I have repeated myself so much on here. I feel that I’m not really helping anyone anymore. If I was, then maybe I would feel better about the ‘vents’ about love and why it keeps me alive on here. Why keeping love and romance alive in your life and in mine actually makes things so much more fun and exciting and worth writing about in a positive way. But because the world has been mean to me with romance and love and I am ready to not have it be that way.... so much.... I feel like I’m just a burden on here.
My blog in the beginning was to motivate others to be about love and romance and to stop listening to everyone around them, and listen to themselves internally about what it is that makes you feel alive and what genuinely makes you feel like you’re loved.
For me it is about encouraging romance, and bringing back the qualities it seems people are getting lazy about when it comes to really being in love with someone. It’s about what makes me feel loved, unloved and what should happen. It includes affirmations, prayers and goals and how not to let anyone tell you, what ‘realistic’ actually is. It’s different for everyone. My realistic is so much different than others’. I’m ok with that. I don’t care how many people tell me I’m crazy or what they think of me ever.... but since this blog has given me more sadness than good...
“Exertion” this is my life and this is where I leave you all. I believe in love and I believe in the kind of love that I have always wanted. I deserve the fairytale and the romance as much as you do as long as you value it. I have always found the best ways to exert myself and to really go above and beyond because of love and because of what I value.
But right now, I feel like this whole thing, the love I need and really value isn’t valuing me. I don’t feel loved... exerting myself has become so sad, especially because I’m alone and all I’ve wanted was to be with a man that who really enjoyed this... who really wanted what I wanted only with each other.
GrantAndrews was the person I lost that created all of this. After he left me super broken, blogging I thought would lift me and others...
But I’m still alone. For some reason I thought it would bring the right kind of man into my life. How sad.
It brought Phil Kenney out of his shell but he still treated me like shit after all of these years. And I really had hope...
Who else is sock of exerting themselves and wanting to be so happy just to get hurt and damaged by someone again???
I want to be loved and given everything so I can forget about everything that I’m trying to heal. But I am not a man.... and I need a man that wants to save me, be with me, sleep with me, stay with me, commit to me, be loyal to me, and not be a fucking jerk. I deserve that now and so I leave all of you with a super sad last blog about how important it is to stay in love no matter how much work it takes. Just fucking make time and be there. Don’t make excuses, make it fun. Don’t get lazy, get excited.
Otherwise.... all of this emotional exertion really only leads to death and hurt and destruction.
I love you GrantAndrews. I loved you so much Phil Kenney, but you’re lost me because you never wanted a relationship, you never wanted loyalty, you never wanted to stay.... you never chose me over everyone else. You put me last.
I have always put the people I love first. ALWAYS... because that shit does come back around. It does make a difference when you own a business and you’re making an impact on the world. If you take time to do so many things and you don’t forget about the love behind them, you will do so much better than everyone.
Love. My love life, is a priority. My finances and goals and dog and classes are a priority. My peace is a priority. My family and friends who really care are priority. But I refuse to pour from an empty cup. I choose love, romance, success, fun, laughter, and creating memories. I choose to change the world. I deserve a man who wants that for me too and who wants to really support me and love me in a way that is equal to the level of success and passion and intensity that I’ve always found ways to be and do for others. I have always exerted myself for others to lift them up.
I love with all that I am. I love you. Goodbye.
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