hey there. ive been getting a lot more followers. i don't know how new some of you are to this. im not gonna call you a wannarexic - if you're already here, you already have a problem. you already are developing an ED whether or not you used this site to motivate you or teach you. i urge you to seek help immediately before it hits it's severity.
let me just explain some things nobody tells you. i'm sure you've seen all the phsyical effects. hair loss, fucked metabolisms, death. but nobody goes in depth about the severe emotional damage that follows you for life, even if you recover. so please read this, and try to decide if you're going to seek help immediately, whether by nutritionist, therapist, etc.
- it isn't ignoring food until your fast is over. it's waking up and feeling anxious because you know you'll have to deal with breakfast, making excuses about why you can't eat yet when it's the first thing. all you think about is food, how you're going to evade pressure to eat, how you're going to pass as a normal person. i woke up and the first thing i thought about was "my mom's gonna wanna have breakfast with me". it makes you sweat and shake and cry when you have to eat.
- it isn't sleeping off the fasts. it's tossing and turning in bed because you can't stop thinking about how fat you are, what you're going to eat, how you'll burn your calories. last night i turned everywhere until 6am just out of dread from how i would eventually have to eat, how i was gonna exercise. you lose sleep over it. when i finally fell asleep, i had nightmares, yes, nightmares, about binging. these nightmares are nearly daily.
- it isn't just wanting to be thin. it's wanting to not be ugly. when you look in the mirror, you won't shrug it off. you'll think about that reflection all day. when you take a picture, you stare for it. minutes later. hours later. even days. you repeat to yourself "i'm disgusting, fat, ugly."
- your perception of your weight eventually effects your perception of your self-esteem that isn't body image go over your cal limit? "i'm stupid." gain a pound? "i can't do anything right." think about your eating disorder? "why can't i just be normal." it starts spreading to everything, not just your eating disorder. eventually, each mistake like dropping something, tripping, etc, it becomes a mistake.
- you lose your friends, family. their concern becomes fuel for you, each time they say you look thinner you starve harder. each time they say you should eat more you starve more. if it gets bad enough they're excited when you eat, you want to hear that more and more. and then what used to bond you to them has become your greatest fear, skipping every family dinner, passing up the weekly visit with your friends to avoid eating. you start closing off even when not eating. i'm more distant than ever from my closest friend of 4 years.
there's obviously a lot more emotional effects, but these are some big unnoticed ones.
