Fumbled @fumbledd-blog-blog - Tumblr Blog

Snacks

I used to hate pickles. When you ate them alone because they’re "good”, it grossed me out. Now I snack on pickles. I used to hate pickles.

#breakup

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I just came across your One Man Guy video clip and I wanted to let you know how well put together and how seemingly accurate it was! Really loved it! :)

Thanks!!! I really had a lot of fun with it and am proud of how it turned out! :)

When I close my eyes

I see silhouettes of palm trees. The sky is volcano red.

#eyes

Not me

It's not the cancer that makes you feel bad. It's you're whole body. It's the little things. The constipation, and then the opposite. And my nails are black. I don't sleep. I'm anemic and I'm doing everything I can do.

It's stage four. I didn't want to know how many stages there were. I don't need to know. They asked me if I wanted to start the treatment after Thanksgiving and I said 'No!' It multiplies its number: 2, 4, 16, 256. Every day, every minute. I don't want to wait. After the bone marrow we found out it was eighty percent white blood cells. Eighty percent. In my body.

Thank you Joseph. Thank you for staying. I know it must be horrible to be stuck in this prison and watch your Mom be sick. I'm sorry.

I talk a lot. What were we talking about? How did we get to this? Oh yes, tomorrow.

The appointment's at 10:30am.

#Cancer

Muddled

Biting my tongue.

I'm used to how things used to be. It's hard to change.

I'll go for a jog and run these thoughts out.

#Oscars #Oscars 2015 #Birdman #Oscarssowhite #Sean Penn #Comedy #Statement

Confession

As much as it scares me to fall in love with someone who won't or can't love me back, it scares me more that I might have that power to do that to someone else.

Love is a scary thing. It feels intangible.

#love #writing #life #fear

I love this song so much.

Stoked to back her kickstarter:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/julianunes/julia-nunes-feelings-new-album

#redshift #julianunes #music #repeat

Valentine's Plans

Oh yeah! I got plans for V day. It's going to be *Muah* fantastic. What? Sure, I'll fill you in:

There's this file I have in my computer and it's full of pictures. And they're all of my exes. Discographies, if you will. Once I pop that bad boy up on a slide show, I'm going to open up never-cheating or constricting or dream killing Spotify and press play on that Adele playlist I've been saving. No tangible goal to this really. I'm just going to sit and imagine what my life could have been like.

I forgot about the food. I have to eat a lot of food. A LOT of it. Usually I just pick one fast food joint and that's where I'll stock up for breakfast, brunch, lunch, early dinner, dinner, and desert.

Alcohol is a big part of the day too. I get enough alcohol to get wasted enough to were I can't possibly erect my penis. (This is a very important step. My penis cannot be physically able to rise or hardened.) Once I've reached that peek of drunk, I masturbate. I pull my flabby weiner repeatedly. This will cause me to break down in tears, and with luck (God willing) I'll fall asleep from the exhaustion of crying. With everything timed correctly, which it will be, my Adele playlist will continue through till midnight.

And that's why I love Valentine's day.

#Valentine #Valentine's Day #Love #writing #Excited!

Edited, fed, and dead.

I finished editing my weeks worth in a day! I love it. I love it... I'm lying. I hate my horrible habits. Somebody kill them for me. Faithful sleep, I'm coming for you.

Dreaming

I had this dream.

I'm driving a motorcycle. I get to a place. Not my place, just a place. The front wheel is flat. I didn't feel it, but it's there.

"You need help?" I was familiar with the voice, but couldn't put a face to it.

"No, I just need to get the tire fixed."

"It looks like you need help."

"Listen, I drove the thing here. I can get the tire fixed. It'll be fine."

"Okay, just wanted to help." He shrugged.

"I didn't know you knew how to ride a motorcycle."

"I'm trying new things."

I woke up exhausted. It feels like I've been sleeping for days.

#writing #dream logs