These photos especially hurt me.
The face he makes when heās told he isnāt needed anymore. Something heās known for a long time. He KNOWS he shouldnāt be alive, and that heās only a burden to everyone now; especially Deku.
The face of heartbreak. Of understanding Dekuās position. He understands more than anyone possibly could. He held the world up by himself for over 40 years. I know how you feel. I know it feels to want to protect everyone, especially those closest to you. And the only way to do so is to leave them behind. Distance and Isolate yourself completely so you canāt get too attached to anyone. Because if you do, and the villains find out, it would feel impossible to live on knowing it was your fault they died. Because you endangered them by just being around them. Loving them. Itās only now, that Iāve allowed myself to live, that I can see how wrong I was to believe that. You shouldnāt have to suffer the same way I did. I canāt let you!
When he falls to the ground, he first lands on his torso. Which feels significant given the mortal wound there, as well how the normal pain in his side has moved to his chest. And even though the pain of having a misshapen, broken body can be extremely debilitating, the pain he now feels is absolutely unbearable.
The bento box. Sure itās wasted food. But the fact that kills me is how lovingly he made it himself for his boy. Imagine him in their makeshift shelter, which may just be an abandoned building or apartment, carefully using the best ingredients he could find, to make a meal and feed his overworked son. The son heās more than just a little worried about. Itās all he can think about.
But he busies himself preparing the rice, keeping an eye on the meat to be thoroughly cooked but not burnt, and then cutting it into small strips so his boy can easily grab it with his chopsticks while on the move without having to worry about cutting it himself. Protein. Thatās what Deku needs most. And vegetables to keep his strength up. Everything is prepared as perfectly as possible in the short amount of time he has between following Deku to every villain attack.
He already knows the boy isnāt eating on his own. He did the same when he was a hero. Sometimes going for days without a proper meal in order to Protect. Toshi didnāt have anyone to help him with this, save for the few years Nighteye was with him. And thatās why he knows exactly what Deku needs.
After meticulously putting together the food in the bento box, he wraps it his signature bunny clothā¦only to have Deku reject not only the meal, but HIM as well. Watching the boy walk away from him raises a memory of himself doing the same to Nighteye in the hospital. He now knows how Nighteye felt when he turned his back on him. Nighteye had left, unable to watch him slowly kill himself.
But Toshi canāt leave. Deku is all. He. Has. The only reason heās still alive.
And yet, the food he prepared for his boy, the love he put into it to nourish him, ends up spilt. Splattered in the mud. Ruined. Rejected. Wastedā¦The food too.
And this final scene. Seeing this was so painful in the manga. I imaged he was crying, or trying not to. And my heart ached just thinking about it. But finally being able to hear it, to hear that yes, he is in fact crying, audibly, for the first time without holding himself backā¦thatās what finally shattered me.
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