the gh0stie system

[gh0stiesystem]

im so tired of expectations. i dont want to do anything but have fun or die. and lately ive been wanting to die a lot.

[gh0stiesystem]

im so glad i didnt kill myself when things were hard

[tillsunup]

goodmorning, prozac.

wake up. makeup.

grind, roll, smoke curls above me

like the hairs on my head.

therapy, God, doctors, Mom,

i go for a walk. i don't remember how i got here.

nicotine heavy in my chest, i call a friend.

grind, roll, smoke curls above me.

who are you right now? we laugh.

oh yeah, eat. try some water, too.

im exhausted.

crawl to that space in between the

old and new.

find a comfortable spot and

curl up in limbo.

grind, roll, smoke curls above me.

goodnight, zyprexa.

[gh0stiesystem]

im finally better and all i crave is the same old patterns. does that mean im broken or am i just not really better?

[gh0stiesystem]

i want to start over. i want to begin at the beginning and tell everything and reopen every wound and sort thru every piece. i want to know why and how. i want the perspective of now. i want to be heard and understood and comforted. why cant i move on?

[gh0stiesystem]

freaking the fuck out everytime i have to go to therapy bc i dont have shit to talk about anymore

[gh0stiesystem]

just another thing to start and never finish

[gh0stiesystem]

i dont like it