sam, who death forgot

eligible, not too stupid. intelligible, and cute as cupid. knowledgeable, but not always right. salvageable, and free for the night.

[infertilityidol]

[infertilityidol]

#death #hole #homeboys #weiner #weiners

[transcyberism]

sometimes I almost forget slut is a derogatory term. it's so friend shaped to me. I love when things are slutty. I love sluts and slutting it up. it's a cute word. make every day sluttier than your last. sluttttt

[transcyberism]

the kink bloggers found this post and are putting horny stuff in my notifications but I'm not even mad. the sluts are in the notes of the slut positivity post. all is as it should be.

[chiarrara]

why was messi lowkey serving saddam hussein hiding spot

[emotargaryen]

one of the tweets of all time to me

[1794]

mustard snob canon

[crabussy]

-> listening to a jaunty country style song -> hear the lyrics wrong -> pause. frown. go back a few seconds to relisten -> hears the same fucked up lyrics -> check the actual lyrics to see what it ACTUALLY says

-> oh!

[crabussy]

your revulva....

[grapnel]

An example of why one should use the Oxford comma.

[sepdet]

LOL. I think they tried to fix it.

Nice try. Still no.

[rivendellrose]

Wake up, babe, a new example of why the Oxford comma is a really good idea just dropped...

[apricops]

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

[funstyle]

Ive been taking a screenshot every time i get pissed off by words

[funstyle]

Kinda love that tote bag but "only 2000 points in the myPurina app" is breaking my brain

[funstyle]

????

[funstyle]

[loveridden1999]

guys i'm not feeling well (←person who has never felt well a day in their life)

[jeaniefranklins]

Mike Flanagan's The Picture of Dorian Gray: Dorian and Sybil get married and Dorian is saved by the redemptive power of family.

Mike Flanagan's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Mr. Hyde is snapped out of it by his daughter (who he has in this version) nobly sacrificing himself so that she and Jekyll can live happily ever after.

Mike Flanagan's The Yellow Wallpaper: the narrator gets to see her baby and is so overcome with love that she recovers and rejoins the family.

Mike Flanagan's The Woman In Black: Arthur manages to reunite Jennet and Nathaniel's ghosts, and they walk off into the sunset together holding hands.

Mike Flanagan's We Have Always Lived In The Castle: Constance and Merricat hug it out.

Mike Flanagan's The Ring: Reiko adopts Sadako's ghost and raises her with Yoichi.

[xenogears]

Shout out to the (many) times I got called an elitist gatekeeper for saying that the only real way to fully understand a work of fiction is to experience it firsthand and that summaries and reviews are not a replacement for that

[the-lincyclopedia]

Me, reading the first 80% of the post: What do you mean, "experience it firsthand"? How am I supposed to join the Hunger Games or go on the Odyssey?

Me, reading the final clause of the post: Oh, you literally meant that people have to read the book/listen to the audiobook in order to fully understand it. And people got mad. Oh dear.

[marisatomay]

To quote what a friend of mine said after she watched Jerry Maguire (1996) for the first time, having thought she knew what it was about because of its cultural ubiquity: “you miss a lot of a movie when you don’t watch it”

[hyrude]

when bilbo first gave frodo this pearlescent bralette he was being shady because he thought the top would be wearing him. it's like giving your kid sister louboutins when she can't even walk in block heels.

so you know the girls were gagging here

[thestuffedalligator]

Human Is is a 1955 Philip K. Dick sci-fi short story where a guy goes to another planet for work and when he comes back to Earth his personality has flipped from an asshole to a sweet, kind, considerate man. Everyone's immediately convinced that an alien has taken over his body, this goes all the way to court, and in court his wife testifies that she's noticed no changes at all and so the charges are dropped.

And then there's a bit right at the end of the story as the wife and the husband are walking out of court:

Jill turned abruptly. "What is your name? Your real name."

The man's gray eyes flickered. He smiled a little, kind, gentle smile. "I'm afraid you would not be able to pronounce it. The sounds cannot be formed..."

Jill was silent as they walked along, deep in thought. The city lights were coming on all around them. Bright yellow spots in the gloom. "What are you thinking?" the man asked.

"I was thinking perhaps I will still call you Lester," Jill said. "If you don't mind."

"I don't mind," the man said. He put his arm around her, drawing her close to him. He gazed down tenderly as they walked through the thickening darkness, between the yellow candles of light that marked the way. "Anything you wish. Whatever will make you happy."

And I. God. There's something there. A soupcon of monsterfuckery. To tell your partner in a moment of intimacy that yes, you're something so inhuman that the lips you're stealing can't speak your actual name. You're a parasite that not only had the ability to burrow under this man's skin and take over his life, but you were so desperate to escape a dead, dry, blasted planet that you did.

And for your partner to then turn around and go "I know, I've always known, and I love you" is just. God I know it's not a great Dick story but something about it is making me lose my mind

[thestuffedalligator]

Also it's explicitly stated that the guy's consciousness is still alive and preserved on the alien planet. Jill is told this and then proceeds to defend the alien anyways, ensuring that her husband's brain is stuck in a jar on a desert planet. You love to see it

[rynsketches]

these tags by @vaguely-concerned cracked me up so I had to sketch it as baby Orufrey

bonus:

[activityenjoyer]

Hi, it’s me, your Flix Bus driver. I heard some of you back there asking why we’re on this dirt road in the middle of a cow pasture if this is supposed to be a direct line from Berlin to Munich. To that I say: you all need to mind your own damn business and look at the fucking moo cows.

[mlkseok]

[oneheadtoanother]