Pick your orbit

T. 21+ "So many things become beautiful when you really look." ~ Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall

[gideonprewett]

I unfollowed a bunch of blogs last night so if we’re mutual and i unfollowed you pls tell me bc I didn’t mean to

also if anyone has blog recs lmk i may be in the mood for some new blogs to follow 

[depression-healthy-carrier]

I lied and said I was busy. I was busy, but not in a way people understand. I was busy taking deeper breaths, I was busy silencing irrational thoughts, I was busy calming a racing heart, I was busy telling myself I am ok

[nonstop-nostalgic]

People need to understand that ‘busy’ doesn’t always have to mean physically occupied with things. Lots of us are fighting a mental battle and that’s got them occupied and being able to take care of ourselves is the priority

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

the person reading this is going to survive the rough patch they’re going through

[naturalpalettes]

[memorian]

I love Guillermo del Toro.

[gideonprewett]

Today is two months since my mom died. It still feels weirdly unreal. At the risk of sounding callous, I didn’t think it’d affect me this much. I think more than mourning her I’m mourning the loss of what I wished she could be. I spent so much time and energy trying to do whatever I could/ be whatever I was supposed to so that she’d love me. Harming myself emotionally, physically, mentally, and probably even spiritually in the process. The past few years I pulled away from that but it was a process. One that I was nowhere near done with. It’s freeing not to have that pressure to be something I know I’m not. That I couldn’t be even if I wanted to be because the line kept moving, it was never enough, it would never be enough. Even after I started pulling away from that I still put a lot of pressure on myself to change how I reacted to her. There was a lot of energy expended both in interacting with her and preparing myself to interact with her. Looking at it now, no wonder I was always exhausted. Life was a minefield from my earliest memories to her last few days. There was never going to be a good relationship there no matter how badly I wanted it. It’s not okay but it is what it is. My mom wasn’t a good mom, she probably wasn’t even a good person. But she’s dead. None of that can change now. Being mad at a dead person does no good. I feel like I can finally let go of all the stuff I’ve been trying to let go for years. Forgive myself for all that wasted energy. Love myself for being the sort of person who tried even when it was clear it was going to end in failure. It’s not my fault that my mom wasn’t the kind of mom I needed. I didn’t deserve my childhood. I refuse to carry this with me into my future. I can forgive her for whatever it was that made her the way she was and choosing to stay that person instead of being better. And forgive the people still living who believed what she said about me, still believe it. I don’t need their approval. I don’t need to redeem myself in anyone’s eyes. And I don’t need to tell them the things she said about them. It’s sad that it took her death for me to finally be able to close that door and release all this toxic ness from my life but I can forgive myself that too. I did the best I could. I tried my hardest. Now is the time for letting go and letting myself grow. I won’t be weighed down by it anymore. No guilt, no regrets, no anger. Just release and peace. I can have the peaceful life I’ve always wanted even if it’s just peace with myself. I don’t need to burn down the house (myself) to do it. I feel ready to move on to the next part of my life lighter.

[marvelgifs]

Sam Wilson. Steve Rogers. I kind of put that together.

[organicslut]

why omg why?

[hollydazedd]

Max takes on Tahoe National Forest 💕 

[neoflect]

rather than death of the author i subscribe to a critical framework i like to refer to as Schrodinger’s Author where the authors intentions are important except for when i dont like them

[wolfsskull]

when my friends send me a post that they know i'll vibe with as a gesture of affection

[bluetiefling]

Sanditon - 1.06

[viviansternwood]

#how the tables have turned

[shibinus]

“I believe in you.” Kait and Forest pls

It was mere days before the An Fidchell game and Kaitlin was finally chosen for her opportunity to shine. It wrought Forest’s insides with fear and anxiety; If there was anyone among the players that Forest had grown closest to over the years, she was the one. She kept him grounded. She understood. She’d seen people come in and out of this hellhole time and again, she’d lost friends over and over. And now her name was the one written on the list to take on the Unseelie and get her opportunity to get her true wish. 

Was her wish still to join the fey? Or would she ask to get her life back and be able to return to normal life? Forest wasn’t going to make that decision for her, but he definitely believed she should desire the later. A life with the fey wasn’t any dream come true. It would spell more time with An Fidchell, time coaching the players in how to kill. Kaitlin was too soft to continue this life. She deserved one without knives in her hands and blood under her finger nails. 

But it never was a question of whether she had the skill or not. Forest knew she could do it, knew she had the strength and the will and determination. Just one more fight and she would finally be free.

“I believe in you, Kait,” Forest told her, cupping his hand around her’s. “You’ll finally get your wish.” 

[noorskitchen]

One of the most challenging things I’ve had to learn is that healing must be intentional. There is no one golden day that comes and saves you from all your misery. Healing is a practice. You have to decide that it’s what you want to do and actively do it. You have to make a habit out of it. Once I learned that, I only looked back to see how far I came.

[rosecrystal]

unfortunately for everybody i will keep doing whatever i want

[sharpeshelen]

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive Iris - Goo Goo Dolls