Last night, as I was putting G to bed he began his favorite tradition. It seems that after he has read his book, said his prayers, and thanked God for having Santa send his elf George to visit him, his mind comes alive with late night questions.
G is definitely a dreamer and a thinker. He likes to make up stories about living in a tree house, and he's always asking questions, much to the chagrin of his parents and the amusement of myself.
His late-night questions are the best though. Perhaps it's because he is getting sleepy, that his mind suddenly needs answers to the deeper things of life. Since my last post about him, he has asked me about what God looks like, how big God's clothes are and if he has a giant washing machine in heaven.
He's asked about where heaven was and how far away it is, how long it would take to get there. He's asked if God made dinosaurs, and snow, and Christmas lights. He's asked how God decides when people are supposed to die. What the biggest whale God made was, and if Dinosaurs were bigger than houses. I'm sure he's asked a plethora of other questions I've forgotten.
I do my best to answer his questions, as Biblically and truthfully as I can. On the many questions he stumps me with, I tell him he'll be able to ask God when he's in heaven, because God knows everything. This idea of having God's attention to listen and answer his questions is as thrilling to G. And I must admit, it's thrilling to me too. I have a whole lot of things I can't wait to learn about.
Last night his question wasn't necessarily deep, but it was sweet, and quite funny. Our conversation started with:
G: Do you have a boyfriend?
Now, G knows I don't have a man in my life. He's asked me this question many times before, and he's always met with my standard, flat, "No, not right now". When his mother is in the room, she always tells him I haven't met my special someone yet, and that I shouldn't settle for just anyone. She tells him I have to find a good man and not an evil one, and that it takes time. (I think she's talking to me more than she is to him, trying to console me, thinking I may be feeling hopelessly lonely at my ripe old age of 21. Some days she's not too far off.)
Last night, Grayson had me alone, and, knowing his mother would not interject, he decided to press his luck and pepper me further...
Ah, he had finally done it, I thought to myself. He had asked the question that haunts me from time to time. He had asked me why something I would like very much to one day happen, something I see happening to friends around me hasn't happened to me.
I know that In G's eyes, I'm someone he loves, who's biggest fault is that sometimes I'm stuck at work too late to play with him. I'm Someone who reads him bedtime stories, builds Lego cars, and "passes-forward" the tv during the commercials in Kung-Fu Panda. He doesn't see my many imperfections, my sins, or my struggles.
I answered him with my standard response, my "I don't know, I guess I'm not supposed to have a boyfriend yet". It was vague and it wasn't enough for him. He needed to know why, and he needed to know now the reason his beloved big sister didn't have someone special.
G: But you're almost ready to get married! You need to find one!
His urgency, impatience and persistence amuses me now, though it did not last night. If only finding a husband was as simple as shopping for a car. I could go down to the husband dealership and look them over, pick one I liked with all of the features and personality I liked, and take him home with me.
His urgent statement also amused me because we had been challenged to thank God for the hard things in life the previous Sunday in Church, and I had been making an effort to thank God for my singleness.
The night before, as I was changing my second flat tire in two weeks, I thanked God for my season of singleness, because having no husband or boyfriend to call has forced me to learn to change a tire, and I can now do it in 20 minutes. A few days before that, on my drive home from Thanksgiving I had a tearful chat with God about my singleness, knowing it was necessary and good for me.
G and I said goodnight after he asked me how old people had to be to get married, and I told him everyone got married at different ages. I went downstairs and ate my dinner not thinking about his question any further until now, as I sit and write it all out.
God does not waste his time doing things that are not needed, instead he works all things together for his glory. The hard things of my life right now, my meager finances, my singleness, my slowly dying car, are all working together for a greater purpose. A purpose that would not be quite as glorious in the end without the tears.
And so,I thank God for those things, I know he's not some big bully in the sky, but a tender loving God, doing what is truly the best for me, even when I can not see it.
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