kind of crazy that the sun is the closest thing we have to an unholy seething vortex of magical energy, a pulsating orb that is periodically ripped by screaming flares that lash us with incredible ferocity from a hundred million miles away, and we're like mmm what a nice day! 😊
I am now a therapist on deep space nine and my job is to sort out the main cast. This is what would happen and how effective I have the potential to be based on their outlooks:
Sisko. Is annoyed about having to go. After session three he is name-dropping me in casual conversations with friends and thinks I am really clever but it's unclear how much of that is really just that I agree with his opinions. 9/10 point deducted because he treats me too much like a friend and too little like a therapist with a job.
Kira. Insists she does not need to go. Twenty minutes into session one she is describing the death of her father in intricate and pissed-off detail. 8/10 because any therapy at all is bound to be better than the status quo.
Dax. 10/10 but she does all the work herself and I begin to doubt why I am even in the room. Really just needs someone to talk at.
Julian. Lies to me the entire time. Asks me out at the end of session one and in a cruel twist of fate I am forced to turn him down in order to keep my job. Does not come back. 3/10
Jake. Talks to me about his dad and then talks to his dad about me and it kind of feels like I'm having a game of chess over the phone with the station captain. He doesn't really need therapy long-term but Sisko keeps making him go. I suggest switching to a by-demand schedule and tell them I am available whenever if something actually traumatic were to happen and Sisko pretends not to hear me. 6/10
O'Brien. Insists he does not need to go. Once he does he spends 40 minutes complaining about absolutely nothing and when I ask him to actually do something difficult he gets annoyed and walks out. Has to be reverse-psychplogied into coming back. 5/10 but only because he has not done a single moment of introspection in his life and if I can't make him at least reflect on his own behaviour sometimes then I am a really shitty therapist. Points deducted because I hate him.
Worf. Insists he does not need to go but folds weirdly quickly when pressured. Insists it isn't working. He's lying. 8/10 I can work with that
Quark. Insists he does not need to go. Changes his mind to get out of some kind of scheme. Is crying 15 minutes into session one and gets so confused that someone seems to care about his feelings to such an extent that he forgets that it's like, my job, and not a personal favour I'm doing because I think he's cool or something. Asks me out at the end of session one. Comes back. 7/10 there's kind of a lot to break down here but I think I can do something about him
Nog. 10/10 and sometimes he brings me chocolates or an apple as gifts before the sessions. He argues that since the replicator is free to use this doesn't count as a gift and the only arguement we ever have is when I try to challenge him on that.
Odo. Promises to try things out of session and never does. Keeps asking me questions about the psyche of my other clients and whether or not they committed murder — notably Quark — and I refuse to answer. He thinks I'm evil because I keep client confidentiality and I think he's evil because he is a cop. Sisko has to ban him from my office. 2/10 and I don't know if it's his fault or mine.
Garak. whenever I try to email him to book a time there is mysteriously nobody by that name living on ds9 according to computer records. 0/10
Rom. forgets what I say two seconds after I say it. Hears what he wants to hear. 3/10 actual cartoon character
Dukat. he talks for an hour without letting me get a word in edgewise but little does he know I've bugged my office desk and this is all an elaborate ploy to get him to admit to seventeen separate war crimes. 10/10 sisko busts into the office and arrests him. Another great day's work.
I don't know which of you needs to hear this but "narc" is not short for "narcissist" when someone calls you a "narc" for snitching they are calling you a "narcotics officer"
baratheonpilled
origamiaround
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