Multiple Maniacs

[godendmenow]

Early 20s, CDD system. Anti-theist.

On T + hystoectomy & top surgery, planning simple meta.

DNIs don't work, I have no respect for T.R.A.S.H, TERFs, SWERFs, Zionists, "TME/TMA", pro-censorship/anti-fiction, detrans/dyke breaking.

I do not view anti-abortionists as people.

This is mainly 🪓's account however everyone posts on here, though some do have their own accounts.

🕸💖 = @alois-tranny

🍭 = @crashtestdollie

[2angry2rot]

[godendmenow]

Since my old account got hacked I will make this post again.

Testosterone fear mongering is bad.

Telling people "Testosterone turns you into an aggressive, angery, sex crazed beast" does nothing but deter trans men from seeking life saving medical help while simaltainusly demonizing trans women for the sin of ever having that be their dominate hormone. Not only that but its giving cis men a free pass to continue acting like monsters, because its simply in their nature, and cis women a free pass to enable the behavior of shitty cis men because "men can't help themselves."

It helps nobody and contributes greatly to how disgustingly misogynistic and rape-permissable most of society is.

[dogpuppy]

[godendmenow]

I'm the lucky boyyyy

[hellagross]

[fredhansgeorg]

[omnia-mors-aequat-nstrwa]

“The Aggression Sessions” — Eliran Kantor

[sugaroasis]

I grew up believing that if someone fell apart, it meant I hadn’t done enough to stop it.

Not acting was failure. And not doing enough was worse. But how do you explain that kind of guilt at the confessional stand?

The guilt of standing on the shore while everyone you’ve ever loved keeps walking into the sea. The guilt of surviving people who are still alive, but drowning. The guilt that no matter what you do, you are not enough to keep someone from choosing oblivion over tomorrow, and yet, that was your role.

My stepdad drank until his body finally gave out on him. He told me that he wanted to die and the night he went out to the bar I weakly told him not to go. That he didn’t look well. But it wasn’t enough.

A year before he died, he fell down the stairs.

A year later, my mother fell down those same stairs. Two empty vodka bottles on the table and Christmas lights still shimmering. She survived with a brain injury. If I wasn’t there she would have died, and yet she kept going back to the thing that killed her husband and that almost killed her.

Everyone expected me to save her.

All it earned me was being screamed at, blamed, and hit. I became responsible for a woman who refused to save herself. She lies to herself saying that she doesn’t drink, with a glass of whiskey half full waiting for another kiss of her lips. Her loyalty never lied with family, and yet I was expected to uphold that value.

And then there was my brother.

He was always searching for another exit. Marijuana. Shrooms. Fentanyl. Whippets. It never mattered what it was as long as he could escape his reality. He stopped trying to escape his own world and started trying to control mine instead. Holes in walls and destroyed doors turned to bruises and cutting me off from friends. He reached for power the same way our parents reached for bottles. But yet just as our mother couldn’t blame herself, he blamed me for everything. He couldn’t face himself.

No one knows how to stay.

They leave through alcohol.

Through drugs.

Through rage.

Through violence.

Through denial.

Everyone is forever searching for a door out of themselves.

I was the only one who ran in the opposite direction.

Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

Because I left.

I escaped.

An entire family so desperate not to feel alive that they’d rather poison themselves than change. Bottle after bottle. Drug after drug. Lie after lie. Hurting everyone around them because looking inward was somehow more terrifying than death itself.

And somehow I was supposed to fix it.

I was supposed to stop grown adults from walking willingly into their own graves.

Their escape just happened to come in bottles, bibles, or bongs.

Mine came with a packed bag and memory loss.

I’m supposed to feel happy that I escaped. That I’m not like them. But am I truly not like them? I inherited it.

Not the addiction, not the anger, not the denial or helplessness.

But the grief. The misery, that was passed down to me instead of any heirloom. And the guilt.

The guilt of realizing there was never anything you could have done—and still feeling as though you should have done more anyway.

[biteandkissyou]

Dennis Cooper, Frisk (1991)

[2thecosmos]

List of Symptoms and Experiences Endogenic(+) "Systems" Ignore When They LARP Our Disorder

Based on our experience and the experience of friends we've listened to; after the cut

1. The constant feeling of not knowing who "you" are, and the fear of never getting to know who that is

2. The anxiety surrounding losing yourself to another part, switching hosts, etc

3. The guilt wearing down on you because you thought you could handle what happened to you, but you actually couldn't

4. The distress of rapid switching in public

5. Forgetting where you are, forgetting who you live with, forgetting what your masked identity is, forgetting in general

6. Losing friends due to other parts and their actions

7. Constantly having to explain to others that you are not going to hurt them

8. Constantly having to explain to parts that you are not actively being abused

9. Having to face your family after you tell them, if you ever do

10. Never being able to talk about your abuse because it's not "believable" or otherwise unconventional/inconvenient for your audience

11. Dealing with a disorder that is still widely debated in the field of psychology despite mounds of evidence of its existence

12. Spending years just trying to convince a therapist/mental health worker that something is wrong before even being considered for a diagnosis or testing

13. Listening to parts who are suffering internally, and having no way to block their pain out

14. The fear of accidentally recovering memories you are not ready for

15. The terrifying knowledge that a part could end your career, relationships, education, or life and you wouldn't know until it's too late

16. The fear of someone finding out about your system that you don't want to find out

17. The need to control other aspects of your life because you can't control switching (like eating, exercising, etc), so much that it becomes harmful

18. Hating your younger self for not being strong enough

19. Recovering memories that change your view of someone you loved or were close to, and not for the better

20. Having to process that everyone around your younger self could have known about the abuse, and if they knew, they did nothing to stop it

And this is just a few, unfortunately. Endogenic "systems" will never understand, because they are not systems, and they never will be. If I forgot anything you feel is important, please do add to this list.

[rainbowowwww]

[mossyforestfox]

I understand that my body is mine in the same way that my house is mine

It’s not me, i just live here.

[latexprincesss]

[pisces-core]

x

[omneco]

[5000-points]

[anti-willo-miku]

System communities need to get normal about littles who are sexual trauma holders

System communities need to get normal about littles who have other “adult” roles

System communities need to get normal about abuser introjects

System communities need to get normal about RAMCOA/OEA survivors

System communities need to get normal about systems who’s trauma wasn’t parental abuse and/or sa (this is not me saying that people who did go through that are invalid, but that theres a lack of resources or support for different types of trauma)

System communities need to get normal about factives