In my brief experience as my girlfriend's sub I noticed the swift emergence of a temptation to try to top from the bottom. I also noticed how this robbed the experience of everything it was aimed at providing. I assume, especially at first, that this is common. The man in you rebels a bit. Any tips for becoming a genuine sub? I do know that that is what I want sexually.
Itâs in the nature of human beings, Female and male, to try to get what they want. I too have made the mistake you mention, and I think youâre right to suspect that itâs common. In past relationships with Women who were not so familiar with Female supremacy, I led from the bottom and regretted it. But what, as sub males, we have to realize is this: The insistence on leading from below *and* the resulting feeling of dissatisfaction may come from the same placeâthe desire by the male to satisfy himself. We put it in our heads that it has to be a certain way, fit some specific imagery weâve picked up along the way in porn or personal experience. But it doesnât have to be that way, and if we let go of those expectations, things get a little easier. Itâs still a balance between submitting and asking for a little something along the way, but opening your male mind beyond the imagery and opening a space where you may still ask for a little something for yourself isâor has been in our relationshipâhugely important. As I say, itâs a balance; ask for everything and get everything and itâs not going to feel like a completely Female-led relationship.
So here are some suggestions that might help (it works for us):
1. Remember what your father taught you. Hopefully your father (or similar figure) taught you the simple courtesy of good manners toward all Women. I suspect that most male subs received this teaching. Base your servitude upon that. Open doors for Her (for all Women, actually, but first and absolutely without fail for your Domina). Hold Her chair for Her in restaurants. Wait until She begins to eat before touching your own meal. Ask Her, âMay I be excused?â before visiting the menâs room. Thatâs possibly a bit more than what our fathers taught us, but itâs close. Build on that. Ask Her if you may bring Her refreshment, whether Her shoes are comfortable presently, or whether She is comfortable with the room temperature. Is it stuffy? Offer to fan Her. Is it cold? Offer Her your coat, or rub her arms for Her if you have no coat. Notice that we havenât even gotten to the realm of the sexual, but this should be your mindset; this will help set the tone for everything else. There are so many ways to be at Her disposal non-sexually, that you should make it a point *every day* to think up new ways that you might assist Her and make Her life easier, more comfortable. Now, this can go so far as to irritate some Women, and She should be able to let you know when itâs time to sit down and keep your mouth shutâyou offer a world of services and She selects which ones She wants.Â
2. Realize what your orgasm does to you. Who doesnât want to have one? But there is actually more harm to your mindset in having one than you might realize. Others have posted on the chemistry of what happens to a man following orgasm, and I wonât attempt to explain it here. So whether you are strong enough to resist touching yourself or whether you actually need to be caged, avoid orgasms unless She wants them from you. Do that and you will see how badly you want to please Her. And in bed as elsewhere, your focus should be on Her. Believe me, when your mindset is right, you will derive a great deal of pleasure for yourself simply in knowing that you are satisfying Her.Â
A suggestion: When you feel youâre having trouble resisting the urge to use your cock, be honest and say so. Ask Her if you may touch it. If She says no, great! Youâll suddenly have a sense of Her control. If She says yes, ask Her if you might do so right then and there. Some Dominas may never let you cum. Even though the Female is in charge, there may still be room for negotiation for some allowances. If She doesnât even want to hear such requests, She will let you know. And either way, itâs a win-win because youâve asked for something you want. And if She grants you permission, well then you get to be the dirty little dog fucking his hand in front of your Superior.
This weekend I got to cum twice. I was so desperate and feeling soâŚhow do I put this? âŚso slutty and needy that when She said yes I almost cried and I got on my back, spread my legs, pointed my toes, and stroked like a mad man. The second occasion She allowed me, Sunday morning, I did it again, the very same thing, and this time She mounted my face and grinded against me while She watched me spread myself and fuck my hand. I like the way my desperation drives me to being dirty, and so does, I believe, Mistress. She says so and I can see it for myself.
3. The result of your orgasm is your responsibility. We men walk away from events after weâve cum. Thatâs a fact. You owe it to Her to continue to be a good man/boi to Her even though you will get those feelings insideâthe ones that make you a bit lazy and lax in fulfilling your duties. Discipline yourself to be responsible for that orgasm She granted you and do not turn your back on Her once Sheâs given it to you.
4. Watch how everyone else except men get attention in this world. When Iâm feeling desperate for my Dominaâs attention (and Mistress will tell you that Iâm high maintenance), I will picture how a dog gets the attention of his Mistress. I am not bashful about (at home) crawling up to Mistress and putting my cheek against Her thigh, or Her feet, or licking Her hands or shoesâjust like a dog does. Simply watch what your own dog does to get your attention and youâll know exactly what I mean.
In bed, I may kiss Her cheek or touch Her hand or even wrap my legs around Her. She is my Partner, my Mate, my Best Friend, my Superior.Â
In public I will kiss Her hand and look into Her eyes and smile. She knows me. She knows what it all means. Iâm flirting. Iâm showing Her how much I want Her in any way She will have me. I am inviting Her to take me in whatever manner She will, if She will.
5. Let it happen. Just let it happen. If She is an Alpha, She will take it from there. But allow yourselves to grow into it. Take it slowly. It doesnât take off necessarily like a rocket (unless youâre lucky enough, like me, to have found someone who has already taken men to their knees). Appreciate everything She gives youâitâs a lot of work for Her. Appreciate also the secret desires She confesses to you, because trust is a gift that goes both directions.
Give in and let go. Give up your expectations as well as your inhibitions. Do so and I believe youâll find the deepest kind of love you can imagine.Â
