why does kerri leave in the middle of conversations so frequently?
eh, from her point of view, the conversation is over. what needs to be discussed has been discussed, and she doesn't feel obligated to stay around and stew while people make small talk. Isn't taking your leave after the end of a conversation Normal?
(it is, of course, typically because she's Upset, and being Upset is a prompt to Leave, because other people don't like it when you're Upset, so just remove yourself from the equation so other people don't have to suffer your presence)
granted, it's hard to properly articulate what's been bothering kerri, especially In The Moment. the only thing keeping her from breaking down and sobbing in frustration is her pride. (it's not a matter of not appearing weak. it's being Angry because the alternative is admitting she's Sad because she feels like a very important door has slammed in her face, when she's supposed to be the person who just rolls with whatever because her life doesn't know structure (another lie, if you pay attention to how dedicated she is to her routines)) Be angry, rather than be sad because she feels like all of the time she's spent practicing and working on her repertoire and technique has been utterly pointless. because people will still just brush her under the rug because, As Always, she's not what they're looking for.
And now Fletcher wants her to spend time with Reverence, when... those feelings are complicated. Reverence is what people are looking for. She got the job. And she took the job.
And if she sees Reverence quickly adapting to using the party for cover, it means Caelinead was right. All Kerri ever was was just a big dumb meat shield.
She wants to find somewhere to Scream, but there are so many people and she's too tired to conjure the magic mansion, the only place that's ever felt like it's Hers. (The place nobody else wants to be in, judging by the fact that they'd rather stay at a cheap inn. But she keeps telling herself that she's used to her own wants being astronomically different from what everyone else is after.)
meanwhile, we're making bad impressions with people Fletcher cares about. kerri's not going to address that, because she doesn't even begin to understand why we're Posturing Violently at a guy we'd offered to help, when he's alone and unarmed and by all appearances is just... some harmless dingus with family problems. She knows she tends to escalate just for the fun of it, but that was. entirely uncalled for.
and. with it now clear that there's no such thing as being Too Good To Be Ignored. she has to reevaluate all the plates she has spinning. And... figure out a different course to plot, if this has all been a colossal waste of time.
but that can wait until after the job. help someone else save the world first, and then you can figure out your struggle for relevance.
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