Burn the bridge
sisfree fic, sisco karlisle centered, tw : alot of self harrm!!
I'll update ofc
again tw : self harrm
english is not my first language
6/? chapters
Chapter 1: Good parts
BC Sol is back on track, snatching trophies left and right by having the best bladers in the world in one place, Valt, Rantaro, Silas, Free and a lot more.
and Kris being the owner of the club, she's a smart beautiful and strong girl who's in charge of everything and takes care of everyone which takes alot and she always makes sure everything is running smoothly
and each blader is focused on their own skills developing them everyday
it's a beautiful monday morning in BC sol, Kris is known to be a morning bird, waking up everyone in campus "It's breakfast time, everyone come down to the cafeteria" as all the bladers heard the announcement, Valt and Rantaro run excitedly over their table "WE'RE FINALLY GETTING CHURROS FOR BREAKFAST!!!" "HELL YEAH AM SO HAPPY" everyone in the cafeteria laughs at Valt as he fell on his face running *AGAIN!!* "ouchhhh that hurts, but churros will surely make me feel better" Rantaro let's out a chuckle
Free is the last one to get to the cafeteria, he always end up oversleeping because he stays all night in the forest alone, Kris knows him well so she never bothers him or asks him to sleep early, it's Free's nature
Free yawns "morning guys, what's for breakfast" Valt responds excitedly "CHURROS!!!!" Free smiles at Valt
"oh that doesn't seem bad I'll eat it maybe" Valt's eyes enlightened "YES YOU SHOULD TRY THEM THEY'RE SO GOOD!!"
Everyone knows each others here very well, even alot of bladers actually got along with the one and only nonchalant king Free De La Hoya, well he's known for his mysterious personality and crazy blading skills that nobody could reach, but he's still so respected and loved by everyone
but there's Silas, one of the strongest bladers in BC Sol, he's known to be the "arrogant" and "selfish" type, his only goal is to get to the top, but do they really know anything about him??
Free goes to the forest to meet up with his deer friend while everyone inside campus is training for the next tournament , Free's favorite place is the forest nearby, he spends most of time there all alone
As Free is walking to his usual spot he finds Silas, his gets confused but not so surprised "what the hell are you doing here broccoli head?" Silas then notices Free "I just want to got a problem with that? " Free tilts his head "But aren't you supposed to be training with Valt and the rest?" Silas's gaze falls down to the ground "well yeah but I just feel really obnoxious and overstimulated right now I need to breath air" Free rolls his eyes "alrighty that doesn't seem like you but yeah you can stay here I really don't mind...just don't annoy me or I'll push you down the lake" Silas chuckled at Free's response "no don't worry I might seem the annoying type but I'll leave you alone" Free then nods and walks away alone, exploring the forest like it's his own feeling every breeze that hits him like a beautiful note relaxing into the peaceful sound of chipping birds, Free has a world of his own, but despite being relaxed he remembered something, earlier while talking to Silas he noticed a small container in his pocket, what could it possibly be?...does Silas takes pills? what is he going through though he seems healthy and okay. That's all been going through Free's mind he's curious to know and also might discover if Silas suffers from anything but he just brushed it off realizing it's truly none of his business and he just shouldn't involve himself
Silas lays on the grass for some time, he really needed it because he's been feeling so overwhelmed with everything he's been feeling, he needed a break
It's lunchtime, Kris calls everyone to come to the cafeteria as usual, Valt Rantaro and Kit are racing over to their table like their life depends on it, Valt asks "where's free btw??" Free then enters the cafeteria "oh hi I am here" Valt giggles "we barely see you do you perhaps prefer the forest over us hehe" Free chuckled "it's just a safe space for me" Valt nods understandably. They all eat lunch, Ange has prepared pizza rolls, Rantaro devours every single one of them "THESE ARE SO GOOD OMG" Silas responds mockingly "it's not the end of the world leave some for us dude" Rantaro looks at Silas "maybe if you came earlier" Silas shrugged and stood up "I am full I need to go" Valt responds "if you're gonna train later call me in I'd like to battle you!!" Silas smirks at him "yeah ofc and I'll win" Silas then goes away to his room while everyone is still eating lunch and chatting, Free has something lingering in his brain "is there anything wrong with Silas?" he felt like he's the only one who noticed these little details because if he asked anybody else even Kris she won't think of anything else, but why was he thinking like that?, Silas taking a breath of air in the forest, the small container that looks like they're pills in his pocket and now going up early because he usually stays last during lunch. But Free tried to brush it off again not wanting to make a big deal of it, Sasha then asks "oh why did Silas go so early I am used to see him stay last during lunch" Rantaro then laughs "maybe he finally has his own priorities"
As Silas went to his room, he sits on top of the bed rethinking everything, he takes out the container out of his pocket and throws a pill into his mouth and swallowed it with water. So basically Silas has been going through depression and suicidal thoughts but he really never told anyone even Free, he just thought nobody would truly care nor pay attention anyways, he whispers to himself "it's getting too much for me I need to find a way" he then goes to the bathroom, locks himself inside and glances outside to check if there's anybody watching, it's all clear...
Silas then grabs a razor blade out of his pocket, he stares at it for few seconds zoning out but he shakes his head realizing he needs to act fast before anyone enters the bathroom, he doesn't want anyone to see that he's suffering so badly....especially Free....
So he takes his razor blade and starts cutting down his thighs, he didn't go that deep because he has training later, Silas smiles as he's cutting and slitting his thighs until he flinches at the slight pain, it's a mess on the floor there's blood all over, but it doesn't matter to him he's gonna clean it anyways it's not the first time, after Silas finishes his cutting sesh he takes out the aid kit and takes care of his cuts by putting band aids all over them, he never felt so good and comfortable, he then stands up and put on back his clothes and cleans the floor. He then looks at himself in the mirror "why am I such a mess?" he then opens the bathroom door and sees Free "oh hi Free, the bathroom is all yours" Free raises his eyebrow "what the hell where you doing" Silas jumps out of his place as he wasn't excepting him at all "well what do you think is the purpose of using a bathroom dumbass" he then leaves trying to escape a conversation, Free looks pretty concerned the way Silas is acting was pretty odd but again it's none of his business and plus maybe he's just overthinking
Silas then runs to his room letting a loud sigh, he's grateful Free didn't ask him anymore questions because sure he isn't a good liar and Free is really smart he can notice people when they act odd, "he's either dumb as hell or acted like he saw nothing...doesnt matter"
Free is not stupid and he'll know more about Silas's odd behavior
Chapter 2 : crazier
tw : pills / sh
everyone gathers around the gym for training as usual, everyone is fired up and excited, you can literally hear Valt an Rantaro's screams across the room, Free is focused and Silas is still thinking about what happened earlier, he's sitting alone on the bench as he's zoning out, Valt notices and goes to him "hey world to Silas?" Silas is still not there "SILAS WAKE UPPP" Silas got jumpscared by Valt realizing he's been out for quite a long time while everyone was training "you're so fucking loud what the hell??" Rantaro laughs at him in mockery "look who's cursing now" after a moment of silence suddenly Silas starts shaking, tears falling down his cheeks. What the hell is going on with him?? everyone in the gym is staring at Silas being a mess for no reason at all, why did he suddenly break down?? Free walked to Silas to check on him he did seem so worried of course he'll be that's his friend, but he just couldn't say anything he was lost not knowing how to comfort him, he did feel really bad but just couldn't do anything about it. Silas then stands up wiping his tears "alright am gonna leave for now" Silas goes away to we don't know where, maybe the forest?
Valt Rantaro and the rest seemed so worried about him "is Silas alright?? he's been acting strange lately" Free just nods he just wishes he could help him in any way possible but he can't, Kris seems confused too not knowing what to do or what just happened she goes to her office closes the door and sighs and suddenly she hears a knock on her door, it's none other than Free,"enter please!" , Free opens the door as he stares into kris she herself knows why he's here and just doesn't know what to say "I know why you are here, but you'd like to talk about it?" as she smiles at him trying to reassure him, Free's gaze lowers down trying to think about to say, what should he really say...that he's worried about Silas? that he wants to comfort him? that he wants to be with him through hardships? All these sentences don't sound very Free like but he's willing to do anything for Silas's sake it's his friend after all, "I am worried about Silas" he locks his gaze at kris, "yeah we all are for sure, he's been acting strange recently, since you're his friend do you know if he's been going through anything?" kris asks softly she really wants to help Silas, it's her duty to take care of everyone after all, Free remembered the pill container he saw in his pocket but he doesn't know if he should mention it he really doesn't wanna assume anything knowing he still didn't even ask Silas whats going on with him, he kinda felt wrong just throwing assumptions about his friend's wellbeing but he knew something was wrong "nevermind" Free scoffs, kris looks at Free with confusion "but don't you wanna help him or atleast find out what's with him?" Free stands up and ignores kris's question he knew it was best for him to just brush everything off and leave Silas alone because maybe it was none of his business
little does he know what he's gonna find out later...
His view about Silas will change completely
He really wants to be there for him
"what's really going on" he whispers to himself as he locks himself in his room
Free lays in his bed as he sleeps peacefully, he felt so tired and exhausted, before closing his eyes he stares at Silas's bed and belongings, it's his roommate after all but they just never felt like actually roommates because they barely interacted and even Silas knew he shouldn't speak to Free at night because he'll ignore him anyways. As Free was zoning out his attention snapped as he looked at a grey cover notebook on Silas's bed he didn't pay much attention to it but his curiosity was fighting the urge to pick it up, "no I shouldn't it doesn't belong to me" he kept telling himself even after few minutes he still wanted to know badly what's going on with Silas maybe after reading few pages he'll get an idea, just when he slowly picked up the notebook the door opened and Free jumped out of his place, it's Silas he just came back from the forest he looked at Free with confusion "bitch I saw you holding my diary what the fuck is wrong with you?" Free stutter not knowing what to say he literally got caught wanting to read his diary that's kinda insane when he does know it's weird invading someone's privacy "i am sorry" Silas snatches his diary and storms off the room "try respecting other's privacy then come talking to me you bitch good thing you didn't read it or else I would've punched you, fuck everyone" the last sentence hit Free hard like a bullet in his heart, but everyone cared for Silas tho, what made him think that nobody cares about him, this thought alone made Free worry alot he just wants to understand him and also help if he could even if its pretty awkward between them and now he's scared that Silas will hate him for the rest of his life, he regrets it all "I am gonna kill myself for this" Free wishes he knew how to help people without messing things up. But Free is making the final decision to mind his own business maybe even if he tried to help Silas would not like it knowing his personality but right know he needs to go look for Silas it's past midnight and he might get lost, he puts on his clothes and leaves campus to the forest, after walking for a while he finally spots a green head near the lake it's Silas sitting alone he clearly looks so mad and Free doesn't blame him "hey Silas i am sorry about earlier" Silas turns around after hearing the familiar voice, but he was still really pissed off anyways "what the fuck do you want from me" Free is searching for words to say he doesn't wanna upset Silas as he is already "I am just sorry about everything that happened earlier, and I swear I didn't read any page just so you know I just happened to take it but I know it was wrong so I just wanna apologize and it's okay if you don't accept it"
Silas doesn't dare to look into Free's eyes, he's mad and ashamed at himself "alright but why did you even do that in the first place, you all are the same nobody really cares about how I am hurting" Free felt really guilty that Silas thinks that nobody cares about him nor his feelings he just wish he try to convince him that it's the total opposite "well it's just that...you were acting really strange lately I think everyone noticed and I just wanted to help so I tried to read your diary to atleast know what you're going through so I might try my best, because we're friends roommates and teammates after all even tho it's pretty awkward between us" Silas's eyes widen at the realization that Free cares about him, he was just shocked at the idea that someone slightly shows care and worry towards him it made me him kinda happy for the first time even if Free has no idea about his horrible condition and mental health he still noticed and cared about him and even wanted to reach out it just made Silas realize that he's not worthless "oh you're not one of them are you? you actually care? " Free smiles at Silas "yes I do even tho I don't show it you're my friend and of course I care about you and I'd love to help" Silas is still shocked at the idea that someone shows interest about his well-being "you don't have to worry about me at all, I can fix myself, and thank you for asking" Silas pats Free on the shoulder and walks away, Free just stands there tilting his head he's kinda confused at Silas's behavior maybe he should really just leave him alone and that's what Free will decide to do but it still hurts him when he realizes that Silas thought nobody cared about him, as Silas is walking away Free yelled "hey Silas!" he then turns around in confusion "what"
Free sighs "if nobody cares about you, I do, i care about you Silas" the last sentence hit Silas hard like a train wreck it made his heart beat so fast and it made him...blush, he got flushed at Free's word, Silas tells to himself "why the fuck am I red this feels so wrong" Free sure heard something "what did you say?" Silas cheeks turn even a more darker shade of red "no no nothing and thanks for caring about me" he runs away as fast as possible, Free smiles softly "Silas..."
As Silas finally arrived in his room he closes the door, and lays in his bed, he asks himself "why the heck was I blushing earlier" then an image of Free smiling at him hits him, Silas giggles not knowing what he really feels towards Free he grabs his diary and a pen and starts writing. "Dear Diary, I think I am in love with Free De La Hoya..." did Silas finally realize he has feelings for Free? It didn't take him so long to finally know, he's not the type to just brush off his feelings but surely won't tell anyone but himself, just the thought of Free looking at him makes his stomach filled with butterflies, everything about Free is perfect, his eyes, his visual, his features, his blading techniques, his personality and his aura, Silas is just so damn in love with Free, is it because he's the only person that showed slight interest in him and was kind and caring for him? maybe yeah
Silas has fell for the last person in mind
but should he confess to him? That's the last thing he's thinking about, he doesn't wanna ruin his worthy friendship for unsure love
Well he does wish for it.
Chapter 3: Impurities
The day went as usual in BC Sol, just everyone done with their training and hanging out for fun, except Free, well he's not much of a social butterfly he's only around people who he feels comfortable with so when everyone is gathered he stays in the forest his sole place
As the friend group is chattering about silly topics like Valt arguing about his favorite snack "you know, my favorite snacks kinda change depending on the mood for example if I am really angry I want something spicy but if I am really happy I am craving something really sweet" Rantaro snorts at Valt's funny ranting, he just loves it having a crazy best friend like himself. As they've been talking and chatting for hours the topic suddenly changes oddly, and yeah even Silas was with them feeling comfortable maybe him realizing he was in love with Free kinda raised the adrenaline in him and just made him positive through the day. Sasha asks a really random question but it makes everyone thinks deeply "I know this is crazy but like since we're slowly growing up and soon to hit 18 has anyone thought about getting into a relationship, like uhhh does anyone have a crush on someone??" everyone laughs and giggles over the question and there's Silas's face that turns a really deep shade of red it was so damn obvious to everyone how he was fidgeting with his fingers and his face became really red after hearing the question, Rantaro jumps at the opportunity to tease Silas "looks like someone does indeed want to get into a relationship" everyone's eyes turned to Silas, "what the fuck is wrong with y'all" Valt smirks at him not knowing he's going to say the most devious shit ever while Free was literally standing behind all this mess like a shadow "let me guess mhh I don't know guys I think Silas is absolutely gay what do you think" everyone nods "absolutely" , Silas gaze turned too embarrassed to even look at anyone "alright alright I don't wanna get into a relationship yet but take this as a coming out...yeah I like men" Free who's standing st the corner tilts his head and smiles at Silas, it only took him few seconds to notice the shorter blond standing alone smiling at him after his coming out, Silas smiles back not realizing he's blushing again. Everyone claps and yells celebrating him being himself finally , it was such a beautiful moment for Silas, he felt worthy, he was kinda wrong that nobody cared about him, just seeing everyone congratulating him made him feel alive and happy, that's all what he ever wished for, "thank you...guys so much I really appreciate it" Kit then asks a really interesting question specifically for Silas "so do you have somebody in mind? surely you found out you're gay because you're attracted to someone" Sasha shushs him out of embarrassment "hey you're too young to be asking those type of questions" kit rolls his eye "I am sorry but I am sure Silas isn't bothered to tell us" Valt jumps out of his place with excitement like he heard the most jaw dropping thing ever "wait wait do you have a crush on someone? TELL US PLEASE" Silas felt way too embarrassed he just wished to fucking disappear this is too much for him, he mumbled under his breath "gosh am gonna fucking kill myself" . Everyone is still staring at Silas waiting for his answer, he's trying to think of a way to lie to them or gaslight them but he's the worst when it comes to hiding feelings, especially romantic ones...
And all of this is happening while the love of his life is watching him from the corner, he's just too stunned to say anything "you know what yeah I like a guy but just a simple crush nothing more really and I don't think about getting into a relationship with him, that's all I have to say, and he probably doesn't even have feelings back to begin with, now don't ask anything or else I'll fucking punch the wall" Rantaro breaks into laughter at Silas's response "look who's mad because his crush doesn't like him back" Silas storms off "can you shut the fuck up you piss me off, so much kiyama" , "well atleast tell us who it is" , "no goodnight everyone" as Silas goes upstairs to his room, he was indeed mad and annoyed but he still can't forget the way Free was looking at him, it sent shivers down his spine, he wants him so bad and he'll do anything to make him fall in love back even tho it's gonna be really hard and he knew it
While everyone was laughing at the earlier incident, Free walked upstairs to his room as he's heading back to his dorm he hears sobs coming from silas's room, he tried to listen clearly and even wanted to enter but he was a really emotionally unavailable for his friends and he's so bad at comforting so he just left and got back to his dorm closing the door behind him
meanwhile silas, crying sobbing confused messed up he doesn't know how to explain what he's feeling right now
should he tell free?
would he feel the same way?
no he won't. probably not. not a chance.
how can he live like this?
nobody cares. and nobody will ever care
silas graves his razor blade and starts cutting himself, violently this time on his arm where it's clearly visible, he doesn't care if other notice it.
his arm is severely bleeding but he doesn't feel an inch of pain or regret it's not gonna ruin anything for him in his already "ruined" life
the next morning...
silas goes downstairs, looking like an absolute mess with the fresh cuts on his arms painfully noticeable, as he's heading to the cafeteria everyone including free is staring at him with shock
silas raises his eyebrow "do I look funny? why the fuck is everybody staring" , free looked very..concerned and confused, what are those cuts? did silas cut himself?
sasha breaks the awkward silence "what's wrong with your arms? what did you do to yourself?" silas's attention turns back to sasha's questions "what do you think I did to myself y'all suddenly care about me when I am on my lowest and I look crazy" he does the impossible and grabs his razor blade and shows it off infront of everyone "and this is what happens when you treat someone like shit and like a side character in your lives"
everyone is very shocked by how he's suddenly acting, valt goes to silas and grabs his arm "why are you doing this to yourself? and it's only the first time?"
the last question hits silas hard, first time? he's totally addicted and it's over for him and his life "first time on my arm tho" he laughs in a sarcastic way
free is just sitting in the corner staring at silas and listening to this mess of a conversation his mind is filled with questions and thoughts but he's not gonna let them out that easily but the main thing is that, he's really worried about silas..he really is but he doesn't wanna show it
Silas looks at everyone while smiling, he really wanted to show how everyone has been so careless about his feelings and well-being and how he's tired of being a side character in everyone's life
But he's more than that in free's life, he just doesn't see it yet
Sitting peacefully in her office doing her usual work, kris suddenly hears some noise downstairs coming from silas and the others, as she goes to check what's going on she's hit with how messy and fucked up silas looked, her jaw dropped "you did this to yourself? tell me"
Silas looks at her and he does feel kinda guilty for the awkward atmosphere he created but he doesn't regret showing how he feel to finally burst his bubble of keeping things inside him suffering alone without anyone caring or acknowledging him "as you're seeing, I did this shit to myself"
Kris is pretty much disappointed and surprised at the same time...in a bad way "I just never expected you to do this, i-i am really..."
Silas just can't stand how everyone is reacting all the same it's making him sick "okay so you're having expectations about me that I'll never fucking do suck things, maybe if you or anyone here reached out to me i'll be a little happier maybe but no"
Kris wants to respond but he stops her "don't say anything I heard enough already I am fucking tired" before leaving campus free stands up and tried to follow him, but he stopped because he felt like it's gonna be obvious so he just took one last look at silas before he disappeared for...god knows where and how much
Silas goes away on a walk by himself, tears falling down his cheeks, he's overthinking everything now, from why did he showed to his friends his true fucked up form to free seeing him like that, that was his biggest worry...
what will free think of him now?
will he distance himself from now on?
will he hate his guts?
he's getting tired thinking about free during the entire walk, his life revolves around him at this point, his feelings mixed and confused, making his mental state much worse than it was before... "can I make him see me the way I see him?"
oh he will. even better than he thought.
Chapter 4 : come over
it's 7am in the morning, Silas woke up feeling very dizzy and exhausted from all the crying of yesterday...he's been very miserable lately
his head hurts, his arms and legs burn like crazy from the cutting and not properly treating them
his well being was the last thing on his mind when he's being so lovesick over the blonde guy
Meanwhile free has a silly? plan to get to communicate with silas and maybe try to approach him in any way, he knows he's emotionally dry towards people but he's gonna whatever it takes to help his friend
Silas gets ready for the day not knowing his next move or what to do, he pops out one of his pills to feel something he knows it's bad but he'd rather feel high than miserable
he suddenly hears knocking on the door, "I am already ready for breakfast don't bother"
well, free opens the door and stares at silas not knowing what to say exactly
Silas raises an eyebrow at the very random appearance of free "what brings you here?"
Free just keeps staring at silas awkwardly lost in his mind trying to construct a proper response, "would you come over?"
what
that was the last thing he expected him to say
but what the fuck does he mean with coming over?
"I don't get it?" silas is very much confused but...happy
Free tilts his head and smiles softly, "I am just asking would you come over?"
"for what?"
"to...talk?"
"about what?"
"about whatever is happening to you"
"wait what's happening to me?" Oh.
Silas feels a little flustered at free's odd request
"sure whatever you want"
"I'll be waiting downstairs"
...
this had to be the most awkward yet weirdest conversation ever especially between two opposites like silas and free
but he was smiling because his crush is literally kinda asking him out
"he really asked me out holy shit...but it's just for some mental health talk he doesn't see me the way I do" silas thought to himself
30 minutes passed
"okay so are we going on a walk while we're talking?" silas asks free
"I suck at socializing or comforting or communicating face to face I need to walk" free tries to seem as professional as possible, at the end of the day he has to match silas's energy, he would rather kill himself tho but he needs to help him.
just silas, free and awkward silence louder than anything...
free breaks the silence "why are you doing this?"
silas looks back at free "doing what"
free sighs "that day...when your arms"
"also do you take pills?"
Silas is lost in words, why the fuck would he ask him about pills
"yes I do, why are you asking"
Free really has no idea how to answer he's so bad at communicating and worse at the being a therapist, he needs one himself actually
"stop taking them and stop cutting" , silas looks at free in confusion "you're not my mom to tell me what to do and not do"
Free stops walking "no I tell you what to do and not do"
Silas really regrets going out or coming over with free he wishes he stayed home and killed himself, "who the fuck are you to tell me?"
Free realized he sounded a bit overprotective and has to lower it down for someone who has been independent as silas "sorry I don't know how to help"
Silas understood that free is trying his best to help him out but goddamn he's tired of treating him like a friend and nothing more he has to step it up and do something and maybe this...awkward walk might turn into something?thats what he thought thought, he's happy that free even asked him out for a walk and wants to help him but it feels very bittersweet because for him he's nothing more than a casual friend and it hurts thinking about this
"Free can I tell you something?" silas finally speaks up, free tilts his head and nods signaling him to talk
"do you have feelings for someone?" he knows it's not him...well that's what he thought atleast
"no I don't, why are you asking?" free feels there's something to this question
Silas let's out a sigh of relief "I am just curious maybe you might be interested in someone"
Free smiles at silas softy "do you have feelings for someone?
Silas is lost in thought after this question, do I have feelings for someone "huh? Yes it's you dumbass I'd kiss you so bad right now if I wasn't a scared bitch" silas thought to himself
"well...i also don't I am not interested in love or someone anyways" biggest lie ever.
Free nods "yes I am not interested in anyone for now but all I know is that I am gay"
a win for silas
"omg yess- I mean yes me too I am also gay I think it's pretty obvious right?" silas was about to fumble it
"yeah I saw it already that's why I don't get bothered when they ship me with you" free smiles at silas in a way that would make him die right here "wait they ship us? I didn't know about that"
"It's just a joke between rantaro and valt mostly so don't worry"
"yeah it's okay" bitch of course I am gonna worry about this I am gonna make turn this joke into reality
Free giggles while mumbling something "yellow and green, a sunflower"
Silas raises his eyebrow in confusion, what the fuck does he mean by yellow and green, that's their representative colors...gosh he wants to kiss him so bad in the moment
"huh what's yellow and green and a sunflower" silas tries to act clueless
"It's just something that valt and rantaro say to my face everyday because they really ship me with you all the time" free isn't really bothered by it, he might be enjoying it to some extent...
Silas let's out a faint blush on his face "oh yes I just realized it's our representative colors and a sunflower has yellow petals and green leaves it's so pretty"
Free finally sees the light on silas's face, he's quite happy that this walk was worth it "you look a sunflower yourself except if we switched the colors"
Silas blushes at free's silly remark "huh? how?"
Free lets out a chuckle "your hair is green and has a strand of yellow"
Silas laughs at free's response "that's an interesting thing to remark"
Silas realized that nobody made him as happy as Free...
It doesn't even come close to any other way of coping with his struggles
Free is the only one that can make him smile and feel naturally positive and make him feel comfortable
He is the only one that understands him
He is the only one that can make him forget all of his problems...
He loved this boy more than he could imagine, he wants to be with him all the time, and he's gonna do anything to fulfill this
Can he be mine?
Can I be his?
Maybe.
After the long day of walking and talking, Silas and Free are sitting at the beach on the golden sand watching the beautiful sunset, what a way to end the amazing day
Silas finally talks "hey free, thanks so much for today I feel so much better"
Free pats silas's shoulder "no need to thank me, we're friends I tried even though I suck at stuff like this"
Silas smiles at free so lovingly "no you don't, you're amazing the way you are"
Free giggles "I should be the one thanking you"
...
the blonde and the broccoli head are both watching the sun disappears, the blue sky turns into a mix of pink and orange making it even more comfortable
Free stares at silas when he's not looking
Silas stares back at free when he's not looking either
this is the happiest he's ever been
"Free thank you for inviting me to come over"
Chapter 5 : blue flame
"Hey free are you listening?" valt tried to make free pay attention to him but it's not working out he's been zoning out for half an hour now
"Huh?" free seems so lost in thought, what the hell is he thinking about
"we're supposed to have our second battle, you lost the first one you know? you weren't focusing at all" valt seemed pretty concerned at free's lack of focus during the beybattle it's not something of his nature
Free tries to brush it off "I am just tired it's fine" but valt is so sure there's something way more than this... "are you sure free?"
he's been caught in a big lie of course he wasn't tired, he's not paying attention because he's been thinking about yesterday...
the day he spent with silas, even if he sucked at talking with people he still didn't forget how he was the one to finally put a smile on silas after suffering alone for a while
...
"Free please pay attention to me!!!" valt yells loudly scaring free out of his place
"I am here" free tries to calm valt down
"yeah let's start the next battle"
3-1 valt wins by a burst finish
"this is not you at all? Please tell me what's happening it's not that you lost it's because you weren't paying attention at all and it's worrying me free..." valt is really trying to make free say something or just the reason behind it
"It's just that...i was- nevermind" free stutters too nervous to finish the sentence
"just tell me please and I'll help you! trust me" valt comforts free
"I was...thinking about-" he can't let himself finish the sentence so easily
"thinking about what?"
...
"about someone"
"oh, who is it then?"
"Silas"
"SILAS???"
Free kinda regrets telling valt about this but it's already too late and he knows he's gonna be surprised but he can't keep it in for too long he thinks "yes him"
Valt is quite shocked and surprised at the same time but maybe he's jumping into conclusions "in what context?"
Free tries to find another answer to valt's question, what should he say? thinking about a battle with him? friendship context? rivalry context? or maybe he should just get straight to the point. "he's cute"
what did he just say?
"WHAT???" "HUH????" "I shipped you with him as a joke but it's serious huh" valt has never been so confused free out of all people really huh...
"I think he's cute" free replies nonchalantly on the outside but deep inside he'd rather kill himself and die
"any feelings for him?" valt calms himself down that's his friend after all right? he needs to understand this ugh...
"I don't know I just- yesterday I asked him to come over because I wanted to help him with his...you know?" free awkwardly tries to explain everything because he has too of course he broke the wall after all
"mhm yes I know, he's very stubborn though you can't even talk to him without him crashing out but yeah continue?" valt tries to be as professional as possible but he's also pretty curious about free's true feelings towards silas
"just spill out everything...i am listening free" valt was really good listener that's why he was always there for his friends since the beigoma club days he just loved comforting and helping people he cared for everyone around him
"okay uhm so I really suck at communicating since he's my friend I wanted to help him- and I remember he got really mad at me because I wanted to read his diary but I was in the wrong....and yeah uhm I asked him to come over we walked talked it was fun we watched the sunset and- I've never seen him so happy and it made me...happy too. Yeah." free let out a sigh of relief after finishing talking because it was seriously so stressing for him he's not used to spilling out so much stuff...but he felt better after doing it
"just- don't tell anyone or silas specifically"
Valt reassures free "I won't tell a soul...even silas or shu or even rantaro I won't tell anyone trust me!"
"But one last question free"
"huh what is it"
He doesn't know if he should ask him this question kinda felt like an invasion to his privacy but he's very curious after all
"are you planning to tell silas any time sooner?"
Free never asked himself this question since he just realized his little feelings for him recently nothing too big "maybe if I find myself deeply in love with him I might...if I move on I'll just forget"
Valt knows free is saying this because he's scared silas might reject him or dump him
"it's too early to say this, by the time you will soon realize your true feelings"
Free just nods "we'll see"
...
"you seem alot better compared to uhhh those days" rantaro gives a remark but tries not to make silas uncomfortable
"yeah it's noticeable I guess?" silas replies back as he's sitting on the bench
"well is there any reason behind him because you seem WAY too positive you know what I mean? I- I don't know how to explain but you get it right?" rantaro laughs awkwardly trying to not piss silas off or ruin his mood
"I know what you mean dumbass can't a man choose recovery and be happy?" silas smirks at rantaro
"well yeah but there's something to this right? you can't just wake up one day and choose to change things up because we've seen how much you showed that you've been struggling especially...that day when you-" rantaro seems very surprised at silas's change and also pretty concerned at the same time
"yeah yeah yeah that day I remember I was just really fucking tired and exhausted I was lost" silas's expression softens after being reminds of that certain day at the cafeteria when he showed to everyone his struggling side
"glad you're feeling better I guess? as I said is there a reason behind this sudden change?" rantaro is very curious
"why the fuck do you wanna know" silas side eyes rantaro
"aw man don't curse me out like that I am just trying to know that's all" rantaro let's out a pouty face to (maybe) make silas feel bad and tell him
Silas stares at rantaro for a few seconds before finally spilling the truth
"free de la hoya"
Rantaro raises an eyebrow "are you gay for him?"
Silas laughs at rantaro's response "close enough- well not close enough that's the thing...yeah"
Rantaro is kinda lost in his words he doesn't know what to say exactly but he's not surprised "I knew you were gay everyone knew you were gay it's so obvious and for free? not surprised either"
Silas stands up from the bench aggressively "what the fuck do you mean by that"
Rantaro rolls his eyes "you two would look good together anyways just like a sunflower"
Silas smiles at the word "sunflower" reminding him of yesterday "I just can't keep this shit inside me for too long I don't wanna sound corny but it burns like a blue flame in my heart you know..."
Rantaro laughs at silas's cheesy metaphor "damn look who's so deeply in love they're even saying this stuff"
Silas looks so pissed off he just wants to punch rantaro like right now if he could "shut up dumbass do you want me to spill the stuff or go away?"
Rantaro is very much dying of laughter "no no no I am just kidding just tell me I so curious man like holy shit silas karlisle out of all people is in love?"
Silas REALLY wants to slap the shit out of rantaro but he tries to seem chill on the outside but on the inside he wanna kill himself "can I now?"
"oh yeah I am sorry man you can" rantaro wipes his tears from laughing a little too much for a situation like this
Silas takes a really deep breath "okay so...i am so tired I want him so bad I can't wait no more even writing 5 pages per day about him only is not making it any better it was a little crush or realization or whatever the fuck you call it he's really my gay awakening too I am so obsessed with him it's making me go crazy I mean yesterday was the best fucking day ever like his awkward ass asked me to come over and went on a walk well he did kinda piss me off because he kept asking too much questions but man I really wanted to pull him against a wall and kiss him so bad and oh my god when we watched the sunset I've never been so happy I WANT HIM RANTARO I WANT HIM SO BAD but he probably doesn't see me the way I do and that's what's making it hard for me...okay that was too long"
Rantaro is pretty much shocked to say the least like damn his friend is REALLY down bad "yes it is holy shit...would you continue to like him even if he didn't give a fuck? just asking"
Silas smiles at rantaro "he would still look cute even if he ate grass"
Rantaro blinks awkwardly like he really wanna get the fuck out of here "you're so down bad its not even funny."
Silas sighs "yes dude I fucking know"
Rantaro really don't know what to say anymore but he volunteered for this shit after all but he also might be a sisfree supporter "uhm are you planning to confess?"
Silas really doesn't like being reminded of confessing sometimes he thinks about it maybe he'll feel the same back sometimes he backs off very worried he'll reject him right there and it's pretty much gonna make him go crazy or even kill himself... "I am scared and as I said it feels like a blue flame burning inside my heart"
...
valt tries to comfort free more because he knows his feelings are very deep right now "how does it really feel?"
Free turns back his focus to valt and tilts his head "like a blue flame burning inside my heart"
one of them has to stop this flame from rising even more or one of them will be extremely hurt or heartbroken.
But a blue flame will never touch a sunflower
Chapter 6 : sour grapes
This is when free will fully realize his true feelings towards silas
After his ranting and conversation with valt he made sure to keep his promise but he still tried to so hard to brush the feelings off but it's not working out at all
he does it again today by sitting very far from silas during lunch but he always finds himself staring at him for way too long
"I see you've been looking at him alot today huh?" valt tries to make free pay attention to him and he was very right about this
"no" free says coldly trying to brush it once again but he knows he's lying and he's bad at it
"oh look who's staring back, you got this free so I am gonna go for now" valt giggles while he's trying to plan something for free and silas
"no no don't go please" free jumps out of his place after realizing that valt is gonna leave him have the most awkward eye contact with silas
"sorry I have to go byeeeee" valt flees the scene leaving free stranded in the cafeteria
free shares a brief eye contact with silas and then looks away making him completely red and flustered
Across the other side of the cafeteria silas is sitting with rantaro
"he's been looking at you a little too much I think" rantaro jokingly pushes silas on his shoulder
"it's normal of course he's gonna look at him as he's looking at other people too" silas tries not to get his hopes up but he does indeed wishes that he's looking at him in that way
"c'mon man don't be so skeptical for the last 30 minutes he's been staring and looking at you and when you two had that little eye contact I even saw him blush trust me" rantaro surely is gonna get so mad and inpatient with silas
"stop feeding my delusions I am already fucked up and you're gonna make it worse for me because if I believe you I might get a little too excited plus if I ended up fooling myself and he's actually into someone else I swear am gonna go fucking crazy and kill myself"
...
"What?"
"you only talk this much when it's about free you're crazy"
"yes crazy over him you mean"
"trust me he want you so bad"
"stop getting my hopes up before I strangle you"
until after few minutes they both realize that everyone in the cafeteria overheard them even free
Silas looks over free to check if he heard them
Free smirks at him and leaves his place
"Oh shit shit shit shit shit shit" silas looks so nervous and anxious thinking it's over for him maybe (it's not)
"what's wrong?" rantaro acts like nothing happened but he simply doesn't care if people overheard them or not but he's so sure that silas will kill him
"I think he heard us I think he fucking heard me it's so over isn't it? he's gonna hate me for the rest of his life and will probably even stop talking to me and even forget about my existence I am gonna kill myself I am gonna kill myself I am gonna kill myself" silas has never been so scared he's shaking so badly
"CALM THE FUCK DOWN why would he hate you huh? you did absolutely nothing wrong to make him hate you plus free is not like that so just brush it off man" rantaro is seriously gonna explode because silas is being an ultimate overthinker and of course he talks way too much when it comes to his situationship? with free
"okay maybe you're right this time but you won't fucking get it like I turn around to check if he overheard us and then he smirked at me- he looked cute btw- and then he gets up and leave?" silas can't believing he's turning like this for free
"he want you bro, case closed" rantaro stands up
"now what should I do man?" silas looks at rantaro with pleading eyes
"make a move before it's too late you'd rather confess soon enough before he finds interest in someone else and even if he rejects you life is too short to back off" rantaro's tone turns serious this time
"you know what? yeah I need to do something..." silas nods
"and what are you gonna do?" rantaro tries to make silas think twice before doing something
"the fuck am I supposed to do? I just need to think of a way to confess but what if he rejects me infront of everyone it's so over rantaro IT'S SO FUCKING OVER-" silas seems to find it hard to control his anxiety overthinking the outcome of his future confession
"you're doing too much am gonna go training" rantaro leaves silas at the cafeteria alone and confused
"I don't need anyone's help anyways I am gonna do it myself" silas whispers to himself
Free heads to training along the other bladers still the earlier scenario playing in his head, now he knows silas's intentions and attitude like a book and even realizing his feelings for him but he's just gonna keep acting clueless
Silas enters a bit late to the gym for training but his eyes stay focused on free he just can't take his blue eyes off him...gosh he's so lovesick for this boy, staring at him and noticing every detail in his launching and beyblading style but what's his favorite thing about this are his deer eyes and they kinda match with his blue eyes maybe
such a sour feeling
"Hey silas" free comes to silas out of the blue
Silas snaps after hearing his name "oh hey free you know I've been training so hard to surpass you huh" he tries to sound cocky and confident but deep inside he's melting
"I am not here to battle with you" free smirks
silas is a little bit confused and anxious "what the fuck do you want then"
Free tries not to make silas uncomfortable as he's already pretty shitty with conversations
"do you like me?"
Silas's face turns pale after the very random question "what the hell do you mean" yes dumbass I like you very very much and I am obsessed it gets to a point...
Free walks away with no answer leaving silas puzzled with this whole VERY awkward conversation
"He randomly came up to me and apparently he didn't wanna battle he then asks me if I like him it was very odd" silas explains the entire thing to none other than rantaro of course
"and what did you see" rantaro smiles waiting for silas to give him a good and reasonable answer hoping he listened to him and confessed right there
"I told him 'what the hell you mean' and I maybe whispered 'fuck off' not sure if he heard me tho" silas seems pretty calm about this knowing what he just said
Rantaro and his urge to just punch silas for being fucking stupid "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON? You're so desperate and down bad for him and asking me for shitty advice to step up the game and yet you decide to take the most fucked up decisions ever YOU STUPID LITTLE BI-" the conversation was stopped by free coming over the two
"hey silas wanna go out eat fries together?" free smiles sincerely
Silas tried getting his shirt together thinking of an actual good response and maybe listening to rantaro for once in his life "oh uhm yeah sure why not"
"I'll wait for you outside" free leaves the scene
"that was VERY random" rantaro finally speaks calmly
"should I say this could be our second date? me and him, french fries and a dream very awesome" silas jumps out of happiness
"now get out of my sigh before I knock you off and don't do stupid shit" rantaro pushes silas away as he was already fed up with his shit
"yeah I won't bye" silas smirks and leaves the room confidently
Step 2. Or 3? I don't know atleast it's all going to plan...we hope so
"do you want some?" free tilts his head giving the insanely adorable deer eyes according to silas
"nah I am good you can eat it all" silas tries to act nonchalant and cool tho deep down he might explode
Free smiles at him
step 4 : we're almost there! I think
"I am almost there but its taking so long" silas rants to rantaro for the 65th time this week
"it's been like 4 days since you started doing this" rantaro lays comfortably on the couch
"so what? I need to act quick before someone steals him from me" he's really not tired of this isn't he?
"nobody is gonna take him away from you" rantaro would rather not sleep for 4 days than deal with broccoli head for 2 hours
...
"I have an idea...well it's kinda crazy but you'll be very useful in it" silas smirks
"your ideas and plans are fucking HORRIBLE and you know that" rantaro is already giving up and he'll get prepared for the worst
"fuck you just listen to me for once and I'll never get you involved again" silas begs rantaro knowing he might FUCK IT UP...
"ugh okay fine what is it now" rantaro sighs
"you're gonna be my boyfriend like we're gonna date but not really date? fake dating but we have to make it reali- you get what I mean" silas smiles widely...he's very excited for this horrible idea
Rantaro tries to understand where he's coming from...
and no he's not doing THAT?
"NO? are you actually crazy are you out of your mind ARE YOU OKAY?" HE WOULD rather stay awake for 4 days straight than spend time with silas ever again
"don't get me wrong- it's just for some time and it won't be that bad we literally spend the time together all the time so it'll be fine" silas knew this is a bad idea but whatever it takes to make free jealous I guess
"you're so delusional it's driving me crazy you could've just went and confessed to him it's easier" rantaro is trying to come up with a better solution than...whatever this is
Suddenly silas's arm started to sting and hurt, the fresh cuts that were not taken care off started to burn quickly
Rantaro's face softened after seeing silas in pain "hey uhm are you okay?"
"I am okay it's fine it'll be fine" silas tries not to make a big of a deal
"I don't think you're good I know you very well" rantaro started to worry a little too much
"trust me it's fi-" before he could finish his sentence free appeared out of nowhere
"w-why are you here" silas's face turns red
"are you okay?" free tilts his head, seems like he overheard the entire thing...
"I am fine I am okay" silas is absolutely tired and exhausted he feels dizzy out of the sudden
Free does something unexpected as he grabs silas's hand gently, he smiles
Silas's entire body felt so hot at that moment...gosh is this really happening to me right now?
"you're not okay you don't need to lie to me" free's expression became serious and showed how worried he was about silas
"fine a-am not okay...it hurts" silas bursts into tears as if he was holding it in forever
Seeing silas like that made his heart ache, he pulled him into a hug and reminding him that he'll always be there for him
Silas buries his face into free's shoulder crying his heart out, he never cried this much infront of someone, it felt weird but also comfortable especially with free...he felt safe for the first time
Free isn't good either with communicating and comforting people but when it came to silas it was...different, it made him feel better too and he doesn't know why
"I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself" silas repeats the sentence as he was sobbing
"I do too" free responds calmly "we're both in this together..."
they'll be both in this together.
