Me Me Big Boy

I guess I am a bird person now. Got a green cheek conure and his name is Archibald, aka Archie, aka green goblin, aka monster man. (Sorry if you are on the computer, I have yet to change my annoying theme from 2012 because I use mobile exclusively lol)

[genderkoolaid]

like 99% of "men and women are soooo different!!!" comedy is literally just describing the experience of not understanding other people. like it's not that women never say what they mean talking to other people is just like that. it can be hard to understand what other people are thinking. bioessentialism really rots the brain

[genderkoolaid]

"women will say I'm fine and then not mean it" yeah that's something literally everybody does. is this your first time interacting with another human being my guy

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

[genderkoolaid]

this is one of the only funny responses on this hell of a post

[stunningpicture]

Moving out of the apartment

[cecilyjeanne]

This is, without a doubt, the saddest photo I have ever seen in my ENTIRE LIFE.

[synebluetoo]

STORY TIME!

So in undergrad, my bestie lived in a true shithole of an apartment. When he moved in, he threw a housewarming party and brought out a bunch of washable markers and let us all draw on the walls. Being a tribe of feral assholes, we started competing to see who could draw the most obnoxious/offensive things. IIRC, there was George Bush frenching Ronald Regan, a skeleton with tits, some very rude portraits of the pope, etc etc.

now one of our friends who I hope to god has gone to therapy since then shut himself up in the walk in closet and painted the entire back of the door. He wouldn’t let anyone see it til he was done, and guys, I had nightmares about it. He’d driven a lovecraftian monster like you wouldn’t believe. It had eyes where it shouldn’t have eyes, teeth where it shouldn’t have teeth, and no matter where you stood it looked at you. We were all suitably impressed and horrified.

Anyway four years later bestie moves out and repaints the entire apartment.

Years and years later, I was talking to him and brought up the closet door monster. he visibly paled and confessed “oh god, I forgot to paint the inside of the door”

[inactivebbb-deactivated20230816]

That is an entire episode of the magnus archives right there

[treecitysessions]

I keep thinking abt this comment and giggling

[letsmakeitwritee]

cliché but classic trope: when the person who almost died wakes up in a hospital bed, looks around and sees the object of their affection sleeping uncomfortably in the chair next to them because they haven’t moved in days.

[i-dont-use-my-main-anymore]

You can pry that trope from my cold dead hands.

[insertnerdyjokehere]

cliché but classic sub trope of this: the person who almost died tells the object of their affection “you look like shit” despite the fact that they are the one in the hospital bed and almost died.

[letsmakeitwritee]

cliché but classic trope: when the person who almost died wakes up in a hospital bed, looks around and sees the object of their affection sleeping uncomfortably in the chair next to them because they haven’t moved in days.

[i-dont-use-my-main-anymore]

You can pry that trope from my cold dead hands.

[insertnerdyjokehere]

cliché but classic sub trope of this: the person who almost died tells the object of their affection “you look like shit” despite the fact that they are the one in the hospital bed and almost died.

[jimmyjampots]

[lillagrim]

[relelvance]

In what world is tall muscular man not conventionally attractive

[piedude]

We've all been down here too long. I truly think there's a chunk of tumblr's population that can no longer survive sunlight.

[reagan-slayer69]

women will say “hear me out” and show u a photo of pyramid head and then tumblr users will go “this is a perfectly normal man and an ice cold take”

[mythopoeism]

early homo sapiens b like help i cant stop making bowls . help i cant stop domesticating plants and animals. help i cant stop developing language and architecture and religion

[pricklydyke]

ok im obsessed w this tag

[iwearmygreencoatatnight]

once in grade 6 I saw a 'pottery making club' in a ditch on the schoolyard- I assume at some point someone realized there was actually good quality clay in the ditch and when I walked up there were about a dozen 12 year olds sitting around the few girls who had brought their water bottles out to mix the clay, and a designated spot to put the finished bowls and tablets, and people going off and collecting sticks to make designs with and i really think that's the natural state of the human race

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

In elementary school I learned that you can make paint out of certain sedimentary rocks on the playground if you crushed them and mixed with water and at one point I had up to 25 kindergarten through third graders making cave paintings on the underside of the slides

[xphilosoraptorx]

The nature of man is such that every so often, someone recreates the neolithic era.

[voyageofbran]

Yeah, every recess

[variablejabberwocky]

#that's because at the core humans want art and community and funny little objects to put stuff in

[ghostjammajams]

I love that I can go to any other social media platform and the trends last like a day, they come and go so fucking fast. But I can come back to this godforsaken site and it’s the exact same as it was when I joined in 2012. Absolutely love it.

[egberts]

homestuck day observed

[egberts]

*tired disgruntled middle aged mom voice* okay everyone gather around the kringlefucker and let's get this over with

[lolitslloyd]

the kringlewhat

[corvidmancer]

This thing

[werewolf-transgenderism]

cannot watch the return of the king without thinking of that bad bootleg with the fucked up subtitles that said “this will be the end of Gender as we know it” instead of “this will be the end of Gondor as we know it”

[werewolf-transgenderism]

so true gandalf

[lizardbog]

[bruntalism]

[seabassapologist]

You’re right and you should say it

[morrithal]

[donnasweettttttttt]

when people are like “the hunger games just stole the plot of battle royale” like listen everything steals from the plot of everything the lion king is just furry hamlet westworld is jurassic park but sexier lost is edgy gilligan’s island there are no original stories and the only good piece of media is jennifer’s body

Michael crichton wrote westworld and jurassic park tho so he just pirated himself

michael crichton keeps TRYING to tell y’all about the evils of capitalism impeding on the progress of science when will y’all LISTEN

[kryptonians]

Maybe he just doesn’t like theme parks

michael crichton in line for a roller coaster at six flags: fuck this

[onion-souls]

Jesus Christ, that’s the height at which every rollercoaster and dark ride is a decapitation threat

[sonatine]

[madlori]

how am I ever supposed to leave tumblr when it takes me on journeys like this

[maculategiraffe]

nasa: we're going to shoot three rockets directly at the sun during the total eclipse. for study and research purposes.

me: oh cool

nasa: we have named the rockets apep. this stands for atmospheric perturbations [in the] eclipse path.

me: oh cool

nasa: apep is also the ancient egyptian deity of chaos and darkness, who ceaselessly seeks to extinguish the sun. we launch these rockets directly at the sun in the name of apep.

me: oh... cool?

[tanoraqui]

More details here btw

[friendly-asteroid]

Who wants to see my cat totally brave and not at all scared at the vet

[friendly-asteroid]

Excellent. Here she is, being super brave:

[childweanedonpoison]

mentally i’m a slut physically i’m scared of intimacy 

[lvciferofficial-deactivated2021]

Life must be rough for you

[childweanedonpoison]

life is rough for everyone kimberly

[childweanedonpoison]

did you think they forgot to teach her about plagiarism at the miami school of law?

[childweanedonpoison]

I MESSAGED HER ON INSTAGRAM AND SHE BLOCKED ME LMFAOOOO

[childweanedonpoison]

stop lmfaoo

[tlirsgender]

Being in your early 20s is so fucked I really just sat there waiting to be an adult the whole time I was a teenager and now I'm so severely feeling like a Tall Child. Mitski was right

[tlirsgender]

Every day from ages 10 to 17: I'm going to have it together. Car. Job. Move out. Flee the country. The second it's legally possible. Nobody can stop me. I'm basically an adult already

Age 20: google how do I make my own doctors appointment