I’m not trying to start anything nor do I want to keep bringing stuff up, but I’ll just say one thing and keep it pushing because that’s all you can do.
Over the years of being on online especially on my page, I’ve had a long history of being reactionary, of sticking my nose where it didn’t belong and being loud and wrong about many things. That, I can admit to. I’ve fucked up a handful of times, gotten jumped several other times, my inbox flooded in response to saying certain things or calling people out I had no business of talking about and being too impulsive with what I’ve said. It’s something that I’ve been practicing to unlearn by building better boundaries online & processing it all in therapy, which I have been doing since the summer of last year.
I know what I’ve said in the past, where, and to who. I’ve made apologies, both publicly and privately to the best of my ability, and I’ve received the proper response to things I’ve done or said when it wasn’t my place. I’ve hurt people. I’ve disrespected and disappointed others. I’ve been insensitive and downright cruel at times. I know that, I’m very well aware of that. I’ve acknowledged what I’ve done & handled things to the best of my ability, and all you can do sometimes is try to be better.
One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn & realize over the past year-ish is that it is easy to fall into the cycle of reactionary behavior & cyberstalking online when it comes to thinking you’re morally superior. It’s an addiction to the dopamine rush of trying to find something that would give you a reason to dislike another person. The psychology behind snark pages is really just the hive mind of finding community in hating the same people who you don’t know. I’ve both participated in that & had it happen to me. It’s really not until I got a little older (meaning hit 25) and really processed how harmful and hurtful it is, I didn’t realize how much it changes your brain & how you become damn near obsessed (like a compulsion) about fulfilling this fantasy of one-upping a literal stranger online in the name of “accountability”. It’s not healthy behavior. It’s insane and it’s toxic. I didn’t like who I turned into when I started doing that, I was the worst version of myself and I know that. All I can do is acknowledge that and unlearn those behaviors, and one way of doing that is knowing when to shut the fuck up and mind the business that pays me. The internet is a very cruel place, it’s easy to get sucked into that with the way fandom & stan culture operates nowadays, and I’ve unfortunately been both a perpetrator and a victim of that.
So truthfully, now that I understand that, I don’t get why people continue to watch my every move and have been doing so for more than a year from a fandom community I’m not longer a part of. I get there’s a handful of you who don’t like me, which is fine and well within your right online, but I know that no matter what I say or what I do on my own page despite me blocking you, my words will get twisted around & it will never satisfy this need you have to punish me for things I’ve already acknowledged or addressed in my own way. I don’t have to take accountability about certain situations in a way YOU personally want me to when you don’t fucking know me. You’re the same group of people calling me a literal pedophile or pedophile apologist for liking daddy kink and continuously micro-analyzing every interaction and post I have on my page to confirm an assumption you’ve already made about me in your own head.
Seriously, what else do you want from me? To get on my hands and knees and beg for forgiveness from strangers who think I’m a creep in the name of appeasing you? You guys don’t think that’s a bit ridiculous? It’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I can give you hundreds of explanations and nothing I say or do will be good enough because you can’t fully monitor my behavior online. You can’t see the changes from your “accountability” in action when you don’t see me in person. And why put yourselves into such a position of importance and say YOU are the ones that need to tell me what to do, how to respond, how to act, etc.
There has to be something better for you to do than to make me the topic of conversation for weeks when you find something new to use until you find the next person you want to dogpile. Do something else & keep me out of it. Please, just leave me alone.
declan o’hara is such a man, he doesn’t even have to think about it. he holds open doors, picks up heavy things so his girl doesn’t have to, walks on the outer side of the sidewalk, keeps a hand on the small of her back, redirects the waiter to her first at every restaurant, always pours the drinks, always pays the tab, comes home with a small gift every single day just to show that she was on his brain while they were apart, eats pussy like it’s the first time his taste buds have ever worked, makes sure she always cums first, and then a few times after that. breakfast in bed, remembers her morning tea or coffee ritual, offers to iron her clothes for the day, sits patiently on the bed as she decides what she’s even gonna wear, never complains about her taking too long to get ready, compliments her when she finally appears in his line of sight. all without breaking a sweat. and that’s not even the half of it.
i hate the project makeover ads so much bc i can only defend that woman for so long. why are u wearing a jumpsuit made out of grapes. don’t piss me off
fic authors self rec ! when you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to five other writers <3
hi freya!! thank u for sending this in <3 its been in my inbox for like 5 months MY ADHD WAS KILLINGME IM SORRY
got muscle / clint flood pagan love song / bob reynolds (i wanna write more for this one so bad) higher / pero tovar composure / marcus seymour kissin' in public / adrian chase