Get yourself a fabric store that will light your fabric on fire for you
No but legit I asked what the fiber content of something was and the guy didn’t know so he cut a chunk off and lit it on fire and felt the ashes and was like. Yeah this is mostly cotton with a lil bit of silk. And that was the moment I knew. This is it. This is the fabric store for me. Also that guy is marriage material. Not for me but damn some person is gonna be so happy with him.
Can we talk about how in zombie shows/movies/books they always find a veterinarian and not a surgeon? Are veterinarians deemed more likely to survive the apocalypse?
twilight but instead of a dramatic reveal about how edward’s a vampire bella just shows up to class one day and slides a copy of Dracula across the table to see what happens
"Officer Peck, fancy seeing you here.” Holly dropped her pen on the stack of paperwork she’d been trying to get through before lunch and smiled at the welcome intrusion.
Gail flopped into the office chair opposite and grumbled something unintelligible.
"What’s up with you?" Holly asked, wondering what had perturbed Gail today. Yesterday it was a new rookie who had accidentally tasered her in the leg.
Gail blew out her cheeks, making a motoring noise with her lips. "I lied to my mom."
Okay, so this was a bit different than yesterday’s electroshock mishap. “We’ve all been there. Last week I told mine I was getting three hours of sunshine a day, we both know that’s not true.”
A hint of a smile played over Gail’s lips but it disappeared just as quickly.
Holly forged on, “What did you lie about?”
"I told her I was seeing someone."
"Okay...That’s...” Interesting.
"I was just so sick of her setting me up on dates!” Gail said, exacerbated. “Anyway, as all things usually do, it blew up in my face.”
“How so?”
"She ordered I bring them to family dinner tomorrow night." Gail picked up Holly’s pen and began spinning it back and forth across her fingers. "Don't ‘spose one of your nerdlings from the lab would want to be my fake boyfriend for a night, because I've basically been rejected by everyone I’ve asked at 15."
Holly knitted her brow together. Who in their right mind would turn down a date with Gail Peck? "How many did you ask exactly?"
Gail blushed. "Okay, so I only asked one person. Dov. Hardly eligible but..."
"Isn't he dating Officer Price?"
"Yeah, but he was in love me once so I figured I'd give it a shot.” Gail shrugged.
Holly laughed. It's seemed like everyone had been in love with Gail at some point or another, and she could now add herself to that growing list of chumps.
"Yeah, he did that too, laughed right in my face." Gail frowned.
Holly put her elbows on her desk and her chin in her hands. "If only you liked girls, I would go with you."
The pen stopped spinning and Gail sat up a little straighter. "I could like girls."
“Come again?" Holly had only been half joking.
"I've kissed women before."
"What? When?"
"Okay, woman. One woman. A month ago, in a cloak room."
Holly remembered that night fondly. “You're ridiculous." And adorable, she thought to herself.
"But not so ridiculous that you will be my fake girlfriend?"
“You– you’re serious?”
"As serious as a guacamole shortage at a taco party. My mom would love you! You tick off all the prerequisites for a suitable mate, according to my mother that is: You're super smart, have a reputable career with opportunities for advancement. You’re fertile, and like,” Gail paused and Holly felt herself being scrutinised, “annoyingly beautiful. What's not to love?"
Holly was momentarily stunned by the words coming out of Gail’s mouth, especially that last part. "Uh, the fact that I'm a woman?”
“I highly doubt she’d have a problem it, and if she did, she would be a total hypocrite, and take it from me my mother hates being called a hypocrite.”
Holly squinted at her.
“She had a year long relationship with a woman in college before she met my dad."
Holly shook her head.
"It's true! If you don’t believe me you could ask her about it Friday night." Gail grinned conspiratorially at her.
"I don't know..."
"Please?” Gail begged. “I will buy you lunch today...That halloumi burger with mango you seem to love so much.” Gail gagged.
Holly considered the offer but it was hardly an even trade, especially if she had to spend a few hours with Gail’s mother, someone who Gail once described as the reincarnation of the anaconda from the Anaconda movie. Holly did like the idea of spending more time with Gail, though. She just needed to broker a better deal for herself.
"Okay, but you’re buying me lunch for a week."
"Fine."
"And you'll come with me to that lecture series in Ottawa in two weeks."
Gail groaned. "The one about barnacles you’ve been having wet dreams about every night for the past week?"
Holly grinned. "The one and only. An entire weekend of nature’s decomposition clock.”
Gail looked at her, unimpressed. "Fine. Anything else while I'm in a giving mood?"
There was only one thing Holly could think of. "Sex, at least three times a week.”
“Three times? Really?”
“Too much?” Holly was suddenly doubting her counter offer. She was lucky to have sex once a fortnight with her last girlfriend. Though this was a fake relationship they were entering into and she wanted more for herself.
“You disappoint me, Lunchbox. Make it eleven and a half times and we have a deal.”
Holly cocked her head to the side. “Why the half?”
“Because you will undoubtably pass out from the multiple orgasms I give you and won’t be able to return the favor.”
Holly smirked. “Is that so?”
“Yeah. Either that or we’ll be interrupted by your evil cat.”
“I think I can get on board with that. You have yourself a deal, Officer.” They shook hands, Holly holding on just a little bit longer than probably necessary.
“Why do you look like you just uncovered the identity of the zodiac killer?” Gail asked.
Holly tried not to look so smug. “Oh nothing, it’s just... you think I’m annoyingly beautiful.”
Gail rolled her eyes and turned away. “Whatever. I’ll be back in 20 minutes with your vomit burger.”
“Um, Gail?”
Gail stopped in the doorway and disgruntedly turned back around. Her cheeks were flushed and expression tinged with incredulity.
“You’re disgustingly beautiful,” Holly countered.
“Ha! Tell me something I don’t know,” Gail said flippantly as she walked out of Holly’s office.
“I’m going to be the best girlfriend you’ve ever had,” Holly called out and then clamped her hand over her mouth at the realization she’d said that loud enough for the entire lab to hear. She’d also meant to say “best fake girlfriend”.
when i was in elementary school, i thought that the reason we were supposed to capitalize the first letter of people's names was as a sign of respect, so i always refused to capitalize the name of my fourth grade teacher or george bush, because i did not respect them
People are complaining that certain places are gonna start requiring a covid vaccine as if this is the first ever "mandatory" (not even) vaccine. You received like 6 vaccines when you were a baby and a couple more as you got older. Countries have been requiring yellow fever vaccines. Most schools you need certain vaccines to attend this isn't new. Immunization cards are not a new concept
I wanted to at least have some sympathy for where "pulling stunts that strengthen the public’s perception of gay people as satanic perverts" was coming from but I went to check out their blog and now they're also sharing posts about how LNX is misogynistic for pole dancing and wearing "women's clothes" so actually fuck that
idk they made some follow up posts about how their concern is mainly for children of homophobic parents and how that will negatively impact them, and I can respect the intent behind that line of thinking, but here's the thing: if you're going to ask gay people not to do anything that will upset the most violent homophobes, then you're asking gay people not to do anything, up to and including existing. blaming other gay people for inspiring further acts of homophobia by being too vocal is truly the worst sort of betrayal imaginable, and it's a funny bad take but it's also a genuinely insidious and dangerous one to take root within the community
tl;dr if you ever catch yourself thinking “maybe people wouldn’t be so homophobic if Some People would just stop being so gross and weird” congrats! you are in fact doing a homophobia
gedachtenextracten @gedachtenextracten - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
andulkaphoto
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
theartofmadeline
germansingergirl
