what it says on the tin

gay ass thoughts from a gay ass. this is a side blog. if we're mutuals on my main you can follow if not you'll be blocked lol

[gayassthought]

also at this point: I have to accept that the first time someone says something questionable in private, or does something to harm me in private (even by ‘accident’) the relationship just has to end. I cannot fix that person, they are not actually sorry no matter how regretful they sound/act, this (and their reaction) is all just a test of how much i’ll take :/

[gayassthought]

I generally don’t like to share abt my sexual side quests But. We can officially mark off milf on the bingo card bois.

[gayassthought]

i’m just so heartbroken. what a way to end the year.

[gayassthought]

debating asking people use exclusively they/them for me irl but my decision is tempered by the knowledge no one (who doesn’t already use the correct pronouns for me) would do it so it’s like. what’s the point!!!

[gayassthought]

ed mention//

me: i am no longer in an abusive relationship where my eating and drinking habits are monitored/compared/shamed, i have worked to repair my relationship with food and I don’t have any problems with this any more :)

me the second i begin to spend more time at my current gfs/preparing to move in together: *immediately self policing my eating, asking permission before eating/cooking/drinking anything other than water/coffee/tea, hiding when i eat snacks* hahaha ohhhhhhhhhhh boy these issues were deeper seeded than I thought 🙃

[gayassthought]

how to get people to stop sending me messages about my st@lker ex best friend :(

[384739257024032382-deactivated2]

[gayassthought]

I feel extremely depressed so i started rereading my favorite book ever (kitchen) and just. this book is so special to me. it has its problems (i hate the way the characters talk about eriko sometimes) but i always come back to it when I’m at a hard time in my life and i always come away with some new wisdom or a renewed sense of determination. it’s such a short book and i cry the whole way through it but I always feel better after.

[gayassthought]

:(

[cloudblack]

Children who feel they cannot engage their parents emotionally often try to strengthen their connection by playing whatever roles they believe their parents want them to. Although this may win them some fleeting approval, it doesn’t yield genuine emotional closeness. Emotionally disconnected parents don’t suddenly develop a capacity for empathy just because a child does something to please them. 

People who lacked emotional engagement in childhood, men and women alike, often can’t believe that someone would want to have a relationship with them just because of who they are. They believe that if they want closeness, they must play a role that always puts the other person first.

— Lindsay C. Gibbon, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents (2015)

[whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating]

[infpisme]

From “Dream Girl” collection of poems by Clementine von Radics

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

reminders to myself:

- i am not a burden

- i am allowed to make mistakes

- i am not worthless

- i have purpose

- i am loved even if it doesn’t always feel like it

- i have a future

- i am not a bad person

- i am trying my best and that matters

- i deserve to love myself

[gayassthought]

realizing I probably have a dissociative disorder, makes a lot of sense, explains many things abt my life, also makes me sick to my stomach and not wanting to address it at all lol

[gayassthought]

Rewatching veronica mars season 1 two weeks before the anniversary of your friends death is a BAD IDEA

[gayassthought]

I had a bad weekend but j is home and i had a good first therapy appointment :)

[croshie]

[gayassthought]

I feel like I’ve lost all my creativity :( I know that’s not true and I’m trying to change my way of thinking and make art for just me but I feel totally unhappy with everything i create