Positivity and other fun stuff for gender non-conforming people of all sexualities and genders.
Radical Inclusionist ❉ Trans women are women ❉ Trans men are men ❉ Gender is neither a binary nor a trinary.
I'm an adult, and this blog may contain adult content (not porn). These posts will be tagged appropriately (tag TBD) ❉ I'm a generally reasonable person: if I post something you find problematic or suspect, please let me know. I'd love to discuss it with you!
my bugbear of the day is that i think its odd when people say "femme trans man" or "masc trans woman" they automatically assume it means no hrt. nothing stoppin someone from going on estrogen and also being butch. you can be 8 years on testosterone and be camp about it. being gnc is a whole spectrum babey open your eyes.
i do think for the world to be a better place that is more accepting of trans people that we have to stop assuming people who are gnc are automatically trans/going to realise they are trans/going to grow up to be trans.
not even in a gatekeeping being trans way because anyone can be trans and if you say you are trans then.. you are.
but acting like trans people are the only gnc people in society really reinforces both the sex and gender binaries when it is truly not that serious.
normalise exploration of gender idk... bcs also not all cis crossdressers or cis gnc ppl are our allies and putting them byproxy into trans spaces is quite dangerous 4 us as well
not to be like "let cis ppl be gnc!!" bcs obviously this is a very internetification of an issue bcs in the real world cis gncness is obviously way more accepted than transness but in trans spaces online I do rly think we need to stop equating being gender non conforming with being trans
i do think there should be more stories and shows and stuff about guys falling in love with butch women actually, i think that’d be a good thing. and not ‘this is as butch as twitter can handle’, i mean butch as can fucking be without apology, and making those boys weak in the knees about it. i think it’s great actually to have f/m romances that exist to break gender norms, too. i think it sucks that the only mainstream het romances that exist are either about women who are already feminine or with women who are just a little too scarily masculine and have to be fixed into being girlier. that’s shit.
it’s not like. taking away from queer people if you let “the straights” have some genderfuckery in their romance, too. that’s good, actually, the blurring of gender roles and performance and getting better understandings of your own sexuality is good for everyone. and it’s really fucking weird if you think that mainstream “het” romances shouldn’t feature women who are “too masculine” because that’s only allowed for queer people, somehow.
Sometimes the line between being a sort of masculine woman and a sort of feminine man is so thin that you’ve fallen from one side to the other without noticing
There’s certain grey blurry areas of gender presentation where the only real difference between people is what they say they are. I’ve met plenty of non binary people, fem men, and masc women who give off the same gender aura that I do. That being boring but slightly off. Like you’re normal but not quite normal enough for most people. Our gender presentation is I don’t care about conformity but also I’m not putting in any effort
I wish that we would collectively actually engage with the problematic aspects of queer history instead of demanding they be disposed of.
I think it's a result of a carceral system that removes criminals from our communities that people think in these black-and-white terms. Either a queer person from history was perfect and can be pinned to any argument to legitimize it, or they were evil, and we aren't allowed to talk about them or acknowledge their queerness.
In general, I believe it is so much more useful to engage with the messy and uncomfortable things people from history did. I also think this engagement shouldn't start with mentioning the harm the people caused and then end with disposing of said people.
Some alternatives I like:
Educating people about the problematic nature of the person while not distancing from them
Looking into the specifics of what harm was caused and doing opposing things (i.e. an author writing antisemitic tropes can be combatted with intentionally finding and uplifting a Jewish author taking down the tropes)
Take an inner inventory of ways you may perpetuate harm to the same community that the person in question did, and learn how to stop and repair that harm
Be an active ally to the people in your life who exist within the marginalization that the person in question contributed harm to
I suppose I am just tired of having a historical figure's problematic nature being used as a "gotcha moment" in response to even mentioning their existence (often in posts that link to articles that mention and sometimes discuss in depth the exact problematic decisions said person made).
Btw, people are allowed to "look stereotypically gay" even if they aren't. Let men who date women talk in an effeminate way and dress fem and wear makeup without calling them eggs. Let women who date men dress butch and go to the gym and talk flat without saying it's comphet. People don't owe you a presentation that you can fit into a box.
i have this really complicated relationship with my gender in that i’m a girl but i don’t like people assuming im a girl. i don’t feel right to call myself trans because im not, im just gender non conforming. i use any pronouns and get disappointed when im only referred to as she/her. nonbinary also doesn’t feel right. i think im just me but its so hard to explain that so if anyone asked im just like “yeah im a girl” but there’s this pang in my chest whenever i say that. and this isn’t a new thing. i thought i was genderfluid when i was like 14 and im 20 now and still thinking this. i love gender. i love living
This is what my Black woman VP boss said to a queer Black gender non-conforming person. #😳 And let's get it out of the way, the whyte liberal would have a hair-trigger response and spout something to the effect of, you're being too sensitive. But am I?
Two-thousand fourteen was the last job in corporate America that I worked at, and yes I don't have to do any complex math because that is ten years ago. I was over-qualified for the position and paid at least sixty percent less than my standard rate. I remember clearly a twenty-something fellow employee asking me how I had accomplished something that was obviously eluding him when my current tasks were his responsibility. I said I talked to people and we came up with a solution to the backlog.
Part of being too grown and too experienced, is that folks who are twice your junior take much longer to execute and figure out challenges, which are somewhat effortless for you. Per my standing preference I didn't work more than forty hours and performed a job that was over a month behind deadlines and got it all cleared up in less than ten days. #NotABadBitchJustDamnedGood
But my approach wasn't what the youthful employees had done before, I got up from behind my computer, left my desk and went to go see people, my 'clients' as we called them. I am a great believer in face-time and the importance of looking folks in the eye, listening the timber of their voice, and noticing their body language. All of these are a part of the emotional intelligence I have developed while working in whyte corporate America, I use my natural empathy in a way that probably isn't prescribed or best practice, but it ultimately gets the job done, efficiently and quickly.
But I do not look like everyone else in corporate America, and mind you this particular company was quite Black and also queer, I may have been a note too fabulous for this space, albeit it was in essence a creative space. This is part of my becoming more myself as I mature, I remain unapologetic in my approach to the world, how I present myself and this was reflected in my daily fashion which spoke to my unique voice as much as anything.
I don't think anything I wore was outlandish or even unprofessional in a business casual office where some folks would literally wear shorts and t-shirts to work everyday. I had one of my clients say to me after I was told her I couldn't see her any more because of my excessive visibility, was that she enjoyed seeing what I was wearing everyday and our brief check-ins, she felt she knew exactly where we stood on any particular project that we were working on and it left her free to focus on other real issues.
The thing I loved about this very whyte, heteromantic and patriarchal world was that unlike my past in the non-profit sector I was paid a more than livable wage, and I was able to usually utilize my mind, not my body to do my work. My real question is, what does it matter what I wear if I satisfactorily execute my job responsibilities? I will never get an answer to that question, so it will remain rhetorical.
I recall my working at one place maybe not even two weeks when the boss there seemed to admire my freelance mentality and quit. We had previously talked about how I like the off-and-on of contract work, I'd work a couple of months in one place and then take a trip to South America for a month, or three months somewhere else and go to Africa for ten days. The gigs were short enough for me to stay pleasant all throughout because my time was only temporary. Clearly she was sold and wanted to make a lifestyle change herself. #WasThatMyFault?
Looking back on all of this and where I am now I have no regrets, the next time I would be employed would be twenty-twenty, six year later, hundreds if not thousands of emails sent out, dozens of interviews, but not one closing. I wasn't as young as I used to be, quite a few positions I was also over-qualified for even with trimming my resume considerable to appear 'younger', but I think I had become TOO BLACK, TOO QUEER and TOO GENDER NON-CONFORMING. I refused to dim my light or alter my behavior to make whyte people more comfortable with my very overt Africaness, and I was unapologetic about it all.
Today I live off the interest from my investments, I wear what I want, I sleep as late as I please, and my days are filled with the thing I want to do and the folks I want to fuck with, and I needn't attempt to diminish myself in any way to conform to anyones anything. No one should have to change themselves to be suitable to work, if they have the education, experience and abilities. Folk should be hired on their merits and the fact that they can execute the job, not by how comfortable or uncomfortable they make you, or if they know your friends little friend. Nepotism has become the law of the land if you want to work in this country, and I am so pleased its a practice I don't have to fuck with anymore.
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