i'll make a better intro post later but as i'm setting things up, hi! hello! i'm ceres! 20 year old trans guy here, way too into hannibal & the pitt but i also enjoy iwtv (multishipper but especially devil's minion), moon knight, in stars and time and other blorbos. i enjoy writing fanfiction, doodling, coming up with aus i don't have the executive functioning to write, and oversharing. free palestine!!
this is an 18+ account. bigots, terfs, zionists DNI.
(also feel free to block the tag “#vent post” to not see my vents!!)
It's important to have at least two blorbos that fit into specific roles in your life
The blorbo you can look to in hard times, and ask yourself what they would do in a situation, and draw motivation from them on how to be better and stronger!
The blorbo you can look to in hard times, and remind yourself that no matter what happens, you probably aren't going to fuck your shit up as much as they did even if you actively tried
the trick is to make enough good posts that the goodposters who follow you suspect that you might return to goodposting some day, and make enough bad posts that the badposters who follow you know youre forever one of them
Summary: After Hannibal leaves, Will is left to cope on his own, thinking he would never come back
Tags: hurt/comfort, angst, bad coping, bad communication
~
Part 2/2 (Part 1/2 here)
When Hannibal opened the front door, the staggering silence felt like a bad omen. For a second, before adjusting his gaze to the dim light, he feared Will might have packed his bags and left for good, right after exiling him from their home.
Their home.
The thought vanished when his gaze fell on a silhouette laying still on the floor, just like a dead body.
Hannibal knelt next to him and quickly placed to fingers on his neck, right on the faintly defined artery. When he felt his pulse, tiny beats filled with life, relief flooded his muscles and he felt himself relax. The next thing he picked up was the stale whiskey scent.
His hand caressed Will's cheek lovingly.
"Will," he called his name softly, "Will, are you with me, my love?"
Will didn't seem to respond. Hannibal did the next logical thing he could think of and lifted him up, just like he did that night, years ago, when he had carried Will through snow, far from the Verger estate.
Right before Will had told him that he never wanted to see him again or think about him anymore.
A very similar declaration to what had been said earlier that night. He stared at Will's peaceful face as he carried him to their bedroom. So vulnerable.
Leave.
"I'm afraid you will have to put up with me a little bit longer," Hannibal said after laying him on his side of the bed. "I refuse to leave."
He tried to banish the memories of that night in one of the forgotten rooms of his memory palace. He and Will would never part ways that way again.
He would never let Will reject him again. Especially after they had fought the dragon together. Especially when Will's bloodlust was coming to the surface and needed Hannibal's guidance. Especially when their feelings for each other were slowly and beautifully blooming like snowdrops through the blizzard in March.
Hannibal sat on the wooden floor, resting his back against the bed, right next to where Will was laying unconsciously. He wouldn't move an inch from there.
For what felt like an eternity, Will hardly made any movement other than breathing heavily at times. He would have to deal with the worst hangover in his life, Hannibal thought.
He smiled. He would be there. He would even hold his head while throwing up if that was the case. He would brush away his sweaty curls that would stick to his forehead.
When Will started murmuring something unintelligible, Hannibal got up and climbed on the other side of the bed, getting closer to him.
"Will?"
His hand was on his forehead, more like a gesture of affection than a medical one. Will made the biggest effort to open his eyes. After spotting Hannibal his lids shut again.
"You're here."
"Where else would I be?"
"Killing spree," he murmured, "Aspirin."
"I was indeed close to raising hell in the village," he confessed as he grabbed a pill container from his nightstand and helped Will sit up. His arm rested on the small of his back protectively.
"Because I got mad?"
"Because you told me to leave."
Will swallowed the pill and leaned back against the bedframe. Hannibal didn't remove his arms and gave him a quick reassuring squeeze.
"I told you to leave because you wouldn't listen. I only tried to stop you because I didn't want you to die. I wanted you to come back home. To me."
Hannibal remained quiet as Will's words sank in.
"You had never mentioned that once during our argument. Funnily enough, it might have been the only type of reasoning that would have stopped me."
"I don't..." Will sighed, "I don't know how to say certain things without sounding pathetic. And I didn't want you to feel like I am underestimating you. It might have as well worked as reverse psychology and you would have left only to prove me you would come back."
"While that is indeed in my character," Hannibal admitted slightly amused, "Your anxiety, especially after what we've been through is not something I want to abuse right now. No, not your anxiety - your fear of being left alone. Do you know why that is, Will?"
"I'm in an alcoholic coma as we are talking, that better be a rhetorical question."
"Because I share the exact same fear. When I returned I was afraid you had made up your mind to leave."
Will huffed. "That's stupid."
"Getting black-out drunk is for sure a less stupid alternative."
"I really believed you would die on your own and never return."
"I promise that that will never be the case. Come here." He said and guided Will into nestling against his body.
"There is a chance I will puke on you," Will warned him but complied and rested his head on Hannibal's chest, with his arm still wrapped around his middle.
"I have mentally prepared myself for that while you were in a state of unconsciousness," he said and kissed the top of Will's head. "Ah. This might swell."
"What?"
"You got yourself a gorgeous bump, probably as a consequence of you falling. Some ice should be in order."
"Don't you dare move. I want to go back to sleep."
"You need to hydrate yourself."
"I did while you were gone."
"Whiskey does not count."
"It's your fault for that. I had to cope somehow."
"We certainly need to go over mindfulness techniques."
"Or you can just listen to me when I tell you not to do things."
"What's the beauty in that?"
"Fuck off."
"I love you."
Short. Simple. Genuine.
Will's eyes were suddenly opened. He didn't move. He didn't dare to look at him nor did he have the energy to lift his head.
"My cognitive functions might not be in great shape but you have never said that to me before, have you?"
"No, I have not. But I have felt and thought about it for a long time. That much you know."
"I do," Will approved as he made himself more comfortable against him. "I love you too. If you ever put me through that again, I swear that I won't be the one laying lifelessly on the floor."
"A challenge," Hannibal said enthusiastically, especially after Will had reciprocated his love. "I am intrigued."
"You have no idea."
"I am messing with you. I shouldn't. You've been through enough tonight. Let me take care of you, at least."
i know rocky still technically got to play with the measuring tape in the movie but the way it happened in the book always makes me smile when I read it. :]
One day Dennis realized how good life became. He's sitting on one side of Trinity and his couch, they both carried it from the curb, it's shared, and he's got his favorite ice cream in his lap, spooning it straight from the tub, hair pushed back off his forehead with a fluffy headband, face mask on, fuzzy socks and women's pajama pants keeping him warm and a simple red tank top to cover him.
He realized that he never even had to tell Trinity. She just knew. She just accepted him and this was his normal. He didn't ever worry, didn't have to stress, they were watching their episode of Drag Race and eating ice cream and doing face masks after eating takeout and having wine. Dennis smiled and looked over at his best friend, her own outfit nearly mirroring his own but she preferred pajama shorts.
"How did you know?" Dennis asked as he looked at her. Trinity turned, spoon popping out of her mouth.
"Know what?" Trinity asked, looking at how stupidly glowy Dennis's arms were. She did not tan like that.
"How did you know I was a girl? I never even told you." Dennis said with a smile and watched as Trinity blinked and swallowed her ice cream.
"What are you talking about?" Trinity asked confused. Dennis giggled and motioned with his spoon to his body, his outfit, everything about himself.
"I know I never told anyone or anything, or really changed anything, but how did you just know I was a girl. You give me your hand-me-downs and treat me, ya know, like one of the girls. I just want you to know I really appreciate it." Dennis said sincerely and went back to looking at the TV. Trinity paused it and turned to really look at her roommate.
"Den, I treat you like a friend. I- Are you coming out to me right now?" Trinity questioned incredulously. Dennis was shocked and turned to really look at her, waving his hand out.
"What do you mean? I thought you knew!" Dennis said and froze, both of them staring at each other in confusion before Trinity leaned in, hand grabbing one of Dennis's.
"Are you really like... a girl? I'm being so serious right now, Den. Are you..." Trinity cocked her head, not wanting to offer the wrong word. Dennis blinked at her, looking between their hands and her face. Her mask was purple which made her eyes really sparkle.
"I... I thought you knew. I dunno intuition or something since you just... you always treated me like a girl so I thought you knew. I just... I dunno I'm just a girl. Like right now and when I'm at work and when I'm at the store. I just... feel like one." Dennis tried to explain. He couldn't try and get the words out, wearing Trinity's sweatpants, buying women's scrubs, his socks, the products in his hair, he couldn't start to explain the thousands of choices he's made that make him a girl.
"Shit... Do you wanna go by something else? Want me to use different pronouns?" Trinity asked and sat back in her own couch spot. Dennis shook his head and drew his knees up, poking at his ice cream.
"Not really. Names, words, none of that ever made me feel like a man so I doubt they'd make me feel like more of a girl. I just... I don't wanna get on hormones or anything. I'm just a girl." Dennis said quietly and glanced at Trinity to see how she'd react.
"Alright well... I guess we're just two butch bitches in an apartment." Trinity said and Dennis cracked up laughing, throwing them both into a fit of laughter because God... they were a wreck.
Trinity starts teaching Dennis how to actually understand women's cloth sizes and takes him to the mall with her to window shop and buy "fancy" underwear. Dennis turns cherry red when Trinity brings him into Victoria secret to look at "slutty bras to wear to the bar".
Dennis didn't know he was getting dragged into the deep end.
