I'm finally gonna do it. I'm finally gonna complain publically about how bad most people's grammar is. Random tense changes, incorrect words, capitalization, punctuation, comma misusage, and some things that are widely accepted but not technically correct and that bug me immensely.
Lots of people seem to randomly change between past and present tense. I have no idea why. It's not hard to stick to one tense. If it happened in the past, put it in past tense (He did it). If it is happening right now, put it in present tense (He does it). That is, if you're writing in present tense. My past tense friends would use past perfect tense (He had done it) and past tense. Think about when it takes place in your story. Is it happening right now? Did it happen at an earlier point in time? Justify each tense change to yourself. Just doing it randomly is bad grammar.
Alright VS. All right. Anymore VS. Any more. Into VS. In to. There are far too many to list, but these are a few of the common ones. They mean different things. All right means that everything is okay. Alright means yes, I'm agreeing to something; or, in the sense of "Is she alright?", it means okay. The others are a bit trickier, and this post is already really long, so I'm just going to say to go look them up yourself. However, there are three that need to be addressed: there VS their VS they're, its VS it's, and too VS to. "Their" is a third person possessive pronoun. It belongs to them. It's theirs. "They're" is a contraction of "they" and "are". "There" is pretty much everything else. "Its" is possessive. I know it's weird because the usual mode of indicating possession uses apostrophes ('), but that's just how it is. "It's" is a contraction of it is. "Too" means there is an excess amount of something (It's too bright) or "also" (Me, too!). "To" is everything else.
I don't see as many issues with this one, but I still want to address it. In a title, you only capitalize something if it's a verb, noun, pronoun, adjective, adverb, or the first or last word. In quotations, always capitalize the first letter unless it has a speech tag (she said, he shouted, etc.) in the middle and it's a continuation of the sentence. For example: "I wonder why," she said, "my sister never puts her stuff away." "I wonder why my sister never puts her stuff away," is one sentence. However, this format is not always one sentence: "I wonder why," she said, "It's not like he ever uses it." This is two sentences (I wonder why. It's not like he ever uses it.), so they both need to be capitalized.
The only reason this section isn't smushed in with Comma Misusage is because I want to talk about the punctuation at the end of dialougue. Now, within dialougue you can get away with almost anything. However, for punctuating the end there are but a few simple rules that some people don't seem to understand. If it ends in a question mark (?) or exclamation mark (!), it's good and doesn't need any further punctuation. If the sentence ends in a period, use a period unless there is a dialogue tag right after it. In that case, use a comma. For example:
She said, "This wouldn't have happened if you'd done what I told you."
"This wouldn't have happened," she said, "if you'd done what I told you."
"This wouldn't have happened if you'd done what I told you," she said.
See what I'm talking about? And never, ever use punctuation directly after a quotation mark ("). Just don't.
I understand that English has a lot of comma rules. However, I also believe that anyone can learn them if they try. This isn't be an exhaustive list; it's just the things I've noticed the most.
Complex sentences. These are two sentences that can be split up and still be complete. For example: "He wandered over and sat down." VS "He wandered over, and he sat down." Because the second one is two complete sentences joined by an and, it needs a comma before the and. The first one is not two sentences because "sat down" is not a sentence. It needs a subject. Therefore, no comma is needed. Capiche?
Too. Always put a comma right before too as in also. This rule is ignored an obscene amount. Help me make it not ignored.
Address. If the character is addressing someone, always put a comma right after and right before (unless it starts the sentence) the name or title. "Sir, please open that." "Meg, where are you?" "Now I need you, Josh, to come help me." "Hey, Maria, are you free Sunday?" This does not apply to pronouns.
Hey. Put a comma after hey or any other words that begin the sentence but aren't really attached to the meaning of the rest of it (oi, hi, meanwhile, however, etc.)
Lists. Separate adjectives or adverbs (describing words) with commas. "He was tall, dark, and handsome." That's correct. "He was tall, dark and handsome." That is also technically correct, but it can create confusion (look up the importance of the Oxford comma on the Internet for examples). That form also annoys me and I hate that it exists, but my emotions amount to nothing when it comes to grammar rules.
This section is primarily for the random use of second person. I can use second person in this post because I am talking you, my reader. You is always the reader except in dialougue or if you are intentionally writing a story in second person. Dialougue is exempt from this entire argument. If you are writing in third or first person in a story, for the love of God Almighty please don't ever use the word you. The reader is not part of the story. The reader is watching the story. At no point should one of the characters or the narrator ever, at least in normal storytelling, include the reader. The reader does not affect anything. By writing something such as, "You could see he was obviously distressed," the writer is including the reader in the story. Outside of that one sentence, the reader is outside the story. It feels extremely jarring to me. You could easily fix that by replacing "you" with "one" (One could see he was obviously distressed) or, better yet, restructuring the sentence so that it doesn't include an outside viewpoint (He was obviously distressed). Look at these sentences that, in speaking, we would use "you":
How do you turn it back on?
How does one turn it back on?
How does he turn it back on?
The second and third are acceptable because they stay within the parameters of the story. The first one includes the reader, which is bad.
Also, another note. If there is an adjective in a list that is two words, it should be hyphenated. "The small, bright-yellow bug crawled up the branch," means something different than "The small, bright, yellow bug crawled up the branch." "The small, bright yellow bug crawled up the branch," is simply incorrect. However, if an adjective is describing an adjective, they should also be hyphenated. For example:
The too-fast runner collided with the pole because he couldn't turn in time.
My heavily-muscled brother is quite intimidating.
You don't need to always follow these rules. I myself sometimes break them. However, it is for the specific purpose of conveying a certain tone. Know the rules. You are only allowed to break the rules if you know that you are breaking them and it is for a specific purpose. Poetry and dialougue are a bit looser, so breaking rules isn't as bad. Nobody is always grammatically correct when they speak. Break grammar rules only if you know exactly why you are breaking them.
If you have questions, go ahead. I'd rather people ask than be confused. Sometimes words don't translate properly from my brain to the (metaphorical) paper.
