Antisocial bitch

Big titty goth bisexual with a personality disorder, that's me! I love money and having fun, but who doesn't? If you feel like it you can ask me anything.

[autistic-bipolar-psychotic]

Shout out to mentally ill people who dropped out of school

- shout out to the kids who were “so bright” and ‘heading somewhere” and had to drop out because school was too much to handle along with mental illness

- shout out to the kids who struggled to get where they got before they dropped out

- shout out to the kids who tried and tried and tried and still couldn’t finish

you aren’t unintelligent because you dropped out of school, you aren’t a delinquent or a bad person because you dropped out of school, just because you did what you had to doesn’t make you a bad person

[furiousgoldfish]

me as a kid: eats irregularly, gets stressed, scared and depressed every day of the week, gets eaten up by anxiety, dissociates for weeks, has crazy dangerous ideas of how to cope, self harms, gets abused by toxic friends, falls into obsessions to have meaning in life

my parents: literally do not notice a single thing

me: neglected? me? excuse me but I am ToughTM  and do not REQUIRE ATTENTION

[cluster-b-ullshit]

idk what people want from those of us with cluster b personality disorders, honestly. the amount of times i see/hear ""discourse"" about us that essentially boils down to "but you can just Not Have those thoughts/behaviours!" is staggering. and so we say, okay, fine then, i'll try to vent these thoughts/behaviours in a less damaging way, like a blog - but then we're "encouraging abuse" and "not trying". so then we hide almost everything about ourselves just to feel like we can open our mouths without being screeched over like carrion, but of course then we're fake, and we're manipulating you, and we're lying, and we're hiding such a Scary Disorder. and gods forbid we complain about any of this; watch us be swarmed by militant flocks of people with illnesses that are not ours telling us "i learned to be better, i learned empathy, i learned to push it away"

[gamblingwitch]

What I've learned is that people only care if they can feel bad for you. If your disorder makes you unlikable it doesn't matter that you have one. It's only ok not to be ok when it's by someone else's rule. People should help people who could be dangerous more than any other person, because when the time comes that someone finally snaps everyone just cries about how awful what they did is and how they wish they could have stopped that from happening, while immediately continuing to shit on people with possibly dangerous disorders. Not only that, it's always "stop saying mental illness makes people violent!" which in some cases is true but in some it's not, mental illness can definitely make you violent and that doesn't mean you're awful that just means you need help just as much as any other person.

[poisonsticks-deactivated2019112]

Almost all my life, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been in situations where what I wanted to do was drastically different than what was expected of me based on a society-constructed moral code I cannot, in any way, relate to. And all I ever wanted to do was to say fuck this, fuck that, fuck you, fuck everything. Not being able to be myself due to the damage it can do to the facade I worked so hard to construct and stabilise is a drowning experience. Keeping a straight face when I am burning with anger and annoyance, when I am forced to keep up the act and be a “good friend” who is supportive, understanding and empathetic, is extremely tiring. Most of the time I find myself drained, and no gain I get from fitting in adds a drop of colour in my life. It’s all grey.

I am so tired.

[teaboot]

I hate it when your parents are like “I know you better than you know yourself!” Like no you don’t

[teaboot]

Like oh, you’re an expert on the inner machinations of my psyche? Name three of my top ten existential dreads

[ilostmyhouse]

npd is awful because one minute i’ll go from thinking no rules bind me to the morals of society, i am a god, and the next minute i’m needing constant praise and worship to feel worthy of living,,,

[blackgirlsvevo]

me, violently beating back my emotions with a broom: for the last time i said shut the FUCK up

[ineedthisformyfeelings]

I didn’t plan for a future. I didn’t expect to live

[thisworldsucksiwannadie]

what the hell am I supposed to do now?

[foreverimthatgirl-deactivated20]

me: *literally about to burst into tears for no fuckass reason*

me to me:

[valtsv]

me checking my reflection after having a breakdown and crying my eyes raw

[parkchanwoohoo]

you ever talk to someone and instantly realize that they don’t view themselves as a person, they view themselves as “The Protagonist,” and they don’t view you as a person either, but as “Extra #2 (Used in Backstory Exposition)” or “Background Character #8 (Dialogue: “Whoa, that thing you can do is really cool”)

[parkchanwoohoo]

and like, it’s so painfully obvious when you say something “off-script” to their bizarre fantasy wherein you just exist to ask more and more probing questions so that they can continue to monologue to an invisible audience. like they have no patience for anything you have to say unless they can use it as a springboard for some quip

[traumaticchild]

*bottles up emotions* this coping shits easy

[cluster-b-bullshit]

When I was little I would make up stories and lie about my life to be more interesting, I did it automatically and it took me a long time to realize it wasn’t normal

[dog-teeth]

yall ever just yearn? ever get filled with the most profound sense of longing for something you cant understand? yall ever crave? ever have an unexplainable ache?

[diamondnokouzai]

“shitty memory” aesthetic

-giving ur friends the same information over and over because u forgot u ever gave it to them

-opening up a new text post only to forget what u were going 2 say

-never changing a wall calendar/needing to look up what day of the week something will be

-literally not being able to remember what happened yesterday/an hour ago/five minutes ago

-forgetting where ur going/what ur doing in the middle of doing it

-flipping through the beginning of a book because u forgot some characters and plot development

-making a typo, make a mental note to fix it, get up to do something, keep typing without fixing the typo

-”haha ur memory cant be THAT bad”

-it can be

-reminding urself 2 do something but u forget

-writing reminders, forgetting that u wrote a reminder/forgetting what was on the reminder/forgetting where u put the reminder

-”just put something in ur room out of place before u go 2 sleep” and ur room has so much shit on the floor u wouldnt even be able 2 tell whats out of place

-alternately: doing the above and then forgetting what it was supposed to remind u of

-did that happen or was i dreaming

-i was gonna put something here but i FORGOT it and i HATE it

[sorastimeoutcorner-deactivated2]

I reblogged this thinking ‘this is so relatable!’ and then realized after that it had been reblogged FROM ME.

[the-peculiar-bi-tch]

how have i not seen this before???

[gamblingwitch]

Yesterday I went into a library with my friends for the first time ever and they had to lead me outside because I didn't remember how I got there lol

[mad-ravings-of-a-mad-man]

"That's awesome!" I say, when my friend tells me something they're happy over. I know I'm supposed to be excited for them, so that is the mask I wear, but behind it all, I feel nothing.

It's not that I dislike this person, I enjoy having them to talk to. I enjoy reading through their messages and getting their input.

My responses are routine, cultivated over years of tripping over myself, analyzing reactions and watching other people. I have learned how I'm supposed to reply, what I need to say, what face I need to paint on, the tone to let creep into my voice, but it's all a lie.

It's all a lie, but that doesn't make me a monster, it makes me someone who the rules did not come intuitively. I don't wish to harm people, even if for no other reason than it's too much trouble to clean up after.

I'm not a monster, I'm just different.

[mjalti]

daddy issues make u a people pleaser but mommy issues make u like. a sociopath

[so1987-deactivated20230102]

*illegally downloads fake personality*