i have a lot of thoughts about some aspects of arcades backstory/arc that i dont think is often talked about but i dont rly know how to formulate them... at least without presenting them thru a Plot... all im gonna say is that i think a major and yet often unspoken theme to his character is shame. not guilt, per se, as its not necessarily about him blaming himself for anything; just shame as this immobilizing and destructive presence that can permeate everything you are and everything you do. splitting your decision-making into "too afraid to do it even though you want to because the shame wont let you" and "making a bad choice recklessly when you should know better because you know the shame will be there anyway" with like, no in-between. shame that makes you either push everyone away and not reveal anything about yourself, or overshare and desperately try to be known and understood even if it ends badly, no in-between. shame that makes you feel like nothing you do is good enough so then you barely can manage doing anything at all, even though you want to. shame that makes you feel like youre in hiding and on the run 24/7--not helped by the fact that he factually used to be, and on some level still is. shame that makes you feel like youre smarter than everyone else because you do so much due diligence, but also that you dont know shit. get the gist? do you understand?