wrong," you sincerely tell him, and it makes his heart squeeze. then you continue vaguely, "i'm just... trying to get over someone right now."

that revelation turns the ache in his heart into anger. it even surprises him, but he isn't dumb. he knows where it's coming from. it's jealousy. a part of him tries to rationalize that it is out of the need to protect a friend. "someone broke your heart?" he asks through gritted teeth, his hands clenching into fists. he scoffs, "well then, that guy doesn't deserve you." his eyes dart around for a second, hesitant. "who is it? i won't do anything, i promise."

you stare at him. a moment passes, and he feels naked under your gaze. vulnerable. instead of answering, you ask, suddenly exasperated as you wipe away the tears clinging to your eyelashes, "why are you here, caleb?"

that frustrates him more. "why? take a guess. my best friend has been avoiding me for weeks, and it turns out it's because she's healing a broken heart," he growls, glaring straight ahead. "i see you everywhere, but you keep running away from me."

your lips twitch down into a frown. "caleb, the places you see me at—you don't frequent in those," you remind him. "the only reason why you see me so often is because you've been following me."

it hadn't been fate or destiny.

it was his own doing.

he flinches again, unable to come up with an excuse. "well, is it so bad to want to talk to you again?" his voice sounds wrecked, and you're the one whose breath hitches this time. "i miss you. i miss us. we were so close back at the academy but after graduating, you've been drifting away from me. and now i know it's because of a guy—i wanna know who."

his eyes flickers to yours, imploringly. "please," he whispers, his heart in his throat. "i really did miss you. i still do."

you don't say anything at first. maybe it's because of the stars flickering above you two, or maybe it's because you haven't properly interacted with him for weeks, or maybe it's because of the growing helplessness inside you, or maybe it's the tension brewing between you, but you can't be anything but honest.

"it's you," you whisper, your eyes trained in his. "you broke my heart."

"but it isn't your fault. you're allowed to not reciprocate my feelings," you croak out as you continue. "i just feel so... full of it, you know? I heard you. i heard what you said to mc before the commencement speeches. you told her how you'd never get a girlfriend, and i felt so dumb, standing there with my stupid love letter. but what hurts the most is that i didn't get to say anything. all i could do was cram my feelings down my throat because i already knew your answer. i knew that you'd reject me... so what was the point of even confessing?"

tears stream down your cheeks again, finally turning your head away. "but everytime i see you, i get the urge to tell you that i love you. my heart feels like it's bursting, caleb. i thought ignoring you would help me move on, but the more i put space between us, the more i feel for you." you laugh emptily. "it'll be humiliating of me if i inconvencied you with this, so the best move was to disappear from your life until i could get my shit straight."

for the first time in his entire life, he's speechless. caleb is the type of person who always knew what to say at any situation—the natural charmer he is—but right now, all he can do is stare at you. he recalls all the way you made him feel weird—the breath hitching, the heart racing, the odd urge to always stay by your side, and the sick feeling that he now always got everytime he remembered what he told mc that day.

he's realizing it now.

the answer to the question that he keeps asking himself.

what is going on with me?

without thinking, caleb places his hand on top of yours, the grass scratching at the sides of his palm. his gaze turns pleading, struggling to think of what to say. "you got it wrong, you don't know my answer," he rasps.

you turn back to him. your sadness turns into confusion, which then turns into surprise, when he suddenly leans in.

there's really only one answer to his weird behavior.

and it's that he made a promise he knew he wouldn't be able to keep.

[fromthebeehives]

caleb x non mc reader angst because i finally listened to stage observer.

you're looking for caleb before the commencement speeches, holding onto a letter that you've pondered and written over and over again for the last couple of weeks. it's a love letter—where you poured your heart out and even sprinkled a bit of your perfume. you're nervous, and a part of you just wants to melt into the floor, but at the same time, you want to tell caleb about how you feel, hopeful about him reciprocating because of how close you've gotten over the years—all those late night talks, inside jokes, easy and fun banter, and hangouts coming up in your mind.

you see him at a hallway, but he isn't alone—mc is also there, fixing caleb's uniform and straightening his collar. at first, you don't mind, walking up to them with an embarrassed expression, thinking about how you have to request a private moment with caleb, and surely, mc would figure out your intentions.

but then you hear it. "even after this, even when i meet new people, i won't get a girlfriend," caleb tells her, his voice resolute. and as if the world wants to stomp on your heart further, he repeats it more firmly, "i won't get a girlfriend." you see that all he cares about is reassuring her, driving down the point that his eyes are only on her.

with a lump forming in your throat, your grip around your love letter tightens, crinkling the edges. your heart lurches, and you know you can't stay there, much less give him the letter. you've been acting like a lovesick fool over him during your entire time in the academy, but you're not stupid—it doesn't matter if you give it or not. the answer is the same: you will get rejected.

you don't notice the way caleb's gaze flickers from mc to you, his eyes widening when he sees your retreating form, wondering if you were looking for him... and why? he doesn't know why you look like a kicked puppy, your bottom lip trembling. more importantly, he doesn't understand why he gets the urge to run after you, the sight of your teary eyes stabbing him straight in the chest.

you don't notice anything, too busy trying to soothe the ache in your chest.

part 2

[fromthebeehives]

#BRING BACK COLONEL CALEB

hnghh

[fromthebeehives]

colonel caleb's gloves are so attractive OH MY LAWD

let's say it collectively: thank yewww illusio. i'm gonna be spending so much time w this feature >///<

[fromthebeehives]

headcanons for colonel!caleb and pâtissière!non-mc reader as childhood friends and more

thought about all of this while thinking about how caleb would be the perfect best friend slash boyfriend, and it made me go "shibal my life"

• you've known caleb and mc since they were kids. you're their childhood friend, and you three have always been stuck to the hip together. you know about mc's dream of being a hunter and caleb's dream of being a daa pilot, while they know about your dream to open a sweets café of your own.

• you're the type to always act tough around them, even as a kid because even then—you never want to be a bother and most of the time, the attention goes to mc since she's the one who gets in more trouble and cries a lot more, and with that fact, you never want to hold too much of caleb's attention.

• but somehow he always sees right through you.

• he takes care of mc, and even though you live in a completely different house, he makes sure to take care of you too, never wanting to make you feel neglected or anything.

• like when you're feeling down, he's ready to be your listening ear or if you need a hug. or that time when you had your first period, he was the first person outside of your parents to figure it out, and he made you a self-care basket with the things you need: pads, tampons, chocolates, two tapes he made filled with your favorite songs and songs that he thought suited you, a small plushie, and a handwritten letter of how it's all gonna be okay—because he could tell how anxious you were about it.

• he doesn't change even when you grow up and when mc spreads her wings as well.

• you attend culinary school around the same time mc starts to attend hunter's academy, so caleb has to deal with two goodbyes.

• you try your best to act okay, even though you're nervous as hell, because you want caleb to focus on mc's nerves more since she's clearly as equally anxious as you—but caleb, fond and exasperated, tells you to stop being so selfless and that he genuinely wants to be there for you too, if you allow him to.

• on your last day before you had to travel to the culinary school, you message caleb that you don't feel okay because you're scared about failing and even worried about not making friends at the academy. he ends up sneaking you out of your home to have a late night walk at the park you used to hang out as kids together with mc and listened to everything you've been holding back. then he gave you a hug and told you again that it'll be okay and that you shouldn't underestimate yourself, considering you already have a foundation (as you've baked for him and mc more times than you both can count).

• that was the first time that you also secretly acknowledge the feelings you hold for caleb and make a promise to yourself to never say anything about it in case him and mc gets together.

• that was also the first time caleb gives you an imperceptible expression before he smiles bittersweetly and walks you back home.

• culinary classes pass, and of course, you do well. you're studying in a different city, so you can only communicate with mc and caleb virtually and get updates from them and their lives through pictures/videos/messages (mc became a hunter and caleb became a daa pilot). but caleb also makes sure to voice or video call you every now and then.

• (you once told him that he doesn't need to do it if he's so busy, and he just laughs it off, telling you that he misses your voice and face so of course he wants to do these things with you and then teasing you and asking you if you don't miss his.)

• (you shyly whisper that you do miss him, and caleb, who definitely wasn't expecting that, turns red. that was the first time you find out just how flustered he can get—and that he stammers for a bit when it happens.)

• you're on your way home to linkon city when the explosion happens—literally a day after your graduation.

• you were so excited to come home that you've been packing for days before your graduation even happened, and when you got your diploma, all you could think of was showing caleb and telling him that he was right—everthing did turn out okay and how you want to thank him for that night.

• but life said otherwise and instead, you come back home to his death certificate.

• alongside zayne, you're the one who's there for mc, gently scolding her when she throws herself into work and fails to take care of herself.

• which is hypocritical because that's what you do too.

• you open your sweets shop, try not to think about how caleb is not there to tell you how proud he is during your opening day, and throw yourself into stress baking. mc visits your shop every now and then, and you don't fool her—she sees the grief in your eyes, even when you plaster a smile for her—but she doesn't say anything. can't, really. because what you feel—she feels it too.

• you cram all your sadness down your throat, and as a result, you don't get much comfort, but that's okay. you act tough, like you always do. but this time, caleb just isn't there for you. how can he, when he's six feet under the ground?

• when caleb literally comes back from the dead one day, you're the one to witness his falling out with mc. the friendship between you three becomes strained. you and mc are okay, but clearly, mc and caleb aren't.

• caleb presents himself to you one random night. you're preparing the ingredients in the kitchen at the back of your shop when he enters your sweets shop. you come out, looking distracted, and says that you're closed for the day, assuming that he's just a customer.

• but when you hear his voice... the voice that you thought you'd never get to hear again, saying your name, all you can do is stand there—flour stuck to your cheeks and all—and look at him with your jaw slack open, your face pale and your eyes wide as if you're seeing a ghost.

• caleb makes the first move. he walks up to you and suddenly hugs you tight, as if trying to make his body melt into yours, and his unusual desperation makes you hug him back just as tightly. he didn't cry during his reunion with mc, but he does when he hears you sob into his chest and croak out, "where have you been? am i dreaming? is this real?"

• he can count in one hand the number of times he has seen you cry—his stubborn girl who tries to suppress her emotions and act strong—and the fact that he has become one of the reasons why stabs at his heart and makes him feel anguished.

• your relationship with caleb after the reunion is strained but not in the way that you push him away. caleb has been nothing but good to you since you were kids—there's no way in hell that you're gonna do that. you can't turn him away. never, ever.

• you don't push him away. actually, you feel clingier than usual to him, because you still can't believe he's really alive and you're terrified that you're gonna wake up and this was all gonna be a horrible dream—but you restrain yourself, and that's why you behave awkwardly around him.

• he can tell, but he's equally terrified of scaring you off, so instead of coming to you like he usually does, he puts distance between you two the same way he has done with mc. he's scared to overstep.

• this is his truth: he doesn't know if he has a place in your or mc's life anymore.

• at first, the distance hurts, and you think that caleb has changed because of it, but you can instantly tell how it's destroying him too during his infrequent visits to your shop. just like how he came back to your life on a random night, you also break in front of him on a random day.

• it was when he's visiting you at the shop, and you tell him to stay until closing time. after you close up the shop with his help and after you've both sat down with two mugs of hot chocolate in both your hands that's quickly growing cold, you pour it out to him—your need to cling, your yearning for more of his presence, and the pain that the distance brings you both.

• caleb tearfully opens up to you as well—never feeling like he has to hide things in front of you after you've been so honest with him. his colonel duties, the things he suffered through, how he can't tell you everything for your and mc's safety, and how the distance he tried to put up is so hard.

• he tells you that he needs you to cling. needs to feel like he's still allowed to be a part of your life. and even though grief still hangs over you both like a rainy cloud, it becomes easier to breathe after that.

• his visits becomes infrequent into frequent after that night.

• these days, you, mc, and caleb don't hang out together anymore. it's always you and mc or you and caleb, since their relationship seems to still be strained and cold. and maybe it's selfish of you, but you want to bask in it just a little more since it feels wonderful to not feel like you have to shrink yourself so that caleb can focus more on mc.

• but of course, things can't stay like that forever.

• your relationship with caleb inevitably shifts a couple of months after your reunion. one day, he texted you that he'll visit you when you're closing up because he has something to tell you. you text him back that you're trying out a new pastry recipe, but he's welcome to still come over since you can multitask.

• caleb is uncharacteristically nervous that evening. he nearly trips when he enters your shop at the back, and he tries to help you with your recipe but almost messes it up instead—so you softly scold him and make him sit on one of the stools while he looks like a kicked puppy.

• you can't resist him when he gets like that, so you ask him if he's okay.

• and he just blurts it out.

• "i love you. i can't hide it anymore. i love you more than you realize. please tell me that i'm not the only one who feels it too."

• you drop your mixing bowl, and you look at him with pure shock. the first sensation that you feel is how fast your heart starts to race and the hope welling in your chest—but your brain is your biggest enemy, and it all turns to hurt. you tell him that he can't mean that.

• that what he's feeling is actually loneliness because his relationship with mc is still strained, so he's mistaking it for love since you're the one by his side.

• that in reality, if the fallout with mc hasn't happened, he'd be confessing to her.

• you don't miss the hurt that crosses caleb's expression, and you feel like the biggest jerk in the entire universe. the way he looks at you as if you grew two heads also makes you feel self-conscious, and you're genuinely confused when he asks what the hell are you talking about.

• you tell him about how you've always thought that him and mc should obviously be together and you've thought like that even since back then, and his reaction is genuinely just: "???" and "but why should i be together with her, though?"

• you don't know how to answer that, but you stammer through it, telling him that he has always been there for her and that he loves taking care of her and it's obvious that he secretly harbors feelings. his answer? "yeah, but won't you do that for your family? take care of them that way? i did it all for gran too. it doesn't mean i have romantic feelings for mc."

• you end up feeling so embarrassed about mistaking his love and care like that, so you're just speechless and blinking at him repeatedly, not really knowing what to say. caleb doesn't let you stew in your humiliation for too long though, walking up to you and wiping the flour off your cheeks as he tenderly cups your face. he gently asks, "well, how about you? how do you feel about me, pretty?"

• you squeak, you try to cover your face, but caleb won't let you. your face turns pink, and it takes everything in you to remain the eye contact, but you do confess that you love him too. that you've loved him for a long, long time.

• his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and then he continues, "yeah, i know. it feels good to hear it, though. i've known you loved me even before you went to culinary school. i actually wanted to confess, but that night... you looked hesitant about something, so i didn't say anything. i should've known that you've just been worrying your pretty little head about the wrong things. i was waiting for you, but i should've known to make the first move right away. you've always been such a little lamb. silly girl, i've only had my eyes on you."

• his tender treatment of you makes your heart soar, and for the rest of that night, you cling to each other. literally. while you're cleaning up your mess, giving up on the new recipe for another time because you're in dire need of cuddles and to spend more time with him without distractions, he has his arms around your back. it's hard to move that way, but who doesn't want a clingy, puppy-like colonel? he wants you close, and you do too towards him.

• that night, you bring him to your apartment and you spend the entire time, holding each other and catching up with everything. there's tears, but more importantly, there's love.

• you also end up being the healing factor for mc and caleb's friendship. instead of "you and mc" or "you and caleb", you make sure to also set time aside to hang out together again. of course, the first time was completely awkward, and you feel like your apartment has been frozen cold with how much tension there is, because mc is like, "what the hell, why is he here?" while glaring at caleb, but then you admit that you're dating him now, and that actually breaks the tension.

• mc gasps, and she momentarily forgets about her anger to tell you: really? finally! he's been moaning about you even back then when you were still studying! i swear i was close to throttling him to do something about it. i'm happy for you two.

• you look at caleb questioningly, and he just squeezes your hand, beams, and says, "mhm, my girlfriend's just the best, i can't not talk about you."

• after that, you help caleb and mc talk it out, finding out that mc is angry because he put you both through so much grief, and caleb genuinely apologizes, telling her that it may not be much but his disappearance had been something that he didn't want to do as well. you tremble when his death gets brought up again, but this time, caleb is there to hold you, snaking an arm around your waist and pulling you close until you're nearly on his lap.

• after the heavy talk, mc takes mercy and decides to just enjoy the rest of the hangout, stepping away to order takeout.

• while she's talking on the phone, caleb holds you a little tighter and whispers into your ear: "you're really the best, you know? i don't think you realize how much impact you have in me and her life. even back then, you've always been there for us, taking care of us in your own ways. i love you, honey."

• you tear up and sniffle, the sudden lump in your throat making it hard to speak, but caleb knows you, and he knows that your gaze says what he needs to know: "i love you too."

i promise i see y'all's requests in my inbox, i'll start writing them soon. i'm just feeling very burned out while playing lads 😔

[fromthebeehives]

yes i agree w everything you said 😭😭 it's just that im personally more of a crybaby than a brat lol so id just be more of a simp w a fragile sticker on but i do get what you mean!! the example you gave is exactly what i just hate, hate, hATE the most too and w/o a proper apology for caleb and they make him apologize instead like- no no noooo. just no. knowing him, he'd actually apologize bc he can already think so badly of himself and i don't like that 😭😭 so tysvm for the validation (for us and for caleb) 🥹❤️❤️

you're welcome! :D dw, i'm definitely going to continue writing more soft and loving non mc reader because it's a personal fave! (and i itch daily to give caleb everything he deserves) ❤️