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Gabriel Priest 18/Philly

[gtfoholden-blog]

“You are now looking at a guy who will be moved out of his two bedroom space into a one bedroom space in like a week. So, you wanna be a great friend and help the crippled guy pack?”

[gabaspriest]

“Even being crippled you have to be like, twice my size. I might be persuaded if you pay me? Did you hurt yourself of something?”

[dcmienmcwilliams]

“Have you ever sat and thought that the people at buffets could possibly kill us all if they wanted to?”

[gabaspriest]

“What the fuck? What do you mean?”

[ruinedchildhood]

[mostlysignssomeportents]

[8-bitstories-deactivated2020062]

[blowmecasey]

“I’ll be 29 in a little over a month,” he revealed not that he had any shame in almost being thirty. He still had his looks and if marijuana actually was chalk full of medicinal properties he’d damn well live to be 200. Casey didn’t even bother to return the question already knowing that there there was no way this kid was older than 20 and even giving him that was very, very giving. “You’re kind of a shrimp, I don’t want you breaking a sweat just to keep up with me. Also, seriously? Popcorn? First of all that shit’s barely even a dollar and it’ll make you unnaturally bloated. She’d have been caught even if she didn’t trip like a dingus.” Casey took the strip and popped it in his mouth. STILL JUST AS BLANDLY SWEET AS HE REMEMBERED IT BEING A MILLION YEARS AGO AND EVEN AS YOU READ THIS THE FLAVOR IS ALREADY BEING LOST. After falling into an easy silence they finally approached the shop. “Be careful in there. It’s not really cleaned up right now,” he warned as he shoved his key in the door and pushed it open. ‘

[gabaspriest]

Gabe wasn’t so much thrown off by their age gap as he was by the fact that this guy was almost thirty. He didn’t look like he was pushing the big 3-0 but then again --- did Gabe really know what a thirty year old was supposed to look like? Not really. He just knew that when he was younger, that age seemed practically ancient, “That’s cool I guess. Kinda sucks that you had to live through two Bush’s. I turn 19 soon.” That was a lie though if he confronted with it, Gabe would probably just insist it was a stretch of the truth. Granted he had to wait another eight months before turning 19 but it was already August and the rest of the months until March could easily fly by just as fast. “Are you kidding? That boom boom pop popcorn or whatever is like $4 for a bag. It’s ridiculous and it’s not even that good. I think she just wanted to act cute or something though. Be a little rebel and say ‘fuck you’ to the system by shoving a bag of popcorn down her shirt because that’ll show them. Kids are dumb. Who knows,” he sighed, scrawny shoulders shrugging to emphasis what a loss he was at trying to wrap his head around that reasoning. Gabe kept himself entertained the rest of the journey toying with his phone, hardly noticing they’d arrived until the warning came, squinting up at the sign that hung above the doorway, “I’ve got shoes on, I’ll be alright, man.”

[hystericwidow-deactivated202002]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[gabaspriest]

@zachariaplsx: @gabesaurus i am so offended by the plant and it doesn't even have eyes it's just existing

@gabesaurus: @zachariaplsx wtf THAT BASTARD how does it not have eyes??? how are they even alive???? does a bug have a brain?????

[gabaspriest]

@zachariaplsx: when ur comin off the molly and the house plant looks at you the wrong way

@gabesaurus: @zachariaplsx just don't make eye contact

[blowmecasey]

“She’s not. I’m older than you, I should be able to remember her age better. You don’t really scream JLo’s number one fan,” he commented. He could settle this once and for all by whipping out his phone but actually taking the effort to google gave him crappy first generation iPhone commercial vibes. “Well you’re able to walk and talk, I’d give yourself more credit than that. Not that I’ll give you a refund if you break it. Once it’s out of my shop it’s no longer my responsibility. Can I have a piece?” Casey asked watching the teen chop down on a slice of the FLAVORLESS AND ALL AROUND CRUMMY GUM ONLY FUTURE SERIAL KILLERS PROBABLY EAT. It’d been probably a decade since he’d last had it. 

[gabaspriest]

“How old are you anyway?” Gabe dared to bring up the age thing, the maturity difference between them pretty obvious but Casey didn’t exactly look old enough to be a friend’s uncle and maybe just a little too old to be their hot brother. He looked stuck in that limbo phase of being a young adult and not-quite having his shit together (like all millennials RIP). “Well you’re walking kinda slow. Your pace is easy to match. Plus, it’s like only bad shit like that happens when you’re trying to be careful, you know? So this one time my friend was trying to steal of a bag of popcorn for who knows what reason and of course that just had to be the only time in her life she tripped over her shoe laces. Fell onto the floor of the store and popcorn went flying out her shirt all over the aisle in front of her. Moral of the story is: shit happens,” Gabe insisted, matter-of-factly even, about to put his FLAVORLESS CONVENIENCE STORE GEM OF A FIND GUM away when the other asked for a piece. “Yeah, of course,” he grinned offering him a stick.

[wtfemery-blog]

“Yeah, I mean… It sounds like a good idea, but how the hell are we gonna do it without someone catchin’ us and callin’ our asses out? I, for one, think we should think a little smaller.”

[gabaspriest]

“I need an adult! I don’t know what you’re planning and I’m no snitch but I’m too young for jail and too old for juvie.”

[londonscallinghq]

“Please tell me you have some candy on you, I’m craving gummys but I will literally take anything you have.”

[gabaspriest]

“I’ve got cinnamon bears if want those? You can only have like, three. I had to settle for these after I was too broke for Jelly Bellys and walking around the candy store looking like Oliver Twist.”

[scattttterbrained]

[wishiwasharleyquinn]

“Yes, I’m aware there’s blood on my shirt. No I didn’t finally kill anyone and no I didn’t get myself stabbed. I had a cut and it opened, didn’t realize it until someone pointed it out. I’m fine in case you cared.”

[gabaspriest]

“You know that movie Apocalypto where the one guy is running and the guy running from them is hiding in the tree bleeding and it drips down onto the guy chasing him. And then all the guys trying to find him notice the blood on the one guy’s shoulder and they’re all like ‘what the fuck’. I thought maybe there was some bleeding person just dripping blood somewhere and you unknowingly gave away their hiding spot. I’m kidding! What’s the cut from?”

[ossowskeet-blog]

“Yeaaaah, you wouldn’t wanna overshoot and embarrass yourself. What team’d you join? If you don’t say Valor we’re fighting a cagematch, fair warning. Ha! That’s golden, honestly — right next to DJ Khaled getting Apple to use their most powerful servers & Mr. Trump wantin to shut it all down. Like, damn, I can’t believe y’all get paid for bein that dumb. You should tell your mom she chose the wrong team & she’ll rot in hell for it, tho; Edward was like, clearly a freak. Jacob’s been the only way to go.”

[gabaspriest]

“Team Mystic, obviously. Blue’s the dominant color plus the trench coat reminded me of that one dude from Yu-Gi-Oh! mixed with one of those wanna-be goths from the eighth grade. Totally my aesthetic, you know. DJ Khaled is a blessing! Don’t ever talk about the King of Snapchat like that. Personally, I can’t wait to get old and be talking to kids like ‘back in my day we actually had to carry the iPhones in our pockets, you don’t know how lucky you have it’ and being completely clueless to new technology. Like skip me ahead to that time in my life. Ignorance is fucking bliss. Well she’s also 38 and probably felt like a pervert looking at the other dude. You never know though, Jacob might’ve been capable of some freaky shit too once in heat.”

[pubertyring]