Fun Fils Days

All I have is a fist full of fils and a dream. How to guide of living in the city of gold on a dirham budget.

[funfilsdays]

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[funfilsdays]

Relationships shouldn’t be hard, but somehow they seem to be.

It’s the digital age where you know for a fact everyone has their phone with them for the most part of the day. It takes a second to drop a message to someone, so when all of a sudden the messages stop or you are being ignored then it just confirmation to you that you aren’t a priority.

Let it go.

When I really care about someone or I’ve invested in them, I tend to fight for the relationship so much that I forget who I am for a minute. The best thing you can do to move forward with or without them is to just let it go.

Be okay with them not being in your life and see the energy shift. They will come back. Most often or not they will come back.

If they don’t you will live. You are back to having a nice relationship with yourself or starting to realize it’s fun to be single. It is actually fun, once you’ve got over the routine, the message checkins, and having someone to plan things with.

Keep busy, read more and stay away from the phone. Go to bed early, wake up early. Go to the gym or for a run. See friends you haven’t seen for awhile. Clean your house, de-clutter (Marie Kondo on Netflix!). It’s all good for your soul.

Make a gratitude journal and include in your list for the day, month and also set goals.

To feel better with myself I do a makeup look, get dressed up and take photos. If I have money I organize a little trip away.

Here are some pictures from my trip to Lagos. I paid the waiter to take my photographs so it’s not my usual style but the hotel is pretty in itself. The hotel has been on my bucket list for awhile now -Blowfish Hotel in Lagos, Nigeria.

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It really is something special.

Dress: Shein

Hotel: Blowfish, Lagos

letting go to bring them back Relationships shouldn't be hard, but somehow they seem to be. It's the digital age where you know for a fact everyone has their phone with them for the most part of the day.

[funfilsdays]

I’ve had the busiest end to 2018 I never made time to make any posts.

It’s good to be busy especially if it’s for yourself. But once you stop your body and mind kind of shuts down. Do you ever get that feeling? I just got back from a three week break and pretty much the entire holiday I was so sick and spent it in bed.

I’m just drained mentally and physically with saying goodbye to a very tough 2018.

2019 should be better though, as frankly it can’t get any worse. In terms of men, this is such a tough one which I’m just leaving up to the universe now. No dating apps, no chasing, no going out.

Have you ever seen the Sex & The City Episode where Charlotte gets so frustrated being single on the dating game as it’s just not her style:  “I’ve been dating since 15. I’m exhausted – WHERE IS HE?”

I felt like that within the last few months. There are always guys but no-one has been man enough to tell the world… she is mine, all mine – I love her, I support her, we have a 5 year plan, I don’t want to be with anyone else…. here is us posting annoying #couplegoals on Instagram.

There has been none of that. For very many years. And I’m tired now. I’m really tired of dating, entertaining people who do not make me a priority, spending energy, time, money on the wrong people. But most importantly I’m not at the right place in my life career wise and its making me disappointed.

I’m not saying I need a man to help me in that area, but it would be really nice to have some sort of moral support and someone who you can move forward with the same goals.

I’m a smart girl with so much passion for life and work and love. It would be nice to have someone to share it with. I think I wrote a little story on my Instagram how I wasn’t proud of how I treated a couple of guys last year. But if you really see no future with someone off the bat… then why force it? Why waste your time? I don’t want to say I ‘ghosted’ them but if you get a feeling something isn’t right, they just don’t do it for you, they’ve said something that annoyed you – any red flag within the first few dates. Seriously why would you waste your time. They can’t guilt me into feeling bad that I would end up going over to their place or seek out their approval. If you aren’t my boyfriend, if we clearly aren’t dating then sorry it won’t go further then this restaurant.

So going forward, where is the man who DOES see a future or at least brings something to the table for the short term to enjoy and move forward together?

If you don’t have anything to bring to the table, I know what I bring to the table, and I’m definitely not afraid to eat alone – But I am getting real tired of cooking, cleaning and preparing alone.

I’ve been dating since I’m 15… I’m exhausted, where is he? I've had the busiest end to 2018 I never made time to make any posts. It's good to be busy especially if it's for yourself.

[funfilsdays]

I’m so frustrated with this. I’ve touched on this subject briefly here, so you most of you single girls will feel my frustration. It just seems to be a never ending story, and I’m trying to be accommodating but there are just some things I can’t settle for –  and lack of making or sticking to plans is one of them.

I was head over heels with someone for the last year, whenever he’s in town his lack of planning is really frustrating. He goes off the radar when we have plans and then gets caught up in doing other things. I’ve tried talking to him and explaining that his actions make me feel like I’m not a priority. I’m always available and free for you yet you can’t even set up a basic plan. Time, day, plan. What makes it worse is he’s only here for a short amount of time each time he’s here. When we are together it’s amazing and when he leaves or just goes ‘MIA’ it’s the coldest shittest feeling ever. I put up with this behaviour because of my feelings for him. But seriously this whole thing gets to me.

When I was dating new people it was one thing that was in my pre-requisite. If you cannot make a simple plan to meet up. Then get out of my messages. Leave me alone to do my thing. A plan can be anything. It does not need to be fancy.

But: ‘Can I come over?’ at anytime after 9pm is NOT a plan. Actually on any first few dates. “Come Over or can I come over” is not a plan.

Plan is: Lets meet for a coffee / walk / beach / dinner / drink / movie / after work/ lunch.

Pretty easy right? I entertained this whole “Can I pass by” shit once alot before but it won’t happen ever again. If you feel I’m not even worth a coffee and hour of your time outside then why should I even write back to you.

I don’t know why Americans seem to be the main offenders at this. One guy we were suppose to go on a date, I checked in on the day – where do you want to meet. He stuffed around a bit in messages so I took the initiative and gave him 3 places close to our area. He replied “Does any of them have Happy Hour”. OMG cringe. I didn’t write back. He then comes back at me by 10pm “sorry i fell asleep”. I said “I didn’t hear from you so I went out with my friends”. Behavior was put in its place from then, he still spoke to me every day and a few weeks later he says his sisters are in town and where I would recommend he take them. I gave him my options, he then said at 2am is it OK I come and meet you and your friends. Ok sure why not lets see what this guy is like in front of other people. He was fine, his sisters were lovely, but he was acting like we would be going home together. Like this was a date. Ah no. This isn’t a date. This is nothing actually. And then calling me at 5am after I left the club “Can I come over” is totally unacceptable and such a turnoff. Mate you have done NOTHING to impress me so far. Nothing. No initiative, no plans, cancelled plans and then expecting an invitation at 5am? Get out of here.

So how to set boundaries with first date plans (this is only if you don’t meet a fantastic guy that makes plans and take initiative!)?

Set some boundaries with days / times you are free

This question from him ‘so when are we meeting’? Important answer here is to act busy. You can’t always be free whenever and say “well I’m free all week”. No you aren’t. Give options of when you are free. And never suggest or make weekend plans with someone you’ve never met. Weekends are for yourself or your friends. Not wasted on guys.

2. Give options that suit you.

For example: places close to your house or close to work and even suggest places you’d like to try out yourself. This means the place is new to both of you and already have something to talk about as soon as you walk in.

3. Check in the day of. Reconfirm with a casual “hey just checking if we are on for today / tonight”. If no reply or late reply – forget it. Make other plans and unless he has a very good excuse about why he bailed on you – Put him back down to irrelevant in your phone list (or even block him if you want to save your energy).

Happy planning 🙂

  Makeup by me, I look a little tired as I had been partying 2 days straight.

Fenty Beauty skin.

Maybelline Eyes with Marc Jacobs Eye Palette.

Sleek Nude Lipstick. MAC Lip Liner brown.

Bodysuit: Namshi

Be a man. Make a plan. I'm so frustrated with this. I've touched on this subject briefly here, so you most of you single girls will feel my frustration.

[funfilsdays]

“Love doesn’t die a natural death. It has to be killed by neglect or narcissism.”

Quite an intense quote isn’t it?

Lately, past loves have been coming back into my life in one form or another.

One of them came up in topic talking with my sisters and they mentioned how much I laughed when I was with him. How much fun it always looked like we were having. I answered, yes because we use to take the piss out of each other. We constantly laughing at each others expense –  Its not the most lovable form of happiness.

He had recently contacted me telling me how great of a girlfriend I was all those years ago but how in the early stages my partying and drinking almost made him leave me.

First of all, I was young. Secondly this was a stupid exaggeration – and something he was always good at – following a compliment with an insult. And thirdly, why you telling me this? Completely irrelevant to life today.

I know I was a good girlfriend because when I’m in a relationship I do the worst mistake – I put their needs before my own. I give it my all because this is what I want to do but also I want them to be happy.  Even if it means giving them money, stop doing things I love to do, helping with their business or their house, come running when they need me, staying up late to spend time with them and so forth. Slowly by slowly, if they ask me or hint at me – I adapt little by little.

And this is why I’ve probably stayed single for so long. I never want to make that mistake again. I want to have fun, I want to go out drinking but with my person, I want to still help them with their life and support them, as long as I can be okay as well (and as a priority). I’m learning slowly and I’m trying to back off guys that I feel start to go down the path of showing traits as a narcissist.

In saying that, I know I can’t change people either. I really want it to work with someone at the moment but it’s making me so tired. I’m a planner – he’s not. I love to keep in contact on the phone, he doesn’t. I try not to get upset or disappointed when I’m left on blue ticks but I can’t help but always go back to to the good times together and so I excuse the shitty behavior. When I don’t feel like a priority it’s a very difficult thing to accept when I myself ALWAYS put him as a priority. And we go back to the quote – Love dies of neglect. It really shouldn’t be this hard.

Don’t change, don’t adapt. Just compromise. Compromise is a two way street.

Makeup: 70’s movie star inspired. All Maybelline Lips & Eyes. Skin: Fenty Beauty

Love doesn’t die. It has to be killed. "Love doesn't die a natural death. It has to be killed by neglect or narcissism." Quite an intense quote isn't it?

[funfilsdays]

All cities have their fair share of weirdos. Lucky for us in Dubai, we have less of the criminal psychotic weirdos and more of the socially awkward weirdos. It’s the city where you can leave your house unlocked at night, but you will be stalked at the mall because you gave eye contact accidentally.

Every girl living here has had stalker stories from the mall stalkers, to restaurants or even at work – most of the time they are harmless but still annoying and unwanted attention. I feel if there was a consultancy firm to help men talk to women it would be doing us all a favor (Hitch of the Middle East). Simple things like don’t follow women into the lingerie section at the mall, or please don’t invite women for ‘private parties’ over Instagram.

Last year I had one online stalker who was harmless but just never ending persistence in the sense of a messaging, responding to stories and so on. Obviously I wasn’t responding but he would still try. After about 6 months of ongoing messaging he figured out the only way to get my attention – SHOES. I posted some photos my friend had taken of me in her Louboutins’. I gave a shout out to her for letting me borrow the shoes.

I don’t buy labels, if you see me in designers it’s because I found them on sale. As much as I love designer labels, I always spend my money on travelling or makeup and less on shoes and bags. This stalker had figured out my weakness – shoes. After not answering his messages over the last few months he got my attention with his actions. “I see you like shoes”. (well no shit) “So I’ve placed a pair of shoes that I think you would like at the Louboutin Store in Dubai Mall. Please go there and pick them up, it’s under my name and number and let me know if you like them”.

Wow, alright Mr Stalker – I bit the bait. I went to the store to just see if he was for real, and sure enough he was. There was the exact pair of heels I had borrowed from my friend, waiting for me to pick up. No questions asked. So he got a response from me, of course I thanked him and he didn’t have to do that as I have a boyfriend and that’s why I don’t respond (I didn’t have a boyfriend). He settled with taking my Snapchat so my ‘boyfriend’ wouldn’t see our texts. He was living in Abu Dhabi so I thought he’d never be in Dubai anyway.

This seems harmless doesn’t it – just giving Snapchat in exchange for a pair of shoes? But all I did was reward his weird behavior. A few weeks more I had hid him from my stories and not responsive on his constant phone harassment. He would add me on different accounts and different numbers. It was becoming a little weird. Little did I know, he had already collected enough details on me to know my: car plate and work address. How? I stupidly snapped a picture of my desk at work with my first and last name and name of my company. From this basic info he could track down the details.  Thankfully I live with my best friend so there is no record of a home address in the system.

One day I was about to travel out to Australia for a few weeks. He knew this day would be last ditch attempt to get to meet me. Throughout the day I was getting stranger then normal text messages from him that he wanted to meet me or send a gift to my office. They sort of became a sense of desperation.

I was driving on my way home from work and stopped at a traffic light, someone hit my car from behind. Not a serious hit, but enough for me to pull over and get out. I had this strange feeling when that happened – a gut instinct something wasn’t right. This wasn’t the type of street that you could have an accident on. I looked in the rear view mirror and noticed it was a Abu Dhabi number plate. I pulled over quickly in a service road and it was then too late for him to pull up behind me so had to stay on the major road next to me. As I got out of the car I got a good look at him – and knew straight away it was him. Loubs Stalker in the flesh. I walked around to the back of my car pretending to look at the damage but what I was really trying to do was quickly get my head together on what to do next. My heart was racing. I was really scared. This guy had purposely hit me so I’d stop and talk to him, or worse find out where I lived. Who knows what he would do next.

I quickly walked back to the car and said ‘no damage it’s ok’, all the while he was staring at me with this look like ‘oh what a coincidence don’t I know you?’. I got back into my car, put the phone on speaker and called my friend to tell her what happened as I drove on.

As I’m talking on the phone, he had pulled over up ahead in order to let me pass and start following me once again. I started shaking. I was terrified. Lucky for me, I know the streets of Dubai – I took a random few turns, a side street and drove up into the Conrad Hotel whereby their valet parking is covered from the street – And all hotels have cameras.

I’d lost him. Spent a hour inside the hotel lobby scared out of my head but I lost him.

I got home, reported all his phone numbers to a police service (because yes every number I blocked he’d call with another one), blocked him from social media, went on private on Instagram.

All for the love of Loubs.

  If the shoe fits… All cities have their fair share of weirdos. Lucky for us in Dubai, we have less of the criminal psychotic weirdos and more of the socially awkward weirdos.

[funfilsdays]

Wait for the one 

After my life turning in different direction this year, I’ve been looking at life and relationships differently. 

I’ve been thanking my lucky stars for never settling down when I was given a chance. If I did, I would have had 5 kids in a small town, never travelled and probably 10 years in have felt suffocated, maybe cheated or fell into depression. Why? Because that high school sweetheart…

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[funfilsdays]

Fake it till you make it, or fake it till you get her. 

I cringe as I write this disaster date story. I’ve put it out of my memory. My friend will know when she read’s it – we called him the ‘glasses guy’. It went on for weeks after the date and she’d say: what – he still not picked up his glasses?! 

Living in Dubai you get the show offs, some of them actually do have a reason to show off and some want so desperately just to look rich. This guy was…

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[funfilsdays]

I believe in ghosting to a point. I am guilty of it. It’s only OK to ghost someone at the very beginning of dating –  if you are just starting conversations, after first date (only if you’ve ended the date without sleeping with them). I believe it’s much kinder to just ghost someone then it is tell them to their face “We’ve got nothing in common. I’m just not into you”. And usually if that’s the case, then feelings are mutual and the two of you can go along on your merry lives being ghosts to each other forever.

However, it’s NOT ok to ghost someone without a reason after the third or fourth date. And it’s absolutely heartbreaking to ghost someone that you’re in a relationship with. This one, I just can’t get my head around. This has happened to me. And when you are involved so serious with someone, Ghosting gives you NO closure at all and makes it impossible to move on. I was ghosted without any reason or excuse. No messages came anymore, no calls, no plans. Nothing. We’d already faded from each others SM. So literally nothing.

It’s heartbreaking, I had future plans with this guy, said I love you, wanted him to meet my family. To be just ghosted is pretty shit, but then again I look at it like this: them ghosting you is just teaching you how to live your life without them in it. Yes its hurtful at first and some sort of closure would have been better to move on faster but I was good before him, I can be good without him. *Knowing full well all ghosts return.

Ghosts that return:

Short terms: you’ve been on a few dates, know they’ve been ghosted or ghosted you yet pop up like there was no time passed “hey how are you, what no invite?”. You are irrelevant do me a favour and forget my number.

Long terms: Ghosted for years on end and only turn up when they see your sexy pictures becoming more frequent. Possibly seen you on Tinder in the same city so it’s confirmed your single.  “hey how are you – remember when *insert some irrelevant story”. Translate: I’m single now and I remember how much fun we use to have, I don’t want to have you as my girlfriend though but i want to see you. NOT TODAY LONG TERM.

Will not lay to rest Ghost: This is where I’ve been the ghost but I’ve given a reason and spoke about why I’m closing this relationship (or start of one) down. Replies to every insta-story, tries to call and setup to meet as ‘friends’. Ok I was trying to be nice but now mate you are just not getting it.

Silent Ghosts: These are annoying – ghosted you, comes back years later when you are obviously hotter, adds you on Instagram and stalks your life without saying hello. Keep stalking loser, see what you missed out on all those years ago.

Serious Ghosts: The ones I mention ghost you when you are in the middle of a serious stage or relationship. Well firstly fuck them. Secondly they return with a full blown excuse; sometimes blaming you, sometimes blaming a situation they were in. All in all don’t fall for it. These are manipulation techniques that keeps you limbo, loving them, waiting for them and not opening up to anyone else. They can’t even give you the respect to give you a call or a message to just check in but then come back and say baby i missed you so much: *insert pathetic excuse here.

Ghosting: just another way for the universe to tell us we are always going to be OK without this person in our lives… thanks for reminding me, now let me get back to me doing me.

This pics remind me of some Ghost of Girlfriend’s Past creepy haunted shit so here is the look from the weekend:

Outfit: Head to Toe from Namshi 

      ghosts of singles past I believe in ghosting to a point. I am guilty of it. It's only OK to ghost someone at the very beginning of dating -  if you are just starting conversations, after first date (only if you've ended the date without sleeping with them).

[funfilsdays]

21 Questions to kill a date 

50 cent  “are you mad because I’m asking 21 questions?”

Well yes I am. Since when is a date an interview? I might go both ways but nothing feels worse then being under the fire of questions. There’s a difference between asking questions within the conversation and just bombarding the poor person with questions. 

        I always consider myself a good story teller and a good listener, my questions…

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[funfilsdays]

Mark Manson writes his article here about some harsh truths when it comes to love and just simply: Love is not enough. It is so true, yet we all continue to settle with situations, behaviors and treatment because – we love them.

Before we get to the love, this also applies to when you are dating someone. The more I get older, the more I realize love and attraction is just not enough.

My list that I sent into the universe last year in order to attract the right men is the following:

Attractive to me

Fun and makes me laugh

Affectionate

Same if not better financial situation and career as me

Future goals and plans

Can introduce them to my family

Loyal

Wants to get married and have children

Loves to travel

I believe all of them except number 6,7,8 you can determine from the first few dates. It’s early on enough to figure out if you going to continue to see this person or not. And early enough before you let them in your home or go home with them.

I don’t think my list is unattainable, there is one person that ticks all the boxes on this list, but like the title suggests, love isn’t enough and we have geographical distance between us among other things, so only time will tell.

For some reason before I wrote this list 12 months ago – I was settling or putting up with a lot that today I wouldn’t even give them a chance.

I’m in a different stage of my life where by I need someone to be at least the same financial situation, or worse is okay as well as long as there is long term plan to get to a better situation (List number 5). I’ve been there as well, I’ve had no job or run through my savings but of course I’ve had a plan and it would have been nice if my boyfriend at the time saw that potential.

Last few years before my ‘law of attraction list’, I felt like once guys realized I had my shit together would really push a ‘relationship’ on me early on. And if I was vulnerable or lonely that may have worked, but luckily I realized quickly what was happening – they had a place to stay, they had food and even had a car if they needed. Especially if their situation was worse then mine – I was being used for my hospitality and generosity.

I want to go out and plan things together and have fun, if you can’t contribute your way, no matter how much fun we have or attraction is there is then this will not work. Short term there is solutions if you really love someone, but this cannot be for the long term.

I feel like the first few dates of getting to know someone, don’t lift your wallet. As soon as you’ve even paid 10AED for parking or tip, it’s like a light goes off in their head that you are here because you like them and AREN’T using them for a free night out so they sit back and expect it going forward. It’s so off putting I can’t explain how badly this annoys me. I’ve got so many horror stories when it comes to money and men. I don’t know how I let them all get away with it.

You need someone who compliments you, and is compatible in every aspect.

For this, no matter how much you try – love really isn’t enough.

Ironically, my shirt says ‘let love shine’.

Lipstick @MAC

  Love isn’t enough Mark Manson writes his article here about some harsh truths when it comes to love and just simply: Love is not enough.

[funfilsdays]

I’ve taken so many photos of this look and ended up going nowhere to show it off  – how is it that you always look on point when you aren’t going to see anyone? If you’ve noticed I’m back to brunette again.. so I also feel with brown hair nudes and dark colours work the best for makeup. With blonde hair, pretty pinks and bright colours really are wow.

In love with this glam vintage look though – I’m going to perfect it a bit more and write about each element more and more so you all can take some tips. Please let me know what you think.

For today’s post – faux big lips. Unless you are unfortunate enough to have Kylie’s thin lips, I really don’t believe in fillers and botox, most things can be fixed or enhanced with makeup unless it is something you really feel will help your confidence and in that case, do you and make sure you got to a reputable beauty clinic.

Just remember to look after your skin, wear sunscreen, drink water.

FAUX LIPS / Lips without fillers:

I’ve used Huda Beauty Foundation #fauxfilter, a few shades lighter then my skin. I use this on my skin for contouring only as I feel her foundation is too heavy for a full face foundation. I’ve teamed it with Maybelline Fit Me foundation.

Cover your whole lips and upper lip in either a concealer or a lighter shade foundation (I’ve used HudaBeauty).

Taking a darker shade liner that you want to use on your lips… outline OUTSIDE your lips. I’ve used MAC brown lip liner.

Fill your lips with a shade lighter, here I’ve used lip liner Smiling Kuwait brand.

On the inside bottom and top sections of the lip fill with even lighter shade lipstick. Here I’ve used Sportsgirl Barely There ($10!)

  The above formula works on any shade you want for your lips. I’ve used nudes and browns as I’ve kept my eyes very dark.

Bodysuit: Namshi 

  faux lips I've taken so many photos of this look and ended up going nowhere to show it off  - how is it that you always look on point when you aren't going to see anyone?

[funfilsdays]

Don’t force it – the eyeliner, your makeup, the connection, the date, the second date – love. Don’t force situations… if it is meant to be, it will be.

This is easier said then done isn’t it but I wish I knew this last year. I think I mentioned before the american I fell in love with  – I fell for him because of the unbelievable connection we had, for the words he was telling me, and I was getting swept up in the moment (fast). Then once you are in that moment – you start to force things. When you going to see each other next, the good morning texts, high expectations of your time together or how you going to look when you see each other.

He pulled away from me last year, to the point he was even seeing other women and retracted invitations he once gave me to join him on holiday, for me to visibly see he was spending it with someone else.

He hurt me, but to my own fault I should have just let the law of attraction take it’s course. I take responsibility for crying in front of him, for putting pressure on expectations and the future and assuming we were in a committed relationship.

Don’t force it. What will be, will be. When it is right you will know.

The difference between women and men, is we usually know quite quickly – we have strong instincts. I knew, but he didn’t. I should have let him find out and maybe he would have come back to me faster.  As twelve months later he sat in front of me saying he loved me.  He saw what life was like without me in it, and he appreciated his life with me in it, and now he can’t imagine life without me. (ok he didn’t say this but sometimes you got to believe it’s the things that go unsaid that mean the most)

So what is the issue with men and commitment or not knowing the rare diamond they see before them? Freedom. When I saw him pull away, I should have let him. Men are so so scared of losing their freedom when they meet someone or start to have feelings for someone then usually they do something to sabotage it.

So what’s freedom – well my messages asking how he was – stopped. He needed to see the difference in me caring about him and asking about him.

Messages stopped. Instagram posts stopped and I unfollowed him. If I got a message about meeting up, I would say I can’t afford to, I don’t have the money to come to see you anymore. If he tried to reconnect, I would always answer back but never continued the conversations.  No more goodnight, no more good mornings.

Whatever happens with my american, I will take this away with me – never force it, if they want you they will come get you, if it is meant to be it will be.

Dress: Fashion Nova 

Eyes: Too Faced chocolate eye shadow palette: Honey Dip & Butterscotch

Lips: MAC viva glam

Don’t force it… Don't force it - the eyeliner, your makeup, the connection, the date, the second date - love.

[funfilsdays]

Looking good is no accident

      Makeup:  Eyes- MAC organge eyeshadow, black liner  Lips: Huda Beauty Lip Kit pencil trophy wife with Sportsgirl Barely There lipstick  Face: MAC concealer, Fenty BeautyFoundation  I use to go to work looking basic at best. I hated my job and when mum saw me she was appalled and would say, you know if you put on some makeup and brush your hair you would already feel 100% better about going…

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[funfilsdays]

This is one disaster date that needs three parts. Key lessons I received from this date will stay with me forever, mostly because some incidences are scarred in my memory.

Firstly, this part is about how Instagram’s perception can really be what and who you attract positively or negatively.

Last year I mentioned before, I lost a lot of weight and really changed my body shape for the good. I was travelling more and visiting countries I wanted to get off my bucketlist (USA, Croatia, Canada). Sometimes my sister was with me to take all the photos, I was posting a lot, I was happy and in general I really was loving life and myself!

This particular guy – I’m going to call him Mr Grey for a number a reasons that I will get to. Mr Grey and I followed each other on Instagram for at least over a year. He posted a lot of adventure shots, very active, also liked to party, loved to travel and was from the states with what it seemed a great career and focus in life.

Date 1: I liked that he organized and planned the whole date. He suggested the places, sent me links and was all in all very well thought through plan. Little did I know his organization was actually Instagram obsession. He was only choosing these places because he wanted the ‘photo’ for Instagram. I found this out on the last location of the date.

He picked me up. Didn’t say you look nice, was awkward in the greeting and no eye contact whatsoever in the car. I will let this slide though he could be nervous. I was telling him over message that such a fancy restaurant I needed to work out an outfit (kind of hinting I was excited for the date). Towards the end of the night he actually mentioned “you wanted to pick a nice outfit but you end up wearing a sheet”. Eh what?! Red flag 1 – no compliments and on top of that actually putting me down in what I was wearing.

We spoke about a lot during our date, some of it was good but I couldn’t help but have weird feelings on some of our subjects. This is also a major thing to look out for – trust your intuition. If you aren’t feeling the vibe, wrap it up as soon as you can and go.

Towards the end of the date it was clear he was Instagram obsessed. Which is so off putting. He kind of had a few digs at me about my photos (so why are we meeting then?), and then preceded to show me a girl (Instagram model) who wanted him. He sat there on her account picking her to shreds, she’s not natural, this or that or this or that.

I don’t like putting down other women through Instagram. Mr Grey if you got so much of an issue with her fake body why are you following her?

He said to me “your Instagram is obvious you are thirsty for men” (he said something else but it’s pretty vulgar I don’t want to repeat it). I was like “what seriously mine?”

He tried to cover it up saying well your single for sure because no man would let their woman take pictures like that and if you and I were serious you would have to tone them down.

I said well you don’t realize why I put pictures up like that. I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished and the purpose is to empower a positive body image for all women. Plus once I’m in a relationship, the only difference is my man would be in the pictures and taking the pictures! I’m still going to be in a bikini on the beach, but he’s going to be next to me.

I then realized even I had perceived him as someone he wasn’t – due to his Instagram. The guy from Instagram was fun, social, loved to travel and stay fit and active. The guy I met was socially awkward, quite disrespectful to women (that is in part 2), no real future plans and only did half of his life experiences for the gram! After this complete disaster date, he was even more pushy with his messages to me. I posted a really nice picture that my friend had taken of me professionally (he was practicing and also for his folio). I got a DM from Mr Grey…. “eh take this down”.

Sorry mate – my page. Not yours.

Anyway this was a long time ago. And it wasn’t even a part of the reason I deleted a lot of my Instagram pictures, because my answer still stands on that. But I also don’t want men I’m dating or just met to perceive me as something I’m not right now. My mindset this year has changed with who and what I want to attract this year – Read my most recent Instagram post @katyedxb for more on this, and for some extra positive happiness for a Tuesday.

You are attracting what you put out there… and for last year I was definitely attracting my share of men who wanted only what was on the gram.

  Location: South Beach, Miami (isn’t this pink lifeguard tower to die for?)

Coverup/dress: Aussie label Talulah 

Full Piece Green Swimmers: H&M

For the Gram This is one disaster date that needs three parts. Key lessons I received from this date will stay with me forever, mostly because some incidences are scarred in my memory.

[funfilsdays]

  Yesterday I watched a new post by Matthew Hussey on first date tips: how to impress a guy on a first date. I like Matthew Hussey’s stuff. If you get over the sales pitch at the end of very video then all in all he’s great. I’ve read his books and at one point even subscribed to his (expensive) program.

In this dating tips video he explains how important it is to make a first impression and one of those tips is “be kind to those around you”.

Seems like common sense doesn’t it? I feel like I’m always friendly to hospitality staff, maybe because I use to be one – I’m not sure. But it costs nothing to smile, say please, thank you, ask someone where they are from (in Dubai this is a nice question to ask to make conversation with a stranger) or how there day is.

His dating tip reminded me of one of the most disastrous dates I’ve ever had, actually probably so bad I forgot about it until I watched Matthew’s video yesterday.

Small Man Syndrome Date

In Dubai as we know, it’s all about showing off and even though I couldn’t care less, this guy insisted on meeting at Zuma. He greets me warmly, we order drinks and sushi but he is quite an intense person. Most of the conversation was about his ex girlfriend (red flag). I noticed in real life he looked way shorter then he did in his pictures. Insert: SMALL MAN SYNDROME  For the record – height doesn’t bother me like other women, but when they are egotistical, arrogant asses in order to substitute for their lack of height… well this bothers me. He started to get into a bit of a tantrum about the AC on him. Yep – The AC. He was flaring his arms and going up to the fan to try and turn it away, it was really causing a scene in a what is a very busy and sophisticated after work bar (well it is Zuma so come on little man you need to chill).

The waitress serves him the sushi then he starts yelling at her about the AC. I thought he was joking so I was kind of laughing it off until I realized he was deadly serious about this AC, she said she would go and find someone to move it away for him. She was lovely actually but he was getting more and more angry at HER about the damn AC.

She comes over and says “Sir it’s set to a particular temperature as it’s a large area we need to keep cool, if I can find you another seat I will move you straight away. How was your sushi?” 

He puts his hand in her face and says “stop talking and get away from me”. I said in front of her, come on don’t say that. She tried to keep reasoning with him, I think she really felt worried for her job as he is insisting on her to call for the manager. He still had his hand in her face, she looks at me with kind of desperate look about her and I shook my head (sort of a I don’t know him shake). She leaves and goes to get her manager. Poor girl.

He leaves in a tantrum and says I’m going to stand outside to warm up/take this phone call /whatever/who cares. I called her over and said – listen don’t even bother, he’s being a child and this has nothing to do with you, this is the first time I’m meeting him and the way he’s talking to you is unacceptable. I never want to see him again. It’s not your fault and I can talk to the manager if you like. She then said to me, “I’ve had the worst the day, he just added to my horrible day and I did just go and cry. Not about him but you know, just one of those days”. 

Man that upset me. This little man child tantrum thrower was so rude and obnoxious to this poor woman that whatever she was dealing with that day was so bad that he tipped it over the edge enough for her to cry.

I waited for him to get back and asked him why he took out his frustrations on this girl. Was it to impress me? Was it because of something else you were going through that day? Why would you think this behavior was okay? He kind of listened, apologized to me (not her) and we continued until he finished his damn sushi. He went on more about his ex girlfriend (yawn) and finally said he wanted to leave to check out a DJ he liked at a crap club up the road. I said, I’m okay I’m going to call it a night, thank you for the drink.

He offered to drop me home / at least in the area of his club, all the while saying ‘this isn’t my car by the way its a replacement as my BMW/AUDI/MERC (whatever the hell he’s pretending he was driving) was in the shop‘. I said “It’s fine mate I have a Nissan“. 

Eh. Goodbye and good riddance weird little man. Makeup and outfit wasted.

The way people treat strangers, says so much for their character. This was to the extreme, but  if your date doesn’t say please, thank you and have basic manners – this is a massive red flag – and get out while you can. Also just be kind always – you don’t know what someone is going through and you being mean or rude could be the line that makes their day go from bad to worse. Don’t be that person 😦

  Peachy Keen Makeup: I love orange eyeshadow, here I’m using orange by MAC. The lipstick I chose a nude as I feel the orange makes my lips look smaller. Lashes and Black eyeliner. MAC blush in pink so it’s around the same colour tones.

Top: Primark bodysuit

  Choose kind over cool. Yesterday I watched a new post by Matthew Hussey on first date tips: how to impress a guy on a first date.

[funfilsdays]

I’m writing this on Easter Sunday. And I’ve noticed as the weekend started to approach, at least least three guys I know that have once told me they don’t want a relationship anytime soon, all having Baecations and their girl proudly photographed all over their Instagram. I noticed the same around Christmas and New Year with another lot of self profound ‘players’. So I do truly hope it’s not a holiday coincidence and these men actually manned up to realize what beautiful women they have in their lives.  But anyway, time will tell.

The conversations these guys once had with me is  “I’m not really looking for a relationship, I don’t see myself with anyone just yet, I’m happily single (and probably breaking girls hearts along their player ways), I don’t have time, focusing on my career” etc etc.

It just shows it doesn’t matter what an amazing woman you are, and what to offer in a relationship – you really will never be enough for a man who just doesn’t see himself with you, or willing to change his ways for you. Sometimes it just takes the right person to come along to make these men realize what they have and then they change their tune real quick.

I’ve had friends who’ve dated men for years to say they never want to get married, then they turn around and marry the next girl they are with.

I was talking to my personal trainer the other day about this blog post’s subject and she was saying the same about her husband. When they met, he outright told her he’s happy being single and won’t be changing that anytime soon, he never wants to get married – he’s wants to live with his mum for the next few years and just be a player. And now – well – he’s her husband.

I had long and serious relationships with two guys in Dubai, who I loved very much. Who I gave my all into the relationship, stayed loyal and most importantly supported their dreams and goals – only to be left broken at the end because inevitably they didn’t want to go the next step… ah mate okay do you think you could have figured that out 2 years ago?  They both moved on into their next relationships and I’m left wondering what I did wrong for the relationship to go so sideways.

And that’s just it. I did nothing wrong. I actually did too much. Don’t be a wife to a boyfriend. Tell yourself that really you will NEVER be enough for a man who isn’t ready. You can’t talk a man into changing his ways – if he wants to he will. Some of us have the happy ending and some of us need to cut our losses on wasting wife material on the boyfriends and find the men that want to step up as our partner.

And it just brings it back to my last blog post: take care of yourself, believe the person you’re suppose to be with is out there, give your husband wishlist to god and let him do the work,  fall in love with your life and yourself all over again… and just have vacations with your girls or on your own, until someone is lucky enough to come along.

Happy Easter Singles 🙂

    Gucci Hucci Shirt: Culture Kings Women 

Simple Makeup: Sportsgirl nude lipstick (barely there) | lashes | Brown eyeliner Maybelline |Fenty Beauty skin.

I'm writing this on Easter Sunday. And I've noticed as the weekend started to approach, at least least three guys I know that have once told me they don't want a relationship anytime soon, all having Baecations and their girl proudly photographed all over their Instagram. 

[funfilsdays]

Life’s big and small detours 

I was involved with a married man who I never knew was married. That’s the worse kind of betrayal, when you think you know someone and believe their beautiful words they are telling you, only to have those promises and love come crashing down when you get that call from someone “why are you calling my husband”.  Eh. Heart sank then shattered in a million pieces on that call. But I think I took…

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