eli!

welcome to elitown! they/she. 21.

[miwtual]

Joseph Quinn in the pink suit ESQUIRE SINGAPORE (2022)

[thatbitchsimone]

[thatbitchsimone]

[assiraphales]

THIS WAS MY FAVE PART 😭

ronald, looking at probably one of the most unconventional people he’s ever met: we should watch bugs life

[mattpearson]

MEKKI LEEPER as NOAH PRICE in JURY DUTY (S01E04)

[biblionerd07]

“Not all men” you’re right, Ronald from Jury Duty would never treat me this way

[mattpearson]

JURY DUTY (2023-), 1x01 – “Voir Dire”

[yayatriangleofsadness]

Jury Duty (s1, 2023)

[theconcealedweapon]

[creepymutelilbugger]

i honestly don't even care if ive already posted this. look at it again

[sharkgirldick]

Every night I pop my dick off and point it in a direction so it can go fuck while I sleep. Unfortunately, it can only see via wetness, so if it ever gets near a body of water it'll go "That's one big pussy!" and dive in. It can't swim well, so when it makes it back in the morning my dick will be covered in fish bites.

[supermodelcats]

[goodnightguys]

me when im in an Area

[teathattast]

That's a guy alright

[orcboxer]

he's so fucking over there

[teathattast]

And brother he's in a Place

[sightofsea]

there's been a couple times that i've gone to the local sex club and every time i was at an event there was one man just fully naked walking around. same guy every time. hog like a hoagie roll when flaccid and he was always flaccid. anyway at one of the less populated events i got to sit and talk with him and he told me that he told me he was always naked because, despite it being a sex club, people still don't know when it's 'okay' to start getting into it and he decided he'd be the one thing to break the ice and make everybody comfortable, because you know you can start doing whatever you wanna do when there's just a naked guy walking around. he then asked if i wanted a silicone copy of his dick for my strap. never in my life have i felt such an instant respect for a person.

[official-penis-posts]

Official Hog Like A Hoagie Roll Post

[payasita]

boss makes a dollar I make a dime

flat top grill penis on company time

[scrtchptch]

if you say so, tumblr user nutsacktorturer

[payasita]

im frying all of you on the penis griddle if you don't cut this shit out right now

[jame7t]

I just imagined a creature that would scare you soooo bad dude

[jame7t]

no hope for you even at all

[ksquared01]

in my shane madej slut era

[penandinkprincess]

it obviously makes sense, but one of my friend’s kids is going into swim class, and all the parents got an email today going, “when little ones are scared, they cling on to instructors. PLEASE trim their nails.” 

i don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but just. the idea of this poor, scratched swim instructor having to make sure to email before each class as a reminder to please declaw the children SENT me. 

[rockitcat]

When I taught swim lessons I remember trying to delicately ask parents not to cover their child in shea/coconut/olive oil before lessons.

“I understand your skincare regimen and wanting to protect their tender baby flesh from the pool chemicals, but COULD YOU NOT OIL YOUR CHILD LIKE A GREASED PIG before tossing them in the POOL? Thanks EVER so much!”

[penandinkprincess]

@nakimochiku i CACKLED