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[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*stroking my device screen with the tenderness of brushing the cheek of a lover returned from the war*

[jaguarguard]

I- okay but- but screens are solid? Cheeks are not? Last time I checked???

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I love this website I can make the most normal possible post and still get replies from alternate realities. what are cheeks made out of in your world plasma?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the wifi came back on

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

what you've never patted your laptop affectionately after a reboot fixed the Issue? never hugged your phone in relief that the screen survived a fall uncracked? never held a tablet to your quivering bosom bc the fic was just that good? puh-lease

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the foreboding sense of doom? oh yeah i know that one. just double check you have your wallet, keys and some chapstick, works every time

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

was expecting to reblog this with a tongue-in-cheek reply to the many people saying "this didn't fix me :(" but somehow not a single person in the notes is disagreeing. everyone's just nodding their heads thoughtfully bc yeah that's how you deal with the Foreboding Sense Of Doom, that's good protocol

[tachyon-at-rest]

Do the Doorway Macarena: pat yourself down repeatedly to the tune of your panicking soul.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

DOORWAY MACARENA

[snazzy-hats-and-adhd]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ghosts who are trying to warn you. ghosts who are a cautionary tale. ghosts who see you walking into the maw that chewed them to bits, and try to divert you, try to make you understand. ghosts who are trying to tell you something, who are begging you not to end up like them, an unliving prophecy begging not to be self-fulfilled

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*sighs* ok fine i hear u tumblr. ghosts who want to seduce you sexually

[kawaoneechan]

🎵 Nut busters! 🚫

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the way i pander to my fucking audience

[mokandan]

gaud, i would like you to know that migrating from pinterest to here and seeing you active is like reading an ancient scroll about a terrible horror and then seeing said terrible horror at the coffeeshop next morning

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

it is so so SO important that you envision the Terrible Horror at the coffee shop thusly: bleary-eyed, hoodie & headphones, avoiding eye contact, huddled over a laptop in the corner hissing in fear at approaching baristas

[homunculus-argument]

I know I'm not the first person to observe this, but banishment is a hell of a funny punishment. I now sentence you to fuck off. I don't care where, just get out of my sight. Go on. Git.

[redstonedust]

i think being proud of where you come from is one of those things that becomes fun the more specific you get. like "proud to be english" bad rancid vibes. makes you sound like the kind of person who rants about immigrants. "proud to be from yorkshire" better vibes. i cannot deny the yorkshire cultural heritage. "proud to be from pocklington" absolutely fucking hilarious please never let anybody kill your pocklington pride.

[twoblogger]

It kind of fucks with me that somebody killed ötzi the iceman because ötzi himself is like whatever but the silent presence of human hands that drew back the string of the bow that shot the arrow that killed him is crazy. the idea that there were various people involved in that situation and while one of them has had his last hours painstakingly reconstructed and studied to no end, the others now only exist insofar that an arrowhead had to get into his shoulder somehow. imagine killing someone and then suddenly your entire existence is only a vague shadow implied by the fact that you killed them. much to consider

[twoblogger]

Testing the mummified bone marrow of ötzi to figure out his ancestry whole time there’s definitely another person, maybe more than one, standing in the room with us but I can never see or speak to them because I only know them through the assurance that they were there too in the form of one single arrowhead. I hate prehistory so much it’s unreal

[angel-derangement]

I hate it too tbh

[homunculus-argument]

I was raised on the strict principle that the driver only drives. Shotgun seat is a duty, not a privilege. Second seat is the first passenger, the second in command. Shotgun does everything that the driver needs done. Driver wants water, shotgun hands them the water bottle, already opened, and closes it after the driver has had their drink. Shotgun manages the navigator, googles things that popped into the driver's head and wants to look up real quick. Reads the driver's incoming texts and texts back as the driver dictates - upon the driver's request. Driver only drivers. If your ass itches you don't take your hands off the fucking wheel, the secondant scratches it for you.

Then you sit down in the car of someone who's an excellent never-had-a-crash driver and watch in horror as they go 80 kmh on a curving forest road, opening a water bottle one-handed while applying lip balm with the other, changing music by pecking their phone's touch screen with the tip of their nose like a bird, all the while steering with their left ass cheek, and you feel your soul leave your body just in case your body is also gonna leave the car after it, through the windshield, in the near foreseeable future.

[wifelong]

I would love to have a reliable shotgun, unfortunately if I ask somebody to change the music they refuse, and if I ask them to hand me the water they do such a bad job that I have to take my eyes off the road to grab it, so it's just better that I already know where everything is and don't have to look

[homunculus-argument]

I think that entitles you to crash hard enough on purpose to kill you both.

[hottestroadkill]

i think chris flemings is one of the only comedians thats going to get into heaven

[guerrillatech]

[sodium-ion]

Sourdough starter, we’ve discussed this

[draconym]

do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare

[draconym]

if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.

[merlinmay]

I like it when people commit to the bit

[teaboot]

Highly unlikely to be of use but I want a card I can carry in my wallet that says “If I Die First In A Traumatic Survival Scenario I Want You To Know I’m Okay With You Cannibalizing Me, It’s Fine, Don’t Be Weird And Guilty About it”. And then on the back there could be like. A list of recipes n shit

[teaboot]

To be clear, I don’t WANT to be cannibalized. It’s not my personal preference. It’s just that if I beef it out in the open somewhere and some poor starving fuck has to have a crisis of ethics over using the protein or dying in a hole, I’d want to some way to let them know my dead ass is rooting for them

[teaboot]

New Hot Take: I Think An Organ Donor Card Counts In A Pinch, Actually

[fipindustries]

the problem is that a lot of people think that the evil of eugenics is "playing with forces of nature man was not meant to meddle with" and not the whole cohercion and killing and mutilation of people

[tpwrtrmnky]

researchers: this condition is underdiagnosed advocacy groups: we'll spread knowledge that it's underdiagnosed healthcare workers: some of us will use expanded diagnostic criteria now patients: wow we finally know what's up

tabloids: the condition is mysteriously spreading. this is DANGEROUS.

[scramratz]

A big issue with online queer discourse is you never know what queer level your opponent is. You could be arguing about he/him lesbians with someone who thinks men can’t be bisexual

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

"Just because I'm right, doesn't mean I'm being helpful" is a vastly underrated thought process that I strongly encourage others to get comfortable with

[critters-daily]

Uropyia meticulodina

A species of moth found in Taiwan, Japan and parts of China. Resembles a dead leaf when resting.