This Is A Safe Place

Riley | Nonbinary | they/them | this is just advice and tips that have helped me and I hope will do the same for you. (To be clear I do not use genderqueer as a slur but merely as an all encompassing term)

[genderqueertips]

hi guys

I know it’s been almost two years since I left, and I'm so sorry for that. However, I have needed this time to take care of myself and ensure my safety. As of right now, I don't plan you reactive this blog, or at least not for a while. I just wanted to let you know that I am safe, and to thank you for all of your kind messages. I hope you are all well!

[genderqueertips]

I'm so sorry guys

I know I've kept you all waiting for me (tbh that's probably just wishful thinking tho why would anyone wait for me to post) but I think I might have to shut down this blog. We recently hit 1,200 followers and it was so exciting, but I've realized that I simply cannot continue to post (ha that makes it sound like I've posted at all recently haha). This is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life, and honestly I'm not sure I can survive this, let alone continue to provide any form of help to anyone else. I'm so incredibly sorry.

[akhunty-deactivated20240130]

IF YOURE EGYPTIAN AND LGBTQ+ GET OFF ANY QUEER DATING SITES, THE POLICE ARE TRACKING AND HUNTING PEOPLE DOWN AGAIN. DELETE YOUR ACCOUNTS.

[salty-red-mage]

This is very real.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/amp/human-rights-groups-urge-egypt-halt-crackdown-gays-n806641

[lesbianrey]

current as of oct 2nd 2017

[genderqueertips]

another personal post but still nothing useful. I'm so sorry. Feel free to ignore

I still feel awful mentally and last week I had a fever. Sorry to not post still! But anyways I had a question for the smart folk out there. I'm a dancer and tonight I was rehearsing a dance when I suddenly felt super dizzy, lightheaded, and nauseous to the point where I fell down during one of the turns. I've done 3 or 4 hours of dance today along with school, and I've eaten around 1300 calories which is about average for me. I also slept for a pretty average amount of time last night (like 6 or 7 hours). I don't think it's any leftover symptoms from when I was sick either. Does anyone know what the problem might be?

[genderqueertips]

Hey guys. I'm still struggling. I'm so sorry and it's been almost a month and a half since I last posted but I swear I didn't forget about you. I'll be back soon. I don't know when but yeah I'll post as soon as possible.

[dysphoria-tips]

washing a binder when your parents don't know you have one

okay so you’re probably gonna want to wait until your parents aren’t home so they don’t get suspicious. I do this every Friday as my school finishes early and my dad is normally not home for another 20 minutes

1. fill a sink or bucket with cold soapy water 2. scrub the binder until it’s clean 3. rinse out all of the soap 4. either let the binder air dry slightly or pat it down with a towel until it’s not dripping anymore 5. leave it to dry completely. you can hang it on a coat hanger then put a shirt over the top so you can’t see the binder

[interruptmag-blog]

A word of advice to trans women

Go to your nearest target. Buy a two pack of pushup bras (24$ for 2), and target’s bra inserts (12$). Then go to your nearest Walmart and buy the Vasserette Control Shapewear Panties (2.50 each), they do wonders for helping your tuck. There you go! You just saved yourself a lot of money, you can afford to buy enough to wear every day, and best of all you look fabulous. -@twidx

[orangelemonart]

recs for trans women are so rare on tumblr!! spread this, people.

[phoenixcollective]

Please reblog this, in total it’s about $38.50 to make a huge difference for a trans woman/trans feminine person. 

[genderqueertips]

I keep promising to get asks answered and tips out but with each passing day I'm getting more overwhelmed with other things in my life and I can't get to anything on this blog and I just feel awful about. I wanted to once again say that I am just so incredibly sorry to not be posting anything useful or that you want to see.

[transsecretsanta]

[Image description: A background of the trans flag, vertical, with some Christmas-themed decoration and text in black that reads “Trans Secret Santa 2017″ End image description.]

Trans Secret Santa 2017 is a Tumblr project dedicated to helping transgender-spectrum individuals have something to boost their mood during the holidays. Many trans individuals receive gifts that cause them dysphoria, or do not receive much at all.

This project has options for both virtual and physical gifts, and is open to all transgender individuals (including genderfluid, nonbinary, closeted, and questioning people). You do not have to celebrate Christmas to participate!

Please read the rules and apply if you are interested!

Note: If you are on mobile and the links don’t work, open an internet tab and type in transsecretsanta.tumblr.com/rules and transsecretsanta.tumblr.com/applink instead!

Trans Secret Santa 2017 is not affiliated with any past Secret Santa projects on Tumblr.

[genderqueertips]

Hey guys. I wanted to apologize real quick. I know I've been gone for a while but I've just been working through some stuff. I planned to at least answer some asks today but now I'm really sick and just not able to. Again, I am so sorry and I swear I'll be back soon!

[genderqueertips]

750!!

Guys! We hit 750 followers! I can't thank you all enough! I know I've been gone for a while but I'm gonna start answering asks and such as soon as possible (hopefully within the next week or so) and then get some more tips out for you all.

[genderqueertips]

I'm not trans but I've noteced that a lot of trans (biological women) get a chest binder and I get that but sports bras do good at hiding breasts as well is their any reasons someone might not want to use a sports bra?

Sports bras definitely reduce the appearance of breasts, but do not fully hide them. Often times people wearing sports bras appear to have small breasts that are still clearly visible. Though some people do bind by wearing 2 sports bras at the same time, a chest binder does a much better job at creating the appearance of a realistically flat chest. Though the difference may not seem that big to others, dysphoria makes it seem like even small breasts are huge and extremely visible. A chest binder just does the best job of hiding breasts and therefore reduces dysphoria as much as possible without getting surgery.

[genderqueertips]

Hey, so I've got a little problem about my labels. As my language doesn't have any gender neutral pronouns or labels, I had to figure everything out on my own. I'm afab and comfortable with both male and female pronouns although I prefer female (idk why, perhaps just because I'm used to them) but female labels like miss or girl tend to make me feel dysphoric. So how do I explain to people I like being called lad/guy etc but use female pronouns without coming across extra or like I'm mocking them

I think that the best way to do it would be to start by explaining in the simplest way possible how you are okay with female pronouns but not female labels. If people react poorly or if they don’t understand, that’s when you should go into more detail. Starting with extreme detail tends to deter people from the entire concept of what you are trying to explain to them. Beyond that I don’t really know what to tell you. 

[genderqueertips]

Do you have to be trans to be nonbinary? I'm a bit confused when it comes to the gender part of the lgbt community. Also, if you decide that you are nonbinary, what is the best way to come out?

No, you do not have to be trans to be nonbinary. Transgender is mostly used to describe people who transition from male to female or female to male. However, transgender means anyone whose gender does not directly correspond to their sex. I know that sounds like it contradicts what I just said about how it’s possible to be nonbinary and not trans, but some people are uncomfortable with the term transgender and chose to identify solely as nonbinary. It is personal preference, and it is entirely possible to chose to identify as nonbinary and not as transgender.

Coming out is a very personal thing, so there is no general best way to do it. Everyone will have a different way to come out that works best for them. Some of these ways include texting or writing a letter to someone, telling them in a public place, calmly mentioning it in a conversation, or making a joke that clearly implies the persons gender or sexuality. 

[genderqueertips]

Um, hi, if you don't mind me asking: what should I do if in my language gender-neutral pronouns don't exist at all (also verbs are different for men and women)? And neutral names are also forbidden? It makes me feel really anxious sometimes, so i wanted to know what do you think

That’s a really rough situation. In most languages like this, verbs and adjectives relating to groups of people of different genders will use masculine pronouns and words. Therefore, you may prefer to use masculine pronouns as they are the most neutral you may be able to get. I can’t think of anything beyond that! I hope you find pronouns that make you comfortable!

[genderqueertips]

I want to come out to my mom as nonbinary and that I prefer he/they pronouns before school starts because I want to hopefully buy masculine clothing. She is very accepting of the LGBTQ+ and was accepting when I came out as a lesbian almost a year ago. But I'm just very nervous about coming out again and I have no idea where to start. Any advice or ways I could come out to her?? Thank you so much and have a nice day/night!!

Depending on how comfortable with her you are, there are a few route you can take here.

Telling her via text, letter, or email is an easy way that allows you to avoid direct confrontation. Many people chose to use this method for the sake of their comfort.

Try telling her in the car. It helps because both of you have to be there without leaving (no chickening out) and neither of you will be entirely focused on what you’re doing. That way she’ll hear and understand you but will react slowly and more gradually as opposed to all at once, and you will likely feel more comfortable because you will know that she isn’t paying complete attention to you and only you. 

Ask to go shopping for clothes that you can wear for back to school. Then just go pick things out in the mens section and if she questions it then you can explain to her why you are getting them. Many people also feel more comfortable coming out in public because it usually prevents any sort of loud or over the top reaction.

You can come out any way you like and any way that makes you comfortable. Good luck!

[genderqueertips]

Any advice on tucking? - Jay

I didn’t, but here is a link that seems helpful. http://www.wikihow.com/Tuck-and-Tape 

Sorry!