gedner bedner

quietly poking genderfluidity with a stick, then recoiling in terror when it looks at me

[gednerbedner]

Hey! I'm Sprig, I'm 22, and I am slowly figuring out my gender. Currently settled on transmasc genderfluid bigender. Use whatever pronouns you like for me.

Personal tags ahead below the cut:

#gender - this thing is Gender for me in some way. Mostly art or occasionally photos of people. I'm still kind of figuring out what all goes on this spectrum, but scruffy skater boy is a good start.

#gednerbedner - I said something. This might be a post I actually made, or a reblog that I added commentary on (it might be in the tags though).

#diary entry - something I wrote myself. Life updates, funny thoughts, all that will be here, but generally no reblogs.

#taking notes - resources, things i think might be useful

#for a rainy day - stuff that makes me happy. Mostly gonna be trans-joy related in some way, but maybe not always.

#silly goofy - fun silly stuff, ask games and the like

Anyways, I think that's about it! Seeya around ^^

[toxictboy]

you can just start identifying as a boy btw. you don't need permission or hrt or a new name and pronouns. hell you don't even need to change anything about your presentation. you can do it right now

[yellow-g0ache]

I love the forcemasc concept of "killing the girl to become the man" squarely to piss off my mother and make her realize her fantasy of me will never come to pass, but now that I'm really thinking about it, it's the opposite

As a girl, I was frail. I wasn't eating enough, never got enough sun, barely had the energy to function day to day. On top of regular blood loss and brain fog that I chalked up to undiagnosed adhd I was miserable and could not feasibly imagine living to the age I am now. I believed my life was a never-ending performance that had me wearing things I didn't like and doing things I didn't like for people I didn't know. Work. Marriage. Family. I confused my hatred for that life for a hatred for life itself. I believed I wanted to end it all when I had barely begun to live.

And then. I moved away. I learned about trans people. I learned you could have a hand in your own shaping, you didnt have to be a doll moved by an unseen hand, you could move through the world in a way that reflects you. I started socially transitioning. People listened when I spoke, they looked at me like a person and not a piece of meat, I started eating more, I took up space, let myself relax. Shoulders back, chin higher.

I started T. I started working out. I feel more myself than I've ever known was possible. My hand feels warm and solid when I rest my face on it. My manager says "everyone wants to adopt him" and my coworkers accept me as I am. My low voice echoes in the hall. I look in the mirror and see a young man's face staring back at me, proud, silly, kind. Content.

I fully, and truly believe that if i didn't discover myself when I did, I would not be here today.

I didn't kill her. I saved her.

[mechatronophilia]

i'm just saying man

"there's nothing wrong with being effeminate." of course. and do you feel happy with how you look?

"i worry people would feel unsafe around me." do you feel safe around you?

"it would be hard for other people to adjust." and you think it'd be easier to suffer quietly?

"he/they is fine. i really prefer he/him, but i have to make it easier on other people." so you want to let other people decide your gender? again?

"if i'm going to be a man, i owe it to other people to be as soft, friendly, and nonthreatening as possible."

No. You don't.

[bigbossterone]

I am no better than a cis man because I, too, entirely missed the point of Fight Club. I think forming a boot camp for trans men to beat the snot out of each other in an abandoned basement to build brotherhood while me and the hallucination of my idealized self run a gray market t-gel homebrewing operation sounds fucking awesome.

[cavalecavale]

tired of military forcemasc and straight gymbro forcemasc and whatever else tbh. PUNK forcemasc is the way. stop yearning for fascism and fucking DIY your life THIS is the way to freedom.

[edit: this is not a deep serious moral judgement or anything no need to get upset about it!! + the second part of this post *is* forcepunk you can scroll in peace now]

[evilestmonkey]

thought the forcemasc people would like this

[emoboy-cunt]

I’m really surprised tboy power bottoming isn’t more of a prevalent thing, just in general. I love topping, but I have a hard time cumming when I do, so my favorite thing really is just to torture people while they’re balls-deep inside me. we need more transmascs that hold you down by the wrists and ride you, and growl at you to hold still and take it, and tease you for being so obedient. be mean as fuck while you’re taking it in the cunt TODAY

[fishtreesix]

Need more transmascs do this, who treat me like their dildo, their pet, their toy. Need more tboys like this in Boston.

[shamebats]

[image ID: TikTok comment by Spedubopy: I once had a german bouncer look at my pre transition-ID and then back at me and just go "ja das ist an improvement" /end ID]

[lesbianchemicalplant]

comptop is a transmisogynistic dynamic that exists and is good to be aware of, but I don't think the correct response is to assume any given trans woman you encounter is in need of being Saved From Topping

what if you didn't assume what she wants, and instead listened to her as her own woman with her own particular needs and interests

please. can we please not assume out of the gate that she needs to hear the Good News about bottoming, or pathologize her if she does enjoy topping, or make assumptions about her relationships/partners

again, it's good to be aware of comptop, but I don't think this is the right course-correction to make

it's missing the "don't assume, listen to her" forest for the comptop trees

[doe-eyed-disaster]

related: as someone who exclusively enjoys bottoming for other trans women and is prone to overthinking things, there's this whole fucked up genre of thoughts that are like "am i abusing my partners by forcing them to top me?". that kind of thinking is so corrosive and ultimately it feels like it's my own internalized shit telling me that i should be topping, even though i won't enjoy it (the comp top is coming from inside the house!)

you've gotta listen to your partners. you can be sensitive to the pressures of being a trans woman but it's infantilizing to prioritize those assumptions over her actual preferences and it can warp your thinking in weird ways. if she tells you what she likes, you kinda need to trust her

[lesbianchemicalplant]

yes!! this ends up managing to pathologize topping and bottoming between trans women—any t4t topping and bottoming is rendered Comptop-ee and Comptop-er, regardless of what each trans woman actually enjoys and has communicated wanting

[gednerbedner]

House to myself for the day you know what that means (binding while family isn't around to ask questions)

[gednerbedner]

just stumbled into ryan hall's music but omg they're so pretty??

also:

[gednerbedner]

i have realized that my new haircut is very close to his. whoopsie sorry ryan it was too good a look, afraid you'll have to share

[gednerbedner]

and what does a gender do?

[yorickalas]

[max--phillips]

AND YET!

Pope Leo is letting American bishops entirely ban trans healthcare for both minors and adults in all Catholic-owned hospitals and clinics, and stop coverage for trans healthcare through Catholic-affiliated health insurance plans!!

People are having surgeries, for which they were on waitlists for years, suddenly cancelled. Hormones no longer covered, their clinicians no longer able to prescribe them. Considering in some states Catholic-owned healthcare organizations make up to a third of the market, as it were, this is a HUGE issue.

‘It’s a Nightmare’: The Human Toll of the Catholic Church’s Trans Healthcare Ban

Missing hormones. Canceled surgeries. Bureaucratic denials. Late last year the Catholic Church banned all trans healthcare across its sprawl

This has been happening since November of last year, when this vote took place, but no one is talking about it. The rehabilitation of the image of the papacy through Pope Leo is killing me, it’s still the goddamn Catholic Church. You do not gotta hand it to them.

[gednerbedner]

i got a new haircut.

i love it so much, it's fluffy and a little mullet-y and such a lovely texture to play with too. i think this is the best i've ever felt about my body. my whole face shape looks different, it's like a whole new person looking at me in the mirror. this feels... right in a much more direct way than most other things i've experienced.

in a strange way, i feel a little more vulnerable too? i've been facing down a lot of gender stuff that i'd previously swept under the rug in most spaces. i'm not fully un-closeting myself to everyone i know, but i'm trying to be out to more people and to be more open about it to those people. it's scary, but it feels good to get it off my chest.

i looked at some of my old posts on this account and realized that i really have been feeling this for at least a couple of years now. it's kind of helping with the anxiety i've always got in my back pocket, that i don't really mind being a girl that much, and what if i'm imagining wanting to be a boy. but i've got the receipts at this point, i know what i need and i know this isn't going away.

i'm still sticking with calling myself fluid/bigender for now, because i think those fit me well. but i'm going to try harder to not tuck away my masculinity, to not hide it and only take it out when it's convenient. if some people think i'm just a tomboy, fine. whatever. but i know the truth, and my friends will. and i think that's what matters in the end.

[gednerbedner]

gender affirming: my sister has started calling me big dawg

[gednerbedner]

she's recently added "sire" into the mix which is truly delightful

[systemofahigh]

This is what most transition timelines look like to me tbh