Just Trying to Figure Out Who the Hell I Am

Call me Jake. He/him/his. Transmasculine. Non binary. My main blog

[somecraydude]

we love a photo shoot

[gender-chaos]

Help!

I’ve been feeling EXTREMELY emotional disregulated lately. Like I cry ALL the time. I cry over absolutely everything. And I am constantly going from feeling on top of the world to feeling completely hopeless.

I forgot to bring it up with my doctor last time I was there because I always figure it’s just me being the crazy, sensitive, stupid person I am.

But I’m wondering if it might have to do with low Testosterone levels. Last time my levels were checked they were pretty low but my doctor said it was because it was late in my shot cycle. I should have more up to date results soon.

Has anyone had experiences with being overly emotional because of a low or incorrect dose of testosterone?

[gender-chaos]

Aye, 'murican, you can do the Asian squat very well. Nice. 👍🏻👌🏻

...is that an Asian squat? What? Thank you?

[gender-chaos]

HAPPY 9 MONTHS ON T TO ME Fun things: I have facial hair My leg look super bomb and manly My period is FINALLY gone (thank mother of Jesus) My voice is 100% passing I definitely gain muscle easier I’ve been called sir like a million times this week by complete strangers

[gender-chaos]

I ain’t even kidding y’all, al the hairs are their, they’re just still crazy blond

[somecraydude]

Exactly a year apart Pre t to 9 months on t Holy shit

[sometimes-ryan]

Closeted trans boy moods

Settling for girls boy shorts underwear

Using cologne bc “perfume is too sweet smelling”

Buying clothing items while away from parents

Cargo shorts

Layers of clothing

Hoodies

Pixie cuts

Baggy clothing

“"Tom boy”“

Trying to deepen your voice but not too much

Not shaving legs "cuz I’m lazy”

Etc.

[gender-chaos]

Yo does anyone have experience ordering needles through amazon?

I just want to be sure they’ll be the right thing before I order

[gender-chaos]

Another unexpected affect of transition:

I’ve always had more friendships with female identifying people. Pretty much most of the people I hang out with regularly are women. And I’ve always been attracted to women. But until I came out as transgender that was never an issue. But now all of a sudden I every one of my friends’ boyfriends sees me as a threat. And it’s not like I’m someone these women would want to date, nor would I want to date them, they’re just my friends. But for some reason now that I am Jake, there are ALWAYS comments when I hang out with a female friend that her boyfriend is jealous. Even my PROFESSOR’S husband told her he was jealous of me. Like wtf!

I feel like this says a lot about male culture. Because literally the only threatening thing about me is that I’m male.

[thegravelbro]

Formal Events Get Better! ft. HRT

2001

2010

2016

2017

[kissycore]

also straight trans ppl exist and pride month is for them too

[transftmthoughts]

I can’t wait for the day when I can pee standing up!

[bisexualgambit]

Told one of my friends that I unfriended my homophobic/transphobic uncle on facebook before coming out and they responded with “but how can you open his mind that way?” so just a reminder:

My job is to exist. My job is to be happy. My job is not to educate, I am willing to help you educate yourself, but above all else, it is my job to find peace that I’ve wanted for years. If someone does not make me feel good, why should I have to be a part of their life? I do not have to suffer so that others can grow. A blooming garden is not expected to keep it’s vines and weeds, so why am I?

[boy-between-the-ears]

[workmaninprogress]

‪Guess who has two thumbs, a wrinkled shirt, and a brother that just accepted them as their little brother. ‬

‪This guy. ‬

[ftm-adventurous]

Haven’t done one of these in a while.

Facial hair update: Left is 2 years and 9 months on T 💉 Right is 3 years and 5 months on T💉

There’s about 8 months between theses pictures and even though not to much has changed I have definitely noticed a lot more hairs growing in and that it’s starting to get thicker! 😍

I definitely still have some patchy spots but man I am I ever just happy to finally have a beard 🧔🏻 😁👌🏼

[shock]

i wonder how many historic trans men we’ve lost to “this WOMAN went by a man’s name, wore men’s clothes, took the job of a man, lived as a man… GIRL POWER!”

[shock]

this isn’t a “pushing my identity on historic people” thing, it’s the fact that every single time i or another person brings up the possibility of someone like us in history, we’re immediately shut down, told that we didn’t “exist yet”, given a billion different reasons why we aren’t ALLOWED to see these people as reflective of us and our struggles and experiences - i get that we didn’t have the vocabulary back then but for so many of you the IDEA that someone who went to the same stretches that we do today to separate from their dead selves and identify similar to the way trans people do is too “far out there” and “disrespectful” to them somehow. they’re dead. we’re alive. we’re trying to connect the pieces. go get your kicks out of isolating us from history somewhere else, away from me.

[nitrosplicer]

yeah, there were women who did crossdress in order to take up jobs they would not have been permitted to access

but when people say it about Albert Cashier, who donned Union uniform, bound his chest, and lived as a man even after the Civil War, when he was reclusive and lived in a tiny village, after there would have been no incentive for him to do so, I question their motives.

I also question their motives when they list Alan L Hart, who legally changed his name and was one of the first trans men to pursue a hysterectomy, referring to himself as “a fellow.”

people DONT want historical figures to be trans. they WANT to interpret these historical figures as women, not trans men, because that makes them uncomfortable. 

[ultimaid]

same with the musician billy tipton, who hid his trans status from his wife and children his whole life, and whose son didn’t know his father was trans until billy was dead. he told his wife that his binding was necessary because he had been in an automobile accident before they met, never disclosing his trans status to her. the number of historians that refer to him by his deadname and call him an “actress” make me feel sick. he was a stealth trans man around everyone but his parents, and it hurts trans men everywhere to call trans men in history “lesbians”.

[makingqueerhistory]

If you want to learn more about any of these men:

Albert D.J. Cashier

Alan L. Hart, Part 1

Alan L. Hart, Part 2

Billy Tipton and the Question of Gender 

[transsafeuserboxes]

Acknowledging women in history is important, but don’t do it at the expense of other oppressed groups and erase trans people from history. ~🐱

[amethystinia-deactivated2018121]

Every time you hear about a “woman who lived as a man” please consider that they might have been a man all along