ﾟ ˖ 🧁 ︴cady ˚ ꔛ⭑

︶︶ . ⊹ written by a fallen angel 😽 ꪆৎ 🍮 ⌗ ══ .ᐟ 𐂯 ⌣ she / her 𓎟 .𖥔 ݁ ˖ entj sp7so8so3 ˙𐃷˙ 🍬 ! 愛 🍰 ᛝ ⊹ ˖ 💫 p853 flve²¹¹³ s/C/x[E]i ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ ۫ . 𐔌 justice delayed is justice denied 🍭 ˖ ٭ ꒰ঌ 🍧 https://cyatty.carrd.co/

[glitter988]

𓂃 ࣪˖ ⋆.˚ ʚїɞ ⋆ There is a distinction between my speech and the truth of it all 🌸

This is not because of any intention to obscure the truth; rather, the words have more substance than the underlying reality.

I can speak at will, and convey descriptions of reactions, opinions, or even emotions that seem wholly complete.

More often than not, it is all but structured.

The words flow from my mouth in a perfected form, and yet anything beneath them is not.

It is not always clear.

At times it seems as if I am giving voice to an entity whose existence is incomplete.

And nobody calls it into question, because it seems perfectly logical.

And that is all that matters.

[glitter988]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ Losing Interest Slowly 💫

It's not as though I became suddenly indifferent toward everything.

No. The process is more gradual than that.

Whatever was once interesting gradually loses its weight over time.

The topics, conversations, relationships—they all last shorter compared to how they lasted before.

In an unnoticeable fashion. Nothing dramatic. It just slowly fades away, becoming close to nothing.

But I’m aware of it. Yet, somehow, I don’t act on it.

It’s this knowledge of the problem that gets me.

I see what’s going on yet still do nothing to stop it from happening.

[glitter988]

જ⁀➴ We like to believe that ignoring the problem means we aren’t part of the problem 🍦

But it simply means the outcome will remain unchanged, with the victim having one less individual capable of taking notice.

Justice does not happen on its own.

It requires individuals who care enough to take action, sometimes despite discomfort and sacrifice. Not grand gestures, but the subtle moments in which it becomes simpler to avoid notice.

This is the choice made by most individuals.

Not because they fail to observe the injustice, but rather that they choose not to engage in such matters for their safety.

Their own selfish, cowardly, preservation. Their ability to maintain distance from matters of consequence.

However, should everyone make this choice, change will not occur. The unjust will continue to prevail within the space remaining unopposed.

It isn’t necessary to be brave or faultless in doing so. Simply unwilling to turn your back on what must be done.

For eventually, avoiding action becomes its own form of action. Benefiting the prevailing party in all circumstances.

🌼 Not everyone is in the position to be quiet without facing any consequences 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

But some people can choose whether they say something or not, which plays a vital role in how things go.

Social popularity, status, reputation—all these are not just fancy words. In many cases, they determine whose words matter and whose don’t.

Someone influential says something, and his words get listened to. But if another person utters the same words, he will be either corrected or dismissed.

So, everyone quickly learns about their position in society.

When one knows what he should and shouldn’t say or do, when he mustn’t confront someone more influential than him, he understands it quite fast.

And fear becomes inevitable.

Not always apparent or expressed, but present enough to control the situation.

Because opposing a powerful social figure brings many risks one isn’t ready to bear.

Reputation. Possibilities. Relations.

All these are easily ruined.

So, rather than opposing something wrong and trying to change it, people adapt to it.

They smile at inappropriate jokes. Remain silent when it’s the wrong moment. Pretend not to hear.

Not because they don’t notice anything.

Just because they do, and they understand perfectly well who they are facing. Most prefer not to risk their safety.

You what I think?

The strong should protect the weak until the weak are strong enough to protect those who are as weak as they once were.

[glitter988]

｡˚.𖧧 I believe that people have more understanding of me than they really see in me 🥑

Did I word that right?

They can grasp everything I say. They can comprehend it, react to it, even agree with it.

This doesn’t mean, however, that they see anything.

It just seems as if they’re dealing with the exterior of some hollow shell.

But I can’t even blame them for it.

There is very little material to be misunderstood because there is little to be understood in the first place.

I offer them a clear message and they take it.

But somehow, it always seems so meaningless.

Exchange with no substance.

Understanding without substance.

[glitter988]

🧁 "I don't think I'm alive" ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

No, life just flows sequentially.

Days aren't unique. There isn't much that separates them from each other. If someone was to try and remember recent events, everything would just blend into a similar pattern.

Waking up, going through every task or activity, finishing them, and repeating.

Nothing ever stands out at any point.

Not even the moments that should stand out last very long.

They happen, then just fade away.

As if I was there, but not really.

I think people measure the worth of their lives by how they live them. But life is just time passing by.

[glitter988]

⋆·˚ I've become better at reacting how I'm supposed to ⭐

There is an iteration of myself that only lives through reactions. It says the correct things, at the correct times, in the correct mannerisms. It knows which situations call for head nods, which situations call for laughter, and which situations call for worry.

None of it requires effort. It only requires the recognition of pattern.

People cannot tell the difference between reality and correctness.

As long as you react in a manner true to the situation, it is accepted.

So there's no requirement for emotional truth.

It isn't even lying. It is more so translation.

Something occurs -> I determine its meaning → I act on that knowledge.

And it all goes perfectly.

That's the piece that sticks with me.

How simple the entire process can be.

[glitter988]

🧁 Religion. My disbelief came slowly and quietly 𐚁๋࣭⭑ֶָ֢

There wasn't an epic battle between faith and my reason, no sudden revelation. It happened subtly, the world falling away from me bit by bit. As a child, I was simply told the facts before there was any room for question. There was a God. The Bible spoke the truth. Miracles were evidence. Doubt was sin. And thus I obeyed, because that's the natural order of things when the facts have always been presented as such.

However, the point eventually came where I began to think. To consider and ponder upon the words I'd been told without question.

The more I pondered, the more it seemed like nonsense.

There was no proof in any form of evidence that could stand on its own two feet. Only myths and legends, writings of men, interpretations and translations. All of it labeled as "truth" since it has always been so called. But never because they've ever truly proven anything.

“Miracles” are not proof. They are the explanations that people adopt because they lack other explanations.

Once you begin to wonder, you cannot stop wondering.

I am now at a place where I no longer know if I believe. At least, I cannot talk myself into believing.

Incredibly, it is not the very existence of God that causes me distress. It is the reasoning behind it.

If God exists, why does everything happen this way?

People are always tormented, in a big way, excessively, pointlessly. And the cause is never questioned: "free will. It is a test. It is a plan."

It does not provide any answers at all. It just pushes the problem aside.

What should one think of someone who has the opportunity to stop some horror from happening and chooses not to interfere?

But if we were created by such a being, and now we are being tested, why do we have to suffer?

How can it make sense to put all of its infinite knowledge and might to use on proving that it needs proof?

Moreover, why should faith be considered mandatory? Why force it upon us?

When the Supreme Being granted humans free will, it gave them the right to choose their path. Why then punish them for taking advantage of this gift?

Why create a sentient being and then punish it for using its mind?

And there’s the piece of me that never says it out loud...

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ What if I’m wrong? 🍧

I no longer believe as I once did, and I can’t undo what’s happened. But I don’t know anything for sure, and neither does anyone else.

What if there is a God after all, and I’ve somehow chosen to stop believing?

The idea doesn’t leave. It lingers quietly in the back of my mind, never convincing me enough to change my mind, but still there all the same.

And now I’m left with something in-between.

And perhaps that’s the hardest part of it all.

Not a belief in disbelief, but in the doubt that remains unresolved.

I'm getting confirmed tomorrow. Why? Because forcing faith upon others has been normalized. Though, I still remain an agnostic atheist. That is final.

[glitter988]

◯ ｡° I understand people a lot better than I love or care for them 🍦

It sounds harsh, but I have no other way of putting it.

Human actions are easy to predict. There’s a pattern to things. People do things because of something that happened in the past; it’s only natural for everything to be connected.

But knowing people doesn’t always mean having a reaction towards what we see in them.

I can analyze how they think, behave, and come up with reasons for it, but I am left indifferent. Cognitive empathy, perhaps.

Everyone thinks that when you know someone, it automatically means that they will become part of your life.

But it’s just an observation of what goes on inside their mind.

And this requires nothing in return.

[glitter988]

𓏲੭ Nothing is ever quite as rare as everyone claims 🌟

People claim things like "once-in-a-lifetime" occurrences, when really all they are experiencing are simple issues of time and perspective. Things happen all the time, only the faces involved change.

It is the perception of uniqueness, simply due to the lack of experience in seeing it happen.

Patterns do not cease to exist just because you have not seen them before.

This is likely the reason why nothing is quite able to captivate my attention and hold on to me for long periods of time. It is difficult to find something that cannot be replaced once its framework is understood.

Same outcomes, different faces.

Same intentions, different words.

It is perfectly okay, it just eliminates the notion that things are unique.

Without that notion, it is much harder to maintain a grip.

[glitter988]

🌈 The memories people have aren’t accurate representations of the actual events ୧˚⋆

Rather, memories become the version of reality that makes sense to us later on.

Things get taken out, changed, made more clear —whatever is needed to fit into the narrative we’ve created in our minds. It isn’t even a conscious effort most of the time. It slowly evolves to the point where the original memory can no longer be recalled.

In its place, there is something clearer. Something more understandable.

That isn’t what I want.

Not because knowing the truth matters in a moral sense, but because it becomes a variable element. If everything can be adjusted, everything changes.

That’s why I try to retain my own memories before they’re tampered with. Not all of them, just the few that still haven’t been.

People don’t really care about that

Instead, they would rather have what feels true than the actual truth.

Ultimately, they become one and the same.

[glitter988]

ʚଓ I believe that one learns how to act before they learn how to feel 🍡

There is always a right way to respond in any situation. Something negative occurs, and the individual looks at it in a particular way, responds verbally with a certain tone of voice, and uses specific words in the right order. It’s predictable.

It’s pretty easy to guess what action will follow from any person, even though I’m not able to say why. This happens due to the repetitive manner, and one can compare it to observing the same scene repeated by different actors who think they are improvising.

Usually, this works, not because it is real but because it is recognizable.

What catches my eye is that particular recognition – not emotions themselves.

People don’t doubt it because they know it’s right, while from an outsider’s perspective, its predictability stands out.

The same tone, same pauses, same facial expressions, but different people.

[glitter988]

🍓 People aren't central to anything, really .ೃ࿔*:･

They think they are, that they hold more weight and importance and presence and impact and memory in any particular situation than they actually do. Almost never, really. Everything dissipates much more quickly than they imagine.

I get reactions. I get motivations. I know why people are doing what they're doing even when they think they're being surreptitious. It isn't difficult. It's simply not as profound as they assume.

What throws them off is the idea that comprehending something does not necessitate involvement in it.

So I don't really involve myself in anything.

Not in some lofty superior sense, just because nothing needs to be made clear twice. Once you stop thinking everything is novel, everything is predictable.

It's not especially remarkable, then, when whatever it was falls apart, or shifts gears suddenly, or complicates itself in ways that they call "intense." It is just another permutation of what's been seen already.

Nothing seems particularly rare enough to warrant devotion.

[glitter988]

🍥 I don't quite understand when people speak about how they "feel" their life 𓂃ෆ˚

It's more akin to observing events taking place at an appropriate distance. Enough to be able to grasp what is going on, but never close enough to make any kind of actual impact.

There's nothing built up. Nothing developing internally as a response. Only a series of events that are perfectly comprehensible as long as they take place, but are completely irrelevant once completed.

People tend to take it for emptiness, vacancy, or lack of some essential aspect. But personally, it feels less like a lack than... well, simply no need for anything at all to be filled.

There is no meaning. It doesn't accumulate like it does for others, though.

Everything can be understood. Not everything can be experienced. And I think I stopped trying to make those two things work together.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ The amount of weight placed on the quality of internal intensity is quite odd 🍨

As if you were expected to experience every feeling so intensely that it mattered.

But that’s not how I work. Everything comes through, is processed, and departs without much fuss. There’s no distortion, no overblown emotions. Nothing stays behind in its wake.

Occasionally, I’ll think that maybe there’s something wrong here, but even that quickly dissolves away.

Everything is right here. Nothing feels distant. There’s just nothing left.

And maybe I’ve gotten used to that.