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[gimmeurnudes]

Why I know something is wrong with me.

I ate half of an entire pineapple and saved the rest for the next day. Then on the very next day I realized that the pineapples where going bad... and yes I got scared that i’d forget about them(even though I LOVE pineapple), because I seem to forget about everything that’s not in front of me... I ate that other half... then immediately finished the OTHER uneaten pineapple right after eating a can of pineapple bc the can reminded me of my bad FRESH pineapple... and then I spent the night with my mouth bleeding and an inability to finish the last few bites due to the agonizing PAIN of acid

[gimmeurnudes]

Here’s a question.

If you stick a fleshlight in a virgin then fuck the fleshlight...is she still virgin

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

me, robbing a bank: i am so so sorry for the inconvenience, i hope you don’t have to stay late for this

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*sheepishly fiddling with my gun* I really do apologize for the hold up

[ailithnight]

I scrolled down three more posts before that pun actually hit me and I am almost, but just not quite, ashamed to say I legitimately laughed.

[saltiestgempearl]

I still don’t understand the pun and I am trying so hard omg

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I’m sorry you’re experiencing that hold up

[gimmeurnudes]

I still don’t get it

[tswift]

request for you to not be a bitch

request denied

[gimmeurnudes]

Probably shouldn’t request anything...

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

thinking about the northern stargazer ♥

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

how romantic for a creature to bury itself in the sand and gaze forever upwards at the heavens! how sublime that humans, observing this quiet creature staring skyward, should dub them “stargazer,” one who gazes at stars

[atinylittlestrawberry]

*politely* may we see it?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

yes ♥

[transgender-colon-three]

*politely* may we unsee it?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

no ♥

[gimmeurnudes]

Why do I have a sudden urge to put my penis in it’s mouth...

[gimmeurnudes]

Cats are just natures version of badass anime girls.

You gotta think about it tho...

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ok that has been enough historical events for at least the rest of the decade me thinks

[vanyelle]

It's only 2021.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

and I am painfully aware of that

[gimmeurnudes]

Trust me buddy, it’s only gonna get worse. Just wait for the Great flooding(it’ll start as a water shortage) in about 7-9 years

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

if you’re an ADHD person reading one of my #actuallyautistic posts and wondering ‘do my experiences count for this’ the answer is basically always: ‘if you think they do, then absolutely!’

there is a huge overlap between ADHD and autistic experiences (I’m diagnosed with both). please feel free to relate however you want and add whatever tags feel relevant to you.

(also, you don’t need to have autism or ADHD to relate to my posts on those topics. my whole goal is to educate people by describing my experiences & symptoms in a relatable way. relating to autistic and adhd people is good! it is so much better than the opposite.)

[libraryogre]

And, as I have said before: getting diagnosed with either ADHD or autism can be fucking hell in the US, especially as an adult. Reading ADHD and autism coping strategies for dealing with NTs and your own ND mind can be a fantastic way to help yourself. I know I have incorporated strategies for both into both my self and my parenting (it is AMAZING how much “dealing with a meltdown” posts help with a 3 year old).

Even if you cannot get an official diagnosis, even if you turn out to not be one of these flavors of ND, if the strategies work, they work. If you’ve got characteristics without the diagnosis, then recognize those characteristics in others and share (to the limit of your relationship) the strategies.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Very good addition!

Honestly, most of the strategies I use are things anyone might find helpful. Because they are tools for self-regulation (emotional, sensory, executive dysfunction, etc) and everyone has issues with those things some of the time. Living with a mental health disorder means that certain issues become so frequent/severe they interfere with daily life, but that doesn’t mean other people don’t occasionally experience them too.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that almost every symptom I’ve experienced as an autistic person is something that everyone has experienced in some form or another–but for most people it is the exception, and for me the norm.* One advantage of this is that many coping strategies can be universally adapted.

If you’re not autistic/ADHD, but you find some of those strategies helpful

that’s great! it’s great you found something that helps you!

this also increases your understanding of autism/adhd, which is good!

now that you know this info, you have the ability to pass it on to other people who are struggling

these are all good things

i highly encourage everyone to learn more about mental health, no matter your own mental health status. in doing so you combat ignorance, and discover new tools to help yourself and others.

Keep reading

[gimmeurnudes]

Ye, I got

[snubyy]

read everything I type like it’s a pm seymour dub.

[gimmeurnudes]

I already do that with everything. That is how I enjoy tumblr

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

would you like to see a photo of a featherless flamingo?

[melissajo0927]

Seeing a Gaud post before the punchline is like hearing a gun cock in a dark parking lot…

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this response is even funnier given that despite the fruits of my labors i could not actually find a photo of a featherless flamingo

[gimmeurnudes]

No, seeing gaud before a post isn’t that bad. All you got do is go to your room, yell a little bit, have 3 mental breakdowns, then mentally prepare yourself for 30 minutes because you know you won’t ignore it and you will look out of curiosity but you also need to try and ensure you not visiting a therapist because of it. 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I know I’ve said this before but vampires

don’t show up on camera

can fly/scale walls

immune to bullets

can break into any safe by turning into fog or some bullshit

could probably hypnotize security guards as needed

therefore I am in dire need of a heist film where a group of vampires band together to steal back their old stuff from museums

[skeletalroses]

What We Do in the Smithsonian

[gimmeurnudes]

I need this. But here’s the thing, I want a twist in it that involves another monster

[l0lb1t-fr3y4]

Earth is space Florida. We are weird random and do stupid stuff a lot.

[gimmeurnudes]

Or, Flordia is just space earth(hence the crazy shit that the people, which are actually aliens, do there trying to imitate us)

[amseymour]

My girlfriend is the type of person to wake up at 12 in the morning and go *lip smack* "time to make banana bread". No seriously she's doing it rn and I'm frightened.

[gimmeurnudes]

Which morning? Because my morning in 12-1pm and even after that i’m not mentally prepared for the day. Or is she up at 12:00 at night, I don’t know. It’s kinda normal to be up and cooking at that time for me. 

[amseymour]

12 A.M

[gimmeurnudes]

Ahh, yes cooking desert at the boosting hour(aka: the Make Bad Life Decisions Hour”). She seems like one of my kind, tell her to come back to her people...we are gathering at the sacred bread caves, to go hide in our cocoons and become ultimate hibernation beast. This is a sacred ritual to mentally prepare us fore a couple hours, I can’t do anymore it’s all I can give. And if this is not normal for her...don’t tell her that, we don’t want her

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I identify with almonds. so relatable.

[compscisurprise]

You’re nuts

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Yes, but also I too have been mocked and ridiculed, I too have been left angry and embittered by the twisting fortunes of fate, in short: I too have been roasted and salted.

[gimmeurnudes]

No, you do seem a little salty tho...I don’t know ima go drink some almond milk and add it too my honey crunch and oats. 

[amseymour]

My girlfriend is the type of person to wake up at 12 in the morning and go *lip smack* "time to make banana bread". No seriously she's doing it rn and I'm frightened.

[gimmeurnudes]

Which morning? Because my morning in 12-1pm and even after that i’m not mentally prepared for the day. Or is she up at 12:00 at night, I don’t know. It’s kinda normal to be up and cooking at that time for me. 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

give me a brief description of something that sounds bad until you fully explain it

[gimmeurnudes]

Paying a random person hundreds of dollars to grope me for a few minutes. 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I think it says a lot about society that the Trolley Problem is our most famous ethical thought experiment, and I have never once seen a version that questions why those people are tied to the tracks, or who is responsible, or how such a situation was allowed to happen in the first place.

[gimmeurnudes]

Speaking of the trolley problem, I think it shouldn’t be that known because it’s quite simple. I mean, not doing anything and letting them die although you had full ability to stop that would be the same as murdering them(I think it says something like this in the bible too). But either way you are most likley going to be murderer in your own guilt, so in that case turn that tracks so the least amount of people die and the least amount of damage is done.