It's all good

[madattheworld92]

[everythingudidntknowyouwanted]

This……

[sleep-to-dream]

The Warning Signs of Abuse

“He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners.

He is disrespectful towards you. 

He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable. 

He is controlling.

He is possessive.

Nothing is ever his fault.

He is self-centered.

He abuses drugs or alcohol.

He pressures you for sex.

He gets serious too quickly about the relationship.

He intimidates you when he’s angry. 

He has double standards.

He has negative attitudes towards women.

He treats you differently around other people.

He appears to be attracted to vulnerability.”

- Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

[alexenglish]

Reminder that you do not need to know what’s happening in your abuser’s life. You do not need to seek them out to check on them. You do not need to make sure their life is going well. You do not need to be there for them in any way, even if they want you to be. You’re under no obligation to continue having a relationship with them. You don’t need to give them an explanation for any of these decisions.

You are strong and you do not owe them anything.

[depression-is-the-other-me]

[geo-cali]

Abuser: You know that horrible painful thing I did to you

Abuser: I found a way to blame you for it

Abuser: I'm making you responsible for all my moods, thoughts, emotions and actions everything I do is your personal fault

Abuser: Sucks for you since I go rabid and cruel every now and then to get what I want

Abuser: You're a bad person

Abuser: I'm a sweetheart you can't blame me for anything

Abuser: You're hurting me if you even imply otherwise

Abuser: Also that awful thing I did? It didn't happen

Abuser: If you think it happened you're delusional

Abuser: Even if something did happen it was your fault

Abuser: :) remember to always do as I say and maybe it wont happen again!

[icantdrawbutdontcare]

[exhausted-br0ken]

#MaybeHeNeverHitMe but i used to wish he would so i could leave and not feels so guilty

[furiousgoldfish]

I kept thinking, “They meant well. They didn’t know how much it hurt. They didn’t mean to hurt me. I shouldn’t blame them” But now when I look at it, it was obvious that I was hurt, no matter how much I was trying to hide it, anyone who cared even slightly would be able to tell that I was hurting. And they knew how much it hurt, it was obvious on me too, they just enjoyed that part. They very much meant to hurt me, they would never admit it of course, but pain was very intentional, and very rewarding for them. Of course I should blame them. How would I not blame someone who was hurting me, enjoying it, and blaming me on top of it?

they meant to do exactly as they did. (via furiousgoldfish)

[furiousgoldfish]

They know. They hurt you and they know it and they will swear with tears in the corners of their eyes that you hurt them, that they meant well, that you’re cruel for pointing out how their actions hurt your feelings.

they want you to stuff it down and blame yourself. (via furiousgoldfish)

[phantomkissing]

I wish that the hurt you’re causing me appears all over my body And every hurtful word leaves horrendous scars and gushing wounds. Maybe then you’ll see exactly what you’re doing to me.

Journal (via love-lessons)

[abuse-survivor-safe-space]

The abuse you went through was real abuse.

You don’t have to have a certain severity of abuse for it to be “real abuse™”

You do not have to compare your abuse experiences to other people’s to see if you were “actually abused”

You’re abuse experience is valid. The abuse you went through was real and it was abuse.

Abuse is abuse.

[muriendo-de-pie]

Your abuser’s trauma doesn’t justify them abusing you

Super Important

[furiousgoldfish]

You were forcing me to feel guilty about having wounds, you pretended my emotions weren’t real, you dramatized your most tiny problems until they looked more important than my whole life struggles, you punished me over and over again for “not following your rules” and you had the fucking nerve to pretend that I was the toxic one.

(via furiousgoldfish)

[surviving-narcissism101]

PSA:

You didn’t imagine your abuse. It happened. It hurt you. You didn’t make it up. No matter what your abuser tries to say or do to make you believe that it was all in your head. It happened. You survived.

[furiousgoldfish]

You didn’t “make” anyone hurt you. You didn’t ask for it, or provoke it, or desire it. People are responsible themselves for what they did to you. You don’t take any responsibility for their cruelty.

it’s not on you to hide it or to protect them from their own actions. (via furiousgoldfish)

[cannibal-rainbow]

What is Trauma Bonding?

Trauma bonding is loyalty to a person who is harming you.  Some thoughts to consider determining if you are in a trauma bond with someone:

There is a constant pattern of non-performance, yet you continue to believe promises to the contrary.

Others seem disturbed by something that has happened to you or was said to you, and you are not.

You feel stuck because the other person keeps harming you, but you believe there is nothing you can do about it.

You try to change the person into becoming less toxic by trying to get them to become a non-abuser.

You keep having repetitive, damaging fights with this person that nobody wins.

You seem unable to detach from someone even though you can’t trust them or really don’t even like them.

When you try to leave this person you find yourself missing them to the point of longing that is so awful that you believe it is going to destroy you.

The environment necessary to create a trauma bond involves intensity, complexity, inconsistency, and a promise. Victims stay because they are holding on to that elusive “promise” or hope.  There is always manipulation involved. Victims are prey to the manipulation because they are willing to tolerate abuse for the pay-off, which is that elusive promise and ever present hope for fulfilment of some deeply personal need within the victim.

Only after time away from the unhealthy attachment can a person begin to see the destruction it caused.  In essence, people need to “detox” from trauma bonds by breaking them and staying away from the relationship.

Source: Sharie Stines, Psy.D