Every time I see this Discourse I hate to get involved but it’s really not okay so in case nobody has told you: there is no such thing as a “bi lesbian” or a “bisexual lesbian.” The concept is extremely lesbophobic and biphobic and plays off both lesbophobic and biphobic myths.
Lesbians are not bi, and they are not attracted to men. “But historically lesbian meant any woman who loved women!” Because historically lesbianism was behavior, not a sexuality. The word doesnt mean that anymore. Lesbian is not an umbrella term, it is a specific identity that refers to women/women aligned people who exclusively love other women/women aligned people. We do not need to validate the myth that lesbians can be or are secretly attracted to men. The myth that lesbians can “find the right man” or “are secretly curious” are dangerous myths that are responsible for a lot of lesbophobic violence like homophobic rape and other forms of sexual assault against lesbians.
Likewise, bi women are not lesbians, and calling them lesbians is a form of bi erasure, which enables biphobic violence against bi women. Bisexuality is a complete, diverse label all on it’s own that does not need to be “augmented” with another label. The myth that bisexuals are “really just gay or straight” is exactly that - a myth, and implying that a bi woman has “chosen a side” by choosing to exclusively be with women is biphobic and erases her bisexual identity. This kind of biphobia has real world consequences that hurt bi women in and outside of relationships! Bisexuality is it’s own complete identity, not an “offshoot” of lesbianism or a type of lesbianism. Bisexual is a label that describes a wide variety of experiences, and that’s one of the reasons bisexuality is so amazing! But one of the experiences bisexuality doesnt describe is lesbianism, because the definitions of bi and lesbian are mutually exclusive. And that’s okay! They dont have to be the same! We dont need multiple labels for the same thing! And we already have words to encompass bi and lesbian women like sapphic and wlw.
It’s okay if you arent sure yet if you are bi or a lesbian. Thats an experience lots of wlw have! And you dont have to have it figured out right now, or ever. If you dont know if you are bi or lesbian and want to describe yourself as just sapphic, a wlw, or even reclaim queer as an identity for yourself, that’s all fine! Labels arent meant to make you feel like you have to shoehorn yourself into something, they’re meant to help you find other people you can relate to who have shared experiences. And among all that, theres just no such thing as a bisexual lesbian. You can be a bi woman who has decided to exclusively pursue women, which is totally valid, or a lesbian struggling with compulsory heterosexuality, which is totally valid, but you cannot be both. You can feel like you might be one of those and then feel like maybe later you are the other! And if you feel your sexuality has changed or your understanding of it has changed that’s fine too. You are allowed to change your label as you grow and learn more about yourself. But to call yourself a bisexual lesbian is to disrespect both lesbians and bisexuals by ignoring our chosen definitions of our words and to proliferate lesbophobic and biphobic myths that hurt all of us. It’s okay to be confused, and it’s okay to change your label! But recognize that labels you choose have meanings and that you cant be everything all at once.
prguitarman
romaincrisis
theartofmadeline
2087
vaporwave
