yachi: have you ever spoken to a human woman before.
tanaka: just a second.
*on the phone with saeko*
tanaka: do you carry a hair dryer in your purse?
saeko: of course, iâm not an animal.
***
kuroo: we canât let you do that
bokuto: and how exactly will you stop me?
kenma: we will call your husband
bokuto: *gasp*
***
kuroo: i am, as you kids say, awake.
kenma: ⌠did you mean âwokeâ?
kuroo: i did mean âwokeâ but itâs grammatically incorrect.
***
kuroo: look, let's just agree to say "iâm sorry" on the count of three. one. two. three.
kuroo and yaku:
kuroo: now, see, I'm just disappointed in both of us.
***
bokuto: just be yourself
kuroo: be myself? bo, I have one day to win kenma over. how long did it take before you guys started to like me?
akaashi: couple weeks
yaku: six months
tsukishima: juryâs still out
kuroo: see bokuto? âbe myself?â what kind of garbage advice is that?
***
ushijima: do you want to know how i actually hurt my wrist?
oikawa: yes.
ushijima: i was hula hooping. tendou and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.
oikawa: oh my god.
ushijima: iâve mastered all the moves [shows photos on his phone.] the pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.
oikawa: why are you telling me this?
ushijima: because no one will ever believe you. [deletes photos from phone]
oikawa: you sick son of a bitch.
***
noya: hello, good sir, Iâd like your finest bottle of wine please
ukai: that will be 1,600 Dollar
noya: great, Iâd like your 8-est dollar-y bottle of wine
***
kenma: [angrily bursts into room] are you guys having fun?
bokuto: what happened?
kenma: [points at kuroo] his sister just put this stupid braid in my hair.
kuroo: i think it looks cute.
kenma: [pulls out knife and cuts braid off]
bokuto: oh my god.
kuroo: please have my children
***
bokuto: i wasnât hurt that badly. the doctor said all my bleeding was internal. thatâs where the blood is supposed to be.
***
oikawa, to kageyama: I hate you, not joking, bye.
***
atsumu: *does something stupid*
sakusa: oh god i canât believe iâm gonna sleep with him.
atsumu: you know that you donât have to, right?
sakusa: no iâm going to
***
oikawa: how did you get the entire team to betray me? what did you offer them?
iwaizumi: i asked them if they wanted to embarrass you and they immediately said yes.
***
ushijima: Nice work.
goshiki: Alright, good. Thanks, dad.
ushijima: ...
shiratorizawa: ...
goshiki: Why is everyone staring at me?
shirabu: You just called Captain dad. You said, âthanks, dadâ.
goshiki: What? No, I didnât. I said, âthanks, manâ.
ushijima: Do you see me as a father figure, goshiki?
goshiki: *sweats profusely* No! If anything, I see you as a bother figure because youâre always bothering me.
semi: Hey! Show your father some respect!
***
*on the phone*
lev: hey captain you know how you told me not to burn down the gym?
kuroo: you burned down the gym?
lev: no! kenma put the fire out.
***
akaashi: and if you do that iâll tell everyone that you like to be the little spoon.
bokuto: everyone likes to be the little spoon! it makes you feel safe! back me up kuroo.
kuroo: yea little spoon is the way to go.
*bokukuro high five*
kenma: oh my god-
***
oikawa: rules were made to be broken.
iwaizumi: nothing was made to be broken.
mattsun: uh piĂąatas?
makki: glow sticks.
kyoutani: karate boards.
yahaba: spaghetti when you have a small pot:
oikawa: and rules!
***
kuroo to kenma during finals week: you know what iâm too sleep deprived to deal with your negativity right now.
***
tanaka: kiyokoâs just upset because the historically entrenched patriarchy has created a culture of victim-shaming that suppresses any power shift in our masculo-phaelic system.
kiyoko: huh?
tanaka: i couldnât sleep last night so i watched a documentary on netflix about feminism.
kiyoko: god i love you.
***
suna: hey, kita, you got any new pics of your kids?
kita: you hate looking at pictures of my twins. you said since they were identical, i didnât need to take pictures of both.
***
kenma: life is a party and iâm the piĂąata.
***
kuroo: kenma where have you been? you left your phone at your desk i thought you were dead!
kenma: mmmm yea i would clearly be buried with my phone.
***
kindaichi: the only thing productive that iâve done today is take a buzzfeed quiz on what kind of onion i am.
***
osamu: i gotta go.
suna: arenât you forgetting something?
osamu: uh..
osamu: *kisses sunaâs forehead and walks away*
suna: no! pay your bill! damn who raised you?
***
asahi: ok iâve been gone for a while i need an update on karasuno drama.
noya: i donât think weâre that dramatic.
asahi: from what iâve heard kageyama and hinata are dating and tanaka killed daichi.
***
kuroo: good thing i still have my sexy cat costume from halloween
kenma: i really donât think you were the target audience for that costume.
kuroo: excuse me there is nothing gendered about a sexy cat.
***
iwa: *fighting someone*
oikawa: take off your shirt! itâs restricting your movements!
***
ushijima: shirabu and i have this kind of chemistry where we finish each others-
shirabu: -sentences.
ushijima: donât interrupt me.
***
aran *to atsumu*: you are a good volleyball player, even if you are a thirsty ass bitch.
***
sakusa: rot in hell crap face!
atsumu: wha-
sakusa: also i love you and treasure you my darling but ya bore me!
atsumu: youâre being so mean
atsumu: do it more
sakusa: *smirking* i hope you die
atsumu: *is flustered and is trying not to smile*
Raito Asahi and Ryuuzaki leak secret relationship on Instagram Live session: âI love youâ
(a tabloid story from @alkalinefrogâs lawlight actors AU)
Rumors have circulated as to the exact nature of the relationship between lead performer on Alka TVâs Death Note Ratio Asahi and his co-star Ryuuzaki but an accidental confirmation on the latterâs Instagram live-stream proved the official stamp on their couple-dom.
The video, which has since been deleted, was from Ryuuzakiâs weekly Instagram Live chat show where he responds to fansâ questions and tells anecdotes about life on-set from his trailer or apartment. During this particular livestream, a mid-video interruption from Ratio Asahi coming into Ryuuzakiâs trailer can be heard as well as seen in frame. A source from within the Death Note production team confirmed that the pair do share a trailer, although previously this information was kept secret at Asahiâs request.
Visibly distraught, Asahi asks if Ryuuzaki can talk. The former Wammy House star agrees, and sets aside his phone without switching off his livestream. While the videoâs visual remains on the trailer ceiling, audio of the couple consoling and canoodling continues to be heard. Below is a reconstruction of the audio, transcribed by the sharp-eared reporters of Sexy Enquirer.
Honestly. I once heard a thing someone wrote about him and Misa recognizing an actor in something they watched together but not knowing from where but when he looked it up he found out that the actor was in a lot of gay porn and our boy had a mental breakdown worrying about whether Misa would put two and two together and that hc was universally accepted on my page
He's gay and cis guy :) he/him pronouns for him
He really likes black coffee and unsweetened green tea, but he only likes English Breakfast tea with milk, with the milk can't forget that
He has a custom made pen with the Kanji for his name engraved in it
LIGHT WEARS A BEANIE LIGHT WEARS A BEANIE LIGHT WEARS A BEANIE
He was actually a virgin pre-dating L but he hates admitting it
He likes to be all snooty and "I like classical music and nothing else" bUT HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN HIS SPOTIFY LIKED BEING FILLED WITH OLIVIA RODRIGO SONGS THEN HUH????
He blames it on Misa
That's a big fat fucking lie
When L makes him mad when they're dating he plays â1 Step Forward, 3 Steps Back" over and over while he cries
L
oh motherfucker.
He gets addicted to Monster from his first sip of the stuff
Like he has a pile of cans beside his chair every single day. The pile is usually bigger than he is.
god help this poor fucking bastard
He listens to a lot of Ricky Montgomery (he really likes "Mr. Loverman" here) and Mother Mother ("Burning Pile' here), I think. He also really likes Mitski, and often shares his love of her music with Near, they both like Mitski. His favorite is "Nobody" (here)
We all know he types like this. All serious, punctuation and capitalization.
Light calls him boring because of it because Light capitalizes sure, but he doesn't type like he's writing a college essay
He's bisexual, pretty private about it but he and Light are dating :] he's also nonbinary masc and uses/alternates between he/they pronouns!
L has a very popular Tumblr where they post musings and pictures of his dessert alternately
He gets a lot of Twinkies from the store near them
Like too many
God he's a wreck, especially since that store is so close. They're such enablers
But all the employees know all the Task Force members, so since they also make coffee they always give the members of the Task Force free coffee :)
Misa & Rem
Misa's openly omnisexual (preferring women) and she's a trans girl!! She's been on estrogen since before her parents were murdered :] she/her pronouns for her
Rem is lesbian and non-binary femme! She/they pronouns, but they prefer they/them :)
They have an apartment together and are very happy together as a couple <3
Their apartment is so aesthetic
They do listen to girl in red together and they very much enjoy it thank you :D
Misa's favorite artist is Melanie Martinez!! She doesn't have a favorite but she really likes "Lunchbox Friends" (here)
Rem's favorite artist is dodie! Their favorite song by her is "she" (here)
In my AU Light rejected Misa and they actually became really good friends!! Now they hang out and Misa "forces" Light into listening to artists like Olivia Rodrigo and Doja Cat
Light always ends up bopping out with her! They often have a dance party of sorts where Misa dances energetically and Light does a weird little arm swing
L and Rem are actually really good friends in my AU!! They often sit off to the side and talk when Misa and Light hang out
Rem is a soft, thoughtful person who likes baking and taking care of Misa :)
Iâve debated for a while about sharing this, but I think itâs important, and, to be fair, plenty of antis have shared the stories of their abuse.
So:
I support people creating romantic content similar to my abuse, even though that content contributed to my abuse.
Let me explain. I was very, very into Twilight when I was around 14. A couple years later a girl called me her lamb, and used the romanticization of jealousy and danger from that novel to excuse things like cutting me, stealing my phone, and demanding my passwords. Among other things. This continued until the end of high school, and it ripped apart every significant relationship in my life without anyone really realizing what was happening.
Itâs definitely true that I didnât recognize jealousy as abuse instead of romance. Itâs true that I didnât recognize âI love youâ and âyou canât love anyone but meâ as contradictions, and a part of that mentality came from the media I consumed. And she sure as fuck sent me fic - even forced me to write fic - which echoed those values. On a very base level, it is easy to blame my abuse on that fiction, on the unhealthy ideas of romance it gave me. For several years after getting out, I did blame romance like Twilight. I got angry when people I loved enjoyed it, and I thought I was protecting them by demanding that they stop.
But I was wrong.
Let me go out another level.
First of all, I grew up in a deeply homophobic town. There were exactly no adults in my life that I could have even told that I was in a relationship with a girl, let alone that I thought something was wrong. Abuse thrives in silence.
Second of all, Iâd been homeschooled most of my life, which meant I had zero education on healthy relationships. I had no context outside of romance novels and fan fiction, which no adults knew I was reading. My view of romance was shaped by media because there were no other sources even trying to compete.
Third of all - and maybe this is most important - writing that fanfic, while in that situation, gave me a voice to things that I couldnât even admit I was feeling. I wrote fic where a human loved a vampire, but they were scared, they were so scared, it felt like having a gun to their head all the time. They were so scared even as they loved the vampire, and they wanted them, and they wanted to help, and they wanted to be better. (She didnât like that fic.) It took years before I would call what I experienced abuse, or seek out resources for victims. But fiction gave me a voice right then, when I needed one most.
Media didnât get me abused. A society which failed utterly at telling me what a healthy relationship looked like got me abused. Parents and teachers and authority figures who were wildly homophobic got me abused. Fiction contributed, but if it wasnât Twilight, it would have been something else - hell, apparently she repeated the same pattern after me with 50 Shades, and then with Captain America (somehow). Because above all, my abuser got me abused. She used fiction as a tool, but it could have been anything. If I hadnât read Twilight, it would have been Johnlock, or Drarry, or Russia/America. All those things had more than enough content which portrayed danger and jealousy as sexy.
Do I still read Twilight? Fuck no, itâs a huge trigger. But Iâve stopped blaming it for what happened, because it was never Twilightâs job to teach me about romance. Nor was it fandomâs job to tell me, âif someone actually terrifies you, thatâs dangerous, even if itâs sexy. If you love someone but theyâre hurting you, you need help, not to try to fix them.â What hurt me most wasnât fiction; it was the silence from every other quarter.
Media isnât education on healthy relationships. It canât be, and it never will be. âFan fiction made me think that this was okâ means that there were no voices in our lives that we trusted more than fanfiction telling us that it wasnât okay.
There will always be media that abusers can twist to make it look like what theyâre doing is romantic and okay. Always. The abuse is still their fault, and the inability to counter harmful messages is the silence of societyâs fault.
Iâll leave you with this: after I got out, I continued reading fic that featured jealousy and possessiveness as something hot. Because I did think it was hot; I now just knew firsthand that it was a kink to only be indulged in controlled situations. Firsthand experience is the harshest teacher, but it does work.
I just tag my own fic that features jealousy and possessiveness as â#abusive behavior.â Because if there is another girl like me out there, being sent these fics by her abuser, stuck in a situation she doesnât understand - well, if it wasnât my fic, itâd be someone elseâs. The kinkâs going to keep on existing. But maybe sheâll see the tag and figure something out.
Fiction is a tool, and taking one tool away wonât stop an abuser, because fiction isnât causing abuse. If it wasnât fiction, itâd be something else.
Stop blaming fiction for the actions of a cruel person, and the silence of the people who should have been protecting you.
It hurts to lay the blame at the feet of those you love, but if we deny the problems we will never fix them.
au where kei and tadashi are hella depressed headcanons because its midnight and im sad :D
kageyama continued to misgender yams one time when yamsâs pronouns were them/them, (despite being told not to by hinata) so kei went up to him and punched him in the face
they are both incredibly mentally unstable but the only thing they are sure of in the world is that they love each other and no one is going to take them away from each other
when they are feeling bad, they will scream at each other about how they other deserves better before breaking down and hugging each other really tightly
They sneak out every night. tadashi climbs out his window and kei will pick him up in his recycled car becuase he is suprisingly good at engineering
they fuck all the time in that car
They share a scrapbook where they just write down all the shit thats going on so that they dont have to say it
They share smoke kisses
Keiâs dad left when kei was born and his mum is never around, so tsuki is free to do what he wants . Well except for his older brother who is meant to be looking out for kei but heâs an alcoholic and is the supplier for their weed and drugs and shit
After his parents spent all day yelling at them for their report card, yams climbed out the window and ran all the way to keiâs house. They knocked on his window and of course kei let him in. kei was about to say âwhat are you doing hereâ (not that this was out of the usual, just yams normally texted if he was coming first) when yams just kissed him. They staggered through his room, lips still connected. Eventually, they hit the bed and kei fell on it with yams still on top of him, still kissing. Clothes have never been removed faster
Kei prefers cigarettes whilst yams likes to vape. They will argue for ages (jokingly) on which one is better
Yams is banned from seeing kei, so they have to sneak around. Yams has invented multiple fake names to say that he is hanging out with kei
Kei gave himself a tattoo, (permanant) and yams demanded that kei gave him one as well. So they have matching tattoos
they both have choking kinks
kei cannot, cannot control himself when he sees yams in a choker
its been twenty seconds so more tsukiyama headcanons
when they were little they would have jurassic park marathons in a pillow fort and then they started doing it again when they started dating and every two weeks tsuki will just get out his laptop and they will build a fort
akiteru loves yamaguchi (platonically ofc) and they will have really deep conversations while tsuki is getting ready for their date or something and TSUKI WOULD GET JEALOUS AND JUST GRAB TADASHIâS HAND AND PULL HIM AWAY, and tadashi will just yell âTALK TO YOU LATER!â and they will just vibe
Their first date was at the musuem and thats where they always spend their anniversary
Tsukishima presses flowers or souvenirs from every date heâs been on with yamaguchi and puts them in a scrapbook with a little summary of what the date is. Sometimes he will take a photo with his polariod camera and heâs filled up pages in this scrapbook with photos of tadashi
tsuki gives tadashi his soggy fries
Tadashi is always sitting on tsukiâs lap. Coach had to tell tadashi to get off tsukiâs lap when they were driving to a training camp because its unsafe and they both just ignored him
Tadashi will wear tsukiâs clothes all the bloody time and constantly trip over the length of the pants but he refuses to take them off
DOUBLE DATES WITH KAGEHINA THAT IS BASICALLY JUST TADASHI AND SHOYO VIBING WHILST TOBIO AND TSUKI GLARE AT EACH OTHER
When they move in together, they get several lizards
They both love watching disney movies together and yama will sing all the songs and tsuki will cuddle yama
Hinata keeps walking in on them walking out to the point where he yells âTSUKIYAMA IM COMING IN STOP FUCKING PLEASEâ every single time he enters a room. Like tsuki could be away on a trip and he will still yell it because of ptsd
Yama gave tsuki a soft dinasour toy and Tsuki named it Orion
tadashi is the only person that has seen tsuki actually smile. like without mocking people
yama makes tsuki strawberry shortcake every year for with his birthday without fail
tadashi knows that kei loves strawberries so he WEARS STRAWBERRY SCENTED LIPBALM THIS IS CANON
none of this âbig spoon little spoonâ crap they sleep face to face with their arms wrapped around each other. this started when yama wanted to hold tsuki but tsuki wanted to hold yama so they compromised and now they hold each other
they never actually told the team they were dating, they just stopped hiding it
When they are third years and yama is captain, when he introduced all the new first years on the team to tsuki, all the first years were like âWOAH YOU ARE SO TALL I LOVE YOUR GLASSES YOU ARE SO COOLâ and tsuki didnt know how to respond because he is practically surrounded by more yamaguchis. The two of them become the new daisuga and adopt all the first years
they watch saiki k together. (well tadashi likes it because saiki reminds him of tsuki and tsuki just likes tadashiâs smile)
tsuki is demisexual and gay and tadashi is pans and a demi boy
They both love paramore if they are feeling the aDrENAliNe, and cavetown if they are feeling more tired
kianamaiart
tangentwithtanner
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dailybridgerton
