The Futuremrsgoode

Hi I'm just a girl trying to face the world🌍

[nativenews]

[mariemariemaria]

The way the British media talks about the royal family is so fucked up it's insane I was watching the British news the other night (it was either the BBC or Sky I cant remember) and a journalist on it described the queen as a grandmother to the nation. What the fuck. If a journalist in North Korea or China or Russia called their leader the grandfather of the nation these British journalists would be falling over themselves to call those nations and peoples brainwashed. But it's totally normal for supposedly neutral and unbiased news shows to worship an unelected woman who defends her paedophile son and is happy for 2 billion pound to be poured down the drain on a celebration that she doesnt even show up to while millions in the UK are struggling to feed their families. Ok.

[bbiiiichan]

elegant cosplay from lujierhei and weilanran on insta🔥💕🤩

link

[galvanizedfriend]

[leatherleaves]

I recently started working in hospitality, and I’ll tell you guys right now, the trope of “there was only one bed” is not as rare as you’d think in real life. A few times a week, at least, I have guys come in who are working together on projects in town or passing through who have to literally book the last room I have available for the night and lo and behold — there is only one bed, and guess what, they give each other a side-eyed look and begrudgingly take it. So write it up, it happens all the time!!!

[karis-the-fangirl]

[blatant-phishing-attempt-bot-de]

Never let your There Was Only One Bed dreams die. I was secretly in love with my best friend for over a year when she graduated and moved to Oklahoma (like 1000 miles away) for grad school. Between that travel restrictions, we were so scared we’d never see eachother again.

At the end of summer, when Covid numbers were at a lower point, I took the risk to visit her in her new apartment and I quickly realized that, unlike when I’d spent the night at her house before, the couch wasn’t made up like a bed. She explained that since her new couch was so fancy and pink, I couldn’t possibly sleep on it, and so I needed to sleep in the bed with her. You know, out of necessity. I woke up with her snuggled around me in the middle of the night.

We’re dating now, and I genuinely think I’m going to marry her. Just the other day, though, I mentioned that if she hadn’t been weird about her fancy couch, I probably never would have like confessed my feelings. AND THEN she stood up, took the cushions off the fancy couch, UNFOLDED IT INTO A HIDE-A-BED, and said “I KNOW.”

THIS GIRL. ORCHESTRATED. BED SCARCITY. JUST SO SHE COULD MAKE THE “ONLY ONE BED” EXCUSE. Y’all when I said I just about lost my goddamn mind, I just about lost my goddamn mind. I love this sneaky bitch so much and the moral of this story is BE THE ONE BED YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

[leet911]

Fanfic imitates life, and life imitates fanfic. It’s full circle really.

[blue00phoenix]

oh my god 

there was only one bed

but it was STAGED

[thedragonemperess]

I love this so much

[potterchild]

New Fanfic Trope Unlocked!!!!!

AU:There was only one bed - by design👀

[headspace-hotel]

i need y'all to steal and repost my anti-lawn memes to as many pinterest boards and facebook pages as possible

[gildedmuse]

Oh, look, yet another vivre card in the need of correction. Well, maybe not correction but definitely improvements can be made.

Benn Beckman

Benn Beckman is originally from the North Blue, and is the oldest of the Red Haired Pirates. Because of course he is. It's pretty much his job to keep this idiots alive, and yes, that has caused him to gray. Whose fault is that, Captain.

When the crew heard that one of them had been proclaimed an Emperor of the Sea, Shanks just assumed it was Beckman. They ALL just assumed it was Beckman. It took a very sober, very persistent barmaid almost four hours to convince them, no, this wasn't some "joke paper". Really! The government considered SHANKS a proper yonko (they had a banner made for the party and everything! At least the booze didn't go to waste.)

I believe it was a young man from the Island Of Anglo that once said, "Akagami Shanks is the sun, and Benn Beckman the moon!" (The rest of what he said failed to be transcribed due to.... The nature of the resulting activities.)

The crew calls Benn an "anchor" because he is like a steady presences that helps keep the crew in place. And also because he cannot swim. A rare trait in the world of first mates, since most captains are stupid enough to eat anything they can get their hands on, devil's fruits included (and it has taken Benn A LOT OF EFFORT to keep that from happening. His captain will eventually get bored enough to put just about any damn thing in his mouth. Like a toddler. A freakishly powerful, infamous the world over, pretty much able to do as he wishes without consequence toddler.)

Have you met Shanks and the rest of those morons? Yeah, Benn smokes. Maybe forgive him this one bad habit. Considering that crew, we're lucky he's not injecting black tar heroin.

I don't know if this is already apparent, but him and Shanks? They do fuck. On the regular.

Benn Beckman's wanted posters are noted for not only declaring the man is to in no way be brought to a navy facility unless he is most definitely a corpse, but also because it lacks a precise bounty. Junior members of the Marines occasionally ask, but the only answer they get is a hearty laugh. Why's it matter, Greenie? What? Someone is gonna show up having defeated Benn Beckman and looking for their money? Hahaha. Oh, maybe you're gonna go out there, stop all the evil pirates? Is that your big plan, newbie? (Seriously though, don't do that. Shanks does not like it when people go annoying Benn, and if Shanks gets upset, Benn will get upset and then we're all dead.)

[cyborg-franky]

Can I please request headcanons for Shanks, Sanji, and Ace reacting to their shy and kind female S/O secretly having a high libido and becoming more sexually aggressive like this?

I hope it's okay that I am making this gender neutral because alot of my headcannons don't often have room for pronouns!

Ace - Ace thought he would have to be the one to make the first move. - He was pretty awkward about it at first, he knew you were soft and shy. - One night he suggested it to you, he didn't make eye contact, sat on the bed rubbing his arm and mumbling 'only if you want' - The noise this boy made when you grabbed him and pinned him to the bed. - He blushed brighter then his flames burned as your straddled him, pinning his arms above his head. - "Is that a yes?" He said with a laugh - "I was getting bored of waiting for you to suggest it.." You said before starting to kiss his neck. - Ace hadn't expected this at all - He was walking kinda funny later that night.

Sanji - Sanji would always do that half joke half serious thing of 'haha what it we kissed...' but 'haha what if we fucked' - You looked him dead in the eye as you slammed your hand on the wall next to his head, looking at him with such intent. - "Alright, here, over the counter" You said. - Sanji stared at you, he stared and stared as blood dripped from his nose. - Never in a million years did he think someone as cute and soft as you had this in them. - You were about to grab his junk when he interrupted "Not in my kitchen though...." - He'd never been dragged out the kitchen so fast in his life.

Shanks - You were both sat in bed, you reading a book and he looked over some charts. - He glanced over at you, so soft and gentle, perhaps that's why he'd hesitated making a move yet. - "So, think tonight we could.." - The speed you threw your book across the room, taking the map from his hand before you straddled him. - You were in for a surprise when Shanks held you close, rolling your both over to pin you down. - "I appreciate the enthusiasm love but that's not how I play this game" He said with a chuckle.

TAG LIST:

@slut4animedilfs @sanjithesimp @undercoverweeeb @acesmarigold @shankss-magnificent-ass @pebbsie @rosiinante @angeltani @mimi-ya @useless-potatho @fire-fist-ann @rivvd-art @angeltani @simp4ace @strawhat-bast @iloveportgasdace

[cheltrei]

[whatleighdoesnext]

Twitter stealing our ideas again

[the-gay-cryptid]

No, they can have this one. I think it would be funny

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

I posted 2,754 times in 2021

210 posts created (8%)

2544 posts reblogged (92%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 12.1 posts.

I added 1,136 tags in 2021

#tma original - 171 posts

#from the depths of the dragon's hoard - 167 posts

#one piece - 114 posts

#akagami no shanks - 104 posts

#one piece x reader - 102 posts

#shanks - 101 posts

#one piece imagine - 98 posts

#akagami no shanks x reader - 97 posts

#shanks x reader - 94 posts

#akagami no shanks imagine - 88 posts

Longest Tag: 66 characters

#how dar you tumblr artist making me attracted to a cat gremlin man

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Imagine starting a party tradition for the whitebeard pirates

On an uninhabited tropical island

Ace: *having a good time with his friends*

You: *sits near by and starts carving into a pineapple with a knife*

Ace: what are are you doing?

You: don't look you'll ruin the joke, give me a minute

Ace: okay then *goes back to chatting with one of his crew mates*

Ten minutes later

You: *imitating marco's voice* hey Ace, who am I-yoi? *Holds the pineapple carved in the likeness of Marco the phoenix in front of your face*

Ace: *chokes on his drink* holy shit (y/n)

You: watch your profanity yoi

Ace: *leans too far back in his chair as he laughs and falls*

You: *still holding the pineapple up, you lean over him* what is the matter Ace-yoi?

Ace: *still laughing* please stop! It hurts *holds his stomach to try and ease the pain*

You: do you need a doctor yoi?*tilts your head and the pineapple to the side*

Ace: *laughing but now in tears* I'm gonna kill you, please stop!

Marco: (y/n) what are you doing to Ace?

You: *not breaking character or lowering the pineapple you look at Marco* I think something is wrong with Ace yoi.

Thatch: *starts laughing* (y/n) you evil genius.

Marco: I don't sound like that

You: *turns to whitebeard* what do you think, pops yoi?

Whitebeard: *turns his head and snorts*

Marco: ha ha have you had your fun (y/n)?

You: *lowers the pineapple* yes

Marco: are you done?

You: yes *goes and carves the marco pineapple into a drink cup, fill it with juice, put a straw in it, and you give it to Ace*

Ace: *tears still running down his face* oh thanks, what I always wanted, a fruit Marco.

Thatch: can I have a fruit Marco, too?

You: sure *ends up carving everyone a marco fruit*

Next party

Whitebeard: (y/n) I'd like a marco pineapple again

You: on it pops *pops open your switch blade*

381 notes • Posted 2021-05-03 19:01:20 GMT

#4

Imagine Shanks deciding to let you join the crew after realizing you are quite funny

Massive Sea king: *raises itself out of the water and stares down at the red force

Shanks and Benn: *stunned silent*

You: oh what fresh fuckery is this

Shanks: *thinks that's the greatest thing he's heard all week and fully intends to incorporate it in his vernacular*

On the Moby dick with Shanks and, whitebeard and his crew.

Whitebeard and Shanks: *exchanging information and small talk over a cup of sake*

Teach: *talking shit about Shanks under his breath with his crew mates, but loud enough for everyone to hear* I bet his dick is a different shade that the rest of his skin.

Shanks and whitebeard: *hear him but elect to ignore it*

You: *overhears and loudly retorts* yeah, it's every shade of your mother's lipstick.

Shanks: *chokes on his drink* (y/n)!

Whitebeard: *has the sake come out his nose* garahrahrahrah you picked a feisty one

Shanks: I haven't decided on whether or not they can stay yet

Whitebeard: oh sure, if you don't want em I'll take em. They're perfect for keeping my boys on their toes.

Shanks: I didn't say I was willing to let them go.

Whitebeard: garahrahrahrah, I suppose that's fair.

sabaody archipelago at Shakky's bar

Some random lady: *whining about her husband*

You: *annoyed with her* will you shut the fuck up?

Some random lady: you obviously don't have a husband

You: yeah, that's why I'm gonna fuck your's now instead.

Benn: *looks over at Shanks* can we please keep them?

Shanks: *sighs* yeah

Benn: congratulations (y/n), you're officially a member of the red haired pirates

You: fuck yeah!

384 notes • Posted 2021-06-14 19:02:21 GMT

#3

Imagine learning Karl is very weak to signs of affection part 1

Karl: *has been working on some designs for hours*

You: *enters the room* Karl

Karl: I'm busy

You: I know darling, you skipped lunch so I thought I'd bring you some snacks and something to drink. *Puts a tray of food and a mason jar of water with a lid and a napkin*

Karl: why the mason jar?

You: it's the only container we have with a lid, I wanted to make sure your drink was in a container with a lid so it didn't spill and ruin your designs. *Puts your hands on his shoulder* please make sure to take a break and you stretch so you don't hurt yourself.

Karl: *blushing* alright.

You: dinner is at five thirty, see you then. *Gives him a kiss on his temple and leaves*

Karl: *pulls the brim of his hat over his face* they'll be the death of me.

That night

Karl: *returns to work after dinner*

You: *notices the factory has gotten pretty cold so you throw a blanket in the dryer and starts making hot cocoa*

Ten minutes later

You: *drapes the warm blanket around Karl's shoulders and puts a cup of cocoa next to him before leaving the room*

Karl: *didn't notice how cold he had gotten so he pulls the blankets tighter around himself* I've worked long enough *gets up and goes to the rooms you've made into living quarters to find you cleaning the kitchen and he stands behind you just watching you*

You: *turns around and jumps when you see him* sweet heart you scared me. Can I get you something?

Karl: I'm calling it a night, why don't you join me?

You: sure, give me a minute to wash my hands.

Karl: *flops down on the couch with his hot cocoa*

You: *wipes your hands* can I sit in your lap this time?

Karl: what?

You: can I sit in your lap to share the blanket?

Karl: *his voice cracks* sure *adjusts himself on the couch so you both can put you feet up*

You: *slides into his lap and takes ahold of one of his hands, pulls it into your lap, and begins to gentle massage lotion into it*

Karl: what are you doing?

You: you work with your hands all day, let me take care of them for you. Plus I like the way they feel in my hands. *Gives his knuckles a kiss*

Karl: *having an internal error 404*

You: Karl?... Karl, hey! ... Karl you still in there?....*straddles his lap and cups his chin in your hands to tilt his head back to get a closer look to see if he has a concussion*

Karl: I'm fine!!

You: oh that's a relief, I was worried there for a minute.

Karl: * grumbles* you worry too much

459 notes • Posted 2021-06-05 19:00:55 GMT

#2

Imagine Karl learning you speak German the hard way

Author's note: I took German in highschool and college so I'm rusty at German so I had to look up a few things. If they're not correct, sorry, send me the proper thing and I'll fix it.

Part 2

Edit: everything has been fixed, anything that's not right has most likely been left on purpose. Thank you for the fixes @sweetwizardheart

The first week of knowing Karl

Karl: I asked for the fucking Phillips head not the flat head! *Throws the screw driver across the room*

You: *yelps in surprise*

Karl: *grumbles* Du bist für nichts zu gebrauchen (you are useless)

You: I'm sorry, I'm still learning please be patient with me. *Gets the proper screw driver and puts the one he threw back in it's original spot*

A month later

You: I made sandwiches for lunch! *hands him his plate*

Karl: *takes a big bite* es ist lecker, mein Schatz (it's delicious, my treasure)

You: *stares at him for a second*

Karl: it's alright

You: oh wonderful

Three months later

You and Karl: *on the couch in front of a flaming trash can, cuddling for warmth*

Karl: *his arm around you, and his hand running up and down your arm* (y/n)

You: *looks up at him* yes?

Karl: ich liebe dich, Schöne (I love you, beautiful)

You: *genuinely surprised* what?

Karl: it's nothing forget I said anything

Six month later

You: *infinitely more comfortable with Karl* I take it you'll need the eight millimeter wrench?

Karl: *on a rolling board under a machine* no, the ten millimeter

You: *hands him the wrench but drops it*

Karl: Arschgeige! (Literally means ass violin, but it's a rude outdated way of saying someone is an asshole)

You: *slams your foot down on the rolling creeper, right between his thighs, his testicles practically on your toes, and you pull him out from under the machine* Pass auf, Junge. (Means "watch out, boy" but in this case it's used as a warning)

Karl: Du kannst Deutsch! (You can speak German)

You: die ganze zeit (the entire time) *pushes him back under the machine and leaves*

Karl: *scrambling to get out from under the machine* wait! Warte! Liebling komm zurück! (Wait, darling, come back!)

You: *already in the elevator*

Duke: *hears Karl running after you and is absolutely delighted by the drama* oh my, what's going on?

You: Karl's a dick *exits the elevator on the top floor*

Karl: *floats up on a gear* where is (y/n)?

Duke: what did you do, I don't think I've ever seen them this mad before

Karl: I've been speaking my mind out loud in German, and it turns out they speak it as well.

Duke: I can sell you a box of chocolates and a bottle of champagne for three thousand lei

Karl: *sighs and reaches for his wallet* make it three bottles, and do you have any condoms

Duke: getting a little a head of yourself, don't you think?

Karl: do you have em or not?

Duke: yes *gives him the goods* good luck Lord Heisenberg. It's best to just apologize for whatever you did

Karl: yeah yeah, thank you.

469 notes • Posted 2021-06-25 19:02:50 GMT

#1

Imagine the nickname the red haired pirates gave you making its way onto your wanted poster

Shank: welcome to the crew princess *ruffles your hair*

You: that's not my name

Shanks: too bad *sticks his tongue out at you*

During a fight

You: *is cornered by several marines*

Benn: hang on princess, I'm coming! *comes to your rescue* four men against one woman! You boys ought to be ashamed of yourself!

When you receive your first wanted poster

You: no! No!

Shanks: what's wrong

You: this is your fault

Shanks: what I do?

You: this! *Holds up your poster for him to see*

Shanks: *snorts* oh my god

You: shut up!

Benn: *just woke up from a nap* what's going on?

Shanks: our little princess got their first wanted poster?

Benn: oh, really what's your bounty?

Shanks: six hundred million berries

Benn: damn princess, for a first time bounty that's up there.

Shanks: but wait it gets better, get a load of this *holds the poster up for him to see*

Benn: *bursts out laughing* can we frame that?

Shanks: you bet your sweet bippy we will.

In a fight against the marines

Smoker: so you must be princess of the red haired pirates

You: *furious* that's not my name! It's a nickname they call me!

Smoker: excuse me?

You: my name isn't princess, if I tell you my name can you get the damn poster fixed? My captain and crew have been giving me hell about it.

Smoker: I can do that

A week later

You: *receives a new poster with your preferred name on it, goes to shanks and slaps it on the table in front of him* read it and weep

Shanks: *looks at the poster* no! They changed it!

You: Smoker kept his word, I stand by my opinion that he's one of the only reliable Marines.

Shanks: I'll get it changed back

A week later

Shanks: *had his meeting with the five elder celestial dragons*

You: *receives a new poster with the name princess on it again* Shanks! What did you do!

Shanks: I asked the five elders to change it back and not allow it to be changed again

You: why!

Shanks: because you're our princess

480 notes • Posted 2021-06-27 19:02:26 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

I posted 2,754 times in 2021

210 posts created (8%)

2544 posts reblogged (92%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 12.1 posts.

I added 1,136 tags in 2021

#tma original - 171 posts

#from the depths of the dragon's hoard - 167 posts

#one piece - 114 posts

#akagami no shanks - 104 posts

#one piece x reader - 102 posts

#shanks - 101 posts

#one piece imagine - 98 posts

#akagami no shanks x reader - 97 posts

#shanks x reader - 94 posts

#akagami no shanks imagine - 88 posts

Longest Tag: 66 characters

#how dar you tumblr artist making me attracted to a cat gremlin man

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Imagine starting a party tradition for the whitebeard pirates

On an uninhabited tropical island

Ace: *having a good time with his friends*

You: *sits near by and starts carving into a pineapple with a knife*

Ace: what are are you doing?

You: don't look you'll ruin the joke, give me a minute

Ace: okay then *goes back to chatting with one of his crew mates*

Ten minutes later

You: *imitating marco's voice* hey Ace, who am I-yoi? *Holds the pineapple carved in the likeness of Marco the phoenix in front of your face*

Ace: *chokes on his drink* holy shit (y/n)

You: watch your profanity yoi

Ace: *leans too far back in his chair as he laughs and falls*

You: *still holding the pineapple up, you lean over him* what is the matter Ace-yoi?

Ace: *still laughing* please stop! It hurts *holds his stomach to try and ease the pain*

You: do you need a doctor yoi?*tilts your head and the pineapple to the side*

Ace: *laughing but now in tears* I'm gonna kill you, please stop!

Marco: (y/n) what are you doing to Ace?

You: *not breaking character or lowering the pineapple you look at Marco* I think something is wrong with Ace yoi.

Thatch: *starts laughing* (y/n) you evil genius.

Marco: I don't sound like that

You: *turns to whitebeard* what do you think, pops yoi?

Whitebeard: *turns his head and snorts*

Marco: ha ha have you had your fun (y/n)?

You: *lowers the pineapple* yes

Marco: are you done?

You: yes *goes and carves the marco pineapple into a drink cup, fill it with juice, put a straw in it, and you give it to Ace*

Ace: *tears still running down his face* oh thanks, what I always wanted, a fruit Marco.

Thatch: can I have a fruit Marco, too?

You: sure *ends up carving everyone a marco fruit*

Next party

Whitebeard: (y/n) I'd like a marco pineapple again

You: on it pops *pops open your switch blade*

381 notes • Posted 2021-05-03 19:01:20 GMT

#4

Imagine Shanks deciding to let you join the crew after realizing you are quite funny

Massive Sea king: *raises itself out of the water and stares down at the red force

Shanks and Benn: *stunned silent*

You: oh what fresh fuckery is this

Shanks: *thinks that's the greatest thing he's heard all week and fully intends to incorporate it in his vernacular*

On the Moby dick with Shanks and, whitebeard and his crew.

Whitebeard and Shanks: *exchanging information and small talk over a cup of sake*

Teach: *talking shit about Shanks under his breath with his crew mates, but loud enough for everyone to hear* I bet his dick is a different shade that the rest of his skin.

Shanks and whitebeard: *hear him but elect to ignore it*

You: *overhears and loudly retorts* yeah, it's every shade of your mother's lipstick.

Shanks: *chokes on his drink* (y/n)!

Whitebeard: *has the sake come out his nose* garahrahrahrah you picked a feisty one

Shanks: I haven't decided on whether or not they can stay yet

Whitebeard: oh sure, if you don't want em I'll take em. They're perfect for keeping my boys on their toes.

Shanks: I didn't say I was willing to let them go.

Whitebeard: garahrahrahrah, I suppose that's fair.

sabaody archipelago at Shakky's bar

Some random lady: *whining about her husband*

You: *annoyed with her* will you shut the fuck up?

Some random lady: you obviously don't have a husband

You: yeah, that's why I'm gonna fuck your's now instead.

Benn: *looks over at Shanks* can we please keep them?

Shanks: *sighs* yeah

Benn: congratulations (y/n), you're officially a member of the red haired pirates

You: fuck yeah!

384 notes • Posted 2021-06-14 19:02:21 GMT

#3

Imagine learning Karl is very weak to signs of affection part 1

Karl: *has been working on some designs for hours*

You: *enters the room* Karl

Karl: I'm busy

You: I know darling, you skipped lunch so I thought I'd bring you some snacks and something to drink. *Puts a tray of food and a mason jar of water with a lid and a napkin*

Karl: why the mason jar?

You: it's the only container we have with a lid, I wanted to make sure your drink was in a container with a lid so it didn't spill and ruin your designs. *Puts your hands on his shoulder* please make sure to take a break and you stretch so you don't hurt yourself.

Karl: *blushing* alright.

You: dinner is at five thirty, see you then. *Gives him a kiss on his temple and leaves*

Karl: *pulls the brim of his hat over his face* they'll be the death of me.

That night

Karl: *returns to work after dinner*

You: *notices the factory has gotten pretty cold so you throw a blanket in the dryer and starts making hot cocoa*

Ten minutes later

You: *drapes the warm blanket around Karl's shoulders and puts a cup of cocoa next to him before leaving the room*

Karl: *didn't notice how cold he had gotten so he pulls the blankets tighter around himself* I've worked long enough *gets up and goes to the rooms you've made into living quarters to find you cleaning the kitchen and he stands behind you just watching you*

You: *turns around and jumps when you see him* sweet heart you scared me. Can I get you something?

Karl: I'm calling it a night, why don't you join me?

You: sure, give me a minute to wash my hands.

Karl: *flops down on the couch with his hot cocoa*

You: *wipes your hands* can I sit in your lap this time?

Karl: what?

You: can I sit in your lap to share the blanket?

Karl: *his voice cracks* sure *adjusts himself on the couch so you both can put you feet up*

You: *slides into his lap and takes ahold of one of his hands, pulls it into your lap, and begins to gentle massage lotion into it*

Karl: what are you doing?

You: you work with your hands all day, let me take care of them for you. Plus I like the way they feel in my hands. *Gives his knuckles a kiss*

Karl: *having an internal error 404*

You: Karl?... Karl, hey! ... Karl you still in there?....*straddles his lap and cups his chin in your hands to tilt his head back to get a closer look to see if he has a concussion*

Karl: I'm fine!!

You: oh that's a relief, I was worried there for a minute.

Karl: * grumbles* you worry too much

459 notes • Posted 2021-06-05 19:00:55 GMT

#2

Imagine Karl learning you speak German the hard way

Author's note: I took German in highschool and college so I'm rusty at German so I had to look up a few things. If they're not correct, sorry, send me the proper thing and I'll fix it.

Part 2

Edit: everything has been fixed, anything that's not right has most likely been left on purpose. Thank you for the fixes @sweetwizardheart

The first week of knowing Karl

Karl: I asked for the fucking Phillips head not the flat head! *Throws the screw driver across the room*

You: *yelps in surprise*

Karl: *grumbles* Du bist für nichts zu gebrauchen (you are useless)

You: I'm sorry, I'm still learning please be patient with me. *Gets the proper screw driver and puts the one he threw back in it's original spot*

A month later

You: I made sandwiches for lunch! *hands him his plate*

Karl: *takes a big bite* es ist lecker, mein Schatz (it's delicious, my treasure)

You: *stares at him for a second*

Karl: it's alright

You: oh wonderful

Three months later

You and Karl: *on the couch in front of a flaming trash can, cuddling for warmth*

Karl: *his arm around you, and his hand running up and down your arm* (y/n)

You: *looks up at him* yes?

Karl: ich liebe dich, Schöne (I love you, beautiful)

You: *genuinely surprised* what?

Karl: it's nothing forget I said anything

Six month later

You: *infinitely more comfortable with Karl* I take it you'll need the eight millimeter wrench?

Karl: *on a rolling board under a machine* no, the ten millimeter

You: *hands him the wrench but drops it*

Karl: Arschgeige! (Literally means ass violin, but it's a rude outdated way of saying someone is an asshole)

You: *slams your foot down on the rolling creeper, right between his thighs, his testicles practically on your toes, and you pull him out from under the machine* Pass auf, Junge. (Means "watch out, boy" but in this case it's used as a warning)

Karl: Du kannst Deutsch! (You can speak German)

You: die ganze zeit (the entire time) *pushes him back under the machine and leaves*

Karl: *scrambling to get out from under the machine* wait! Warte! Liebling komm zurück! (Wait, darling, come back!)

You: *already in the elevator*

Duke: *hears Karl running after you and is absolutely delighted by the drama* oh my, what's going on?

You: Karl's a dick *exits the elevator on the top floor*

Karl: *floats up on a gear* where is (y/n)?

Duke: what did you do, I don't think I've ever seen them this mad before

Karl: I've been speaking my mind out loud in German, and it turns out they speak it as well.

Duke: I can sell you a box of chocolates and a bottle of champagne for three thousand lei

Karl: *sighs and reaches for his wallet* make it three bottles, and do you have any condoms

Duke: getting a little a head of yourself, don't you think?

Karl: do you have em or not?

Duke: yes *gives him the goods* good luck Lord Heisenberg. It's best to just apologize for whatever you did

Karl: yeah yeah, thank you.

469 notes • Posted 2021-06-25 19:02:50 GMT

#1

Imagine the nickname the red haired pirates gave you making its way onto your wanted poster

Shank: welcome to the crew princess *ruffles your hair*

You: that's not my name

Shanks: too bad *sticks his tongue out at you*

During a fight

You: *is cornered by several marines*

Benn: hang on princess, I'm coming! *comes to your rescue* four men against one woman! You boys ought to be ashamed of yourself!

When you receive your first wanted poster

You: no! No!

Shanks: what's wrong

You: this is your fault

Shanks: what I do?

You: this! *Holds up your poster for him to see*

Shanks: *snorts* oh my god

You: shut up!

Benn: *just woke up from a nap* what's going on?

Shanks: our little princess got their first wanted poster?

Benn: oh, really what's your bounty?

Shanks: six hundred million berries

Benn: damn princess, for a first time bounty that's up there.

Shanks: but wait it gets better, get a load of this *holds the poster up for him to see*

Benn: *bursts out laughing* can we frame that?

Shanks: you bet your sweet bippy we will.

In a fight against the marines

Smoker: so you must be princess of the red haired pirates

You: *furious* that's not my name! It's a nickname they call me!

Smoker: excuse me?

You: my name isn't princess, if I tell you my name can you get the damn poster fixed? My captain and crew have been giving me hell about it.

Smoker: I can do that

A week later

You: *receives a new poster with your preferred name on it, goes to shanks and slaps it on the table in front of him* read it and weep

Shanks: *looks at the poster* no! They changed it!

You: Smoker kept his word, I stand by my opinion that he's one of the only reliable Marines.

Shanks: I'll get it changed back

A week later

Shanks: *had his meeting with the five elder celestial dragons*

You: *receives a new poster with the name princess on it again* Shanks! What did you do!

Shanks: I asked the five elders to change it back and not allow it to be changed again

You: why!

Shanks: because you're our princess

480 notes • Posted 2021-06-27 19:02:26 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[funnybutobscurereference]

2021 is kinda a one piece year 🏴‍☠️ by AJ

you can actually buy those as prints (and there's one with baby shanks and buggy <3)

[odinsblog]

Protips for anyone staring down the army of a colonizing, imperialist world power—be they Russian, French, British or American

[royharper]

ukrainian roma are stuck in war zones with nowhere to go

there are roughly 400,000 roma in ukraine. it is estimated that 30,000 have no form of ID. our brothers and sisters in ukraine have long suffered under ukraine's right-wing policies and now many can't even escape the country as russia continues its invasion. ukrainian roma are being expected to fight for a country that hates them. i urge that you keep them in mind and educate yourself about the history of antigypsyism in ukraine by at least reading the thread below:

additionally, here is some news about ukrainian roma efforts during the war and the refugee crisis:

Roma in the Czech Republic and Slovakia join aid efforts for victims of Russian aggression in Ukraine - Romea.cz

zpravodajský server Romea.cz

Viktor Chovka: Roma in the Ukrainian Army are fighting the Russian occupiers, we were born in Ukraine and are defending it - Romea.cz

zpravodajský server Romea.cz

Roma from Kherson oblast in Ukraine capture tank from Russian occupiers - Romea.cz

zpravodajský server Romea.cz

here are some crowdfunds and organizations you can direct your support and money to:

Fundraising for Roma families in Ukrainian crisis

To raise money for Roma fleeing the war in Ukraine

Podpořte nejvíce válkou ohrožené romské děti a rodiny na Ukrajině!

Lidé na Ukrajině potřebují naši pomoc! Romské děti a rodiny patří k těm nejpotřebnějším a nejohroženějším i v běžném životě, válečný konflik

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Молодіжна ромська організація (@yngo.arca)

Chiricli

Chiricli. 728 likes · 42 talking about this. Chiricli assists vulnerable Roma and advocates for their integration into Ukrainian society. C

(chiricli is not currently taking donations yet afaik but please give them your support and attention nonetheless)

[alexyar]

tumblr made a $5/month add-free tier, and people in the notes to the staff post are like “staff you should just fucking die” and “imagine not knowing about adblock” and like??? What the fuck do you people want? Do you think this is charity? Tumblr did the absolute most non-intrusive thing possible to start making literally any money to run this website you all so “hate”. Do you understand that the alternative is “no tumblr”? No one is forcing you to pay. No one is forcing you to give up adblock. Staff are real people, who care about this place.

Like it’s not about the ads. I’ll pay $5 to tumblr because I think they’re neat and i would like them to continue to exist, and i can afford $5. The fact that I’ll stop being redirected to the amazon page for that one weighted blanket when i try to hide the pinned ad is a bonus, but I’d literally pay them $5/month ANYWAY.

[kalichnikov]

my problem isn’t with tumblr charging a subscription removal fee, something that you see a lot and used to see a lot more before websites figured out a new trick that tumblr is now using:

my problem with it is that in the last couple months tumblr made ads especially on mobile more and more obtrusive and annoying and are now coming out with this “premium feature.” I’ve never seen a clearer example of creating a problem to sell the solution on the modern web. it’s so blatant it gives me indigestion. if they want support from the userbase they could, I don’t know, create some actually new features or community tools and sell those maybe? perhaps innovate your platform a little? rather than making it worse and trying to charge money for the privilege of going back to how the platform worked six months ago?

[behindnightmaresanddreams]

No hey hold up don’t pull that “Ive never seen a more blatant(…)create a problem to sell a solution” because YouTube did it first and they got fucking annoying about it. Spotify did it first and they got fucking annoying about it. Tumblr is trying their best to accommodate the user base. They know we fucking hate their new ads and they’re trying to make the best of it. Their ads are what keep the site running, and they need us to watch ads, or pay them. If you don’t want ads, pay them, It’s not something they decided, it’s not a problem they’re making, they need money to keep the site running because server space will always cost money, electricity will always cost money, they need it to keep your content here. I don’t like it either but it’s better than the alternative.

[lemonlordleah-deactivated202212]

Does everyone know that Tumblr support consists of like 30 people? I didnt, and I used to give them massive shit. In 2017 they had 411 total staff members. Support staff numbers are much lower. Twitter has about 4000 staff, and Facebook has about 71000. Yes. 71000. So next time you people want to cry because something you don’t like happens on Tumblr, remember it’s being run by like 5 ppl and a hamster in a wheel. They aren’t taking your money. Get over it.

[fullhalalalchemist]

URGENT: 🚨🚨EARN IT ACT IS BACK IN THE SENATE 🚨🚨 tumblr's nsfw ban hitting the entire internet this spring 2022

February 1, 2022

I’m so so sorry for the long post but please please please pay attention and spread this

WHAT IS THE EARN IT ACT?

The EARN IT Act has been roundly condemned by nearly every major LGBTQ+ advocacy and human rights organization in the country. This is a bill that will make children less safe, undermine online safety and security, and trample free expression, because it carves out another exception to Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act (CDA 230), which the ACLU describes as “foundational to modern online communications.” This has been the law that has let the internet grow into what it is today, we’ve had this law since the 90s. (For context, Trump wanted to get rid of this law because he knew it would lead to mass govt surveillance and censorship of minorities online.)

The EARN IT Act will lead to online censorship. Platforms will be incentivized to scan their users’ communications and censor all sex-related content, including sex education, literally anything lgbt, transgender or non-binary education and support systems, and sex worker communication according to the ACLU. All this in the name of “protecting kids” and “fighting CSEM”, both of which the bill does nothing of the sort. In fact it makes fighting CSEM even harder.

If this bill passes, we're going to see most, if not all, adult content and accounts removed from mainstream platforms, for fear of the liability that could come with ever accidentally hosting CSAM, as well as the erasure of end-to-end encryption on messaging platforms.

This is really not a drill. Anyone who makes or consume anything “adult” online has to be prepared to fight Sen. Blumenthal's EARN IT Act, brought back from the grave by a bipartisan consensus to destroy Section 230.

EARN IT will open the way for politicians to define the category of “pornography" as they — or the lobbies that fund them — please, (Right now, right wing organizers are catgorizing books about racism as ‘porn’ to ban them from schools) which is a cherished goal of organizations that seek to reintroduce obscenity prosecutions for content now protected by Free Speech jurisprudence. This will 1000000% be used to eradicate anything LGBT online.

What this bill says it does on the surface is make platforms liable for their users’ activity if that activity involves sex and minors. However, because of 230, platforms are not liable at all about their users' activity. This has allowed platforms to grow and thrive and many niches online to as well. The bill also creates an unelected commission to create “best practices” to combat online child sexual exploitation. While these recommendations are nominally voluntary (so Americans have no decision on who gets to be on it), platforms that refuse to comply will be liable for criminal prosecutions and lawsuits should the government decide any of their users is engaging in online child sexual exploitation.

This is already a nightmare enough. But the bill also DESTROYS ENCRYPTION, you know, the thing protecting literally anyone or any govt entity from going into your private messages and emails and anything on your devices and spying on you.

This bill is going to finish what FOSTA/SESTA started. And that should terrify you.

Senator Blumenthal (Same guy who said ‘Facebook should ban finsta’) pushed this bill all of 2020, literally every activist (There were more than half a million signatures on this site opposing this act!) pushed hard to stop this bill. Now he brings it back, doesn’t show the text of the bill until hours later, and it’s WORSE. Instead of fixing literally anything in the bill that might actually protect kids online, Bluemnthal is hoping to fast track this and shove it through, hoping to get little media attention other than propaganda of "protecting kids" to support this shitty legislation that will harm kids.

The entire EARN IT act is based on *multiple* misunderstandings of the law and reality. It's a really really really bad policy that will do serious harm. But because Senator Blumenthal wants headlines, he'll pretend that it "helps protect the children." It won't. It'll do real damage. It will make CSEM much much worse.

One of the many reasons this bill is so dangerous: It totally misunderstands how Section 230 works, and in doing so (as with FOSTA) it is likely to make the very real problem of CSAM worse, not better. Section 230 gives companies the flexibility to try different approaches to dealing with various content moderation challenges. It allows for greater and greater experimentation and adjustments as they learn what works -- without fear of liability for any "failure." Removing Section 230 protections does the opposite. It says if you do anything, you may face crippling legal liability. This actually makes companies less willing to do anything that involves trying to seek out, take down, and report CSAM because of the greatly increased liability that comes with admitting that there is CSAM on your platform to search for and deal with. This liability would allow anyone for any reason to sue any platform they want, suing smaller ones out of existence. Look at what is happening right now with book bans across the nation with far right groups. This is going to happen to the internet if this bill passes.

(Remember, the state department released a report in December 2021 recommending that the government crack down on "obscenity" as hard the Reagan Administration did. If this bill passes, it could easily go way beyond shit red states are currently trying. It is a goldmine for the fascist right that is currently in the middle of banning every book that talks about race and sexuality across the US.)

NCOSE, the far right anti-LGBT hate group behind the global anti-sex legislations, is pushing the idea that any form of sexual expression, including talking about HEALTH, leads to sex trafficking. Their goal is to eliminate all sex, anything gay, and everything that goes against their idea of ‘God’ from the internet and hyper disney-fy and sanitize it. This is a highly coordinated attack on multiple fronts.

The reason these bills keep showing up is because there is this false lie spread by organizations like NCOSE that platforms do nothing about CSEM online. However, platforms are already liable for child sexual exploitation under federal law. Tech companies sent more than 45 million+ instances of CSAM to the DOJ in 2019 alone, most of which they declined to investigate. This shows that platforms are actually doing everything in their power already to stop CSEM by following already existing laws. The Earn It Act includes zero resources for proven investigation or prevention programs. If Senator Bluementhal actually cared about protecting youth, why wouldn’t he include anything to actually protect them in his shitty horrible bill?

The Center for Democracy & Technology (CDT) along with a coalition of 26 civil society organizations urged the United States Senate to reject the EARN IT Act. Groups on the left and right, including the ACLU, Fight for the Future, EFF, and Hacking // Hustling oppose it. Because it threatens free expression online and will threaten marginalized people’s safety while being totally unnecessary and failing to fix the problem it claims to address. The EARN IT Act empowers states to give law enforcement access to users’ private conversations and force companies to create encryption backdoors for law enforcement. This is totally unnecessary. Platforms are already handing over CSAM to the federal government. It’s actually likely to make prosecuting child molesters more difficult since evidence collected this way likely violates the Fourth Amendment and would be inadmissible in court.

I don't know why so many Senators are eager to cosponsor the "make child pornography worse" bill, but here we are.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

EARN IT Act was introduced yesterday! And it’s already scheduled to get marked up, which is the first step post-introduction. Most bills never go to markup, so this means they are putting pressure to move this through. IF YOU LIVE IN THESE STATES (IL, VT, CA, RI, MN, DE, CT, HI, NJ, and GA), CONTACT YOUR SENATOR AND HOUSE MEMBERS NOW. THIS IS URGENT. This is who gets first crack, and folks in all have Senators who are on the Judiciary committee.

I'm guessing this month or March is when the bill would be passed if there is no opposition 😭 The bill was re-introduced yesterday, already set for markup this Thursday. This feels like an attempt to fast track it this month. Additionally the current makeup of Congress favors those who want it passed. Back in 2020 it was mostly Senate republicans and democrats who are basically republicans (just like now, check the sponsors) pushing it with Ron Wyden using the filibuster to stop their efforts. The house dems didn't want to give Trump a win and needed to appear as pro-privacy/free speech for the 2020 election. Now the dems have the presidency, both chambers of Congress and if you've noticed have spent a few years repeatedly demanding social media censorship and desperately want to give Biden victories. biden isn't like obama who opposed sopa/pipa to appeal to younger voters. This is similar to how FOSTA passed with the group who made it happen last time back again. Far as I'm aware Wyden hasn't spoken about new earn it yet but even if he does oppose it, it's very possible there will be enough Senate democrats to join the republicans in passing it beating a filibuster. Then pelosi's band of house idiots pass it and we have to choose between breaking the law because they can't stop us from using encryption or being obedient sheep to a group who consider themselves above laws.

It already has a fifth of the Senate cosponsoring it. There is a very very very real chance this bill becomes law. This is an uphill battle that's going to happen fast and quick. PLEASE, FIGHT NOW.

202-224-3121 connects you to the congressional hotline.

This website takes you to your Senator / House members contact info. EMAIL, MESSAGE, SEND LETTERS, CALL CALL CALL CALL CALL. Calling is the BEST way to get a message through. Get your family and friends to send calls too. This is literally the end of free speech online.

More sources to read about this bill:

https://cathyreisenwitz.substack.com/p/the-earn-it-act-is-anti-evidence

Fight for the Future’s Statement

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=678EW8v09z8&t=1s

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20220131/22423648395/senates-new-earn-it-bill-will-make-child-exploitation-problem-worse-not-better-still-attacks-encryption.shtml

EARN IT Act treats Myths as Facts.

https://surviveearnit.com/what-is-the-earn-it-act/ From 2020, but little has changed about the bill.

https://www.protocol.com/bulletins/earn-it-act-back

Center for Democracy and Technology’s Statement

TLDR: The EARN IT Act will lead to online censorship of any and all adult & lgbt content across the entire internet, open the floodgates to mass surveillance the likes which we haven't seen before, lead to much more CSEM being distributed online, and destroy encryption. Call 202-224-3121 to connect to your house and senate representative and tell them to VOTE NO on this bill that does not protect anyone and harms everyone.

[weirdwerewolf-deactivated-deact]

i called both my senators and i hope you do as well

[pins-and-spirals-deactivated202]

I fucking know it's a word wall, but it's fucking VITAL to keep this from being passed. I can't do much across the pond in scotland, but if any american can help, PLEASE DO. This will affect american-based companies AND companies working on american internet. This is one of the utterly cataclysmic steps to a fash-ified, overly sanitized internet that not even the REPUBLICANS would want. Shut the bill while you can, please.

[titleknown]

Rebloggin to both add the EFF’s take on it, which makes me even more terrified of this awful bill, and add one additional wrinkle. 

There was this post circulating around Tumblr a while back talking about how “useless” it is to try and call your senators. But, while it’s less effective than most of us would like and you should do other methods if you can, the main wrinkle to people pushing back against that is that it does matter if a bunch of constituents are complaining about the same issue in aggregate, notifying that it’s a widely held sentiment.

So, in other words, we need as many people doing this as possible to make this a wave. If we get this bill dead via our input, every single voice will have counted in the end...

[titleknown]

I will also add this article on why the EARN IT Act is so much worse than the already godawful FOSTA-SESTA, and also to Mozilla and the EFF’s own campaigns to kill this bill.

Remember, every little bit helps!

[fullhalalalchemist]

URGENT: 🚨🚨EARN IT ACT IS BACK IN THE SENATE 🚨🚨 tumblr's nsfw ban hitting the entire internet this spring 2022

February 1, 2022

I’m so so sorry for the long post but please please please pay attention and spread this

WHAT IS THE EARN IT ACT?

The EARN IT Act has been roundly condemned by nearly every major LGBTQ+ advocacy and human rights organization in the country. This is a bill that will make children less safe, undermine online safety and security, and trample free expression, because it carves out another exception to Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act (CDA 230), which the ACLU describes as “foundational to modern online communications.” This has been the law that has let the internet grow into what it is today, we’ve had this law since the 90s. (For context, Trump wanted to get rid of this law because he knew it would lead to mass govt surveillance and censorship of minorities online.)

The EARN IT Act will lead to online censorship. Platforms will be incentivized to scan their users’ communications and censor all sex-related content, including sex education, literally anything lgbt, transgender or non-binary education and support systems, and sex worker communication according to the ACLU. All this in the name of “protecting kids” and “fighting CSEM”, both of which the bill does nothing of the sort. In fact it makes fighting CSEM even harder.

If this bill passes, we're going to see most, if not all, adult content and accounts removed from mainstream platforms, for fear of the liability that could come with ever accidentally hosting CSAM, as well as the erasure of end-to-end encryption on messaging platforms.

This is really not a drill. Anyone who makes or consume anything “adult” online has to be prepared to fight Sen. Blumenthal's EARN IT Act, brought back from the grave by a bipartisan consensus to destroy Section 230.

EARN IT will open the way for politicians to define the category of “pornography" as they — or the lobbies that fund them — please, (Right now, right wing organizers are catgorizing books about racism as ‘porn’ to ban them from schools) which is a cherished goal of organizations that seek to reintroduce obscenity prosecutions for content now protected by Free Speech jurisprudence. This will 1000000% be used to eradicate anything LGBT online.

What this bill says it does on the surface is make platforms liable for their users’ activity if that activity involves sex and minors. However, because of 230, platforms are not liable at all about their users' activity. This has allowed platforms to grow and thrive and many niches online to as well. The bill also creates an unelected commission to create “best practices” to combat online child sexual exploitation. While these recommendations are nominally voluntary (so Americans have no decision on who gets to be on it), platforms that refuse to comply will be liable for criminal prosecutions and lawsuits should the government decide any of their users is engaging in online child sexual exploitation.

This is already a nightmare enough. But the bill also DESTROYS ENCRYPTION, you know, the thing protecting literally anyone or any govt entity from going into your private messages and emails and anything on your devices and spying on you.

This bill is going to finish what FOSTA/SESTA started. And that should terrify you.

Senator Blumenthal (Same guy who said ‘Facebook should ban finsta’) pushed this bill all of 2020, literally every activist (There were more than half a million signatures on this site opposing this act!) pushed hard to stop this bill. Now he brings it back, doesn’t show the text of the bill until hours later, and it’s WORSE. Instead of fixing literally anything in the bill that might actually protect kids online, Bluemnthal is hoping to fast track this and shove it through, hoping to get little media attention other than propaganda of "protecting kids" to support this shitty legislation that will harm kids.

The entire EARN IT act is based on *multiple* misunderstandings of the law and reality. It's a really really really bad policy that will do serious harm. But because Senator Blumenthal wants headlines, he'll pretend that it "helps protect the children." It won't. It'll do real damage. It will make CSEM much much worse.

One of the many reasons this bill is so dangerous: It totally misunderstands how Section 230 works, and in doing so (as with FOSTA) it is likely to make the very real problem of CSAM worse, not better. Section 230 gives companies the flexibility to try different approaches to dealing with various content moderation challenges. It allows for greater and greater experimentation and adjustments as they learn what works -- without fear of liability for any "failure." Removing Section 230 protections does the opposite. It says if you do anything, you may face crippling legal liability. This actually makes companies less willing to do anything that involves trying to seek out, take down, and report CSAM because of the greatly increased liability that comes with admitting that there is CSAM on your platform to search for and deal with. This liability would allow anyone for any reason to sue any platform they want, suing smaller ones out of existence. Look at what is happening right now with book bans across the nation with far right groups. This is going to happen to the internet if this bill passes.

(Remember, the state department released a report in December 2021 recommending that the government crack down on "obscenity" as hard the Reagan Administration did. If this bill passes, it could easily go way beyond shit red states are currently trying. It is a goldmine for the fascist right that is currently in the middle of banning every book that talks about race and sexuality across the US.)

NCOSE, the far right anti-LGBT hate group behind the global anti-sex legislations, is pushing the idea that any form of sexual expression, including talking about HEALTH, leads to sex trafficking. Their goal is to eliminate all sex, anything gay, and everything that goes against their idea of ‘God’ from the internet and hyper disney-fy and sanitize it. This is a highly coordinated attack on multiple fronts.

The reason these bills keep showing up is because there is this false lie spread by organizations like NCOSE that platforms do nothing about CSEM online. However, platforms are already liable for child sexual exploitation under federal law. Tech companies sent more than 45 million+ instances of CSAM to the DOJ in 2019 alone, most of which they declined to investigate. This shows that platforms are actually doing everything in their power already to stop CSEM by following already existing laws. The Earn It Act includes zero resources for proven investigation or prevention programs. If Senator Bluementhal actually cared about protecting youth, why wouldn’t he include anything to actually protect them in his shitty horrible bill?

The Center for Democracy & Technology (CDT) along with a coalition of 26 civil society organizations urged the United States Senate to reject the EARN IT Act. Groups on the left and right, including the ACLU, Fight for the Future, EFF, and Hacking // Hustling oppose it. Because it threatens free expression online and will threaten marginalized people’s safety while being totally unnecessary and failing to fix the problem it claims to address. The EARN IT Act empowers states to give law enforcement access to users’ private conversations and force companies to create encryption backdoors for law enforcement. This is totally unnecessary. Platforms are already handing over CSAM to the federal government. It’s actually likely to make prosecuting child molesters more difficult since evidence collected this way likely violates the Fourth Amendment and would be inadmissible in court.

I don't know why so many Senators are eager to cosponsor the "make child pornography worse" bill, but here we are.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

EARN IT Act was introduced yesterday! And it’s already scheduled to get marked up, which is the first step post-introduction. Most bills never go to markup, so this means they are putting pressure to move this through. IF YOU LIVE IN THESE STATES (IL, VT, CA, RI, MN, DE, CT, HI, NJ, and GA), CONTACT YOUR SENATOR AND HOUSE MEMBERS NOW. THIS IS URGENT. This is who gets first crack, and folks in all have Senators who are on the Judiciary committee.

I'm guessing this month or March is when the bill would be passed if there is no opposition 😭 The bill was re-introduced yesterday, already set for markup this Thursday. This feels like an attempt to fast track it this month. Additionally the current makeup of Congress favors those who want it passed. Back in 2020 it was mostly Senate republicans and democrats who are basically republicans (just like now, check the sponsors) pushing it with Ron Wyden using the filibuster to stop their efforts. The house dems didn't want to give Trump a win and needed to appear as pro-privacy/free speech for the 2020 election. Now the dems have the presidency, both chambers of Congress and if you've noticed have spent a few years repeatedly demanding social media censorship and desperately want to give Biden victories. biden isn't like obama who opposed sopa/pipa to appeal to younger voters. This is similar to how FOSTA passed with the group who made it happen last time back again. Far as I'm aware Wyden hasn't spoken about new earn it yet but even if he does oppose it, it's very possible there will be enough Senate democrats to join the republicans in passing it beating a filibuster. Then pelosi's band of house idiots pass it and we have to choose between breaking the law because they can't stop us from using encryption or being obedient sheep to a group who consider themselves above laws.

It already has a fifth of the Senate cosponsoring it. There is a very very very real chance this bill becomes law. This is an uphill battle that's going to happen fast and quick. PLEASE, FIGHT NOW.

202-224-3121 connects you to the congressional hotline.

This website takes you to your Senator / House members contact info. EMAIL, MESSAGE, SEND LETTERS, CALL CALL CALL CALL CALL. Calling is the BEST way to get a message through. Get your family and friends to send calls too. This is literally the end of free speech online.

More sources to read about this bill:

https://cathyreisenwitz.substack.com/p/the-earn-it-act-is-anti-evidence

Fight for the Future’s Statement

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=678EW8v09z8&t=1s

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20220131/22423648395/senates-new-earn-it-bill-will-make-child-exploitation-problem-worse-not-better-still-attacks-encryption.shtml

EARN IT Act treats Myths as Facts.

https://surviveearnit.com/what-is-the-earn-it-act/ From 2020, but little has changed about the bill.

https://www.protocol.com/bulletins/earn-it-act-back

Center for Democracy and Technology’s Statement

TLDR: The EARN IT Act will lead to online censorship of any and all adult & lgbt content across the entire internet, open the floodgates to mass surveillance the likes which we haven't seen before, lead to much more CSEM being distributed online, and destroy encryption. Call 202-224-3121 to connect to your house and senate representative and tell them to VOTE NO on this bill that does not protect anyone and harms everyone.

[weirdwerewolf-deactivated-deact]

i called both my senators and i hope you do as well

[pins-and-spirals-deactivated202]

I fucking know it's a word wall, but it's fucking VITAL to keep this from being passed. I can't do much across the pond in scotland, but if any american can help, PLEASE DO. This will affect american-based companies AND companies working on american internet. This is one of the utterly cataclysmic steps to a fash-ified, overly sanitized internet that not even the REPUBLICANS would want. Shut the bill while you can, please.

[titleknown]

Rebloggin to both add the EFF’s take on it, which makes me even more terrified of this awful bill, and add one additional wrinkle. 

There was this post circulating around Tumblr a while back talking about how “useless” it is to try and call your senators. But, while it’s less effective than most of us would like and you should do other methods if you can, the main wrinkle to people pushing back against that is that it does matter if a bunch of constituents are complaining about the same issue in aggregate, notifying that it’s a widely held sentiment.

So, in other words, we need as many people doing this as possible to make this a wave. If we get this bill dead via our input, every single voice will have counted in the end...

[titleknown]

I will also add this article on why the EARN IT Act is so much worse than the already godawful FOSTA-SESTA, and also to Mozilla and the EFF’s own campaigns to kill this bill.

Remember, every little bit helps!

[fullhalalalchemist]

URGENT: 🚨🚨EARN IT ACT IS BACK IN THE SENATE 🚨🚨 tumblr's nsfw ban hitting the entire internet this spring 2022

February 1, 2022

I’m so so sorry for the long post but please please please pay attention and spread this

WHAT IS THE EARN IT ACT?

The EARN IT Act has been roundly condemned by nearly every major LGBTQ+ advocacy and human rights organization in the country. This is a bill that will make children less safe, undermine online safety and security, and trample free expression, because it carves out another exception to Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act (CDA 230), which the ACLU describes as “foundational to modern online communications.” This has been the law that has let the internet grow into what it is today, we’ve had this law since the 90s. (For context, Trump wanted to get rid of this law because he knew it would lead to mass govt surveillance and censorship of minorities online.)

The EARN IT Act will lead to online censorship. Platforms will be incentivized to scan their users’ communications and censor all sex-related content, including sex education, literally anything lgbt, transgender or non-binary education and support systems, and sex worker communication according to the ACLU. All this in the name of “protecting kids” and “fighting CSEM”, both of which the bill does nothing of the sort. In fact it makes fighting CSEM even harder.

If this bill passes, we're going to see most, if not all, adult content and accounts removed from mainstream platforms, for fear of the liability that could come with ever accidentally hosting CSAM, as well as the erasure of end-to-end encryption on messaging platforms.

This is really not a drill. Anyone who makes or consume anything “adult” online has to be prepared to fight Sen. Blumenthal's EARN IT Act, brought back from the grave by a bipartisan consensus to destroy Section 230.

EARN IT will open the way for politicians to define the category of “pornography" as they — or the lobbies that fund them — please, (Right now, right wing organizers are catgorizing books about racism as ‘porn’ to ban them from schools) which is a cherished goal of organizations that seek to reintroduce obscenity prosecutions for content now protected by Free Speech jurisprudence. This will 1000000% be used to eradicate anything LGBT online.

What this bill says it does on the surface is make platforms liable for their users’ activity if that activity involves sex and minors. However, because of 230, platforms are not liable at all about their users' activity. This has allowed platforms to grow and thrive and many niches online to as well. The bill also creates an unelected commission to create “best practices” to combat online child sexual exploitation. While these recommendations are nominally voluntary (so Americans have no decision on who gets to be on it), platforms that refuse to comply will be liable for criminal prosecutions and lawsuits should the government decide any of their users is engaging in online child sexual exploitation.

This is already a nightmare enough. But the bill also DESTROYS ENCRYPTION, you know, the thing protecting literally anyone or any govt entity from going into your private messages and emails and anything on your devices and spying on you.

This bill is going to finish what FOSTA/SESTA started. And that should terrify you.

Senator Blumenthal (Same guy who said ‘Facebook should ban finsta’) pushed this bill all of 2020, literally every activist (There were more than half a million signatures on this site opposing this act!) pushed hard to stop this bill. Now he brings it back, doesn’t show the text of the bill until hours later, and it’s WORSE. Instead of fixing literally anything in the bill that might actually protect kids online, Bluemnthal is hoping to fast track this and shove it through, hoping to get little media attention other than propaganda of "protecting kids" to support this shitty legislation that will harm kids.

The entire EARN IT act is based on *multiple* misunderstandings of the law and reality. It's a really really really bad policy that will do serious harm. But because Senator Blumenthal wants headlines, he'll pretend that it "helps protect the children." It won't. It'll do real damage. It will make CSEM much much worse.

One of the many reasons this bill is so dangerous: It totally misunderstands how Section 230 works, and in doing so (as with FOSTA) it is likely to make the very real problem of CSAM worse, not better. Section 230 gives companies the flexibility to try different approaches to dealing with various content moderation challenges. It allows for greater and greater experimentation and adjustments as they learn what works -- without fear of liability for any "failure." Removing Section 230 protections does the opposite. It says if you do anything, you may face crippling legal liability. This actually makes companies less willing to do anything that involves trying to seek out, take down, and report CSAM because of the greatly increased liability that comes with admitting that there is CSAM on your platform to search for and deal with. This liability would allow anyone for any reason to sue any platform they want, suing smaller ones out of existence. Look at what is happening right now with book bans across the nation with far right groups. This is going to happen to the internet if this bill passes.

(Remember, the state department released a report in December 2021 recommending that the government crack down on "obscenity" as hard the Reagan Administration did. If this bill passes, it could easily go way beyond shit red states are currently trying. It is a goldmine for the fascist right that is currently in the middle of banning every book that talks about race and sexuality across the US.)

NCOSE, the far right anti-LGBT hate group behind the global anti-sex legislations, is pushing the idea that any form of sexual expression, including talking about HEALTH, leads to sex trafficking. Their goal is to eliminate all sex, anything gay, and everything that goes against their idea of ‘God’ from the internet and hyper disney-fy and sanitize it. This is a highly coordinated attack on multiple fronts.

The reason these bills keep showing up is because there is this false lie spread by organizations like NCOSE that platforms do nothing about CSEM online. However, platforms are already liable for child sexual exploitation under federal law. Tech companies sent more than 45 million+ instances of CSAM to the DOJ in 2019 alone, most of which they declined to investigate. This shows that platforms are actually doing everything in their power already to stop CSEM by following already existing laws. The Earn It Act includes zero resources for proven investigation or prevention programs. If Senator Bluementhal actually cared about protecting youth, why wouldn’t he include anything to actually protect them in his shitty horrible bill?

The Center for Democracy & Technology (CDT) along with a coalition of 26 civil society organizations urged the United States Senate to reject the EARN IT Act. Groups on the left and right, including the ACLU, Fight for the Future, EFF, and Hacking // Hustling oppose it. Because it threatens free expression online and will threaten marginalized people’s safety while being totally unnecessary and failing to fix the problem it claims to address. The EARN IT Act empowers states to give law enforcement access to users’ private conversations and force companies to create encryption backdoors for law enforcement. This is totally unnecessary. Platforms are already handing over CSAM to the federal government. It’s actually likely to make prosecuting child molesters more difficult since evidence collected this way likely violates the Fourth Amendment and would be inadmissible in court.

I don't know why so many Senators are eager to cosponsor the "make child pornography worse" bill, but here we are.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

EARN IT Act was introduced yesterday! And it’s already scheduled to get marked up, which is the first step post-introduction. Most bills never go to markup, so this means they are putting pressure to move this through. IF YOU LIVE IN THESE STATES (IL, VT, CA, RI, MN, DE, CT, HI, NJ, and GA), CONTACT YOUR SENATOR AND HOUSE MEMBERS NOW. THIS IS URGENT. This is who gets first crack, and folks in all have Senators who are on the Judiciary committee.

I'm guessing this month or March is when the bill would be passed if there is no opposition 😭 The bill was re-introduced yesterday, already set for markup this Thursday. This feels like an attempt to fast track it this month. Additionally the current makeup of Congress favors those who want it passed. Back in 2020 it was mostly Senate republicans and democrats who are basically republicans (just like now, check the sponsors) pushing it with Ron Wyden using the filibuster to stop their efforts. The house dems didn't want to give Trump a win and needed to appear as pro-privacy/free speech for the 2020 election. Now the dems have the presidency, both chambers of Congress and if you've noticed have spent a few years repeatedly demanding social media censorship and desperately want to give Biden victories. biden isn't like obama who opposed sopa/pipa to appeal to younger voters. This is similar to how FOSTA passed with the group who made it happen last time back again. Far as I'm aware Wyden hasn't spoken about new earn it yet but even if he does oppose it, it's very possible there will be enough Senate democrats to join the republicans in passing it beating a filibuster. Then pelosi's band of house idiots pass it and we have to choose between breaking the law because they can't stop us from using encryption or being obedient sheep to a group who consider themselves above laws.

It already has a fifth of the Senate cosponsoring it. There is a very very very real chance this bill becomes law. This is an uphill battle that's going to happen fast and quick. PLEASE, FIGHT NOW.

202-224-3121 connects you to the congressional hotline.

This website takes you to your Senator / House members contact info. EMAIL, MESSAGE, SEND LETTERS, CALL CALL CALL CALL CALL. Calling is the BEST way to get a message through. Get your family and friends to send calls too. This is literally the end of free speech online.

More sources to read about this bill:

https://cathyreisenwitz.substack.com/p/the-earn-it-act-is-anti-evidence

Fight for the Future’s Statement

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=678EW8v09z8&t=1s

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20220131/22423648395/senates-new-earn-it-bill-will-make-child-exploitation-problem-worse-not-better-still-attacks-encryption.shtml

EARN IT Act treats Myths as Facts.

https://surviveearnit.com/what-is-the-earn-it-act/ From 2020, but little has changed about the bill.

https://www.protocol.com/bulletins/earn-it-act-back

Center for Democracy and Technology’s Statement

TLDR: The EARN IT Act will lead to online censorship of any and all adult & lgbt content across the entire internet, open the floodgates to mass surveillance the likes which we haven't seen before, lead to much more CSEM being distributed online, and destroy encryption. Call 202-224-3121 to connect to your house and senate representative and tell them to VOTE NO on this bill that does not protect anyone and harms everyone.

[weirdwerewolf-deactivated-deact]

i called both my senators and i hope you do as well

[pins-and-spirals-deactivated202]

I fucking know it's a word wall, but it's fucking VITAL to keep this from being passed. I can't do much across the pond in scotland, but if any american can help, PLEASE DO. This will affect american-based companies AND companies working on american internet. This is one of the utterly cataclysmic steps to a fash-ified, overly sanitized internet that not even the REPUBLICANS would want. Shut the bill while you can, please.

[titleknown]

Rebloggin to both add the EFF’s take on it, which makes me even more terrified of this awful bill, and add one additional wrinkle. 

There was this post circulating around Tumblr a while back talking about how “useless” it is to try and call your senators. But, while it’s less effective than most of us would like and you should do other methods if you can, the main wrinkle to people pushing back against that is that it does matter if a bunch of constituents are complaining about the same issue in aggregate, notifying that it’s a widely held sentiment.

So, in other words, we need as many people doing this as possible to make this a wave. If we get this bill dead via our input, every single voice will have counted in the end...

[titleknown]

I will also add this article on why the EARN IT Act is so much worse than the already godawful FOSTA-SESTA, and also to Mozilla and the EFF’s own campaigns to kill this bill.

Remember, every little bit helps!