47- what are their fights like? how intense is it? how do they go on about apologizing - John x Dean?
Oh man I think the answer to this is so complex and it depends on Dean's age and where they're at in their relationship, when it started and how, and the topic of the argument.
If Dean is younger and/or in the early stages of their relationship, there are no fights in the traditional sense. John might get mad at him and yell at him but Dean is not holding his own or fighting back, he is saying 'yes sir' or 'no sir' and whatever else John wants to hear from him. Also, it's less a fight like a couple, and more a parent admonishing their child - because that's literally what it is. Fucked up shit. Dean can't stand John being angry at him or disappointed and he will do anything to get back into his good graces even if he wasn't in the wrong, he just NEEDS his daddy to love him. Dean tries not to cry in front of John but he will try to hide in the bathroom or something to cry afterwards. It's so much worse for Dean because it's such a confusing mess because their relationship is a confusing mess and he's not equipped to handle it at all.
If Dean is older (which I classify as late teens onwards in this context), it depends on what the fight is about. He still primarily wants to diffuse the argument and regulate John's mood, leaning towards fawning behaviour. He just wants to smooth things over and go back to normal. It kills him when they fight. So there is still a lot of the same behaviour as when he was a kid because at the end of the day, they're still father and son, and even in a couple argument that dynamic is the unavoidable.
But depending on the topic he might also just fight with him. He's likely to argue when it is about Sam, advocating for him, trying to get John to not be so hard on him, and this is yet another example of their fucked up dynamic because these arguments are more like parents fighting about their child. Parentificaaaation.
If John has hurt his feelings in some way like maybe he has fucked a woman, Dean will either go cold towards him or get worked up and fight about it. These are often the most intense fights because Dean's feelings about John are so muddled up and overwhelming: he loves him so much, he's his entire world, he's his father, lover, commanding officer, and his god, and he hates being made to feel like he isn't as important to John. He's needy and clingy and needs so much reassurance and validation and anything to the opposite breaks him. He'll shout, scream, cry. He'll say hurtful things because he was hurt first. He'll make John feel guilty about their relationship. And then later when they've cooled off and John comes to him to apologise he'll fall into his arms and cry and probably initiate sex. He uses sex as a bandaid to just about everything, but it's also to remind John that this is what he can offer him, to beg him wordlessly not to find it elsewhere when he is so willing.
If alcohol is involved, their arguments are much, much worse, especially if they're both a bit (or a lot) drunk. Neighbours have called the cops on them before. The cops are very confused when they're anticipating a domestic between a man and woman and get a father and son, and they decide 'not my business' when they see the bruises on Dean's throat, thinking at first they're from violence but realising no, those are definitely lovebites. Surely from someone else. What kind of fucked up hicks are these fellas?
John starts fights when he feels insecure. Dean is beautiful and young and surely will figure out that he doesn't actually want this and will leave John, and he can't bear the thought of losing him so what makes sense? Fighting. Classic Winchester. Dean flirts like he breathes and John can usually get over it when it's with girls but if Dean turns that charm on a man even if it's for a case, John loses his shit. These fights always end in sex too, because John needs to stake his claim and Dean knows it's the only thing that will make John calm down.
When Dean is older and more settled into their dynamic, they have more arguments and that's actually a good thing: Dean doesn't always shy away from conflict, doesn't act so much like a child getting told off by his Dad, and speaks his mind a little more. He still tries to avoid arguments and his instinct is to calm John down whatever it takes, but sometimes, they do just fight like a normal couple. He is still obedient to a fault when it comes to things like hunting, taking orders, their usual life, but they've learned to somewhat separate their dynamic and roles as father/son and as a couple. Some arguments are father and son, some are two men in a relationship, but there's still bleed from one to the other because it's inevitable.
Basically, they're both possessive and insecure. They fight and fuck about it.
Dean always apologises to John. When he's younger his side of the argument is half apologies, half saying what John wants to hear. When he's older he might wait until they've cooled off or maybe it takes a few days of uncomfortable tension and he apologises to get them back to normal.
John only apologises when Dean is younger when he feels guilty, e.g. if he has made Dean cry, but that's a 50/50 whether he's gonna feel bad about it or be pissed off at Dean for being too sensitive. When Dean is older, there's a few ways it could go: John has mellowed and softened because of the comfort their relationship provides him and he treats Dean a lot like he treated Mary, apologising and coaxing him back to him, usually with affection because he knows Dean craves it and can't resist it. It's manipulative and Dean knows it.
But, most often at any age or stage, sex is how they 'apologise'. Sex puts them back on track, reconnects them, and reestablishes their bond.
Thank you for playing with me 💕
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