Won’t getoverit

Tryingtofinpeace

[fuckeditup31]

Lost in woods

[fuckeditup31]

Seems sad to be waiting for a specific hour to get half of my salary ,

And transfer it to the most important person in my whole life.

I won’t see her again,

I won’t contact her again.

But I know deep in my im doing something to help recover her life.

I was doing a little better but it’s been already 2 days without eating,,,

Im on diabetic meds but my brain and body can’t make it again.

I’m on 67...

No family (away)

Few friends (away)

Completely alone.

How life happened this way??

Will never get over it.

I can only love her by memory.

[fuckeditup31]

And sometimes I find the courage to drive,

Go somewhere and they ask about you...

I only start crying.

[stay-close]

I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt but I was wrong.

— Haruki Murakami

[fuckeditup31]

I got drunk of success,

Got into depression,

Hurt her,

And she left.

I will never get over it.

Ever

[fuckeditup31]

Sunday 7 am.

The Corona/ shit in these part of the world finally seems to be better even though we got a great wave.

Life seems to be normal for everyone,

It’s Sunday AM, today I do not have to work.

So what I’m supposed to do? Where are the instructions for life?

Gardening? Bikes? Or be depressed in all of them.

I find you are gone everyday,

And honestly, it’s the worst feeling ever.

[fuckeditup31]

Life doesn’t come with like a USERS MANUAL or something like that????

Had the very best, was great, tons of work, but a “dream life”

Ended up in on the endless sadness ever only with the “dream”.

Sunday morning mood.

[adrunkemindrecovering]

Nights like tonight creep in and make it harder. Sometimes I just have a moment where I miss certain people, certain things, the way life used to be. I've been divorced for 4 years now and sometimes it still just hits me like a ton of bricks. To be fair of those 4 years I've been divorced I was drunk for all but the last 4 months of. I was drunk the year we were married. I was drunk before we got married. It's been a long road. However, she made life okay even when I was sober. She was everything I ever thought I wanted in a wife, she was things I had no idea I needed. So I'm learning to deal with our divorce all over again. It's been like starting over. It was almost like waking up from a bender only to realize she was gone. I've been doing better, I can talk about her without feeling like I can't breathe. I can see her picture and not panic and cry a little. I can live without her, but sometimes she still sneaks up on me. Losing her creeps in when I don't expect it and it hurts for awhile. When it hurts is when I want to drink the most, it's my go to pain killer. It's what gets me through emotions. But now I just have to feel it and feel the urge at the same time. But I need to do this, I want to do this. I want to be somebody she never thought I could be, I want to be somebody she can be proud of even if she never thinks of me. It's just what helps.

[fuckeditup31]

Sadly brilliant...

[fuckeditup31]

In the hotels, in the cafes

All the world was made with romance

In the harbor moonlit water

All the ships were swaying in a dance

Then you held me and you kissed me

And I knew I had to be with…

La Luna.....

Terrible pic,

Even worse writter...

[fuckeditup31]

Just a thought came today from one of my favorite movies as a reminder of my endless flights just to see you 30 mins....

12 years on a plane,,, wish you the very best....

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.

Love actually.

[fuckeditup31]

Torn,

Just torn,,

Everyday i keep falling on my face,

And I stand up only to imagine you are happy and safe,

Selling, saving everything just to keep helping recover your life,,

That’s the only thing that keeps me alive.

It’s sad.

[fuckeditup31]

I try so hard,

Where is my limit,

How do I deal with this,

Im completely lost,,,

I think i will never stop loving her,,

Never

[fuckeditup31]

When you finally understand mistakes in life are way to expensive,

It’s too late to fix anything,

Sadness

[fuckeditup31]

Once done,

I will probably leave.

[fuckeditup31]

Time doesn’t fix a shit,

I feel smaller and sadder everyday.

Life happened,,,

[fuckeditup31]

I’ll never get tired of finding new ways to disappoint myself.

[fuckeditup31]

Girl at the bank: you have to close that chapter,

Look how she looks at you... you should ask her out...

How long is it going to take you to move on.

ME: already 13 years.....