[thebootydiaries]

me age 12: oh god i missed a two millimeter spot of hair when i shaved i guess i'll go to the beach in five layers of clothing so no one notices

me now: Hello friends it is i Bigfoot #confirmed

[flowerinaflame]

[eye-know]

[drawsshits-inactive]

[bobertlutece]

this whole thing is way too good to be giffed you need to expirience it 

[frankocean]

[aboorayhaana-deactivated2018042]

What is yours will find you.

[proudmore]

My keys, frantically running through the crowded streets searching for me;

[thoodleoo]

places ranked by how good the mental breakdown i’ve had in them was

1. public restroom: 7/10

solid breakdown location. most people won’t bother you since they’ve all been there before. you can also lock yourself into a stall and there are conveniently mirrors for making sure that you look okay before you leave

2. shower: 9/10

great place to have a breakdown. you can stay in as long as you want and then recuperate by standing under the hot water. nobody can see your tears if your face is wet from showering. only issue is that i’d rather be hosting my own abba concert

3. in your car on the way to work: 4/10

fairly private but can become dangerous. bonus of being able to mostly operate on autopilot but may have to pull over until you can see the road again. god help you if you drive on a highway. also then you have to deal with post-breakdown fuzz at work

4. in your bedroom at 3 am: 6/10

okay, but i’d rather be sleeping at this time. does have the added benefit of already being in bed so once you’re exhausted from crying you can just pass out.

5. in front of people who care about your wellbeing: -10/10

horrible. anything but this. do not recommend.

[striders]

literally every skin and hair care professional in the world: hot showers are really damaging!!!

me, stepping out of the shower into a bathroom filled floor to ceiling with steam, my skin glowing neon pink after i’ve scrubbed every inch of my body raw under boiling water: Interesting!

[kngshxt-deactivated20180831]

why did i try weed omg ima die i feel like a a dvd player

[honeybottledrip]

this is genuinely the funniest thing i’ve ever seen i’m losing it

[lagonegirl]

Teller: To open an account I’ll need a first name. 

Me: Robin 

BT: and last? 

Me: Dabanc 

BT: So ur Robin Dabanc? 

Me:

[o-livalil]

this was one of the accounts linked to the ira i’m gonna SCREAM

[tariqah]

Instead of robbing the bank she robbed Hillary Clinton of votes :( Icon

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

how the human brain works:

electricity tickles the meat so that different slimes come out. sometimes the slime feels good sometimes bad. some people make more bad slime than good slime. that’s called clinical depression.

[reverbpotato]

my biology textbook said it was more like a sauce

[lonelymountainson]

What is a sauce but slime with a purpose?

[newtkins]

i literally never force myself to do anything thats probably my biggest problem abjzsdgdhdj

[newtkins]

me: ugh i dont want to do that

brain: dont do it then

me: can’t argue with that

[scornpios]

W’Kabi: Would you kill me my love?

Okoye:

[seriousjones]

symptoms of major depression, or "blues clues,"

[gilasaurus]

friend: wow you’re such a kind person!

me: 

[babyanimalgifs]

Dogs are the smartest and most gullible creatures at the same time lmao