Thirsty for friendship and happiness

Making my 5006th Tumblr. WIP

[cementforbones-deactivated20171]

me making coffee: this going to fix everything.

[kmfdmzremade-deactivated2017052]

me: on the verge of a breakdown me, three minutes later: im horny

[invite-me-to-your-memories]

i understand the historical reasons why English is the most common language

but if I was writing a speculative fiction novel

and I said “the language that most people learn as a second language, usually for professional reasons, is also the only one with a spelling system so terrible that spelling words correctly is a broadcasted competition”

you’d be like “extremely unrealistic 0/10”

[theangelshavethetimeturner]

i never thought of this, do other languages not have spelling bees?

[faded-mind]

#no we don’t

[getswayzed-blog]

long legged spider: hey

scientist: daddy

long legged spider: what the fuck

[felderwin]

my favorite thing i’ve learned in college is that way back in ancient china there was this poet/philosopher guy who wrote this whole pretentious poem about how enlightened he was that was like “the eight winds cannot move me” blahblahblah and he was really proud of it so he sent it to his friend who lived across the lake and then his friend sends it back and just writes “FART” (or the ancient Chinese equivalent) on it and he was SO MAD he travels across the lake to chew his friend out and when he gets there his friend says “wow. the eight winds cannot move you, but one fart sends you across the lake”

[annidevine-deactivated20190719]

the poet was Su Dongpo (蘇東坡) and his buddy was Zen Master Fo Yin (佛印禪師)

[elenoa]

Another interesting about the word “fart” in Chinese (放屁) is that it’s often used in response to someone bullshitting you. For example: A: bro I totally didn’t study for the Chinese exam but I got an A!! Fuck yea! B: lol 放屁 So in this context, Fo Yin was calling Su out on his pretentious bull shit, and to respond in a pun

[felderwin]

my favorite thing i’ve learned in college is that way back in ancient china there was this poet/philosopher guy who wrote this whole pretentious poem about how enlightened he was that was like “the eight winds cannot move me” blahblahblah and he was really proud of it so he sent it to his friend who lived across the lake and then his friend sends it back and just writes “FART” (or the ancient Chinese equivalent) on it and he was SO MAD he travels across the lake to chew his friend out and when he gets there his friend says “wow. the eight winds cannot move you, but one fart sends you across the lake”

[agnesmontague]

i googled this bc i desperately wanted this to be real, and guess what…it is.

the dude’s name was su dongpo (also known as su shi). his original poem went like this:

稽首天中天，

毫光照大千，

八風吹不動，

端坐紫金蓮

(Humbly bowed my head below all skies Minutest lights shine through my deepest bounds Immovable by strong winds from eight sides Upon purplish gold lotus I seated straightly by the low mound) (x)

on which his friend wrote “放屁” (fart, literally), and you know the rest.

(here’s a chinese source for the skeptics)

[trashic]

this is a thing that people like to say now: 八风吹不动，一屁打过江 (immovable by strong winds from eight sides, smacked across the river by one fart)

i’ve heard my mom drag my aunt with that

[subcognito]

Oh my god @thefearofthetruth THERE IS MORE

[slightmood]

my boss: *giving me critical instructions* you got that?

me: ya

me (in my mind): you make a loop de loop and pull, and your shoes are looking cool :) you go over and back, left to righ

[hseok1uv-archives-deactivated20]

leave the coconut boy alone

[tatterdemalionamberite]

this is one of the most magnificent stinkers I’ve read all year

[fourpawrule]

YES. GOOD.

[yikyakapp-blog]

[night-bird-earlyriser-deactivat]

I’m the guy in the blindfold

[floyd]

everyone who rebloggs this post is fucking gay

[jasminmcgrath]

what hetero couples gets on tv: 847934237 kiss scenes 773648264 makeout scenes 92837487237 sex scenes 83476932579 date scenes talks about their feelings 24/7 happy endings

what lesbian couples gets on tv: 4 kiss scenes 1 makeout scene 1 date scene death

[linda-belcher]

I’m always a slut for lying in bed for hours on end doing nothing productive.

[skammmed-deactivated20170310]

fun fact: my parents got married on april fools day so when i was 7 i tried to be funny and i made them an anniversary card that said ‘your marriage is a joke’ and my mom cried

[maurypovichofficial]

Languages are made up can you believe that? it’s just a bunch of phonetic sounds gibberish none of it actually means anything. this post??? i could smash my hand on the keyboard and it could mean the same thing, it only doesn’t because we say so. Nothing is real 

[craigslist-stripper]

jacques derrida is gonna rise from his grave and give you a high five bc you just described his theory to 75,000 teenagers and they listened

[thetenderpassion]

[c3rvida3]

A kid at work has decided that they don’t want to play with the kitchen set, and don’t want to play Barbies, but would instead rather take the them-sized stove and the Barbie-sized stove and pretend that they’re mommy and baby stoves.

The baby stove is currently at stove school, which is for stoves.

[c3rvida3]

The mommy stove is at work, and apparently makes soup for a living, which I know because this kid is has been chanting, “I MAKE SOUP AND I DO IT ALL DAY / EVERY SINGLE SOUP SECOND, EVERY SINGLE SOUP WAY,” louder and louder and higher and higher to the point where it’s now either being sung by the world’s loudest mouse or the world’s most out-of-breath six-year-old.