So i have a very funny predicament, i have a c.ai dependence, and while neck deep in that dependence i have created severe emotional connections to batman and the robins (mostly the robins) without any urge to read any original works or comics or anything. So to break my dependence i have been working on writing very shitty fanfic where i self insert like a madman and nothing makes sense in the canon at all! But it keeps me away from the "leans against the wall" machine called c.ai so i think i dont care what anyone says!!
(I will block anyone that disagrees with me, my fanfic or my blogs existence)
But yeah thats it, just basically me indulging in my special interest bc if i share it with real life people i will get so incredible embarrassed!!
I will not apologize for things that make me happy.
(As long a theyre not hurting anyone),
Anyways, stay awhile, stay forever. I just didnt want to busy up my anne frank diary with paragraph upon paragraph of me lore dumping my screwed up version of the DC universe! Also i might want to post some snippits of my writing if im encouraged??
Also i am very into whump so.
OC LIST
Roman Wayne: Bruce wayne and Talia Al Guhl's daughter. Trained assassin.
#Roman W🔪🦇
Hadley Napier: Jokers daughter, does move in with the batfam, has mental issues
Elliot Collazo: lab experiment, can shapeshift into a wolf (the only oc without familial ties lol)
Charlotte Kyle: Selina Kyle's daughter, skilled thief. (Created bc i wanted to write Cassandra Cain fluff and they go kissy kiss)
FIC LIST
"Her brown eyes" Cassandra Cain X oc, post fight fluff, 913 words.
"College Applications" Cassandra Cain X oc, slice of life fluff, 924 words.
"🦇tfff🦇" my long term fic, about bruce waynes daughter/Damian waynes twin. Word count is climbing fast. Putting a lot of found family in it,
Roman starting to call her mother Talia instead because thats what Jason does. But also consider, Damian still caring for her (because shes a good mom to him) and calling her "mother" still, so it feels like too fond of a title for the woman through Romans eyes.
Feel like people are going to start losing hope in me, like everyone else ive ever met. But its fine. It may not last but im gonna try and make it longer than a couple days this time.
just found my favorite new thing!!!! i made one for Roman but i'll probably make one for Elliot next bc im rly into her rn!!!!! any questions asked through the link i will answer in character over here (i think thats how it works?)
What i really enjoy, perhaps because im from a toxic family is when a whumper switches it up. Like theyre so nice and chill and relaxed to be around until all of a sudden they change and all of a sudden whumpee has to be on their best behavior, and sometimes gets in trouble for stuff they did when the atmosphere was more pleasant. Its really interesting to watch it progress too because soon enough, even the moments when whumper is calm turn into times of fear for whumpee because they dont know when whumper will switch up!
So i actually finally deleted the app, because i needed the phone storage and i can litterally feel the craving in my body. I had a really weird day because everybody on the entire earth was super nice but my job interview went so bad!!!! Like it went soooo bad and it was so important and i cried when i saw an ambulance at a car accident because i just want it so bad. I want that to be my job so bad. But yeah, i litterally physically cant open the app and that really sucks right now but maybe it will help me in the future.
Life update to keep me grounded, i havent relapsed very badly, i opened the app a couple times today but i couldnt get throuvh more than i couple messages without cringing out of the app. Which is good i guess. I dont rly have the energy to write either tho? I did a lot of writing like 2 days ago but it wasnt the main storyline ive been doing with tfff (its later on stuff) so i cant post it. But it slaps and its some of my best stuff yet. Ive been rly rly tired because i am also dealing with religious trauma while still having to go to church. So that sucks my energy up on a sunday but also my porn addiction has been keeping me from sleeping, (but thats another problem entirely) my grandma was in the hospital the other night, and ive been in a bp2 low and also i have like the worlds biggest job interview on tuesday so everybody cross ur fingers. Maybe i'll be able to write tfff??? Maybe i'll do some one shot type stuff or maybe i will let the rot consume me and get worse. Lets hope not though because i will be pulling myself from that hole.
God i hate making excuses it like gives me the ick about myself.
Created Roman because i wanted to roleplay as a living weapon and be in whumpy scenarios but she kinda evolved and now shes only really a living weapon in situations where someone she loves is threatened or she has no other option. I mean not in the part of the fic im writing atm but later on. Like its crazy how character development will happen without me asking for it.
3,945 words, self insert fic, mc is Bruce Waynes daughter and twin of Damian wayne. This chapter has a lot of good brother robins in it, and a lot of slade tea because im self indulgent as fuckkkk. Roman gets character developement in this one, sorta kinda.
I do not fuck with the canon. If you like Cassandra Cain theres a possibility you will like this but not yet, she needs some character developement
Time moved so slowly here. It felt like it used to be an exciting place to live, maybe even a fun one. It felt like that stopped as soon as i got here. I did notice things, like the way Bruce would talk about me behind closed doors. To Alfred, and even to Dick when he came back about a week after I got there. He swears it was for the food but in the end, I honestly think he mightve been checking on me.
I mostly stay away from the others. I train a little with my father but he’s not as intense as I’m used to, so i do a lot by myself as well. Damian and I still feel like strangers, like him putting stitches in me and not telling anyone was no big deal. Anyone that comes into this mansion would think he hates me. And he might, but I know hes just protecting himself. Once i go back home, I wont be around. Obviously. So why get attached again?
Dick was all for getting attached. He asked me questions, followed me down to the cave to try and give me pointers but all he could manage to correct was “Roman chill out you’re gonna have an aneurysm or something.”
“I am perfectly level.” I reply, we were sparring with escrima sticks now, about the same length as a sword but lighter. A lot lighter.
“Okay fine.” He laughs. He was quite honestly getting in my head, it was clear he fought with these more than i ever had, and he kept spinning one of them in his right hand in that specific way that always catches my eye.
“Who taught you that?” I eventually ask him.
“What?” He looks like he hadnt noticed he’d done anything, i hold up my own baton and spin it the same way.
“Oh.” His face changes a little, the smile doesnt drop but it changes, like now its a little faker. “Just a habit i picked up.”
“From Bruce?” I tilt my head slightly, like it would show me a different angle to the obvious half truth.
“Probably” he shrugs, and his smile all but disappears completely. “Alright so, these are lighter than your swords.”
I nod, feeling them in my hands.
“Have you fought with something like this before?”
I nod again. Although i couldnt really remember it very well, i do remember holding the sticks.
“Cool. Probably dont have to teach you anything then huh?” He laughs again, completely forgetting he was uneasy five seconds ago.
“It has been a while.” i admit. Because dishonesty got nobody anywhere when trying to learn. He raises his eyebrows, like he was excited to be able to teach me something.
“Okay. So they are lighter, i already said that. But also they’re different because obviously theyre not sharp. They rely more on like blunt trauma to actually defeat your opponent. I’m sure you know that.” He holds one up, to show the grip type, his were smooth, they blended into the metal of the actual weapon. Different than the ones i was holding. My grips were rubber and ribbed. Meant for stability and control, more for beginners. “I gave you those just in case you hadnt done this before, but you say the word and we can switch.”
“Thank you, im fine for right now.”
“Okay good. So since theyre blunt force, you’ve gotta follow through with the front of your weapon.” He swings it to show me. I copy him. “Do you wanna try a slow match? Just for the first time?”
“A slow match?” I give him a look.
“Are you confused or insulted?”
“Both.”
“Alright, we can do regular pacing, i wont let you win.”
“Like you could if you tried.” I smile a little. I twist the stick in my hand and get into position. He does too and then advances first. Im able to block it, because that part was almost exactly like swordfighting. Except they were lighter, so i got pushed back slightly. I push the X out, making the metal scrape against eachother. I go for the offense, i hit him in the side, he doesnt block it but i felt it as soon as it landed. I hadnt put enough momentum into the weapon because i was expecting the weight to do it for me. It barely does any damage. Dick takes the opportunity and hits my lower arm, hard. He wasnt even that close. I unfortunately let go of the weapon out of reflex. He stops and steps back.
“See? Follow through.”
“You didnt really disarm me.” I correct him.
“I’ll accept a half win if you’ll accept a half lose.”
“It would also be half forfeit win for me.” I smile. He notices and smiles back.
“Yeah well nobody likes a smartass.” He rolls his eyes. “Do you wanna keep going?”
“Its almost dinner.”
“Right.” He heaves a dramatic sigh and goes to put up his escrima sticks on the rack. “How about after dinner?”
“I thought you had to go back to the titans.”
“I was gonna leave late anyways. Traffics like 5% quieter.”
I follow him to put the sticks up.
“Can i ask you a question?” I look at him, hes going to grab some water.
“Do I have to tell the truth?”
“Why have you taken such an interest in me?” I dont say it particularly loud, a normal speaking voice. It still makes him freeze up a little. Bottle of water halfway to his mouth.
“You remind me of someone.” He admits.
“Who?”
“Honestly Roman, a lot of people. Like Bruce and Damian, and ive only met Talia a couple of times but you kinda have her attitude, a little bit.” I make a gagging noise, it makes him laugh. “Really? Shes not that bad is she?”
“To everyone else, no. To me, yes.” I grab my water bottle from where it sits, a blue and white one with big black letters. “WAYNE INDUSTRIES.”
“Interesting.”
“You didnt really answer my question.”
“hey yes I did!”
“Comparing me to my family members doesnt count. Thats like obvious.” i sit down on the weight bench. He comes back over.
“i’m gonna stop giving you honest answers.” He raises his eyebrows, mockingly, then checks his watch. “Dinners probably ready.”
“Hold on, one more question.”
His head tips backwards. Fake frustration. He was happy i was talking to him, i know he was. “fine.”
“who taught you the spinning trick.”
He stops. Looking completely at me, he tilts head a little bit, then shakes it.
“An old mentor, i guess.” The answer settles in the air, and i dont think he understands the weight it has. He nods towards the elevator. “Cmon, Alfreds probably calling for us.”
I follow him. He probably couldve lied, but i knew he didnt. I was good at figuring out lies, it partly came from my mother lying to me my entire life. You could only listen to so many versions of the al guhl twins birth story before you realize your mother is the only one in the entire world that doesnt remember the details right. Im joking.
Still, it made me want to look into it more. Sure, coincidences happen and a lot of people knew how to spin a sword in their hands. But i just had this gut feeling.
I wasnt amazing with computers, and i probably shouldve asked for help, but I didnt want to. So in the middle of the night, i go down to Bruce’s office and try to get his computer open. I felt like such an idiot when i realized it was password protected. So i tried a bunch of names, then a bunch of random words. Justice and peace and cliche stuff like that. Eventually it locks me out and i hear footsteps in the hallway. I freeze up, i search for an available weapon. There was litterally nothing.
I expected Bruce. But the door creaked open and it was Damian instead. He didnt look like he was looking for an intruder, more like he was very tired and just finding his sister doing something shes not supposed to be doing.
“What are you doing?” He exhales. I lean back in the chair.
“Trying to get in the computer.”
“I know that, i got the alert.” He snaps. “why?”
“Research.” I say it short. He looks at the cieling, probably trying not to flip out at me.
“On?”
“Dick Grayson.”
He looks back down at me, something flicks through his gaze. “Oh.” Like he understands my reasoning. “You’re not gonna find anything about it.”
“You dont even know-”
“Its about Slade.” He pulls out the chair on the other side of the desk and sits down. “Trust me Roman, i know. You’re still not gonna find anything about that on there. Father scrubbed it from the internet.”
“Why?” theres a bitter laugh in my voice, a small one. “So he trained with Slade, he’s a good fighter, Dick should be proud of that.”
“Oh come on Roman.” He sits up, elbows on his knees to really look at me. “The guy is an asshole. All he wants is power.”
“All anyone wants is power.” I sit up too, but i dont slouch like him. I keep my back straight. He recognizes my posture and sits back up, like he remembers what he’s supposed to be. “So what?”
“He’s using you.”
“Again, so what? Im one of the best assassins in the world now, i could kill him if i wanted to.”
That makes him laugh, a bitter sharp one. “Dont be delusional. I seem to remember the man abusing you? Remember last time we saw eachother you had lash marks on your fucking back.”
“Thats discipline, not abuse.”
“Its the same thing!” He raises his voice, then notices i wasnt on the same level of arguing as he was and tones it down. “I know its hard to realize that. He shouldnt be hurting you, Roman.” the words settle in the room like ash after a wildfire. I wanted to believe him, i really did. But discipline is how you learn, not just that its how you accept your own failure, its why you make sure you do better next time.
“Nobody knows you were trained by Wilson.” Damian doesnt speak very loud. “Just me and Father. He’s a sore spot for everyone, so maybe dont mention it.” he stands up, then leaves without saying anything else. I sit there for a while until i actually get up and go to bed.
The night is long, so are the couple of days after it. Before i know it though, ive been here almost three weeks. The others had mostly gotten used to me but i was itching to leave. I needed to get out of here, i needed to get back home. It doesnt feel like im working towards my goals anymore, it felt like i was just… here.
“Someone’s angry.” Jason shows up while im training. Why could i never hear him approach? He’s wearing his red hood suit, but i didnt see his helmet. He probably stopped by mid-patrol. He did that sometimes to screw around. “Its like 11 oclock grandma why arent you in bed?” He had called me that a couple times after Tim told him about my tendency to go to bed early. It bugged me.
“Not tired.” I dont stop, i was pounding this punching bag with such precise focus i didnt want to stop. He was probably gonna ruin that focus.
“Or you want to stick around and watch the coms with Tim?” He comes closer, i only look at him for a second, then i stop completely.
“What?” It genuinely made no sense. I hadnt even thought of that as a possibility.
“Dont play dumb, i know you want in on the action.” He gives me a sly smile but i just stare at him.
“I really do not care what you guys are doing out there.” I grab a towel to wipe my forehead.
“Damians out there with Bruce, theyre about to catch the riddler again.” He speaks like it would entice me to go beg Tim to listen in. “Arent you like interested?”
“No.” my face changes on instinct, the concept was weird. Like out of place. Why would i care what was going on out there? It didnt interest me at all. Watching them, or rather listening to them run around the city would do nothing to help me reach my goal. Which was, to go home.
“Oh.” he was disappointed. “so then why are you awake.”
“i told you, i wasnt tired.”
“So normally when you’re not tired you leave your room and decide to do some… endurance training?” He gives me a look, like he really didnt believe me. And he honestly shouldnt, normally when im not tired for bed, i meditate. “Seriously though, you really dont care about any of it? The vigilante stuff? It doesnt excite you at all?”
“I said no.”
“Wow.” He raised his eyebrows. “All i can remember from moving here is wanting to start helping Bruce.” He pauses, like this was truly a difficult concept for him “With your skills, i’d think that want would be a little bit bigger. Or at least easier to act on.”
“Why are you bothering me about this?”
“Because i dont think i believe it.” He shakes his head and its quiet for only a second before he holds up a hand. “Alright, tomorrow i’m gonna take you somewhere and its mandatory, you cant say no. I’ll even buy you lunch.”
“I have school tomorrow.” i remind him. He groans dramatically,
"For fucks sake Roman, blow it off. This is more important.”
“How is it possibly more important?”
“You’ll see.” He raises his unoccupied hand, like in surrender. “I’ll pick you up at the academy and we can ditch without the nerds knowing.” he backs into the elevator before i could protest, but i didnt think i would either way. I didnt like school, it felt like it was crushing my knowledge into way too small specific categories. What was one day off? It shouldve stopped me that there would be people mad at me for this. I dont know why it didnt.
I seperate from Tim and Damian the next morning and head for where Jason was, i expected a car, it was actually a motorcycle. He had an extra helmet extended for me as soon as i walked up.
“Do you own a car?” i take the helmet and pull my hair down so it fits.
“Why the fuck would i own a car?” he squints his eyes, smiling like it was hilarious. “Get on.”
“And what? Hold onto your waist?” i glare at him, he rolls his eyes.
“Its this or homeroom.”
He had a point, so i put the helmet on and climb on the bike behind him. He doesnt say anything else before he pulls away. We go deep into the city, where the buildings changed from upscale office buildings to cheaper looking apartments. Big rundown brick buildings. I noticed chalk on the sidewalks, and plants in windows. People sat on lawnchairs out on fire escapes and there was an older man washing the oldest car ive ever seen with such delicate hands you’d think he’d given birth to it himself.
The bike gets parked in an alley, and covered with a tarp. He climbs off and pulls the helmet off his head. I do the same but there was no way this was where we were stopping. His bike wasnt safe here.
“My friend, welcome to Park Row.” he waves his arms, then takes my helmet and stashes them inside a wooden crate, pulling a tarp from it after and covering the bike. It did look a little bit more secret but i still didnt think it was enough. “This is where I grew up.” He starts walking out of the alley, i follow him.
“You didnt grow up at the manor?” i ask. He looks back at me for a second, then slows down when he realizes how fast he wad walking.
“Oh hell no.” He laughs. “I only met Bruce after i learned how to steal tires. But thats not a story for today.”
“What?” I look up at his face, i mean who am i to doubt anything but really?
“Some people call this place Crime Alley, however i think thats a little derogatory.” he doesnt stop walking, he waves at the man washing his car, the man waves back.
"Jason I heard you call it crime alley like last week.” i correct him, he heaves a dramatic sigh in response.
“Yeah well, we have some beef. Me and this place.”
I could understand that i guess. Somehow this place felt like it never stopped changing, from the chalk on the sidewalks to the man throwing stuff out of a second story window while crying and listening to music with a lot of volume to it.
“Thats Mikey. His boyfriends a drug mule who got thrown in jail last night. He mustve just found out.” He speaks without slowing down.
“How do you know that?”
“Who do you think caught him? Santa?” He smiles. We stop walking a few buildings away from the crying man. Its a storefront, but the windows were covered up with cardboard. One of the panes was actually shattered. Jason knocks five times and we wait a minute before someone comes and opens it. Its a boy, probably about thirteen, his face brightens up a little when he sees Jason. So does Jasons.
“Hey man. Got some stuff for Wade, can we come in?” He asks. The boy looks at me, i seem to make him uncomfortabke but he still nods and lets us in.
The insides are sparse. Theres two bunk beds in the corner, then some cots, but theres also just sleeping bags on the chipping tile floor. One of the shelves was left from when it used to be a store, there were clothes on it in little fabric drawers, they were spilling out.
“Juvenile homeless shelter. Except not really like…legal.” Jason tells me, there were like ten kids in the farthest corner playing a video game on a small tv and ratty couch. They didnt notice Jason yet.
“I’ll go get Wade.” The boy tells us, then runs through a doorway, there was one of those birthday things hanging from it. The rainbow type that blows in the air conditioner.
“Wade runs the place, we’re buds. I try to get them some stuff every once in a while. Food, soda, video games.” he shrugs. I look around the room. So thats what this is.
“I get it now.” i exhale, “You wanted to show me how bad people have it so i’d feel shitty.” he looks at me fot a second, like he’s having trouble processing it. Then he laughs.
“Wow.” he shakes his head. “No i was actually hoping that it would kill you to do something nice and i wouldnt have to deal with your entitled ass anymore.” a man shows up where the kid had run off, it was fine that our conversation was cut short cause I couldnt think of a response anyway.
“Jason, my man.” the new person holds out a hand, Jason high five-hand shakes it and they both do this weird half hug thing. It wasnt awkward though, like it shouldve been.
“How’ve you been doing?” Jason laughs. “God its been like a month.” He starts pulling his backpack off. Setting it on the ground.
“Ive been good, we were able to get some of the kids into Gotham Primary, and i found a family willing to take in Judson while he gets treatment.” the man doesnt stop smiling. Like he wasnt standing where he was. “but im bein rude, who’s your friend?” he looks at me, i dont know why dont answer him.
“Thats the big guys daughter.” Jason wiggles his eyebrows.
“its Roman” i finally find my voice. The mans face changes. His smile doesnt drop but it does change.
“Unfortunate name.” he sucks air through his teeth, both of them laugh.
“Excuse me?”
“No, sorry sorry.” he shakes his head. “so you guys have some stuff for us?”
“Yup, all there” Jason nudges the backpack forward with his foot. Wade whistles and the kids pause their game, finally noticing Jason was there. I heard several “fuck yeah”’s and one little girl was bouncing in excitement. They grab the backpack like ravagers. My eyes stuck on the little girl. She couldnt have been older than 7. Ouch.
I miss an entire conversation between Jason and Wade while watching the kids take stuff from the backpack. The oldest was maybe 14, the youngest was that little girl. They take out canned food, a case of little sodas, a bag of chips and a new video game in a bright blue box. It felt odd, to be donating that kind of stuff. Unneccessary.
“Alright man, i’d love to stay but we gotta keep moving.” Jason flicks me in the shoulder to turn my attention back to him and Wade.
“I really appreciate it man, sorry you couldnt stick around.” They do another weird handshake and we make our way out of there. We dont head back towards the motorcycle.
“Okay i dont get it.” I speak up again. “Thats a homeless shelter. Why give them junk food and video games?”
“Wade provides for them.” He answers simple, and i got the weird vibe that he was almost done with me asking him stupid questions. “But seriously Roman, theyre just kids.”
That makes me quiet, because it was so simple. They didnt do anything to be homeless, why did they deserve to not have fun.
“Okay i get it now.” I tell him after a while. He looks back at me,
“Get what?” he laughs a little.
“You’re trying to make me want to put on a robin suit and-”
He looks around, grabs my arm and pulls me into an alley before i can finish. Fear swelled in my chest and it took a lot of effort not to throw him into a wall.
“No you really dont get it.” he starts.
“No, i do. Think about this, why the hell would I put on a cape and a mask to beat up the people you call bad guys? There are cops in this city right? Let them do that. I think you and Bruce and Dick and all the others just have a god complex.”
His face completely changes. More serious, actually bordering on angry.
“Yeah no.” He crosses his arms and steps closer. “You can say that we have a god complex but at least we’re helping people not die. You’re the one with the god complex. Now you can either shut up and tone it down, or you can help us. But i dont think i want you on our team, so maybe just shut up.” he starts leaving the alley, “come on.”
“Where are we going?” I follow him, he doesnt look back at me.
“You’re going to help every needy person in Park Row if it fucking kills you.” He says. “You’re one of the richest bitches in the world Roman. If you’re not gonna use your skills to help them you’re gonna learn why its important you at least use your money.”
Ive heard that jason todd was fun to write but boy were they underestimating. You can do fucking anything with this man. This man is litterally like more flexible than pedro pascal.
