i was recently reminded of this woman i saw on tiktok sometime in this last year or so who was talking about how she had heard from other trans women how wonderful it is to date trans men, she goes on to express her upset because we’re never interested in her, and she asks where are the trans men who want to date the dolls. her comments were flooded with hundreds of trans men talking about how much they adore trans women and love to date trans women. she makes a follow up video. she says you misunderstand me, i am looking for a real man. all of you are nice but you’re all too feminine. where are the trans men who look like real men.
and yet she wonders why we have no interest in her, it must be because trans men don’t want to date trans women, the fault must be with us. the concept that it could be because of her doesn’t even cross her mind.
she was not asking for trans men who love trans women, she was asking for a completely cis passing, patriarchal man, who happened to share transsexuality with her.
and this thought has bumped into another thought in my head, about these trans women who say they are simply women asking for support from the men in their community. a deeply understandable request that i see trans men meet with joy on the regular, gusto even. and yet, they look around and go, no trans man is supporting us, no trans man is supporting me. and i’ve stopped in my tracks in this moment because, support isn’t whats being asked, is it. that’s why the support given is dismissed entirely. what’s being really asked for is worship. it’s servitude. and anything less is seen as a failure at our social duties of chivalry. a failure of our manhood. a failure to uphold our side of the patriarchal bargain it has been implicitly assumed we must have agreed to in the first place.
a third thought has been bumped into. the few trans men these women do surround themselves with, are without a doubt, in every instance i have seen, viscously misogynistic towards other trans men and transmasculine people, and deeply benevolently sexist towards trans women. that is what is given the seal of approval. that is what is required. anything less than looking up, anything less than that high pedestal that unconditional worship guarantees will never crack and fall, anything less than feet kissed and sexual favors freely given, anything less than a doormat, a punching bag, a sex toy, is akin to community abandonment to them.
these are not feminists. these are patriarchal trans people who believe that their transsexuality inherently makes the misogynistic structures they partake in progressive and radical. but they are nothing more than dime store lackeys to the patriarchy, and frankly, should be dismissed accordingly.