It's been a year and a half, and I changed a lot since then. It's crazy to think that you'll never know the new me, or maybe you do?
I still miss you everyday, I think it's normal. It's weird, for other people, it was just a kinda sad event? They probably don't even remember it anymore. I miss telling you about my day, it's not the same with dad, he takes it all too seriously. It's not the same with anyone. I miss laughing about my classmates with you. I miss telling you about my favorite anime of the moment. I miss the way you listened even tho you hated anime. I miss you making me hot chocolate every morning. I miss you laughing with me when I was walking away from home to my bus stop. I miss the way you just knew when I wasn't fine. I miss the way you understood me without a word. I miss the way you covered me when I was too tired to go to school. I miss the way you comforted me. I miss how you invented words with people's last name. I didn't use "Rossomesque" or "Langier" since you. I miss how you called Aizawa the "Chinese Sirius black". I miss how you planned St Nicolas, how you bought me the most perfect gift. I miss how you knew me better than anyone.
I regret a lot of things. I regret every mornings I watched my phone instead of talking to you cause I thought we had all the time in the world. I regret not comforting you more. I regret the fact that we didn't hug more often. I regret not telling you how great of a mom you were. I regret not helping you more with the chores. I regret that I was too scared to stay with you when you took your last breath.
When I'm thinking about the way you never met the girl I like. You never knew that I told her I loved her and that we stayed friend. You never met one of my now best friend. You never heard the countless gossip about my friend's psycho ex. You never saw me with my mullet. You never saw me act on a scene. You never saw my huge lesbian flag. You never heard me talk about banana fish.
I thought about you during the pride walk. You said you went once and you adored it. I thought about you when I had math classes with this teacher you'd laugh about with me.
I still imagine that one day I'll see you again, and just run into your arms. I love you, so so so so much.
Lately, I noticed that I didn't remember your voice anymore. It hurt, a lot. I cried so much when I realized that.
I still read the letter you gave me. I cry everytime I read the words "je t'aime jusqu'à la lune... et retour!" (I love you to the moon... and back!).
Mom, I love you to the moon and back, I think a part of me went away with you.
